Om Ali (also spelt Umm Ali) actually means Mother of Ali, and it's a dessert that you'll find at any feast or large gathering in Egypt. It's a very simple bread pudding that is made with a sweetened milk mixture, and generous servings of clotted cream. Unlike most bread puddings, this is instead made with pastry and once baked, it is topped with all manner of nuts, sultanas, and even coconut. Om Ali is truly a regal dessert in texture, flavour and potentially origins, and it's definitely something you should try out.
If you want to see how I make Om Ali, or prefer video recipes, check out the full video recipe here

What is Om Ali

The simplest way to describe Om Ali, is a bread pudding that uses pastry instead of bread. This is traditionally made with Goulash (A pastry similar to filo, not the dish I covered last week) pastry sheets, which are baked and then soaked with sweetened milk. The benefit of using pastry, is that it will absorb some of the sweetened milk without developing a soggy and mushy texture like bread does. Personally I forego the Goulash pastry, and instead make this with either Croissants or Palmiers, which I toast before soaking in the milk. I find that the puff pastry used in those goods ends up with a very similar texture to the Goulash, while the crispy-ness of it, helps to give the pudding structural integrity. When the pastry has been soaked, it's added to an oven proof baking dish then topped with a healthy amount of clotted cream. Before it goes under a broiler, it's sprinkled with sugar and then allowed to caramelize and form a crystalline skin on top. Once it comes out of the oven, it's topped with your chosen toppings then served while steaming hot.
It's an extremely simple recipe, that is easily customised by the toppings added to it. It's common to add lots of nuts to the dish, such as hazelnuts, flaked almonds and pistachios, which provide the pudding with a crunchy contrast to the soft texture. Adding sultanas or raisins is also common, and they provide a squishy texture with bursts of fruity sweetness. You'll commonly encounter Om Ali at weddings and parties in Egypt, as it's a common buffet food and easy to make in large quantities. My mother in law likes to make it for family feasts when we have a large number of guests, but in my household we make it when we are having a Middle Eastern themed dinner. Despite it's easy recipe, a lot of people purchase Om Ali from a local dairy store, these are just like green grocers, except they sell everything related to dairy (Cheese, Yoghurt, Milk, Cream, Puddings, Butter). Another common place people get Om Ali, is from pudding shops. There's a number of chains operating throughout Egypt, that you can pull your car up to and get a drive through Om Ali, or Rice Pudding (My kind of drive through).

Cultural Context

The theory goes that Om Ali which means mother of Ali, is named after one of Sultan Izz al-Din Aybak's wifes who had a son called Ali. Izz al-Din Aybak, was the first sultan of the Mamluk Sultanate (1250-1517). When the Ayubbid dynasty (Saladin's Dynasty) fell in 1250, Shajarat al Durr became the first Sultana (Female Sultan, not the fruit) to rule Egypt. The Syrian Emirs refused to pay homage to her, and so Izz al-Din Aybak married her and was installed as Sultan. Some time later a conflict between them arose, and in the fashion of sultans, Shajarat al Durr had the sultan assassinated in his bath by his servants. She was arrested and then beaten to death by the servants of Al-Mansur Ali (One of Izz al-Din Aybak's sons) and his mother (she's Om Ali). The pudding gets it's name from Al-Mansur Ali and his mother, who it's said, ordered the palace chefs to make a pudding to celebrate the new Sultan and had it distributed to the public.
Despite it's supposed regal origins, Om Ali is very much a dessert of the people. It's quite cheap to make, and it's common for the nuts to be replaced with cheaper varieties such as peanuts to save on costs. Egyptians have a strong sweet tooth and winters get quite cold, so the popularity of a hot pudding is no surprise. Of course modern twists on Om ALi are made, I've seen some with cocoa flavored milk, and you can even get Om Ali with ice cream for a hot and cold mix..

Flavor Profile

A spoon full of Om Ali, will have a number of different textures on it. First there will be the crispy texture from the top layer of pastry, this is usually coated in a thin layer of sugar which adds a crunchy sugar texture similar to creme brule. Then you'll have softened pastry, which will have absorbed some of the milk, but will still retain it's shape and will not be soggy. You'll also have some of the sweetened milk mixture on your spoon, which if you use a high quality milk, will have a creamy and silky texture. Then there's the crunchy textures you get from the nuts, and the squidgy textures from the sultanas. Together it's a wonderful mouthful of alternating textures.
In terms of flavour, the milk is supposed to have a creamy buttery flavour, while being quite sweet. My recipe is not as sweet as others I've tried, and it uses brown sugar as well as white sugar for some caramel notes. Most of the flavour you get will come from the nuts or sultanas you choose to use. Hazelnuts and flaked almonds are the classic choice though you can also use pistachios instead.

Ingredients

Om Ali (Makes 4 large portions or 1 family size serving):

• 450g (16 oz) Croissants or 400g Palmiers (Bakery croissants will probably be denser than grocery store croissants, so you may need 600g)
• 1L (33 fl oz) Whole Milk (High Quality, preferably jersey cow or buffalo)
• 250ml (8.5 fl oz) Extra thick cream or clotted cream (High quality, preferably jersey cow or buffalo). You can also add cream to regular milk for a similar texture
• 75g (2.7 oz) Brown sugar + extra for dusting
• 75g (2.7 oz) White sugar

Toppings:

• 50g (1.8 oz) Hazelnuts
• 50g (1.8 oz) Almond flakes
• 50g (1.8 oz) Sultanas
• 25g (0.9 oz) Dessicated Coconut You can use any nuts or other fillings you like

Directions

To prepare the croissants:

1. Using a bread knife slice the corners (ears) off of each end of your croissants
2. Slice the body of the croissant in half and then slice it into bite sized chunks
3. Line a baking sheet with grease proof paper, and place your croissant pieces on it in a single layer. Turn them so the inner part of the croissant is facing up
4. Place the sheet in the oven to bake at 180c (350f) for about 6 minutes, until all the croissant pieces have browned and dried slightly
5. Repeat until you have done all the croissants

To prepare the nuts:

1. Peel your hazelnuts and remove any of the brown skin
2. Using a knife chop the nuts into large chunks
3. Place the nuts on a baking sheet lined with grease proof paper and bake at 180c (350f) until toasted
4. Remove immediately from the tray and allow to cool

To prepare the milk mixture:

1. Add the milk to a large pot on high heat
2. Add in both the brown sugar and white sugar, and stir the pot, allow to come to a boil
3. Once it boils and foams up, remove it from the heat and use immediately

To assemble the Om Ali:

1. In an oven proof baking dish, place your baked croissant pieces. I prefer doing individual servings.
2. Add any toppings you want to include over the top of the croissant pieces
3. Add enough milk so the pastry is just barely emerging from it. You can add more croissant pieces if necessary to get it to the right depth
4. Spoon over as much of the cream as you can and then top with some more brown sugar
5. Set your broiler to low and place the puddings beneath it
6. Once the cream has melted and the surface of the Om Ali has caramelized, remove it from the oven
7. Garnish with more nuts and serve once it is no longer a scalding temperature

Check out the video I linked (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSbIegi0f38) for the full story, but I'm including mini-reviews here for people who can't! You may still want to check out the video for Part 2 because it covers the international giveaway of the winning sunscreen!
I've been testing sunscreens for the better part of three years, trying to find that elusive combo of next-gen organic ("chemical") filters and elegant texture. I try to avoid drying alcohol and fragrance whenever possible, and I have extremely sensitive eyes, so that colors a lot of my reviews. I have combination skin (oily t-zone, especially in the summer, but my cheeks and chin are dry as hell) and I live in a very cold, dry climate (Northern Alberta)
THE WORST
42) TONYMOLY BCDation Multi-Use Sun Oil SPF 50+/PA++++
Filters: Octinoxate, Homosalate, Octisalate, Uvinul A-PlusThis utterly fails as a sunscreen- it's an oil that advertises needing "just one magic drop" to provide sunscreen coverage, which is a dangerous lie. You'd need at least one milliliter to get the coverage advertised, and when I tried to put a full milliliter of oil on my face, the results were... not pretty. Also has rose essential oil in it, and I hate rose perfume.
41) LaRoche-Posay Anthelios XL Dry-Touch Gel Cream SPF 60/UVA-PF 20+Filters: Homosalate, Octocrylene, Octisalate, Avobenzone, Mexoryl XL (0.5% Boooo!)This was absolutely disgusting. Stank like poisonous robot farts, stung my eyes unmercifully, pills everywhere so it's useless under makeup, and worst of all it has a whitecast! There's so much silica in it (the "dry-touch") that an all-chemical sunscreen actually has a whitecast. Hilariously, Allure magazine voted it "Best Chemical Sunscreen," proving once and for all that those fuckers don't actually test the products they hype. This belongs in hell, whence it came.
40) Round Lab Birch Juice Moisturizing Suncream SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Tinosorb S, Uvinul A-PlusThis was nicely moisturizing, no whitecast, didn't sting my eyes, but it did BURN ALL OF MY FACE. I'm pretty sure it's the pine essential oil in it, which is on me for not catching it on the ingredients list. It also behaved really oddly with a makeup primer (the Milk makeup Hydrogrip), which caused the sunscreen to peel off my face in a filmy, mebranous layer. So weird.NOTE: I'm not worried about this sunscreen and the rest of the 2020 releases from Korea only having two filters, because one of them is Tinosorb S, which works really well at low concentrations.
39) Canmake Mermaid Skin UV Gel SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Tinosorb S, Octinoxate, TiO2, Uvinul A-PlusGoes on really nice, feels lightly moisturizing, plus makes for a great makeup primer. Slight white cast. Then, midway through the day, it causes a sweeping wave of dehydration that sucks every last drop of moisture out of my face. I've scoured Reddit for reviews to find that I'm not the only person who has this problem with it. As my skin is naturally dry, this is intolerable. I actually bought a second bottle of the stuff just to see if I'd gotten a bad batch the first time. Alas, no.
38) Altruist Sunscreen SPF 30/UVA-PF 39Filters: Avobenzone, Octisalate, Ensulizole, Octocrylene, Tinosorb S, Tinosorb A2B, Uvinul T-150This may be a controversial opinion amongst sunscreen nerds, but FUCK THIS SHIT. First impressions: slight whitecast, pills horribly, but at least it doesn't sting my eyes, right? NO. 15-30 mins after applying it (if you apply it anywhere higher on your face than your *chin*) it burrows into your eyes and lays eggs. Then the eggs hatch. The eggs are made of PAIN. I had to literally claw this off my face to get it to stop burning my eyes. The only virtue of this sunscreen is that it's cheap.
37) Altruist Sunscreen SPF 50+/UVA-PF 54Filters: Avobenzone, Octisalate, Ensulizole, Octocrylene, Tinosorb S, Tinosorb A2B, Uvinul T-150See #38 for details. This is the same, but worse. I ranked it slightly higher because it has higher protection and is also cheap. I had a hard time using this up on my body because it pills there too. Blech.
36) Garnier Ombrelle Complete Lightweight Lotion SPF 60/UVA-PF 20+Filters: Homosalate, Octocrylene, Octisalate, Avobenzone, Mexoryl XL, Mexoryl SXIt stinks, it pills, it stings my eyes. Total chore to use it up, even on my body. Ranked at the top of the Worst because it makes use of two next-gen chemical filters, and it's cheap.
THE BAD
35) Country&Stream Honey UV Water Gel SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: ZnO, TiO2, Octinoxate, Uvinul A-Plus, Tinosorb SSticky, and expensive for not very much (45 ml) and it's hard to get ahold of, apparently even in Japan. The worst part, though, is the fragrance. I assume it would smell like honey. I WAS WRONG. It reeks of lemon pledge, and the smell does NOT go away. I don't want to smell like I'm cleaning my floors.
34) Avene Very High Protection Cream (Fragrance-Free)Filters: Tinosorb M, Tinosorb S, Uvasorb HEB, AvobenzoneDecent texture, moisturizing, sinks into the skin easily. Stings my eyes (avobenzone! Aughhh!) but the real issue is the whitecast. This has so much Tinosorb M in it that the whitecast rivals that of an all-mineral sunscreen. Gives me total undead vibes.
33) Vichy Ideal Soleil Dry-Touch Lotion SPF 60/UVA-PF 20+Filters: Homosalate, Octocrylene, Octisalate, Avobenzone, Mexoryl XL (0.5% Boooo!)Vichy is owned by L'Oreal Brands, (as are LaRoche-Posay and Garnier) and this has the exact same formula as #41. However, there are some serious differences between all three products in this review that have the same formula. This version is better than the LRP because it's less stinky and doesn't pill. It does, however, have an even stronger whitecast (how??) and still stings my eyes. I'm grumpy with L'Oreal because they hold the patents to the Mexoryl sunscreen filters, which are really good- and yet they don't ever seem to use them, especially not at higher concentrations. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
32) Innisfree Aqua Water Drop Sunscreen. SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Octinoxate, Homosalate, Octisalate, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150I initially purchased a version of this that was discontinued, so I got the updated version, which is what I'm reviewing here. The OG version of this sunscreen didn't have Octinoxate, which was rare for an asian sunscreen. It also had some citrus extract, probably for fragrance purposes, but it didn't irritate my skin, so whatever. This version put Octinoxate in! They took out the Avobenzone, but then added a bunch of stuff that stings my eyes. Plus there's a new fragrance that's really strong. The texture of this sunscreen is nothing like what I'm used to with Korean sunscreens- before it was greasy and sticky, now it's just extra greasy. Reformulations are supposed to be an improvement, Innisfree!
31) Klairs Soft Airy UV Essence SPF(?)/PA(?)Filters: Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150This sunscreen probably has lower levels of effectiveness than what is advertised because it is made in the same factory (NOWCOS) as the Purito and Banobagi sunscreens (which come later in the rankings). However, I would've given it a low rating anyway because of the fact that some brain donor at Klairs decided the best thing to put into a sunscreen would be a citrus essential oil. This is one of the stupidest things ever. Why? Because citrus essential oils contain chemicals called psoralens (or furanocoumarins) which absorb the suns UVA rays, go into the cells of your skin, irreversibly bind to their DNA and KILL THEM, leading to all manner of nasty complications including phytophotodermatitis (google with a strong stomach) and melanoma. MELANOMA. Sweet orange oil has *fewer* psoralens than bergamot oil, the worst offender, but it still has them. Someone started a rumor that it doesn't and I'd like to slap them silly. I can link sources if anyone needs them. Anyway, just on the principle of "don't put PHOTOTOXIC CHEMICALS into something that is supposed to be sun-protective" this is a complete fail. It does have a nice texture, though, so maybe they'll reformulate with no fragrance and more filters? We can but hope.
30) Bioderma Photoderm MAX Milk SPF 50+/UVA-PF 42Filters: Avobenzone, Octocrylene, Tinosorb S, Tinosorb MAnother potentially controversial opinion, but this stuff sucks. It's got great protection, but so what? It burns my eyes like hellfire and it has a whitecast, probably from the Tinosorb M.
THE MEH
29) Garnier Ombrelle Face Anti-Shine Cream SPF 60/UVA-PF 20+Filters: Homosalate, Octocrylene, Octisalate, Avobenzone, Mexoryl XL (0.5% Boooo!)This is the third of the L'Oreal brand sunscreens with the exact same formula, and definitely the best. Unlike #41 and #33, it actually does what it advertises: mattifies. This sunscreen is amaaaaaazing for mattifying and pore-blurring. It's better than most silicone primers I've tried. The issues are, of course, the eye-stinging, the whitecast, and the stink (this is the second stinkiest of the three). However, it lies beautifully under makeup and doesn't pill at all. I wouldn't ever recommend this as an everyday sunscreen, but if you wear makeup and need to mattify certain areas like the T-zone, this would be perfect for that. I found it to not be dehydrating, but it will accentuate any dry or flaky patches of skin.
28) Derma Sun Lotion SPF 50/UVA-PF 16+Filters: Tinosorb S Lite Aqua, Uvasorb HEB, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150This is a product of Denmark, and I thought because it had only 2nd gen chemical filters it would be perfect. LOL NO. It still managed to sting my eyes, though less so than other sunscreens. (Maybe the different version of Tinosorb S? I know it irritates some peoples' skin...) The main problem is that it is so shiny IT CAN BE SEEN FROM SPACE. Not greasy, just shiny. Insanely so.
27) Ultrasun Face Anti-Aging Gel SPF 50+/UVA-PF 20/PA++++Filters: Tinosorb S, Tinosorb M, Octisalate, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150, TiO2Feels nice when applied, but it has a whitecast, and while it's advertised as water and sweat-resistant, it sweat right the hell off my face during a very slow-moving nature walk. What the hell? It never dries down completely. Also pretty expensive for just 50 mL.
26) Isehan Sunkiller Perfect Strong Moisture SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Octocrylene, Octinoxate, Uvinul A-PlusNo whitecast, water-resistant, but really stung my eyes. I found the texture to be very moisturizing and pleasant. Took a little long to dry down. It is fragranced, but the scent is barely noticeable. My main issue with this is that you only get 30 mL. If this were advertised as a sunscreen specifically to travel with, okay, but that doesn't seem to be the case. WHAT IS THIS, A SUNSCREEN FOR ANTS???
25) Bioderma Photoderm MAX Family Milk SPF 50+/UVA-PF 42Filters: Homosalate, Uvinul A-Plus, Tinosorb S, OctisalateA much-improved version of the regular Photoderm MAX. This has no whitecast at all! It does however, burn my eyes like crazy (Homosalate, grr!), is ridiculously shiny, and it devours any makeup, so it's useless on the face for me. What I actually recommend this for is use outdoors on the body. It doesn't sweat off easily, and the excessive shine looks great on my collarbones and on top of my boobs, on my legs, etc. Also it comes in a gigantic 250 mL tube, so the price works out to be pretty good. Great body sunscreen *especially* for people with dark skin.
24) Isntree Hyaluronic Acid Watery Sun Gel SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Homosalate, Tinosorb S, Tinosorb M, Octisalate, Uvinul A-Plus, Polysilicone-15I had such high hopes for this! No whitecast, and it's very moisturizing, what with the EIGHT molecular weights of HA. Unfortunately, the inclusion of Homosalate guaranteed that it would burn my eyes, which it did. Le sigh. Also, while my skin can handle low-molecular-weight HA, I know a lot of people have trouble with it clogging their pores and causing skin irritation, so be wary of that.
23) Anglamark Sun Face SPF 50/UVA-PF 16+Filters: Tinosorb S, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150Looks great on paper, what with the all-next-gen filters. It didn't burn my eyes and it doesn't have a whitecast! Yayyy! Then what's the problem? The texture. It's not the worst in the world, but I just didn't like it. It never really dried down and I could feel it sitting on my skin.
22) SVR Cicavit+ Creme SPF 50+/UVA-PF 20+Filters: Tinosorb S Lite Aqua, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150, Uvasorb HEB.Another European sunscreen with all next-gen chemical filters that I thought would be perfect. No whitecast or eye stinging. I didn't like the texture, though- it just wasn't right. Plus there's a weird smell to this. Some people have compared it to almonds, but to me it smells like "generic cleaning product sweetness," which I definitely do not want to be smelling all day. Plus you only get 40 mL and it's not the cheapest.
21) Isehan Kiss Me Mommy! UV Aqua Milk SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Tinosorb S, Octinoxate, Uvinul A-PlusIt's waterproof, doesn't have a white cast, and didn't sting my eyes despite the octinoxate (This only seems to be a thing with Japanese sunscreens). However, the texture was kind of unpleasant, much heavier and greasier than the Japanese sunscreens I'm used to.
20) Aderma Protect Cream Very High Protection (Fragrance-Free) SPF 50+/UVA-PF 20+Filters: Tinosorb S, Tinosorb M, Avobenzone, Uvinul A-PlusYET ANOTHER Euro sunscreen with pretty good filters that didn't quite hit the mark. There's a very, very faint whitecast that goes away quickly, plus minimal eye stinging that also faded away. It leaves a nice, dewy sheen on the skin rather than sitting there heavily. But at 40 mL, it's another sunscreen for ants, and at 65 cents (USD) per milliliter, it's the most expensive sunscreen on this list! Aderma makes value-sized sunscreens, but not for this one. Weird.
19) Verdio UV Moisture Gel SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Tinosorb S, Octinoxate, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150, TiO2Decent, but kind of greasy/heavy in terms of texture. It's water and sweat-resistant, not -proof. Very faint whitecast. Didn't sting eyes. Just wish I liked the finish of it better.
18) New Layer High Performance Sunscreen SPF 50+/UVA-PF 20+Filters: Tinosorb S, Uvasorb HEB, Ensulizole, Octisalate, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150I pretty much loved this sunscreen with one reservation: the fragrance. It has a very strong "refreshing sea-breeze" scent that I find overpowering and it doesn't go away, either. Aside from that, it's got great filters, no whitecast, is waterproof, doesn't sting my eyes, and has a very light, pleasant texture. Seems expensive at first glance, but since you get 200 mL, it works out to a pretty low price. I BEG OF YOU, NEW LAYER, MAKE A FRAGRANCE-FREE VERSION AND I WILL PUT IT IN THE TOP 5 OF MY NEXT LIST.THE GOOD
17) Biore UV Kids' Milk (old version) SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Octinoxate, Tinosorb S, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150It's got pretty much everything: no whitecast, no eye stinging (again despite the Octinoxate), a beautiful texture, waterproof, and you get a ton of product (90 mL). Why is it ranked so low? BECAUSE IT'S BEEN DISCONTINUED. SOB. Biore has replaced this with an all-mineral version. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The old version (just discontinued this year) is still available around the internet, so that's why it's on the list at all. Old bottles will be good for at least another year, so get your hands on it before it disappears forever.
16) Purito Green Level Centella Unscented Sun SPF 16-19(?)/PA+++(?)Filters: Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150Everyone in this subreddit has probably heard the story: sunscreen with no whitecast, no eye-stingery, no silicones, great texture, high protection from only next-gen chemical filters turns out to be too good to be true, internet erupts. The original ranking for this sunscreen was at #6, in the "Great" tier of products for all of the reasons stated above. Controversy time: I STILL THINK THIS PRODUCT HAS VALUE. Yes, it sucks that the SPF is much lower than originally rated (great filters, but the concentration is too low), but that doesn't mean people should throw out any remaining tubes. This sunscreen was never advertised to be waterproof or sweatproof, or for use in outdoor sports. I always used it for when I'm mostly indoors and go out for just a few minutes at a time. It still works for that. SPF 16 isn't nothing. It's 93% UV coverage. The texture was the reason for the high rating and it's why this sunscreen is still good enough to be in the Good tier. Dermatologists have a saying that "the best sunscreen is the one you'll actually wear," and this one is one of the most wearable. So my recommendation is use it as a light-coverage, indoor sunscreen (perfect for winter time!) and use something stronger if you'll be out in the sun at peak times doing strenuous physical activity. Or, if you have a powerful face sunscreen that stings your eyes, this would be perfect for around the eye area. I'll be curious to see what Purito does going forward!
15) Banobagi Milk Thistle Repair Sunscreen SPF(?)/PA(?)Filters: Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150Same as #16 (made in the same factory as the Purito and the Klairs) except that I find the texture to be even better. It's wonderfully light, moisturizing, and soothing on the skin. I wore this on my (indoor!) wedding day and it sits beautifully under makeup. Don't throw it out if you've got it- just be wary of using it outdoors!
14) Omuchi's Nothing to Hide Sunscreen SPF 50/UVA-PF 16Filters: Tinosorb S, Neo Heliopan APA product of Finland, this would be great for anyone who lives in the EU and wants something as cheap and abundant (100 mL tubes) as that Altrusist garbage. The filters here are first-class, both broad-spectrum, and this has no whitecast and doesn't sting my eyes. The ingredients list is heavy on the emollients: shea butter, cocoa butter, grapeseed oil. Surprisingly, this was not greasy, and had more of a satin finish. It's a bit heavy, but not too bad. Not the easiest to get ahold of outside the EU.
13) Garnier Ombrelle Face Ultra-Light Cream SPF 60/UVA 20+Filters: TiO2, Avobenzone, Octocrylene, Mexoryl XL, Mexoryl SXA western (Canadian) sunscreen that doesn't suck! Hallelujah! Despite the Avobenzone, it was only minimally stinging to my eyes, and despite the TiO2, the whitecast was minimal. What amazed me was 1) how moisturizing it is. This sunscreen is packed with glycerin, which is amazing for the wintertime, but can make your nose and forehead shiny by the end of the day unless you mattify, and 2) it's the only sunscreen I've ever seen where L'Oreal uses both Mexoryl filters at decent concentrations, meaning the UVA protection is stellar. Check this out if you want good protection that comes with a hefty dose of healing, protective moisture.
12) Hyggee Relief Sun Moisturizer SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Tinosorb S, Uvinul A-PlusAs stated previously, I'm not unnerved by this latest crop of Korean sunscreens with only two filters, because one of them, Tinosorb S, works really well at very low concentrations. This is a pretty good sunscreen: no whitecast, no eyestinging, moisturizing. The only downsides are that it's pricey and a bit hard to find, and it sits more heavily on the skin that I would usually like. Turns out it's very nice for the winter, though.
11) EVY Sunscreen Mousse SPF 50/UVA-PF 16+Filters: Octocrylene, Avobenzone, Tinosorb S, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150This is an aerosolized mousse from Sweden, with a very light texture and no whitecast. Also highly water-resistant. The problems are two-fold: the vast quantities of Avobenzone sting my eyes like nobody's business and it's ludicrously hard to purchase outside the EU. I found two websites that ship outside the EU and one of them mandates that you purchase SIX TUBES at a time. No thank you, as this stuff isn't cheap.
10) Frezyderm Second Skin Sunscreen SPF 50+/UVA-PF 20+Filters: Octocrylene, Octinoxate, Octisalate, Uvinul A-PlusThis sunscreen does sting my eyes, though not too badly. It's texture, though, is nothing short of amazing. It's like a gorgeous silicone primer that gives a velvety feel to the skin. Did I mention that it goes on TRANSLUCENT??? Because it does. Comes out of the pump with a very faint yellow tint that blends away. If you have dark skin and want a sunscreen that absolutely won't look ashy on you, this is the one! It's also water-resistant. Made for a day on the beach in Greece. The packaging isn't the most environmentally-friendly and it's a bit pricey, but worth it for the texture and lack of whitecast.
9) Uriage Bariesun Fragrance-Free SPF 50+/UVA-PA 20+Filters: Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150, Tinosorb S, Octinoxate, OctisalateI really wanted to love this- it has a texture closer to a Japanese or Korean sunscreen than a French one. No whitecast, goes on light and airy, pleasantly moisturizing. Unfortunately it has Octinoxate in concentration high enough to give me the eye-stabs, so it's a no-go. Freaking tragic.
8) Evermere Cosmetics Moist-Tec UV Gel SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Uvinul A-Plus, OctinoxateI'll say it right away: this sunscreen has the best texture I've ever encountered. Truly beautiful, it manages to be light but also deeply moisturizing. The best analogy I have is that this is like little kawaii raindrops bursting all over your face while they sing happy little songs of moisturization. Unfortunately, the relationship had to end in tears, literally, because it's got a lot of Octinoxate in it, which makes me cry. I almost don't care. Maybe I should use this plus the Purito for my eyes? Anyway, amazing texture aside, it has no whitecast, but it's also very difficult to purchase outside Japan. Totally worth it, though.
7) Keep Cool and Soothe Bamboo Sun Essence SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Uvinul A-Plus, Tinosorb SAnother really good sunscreen from the class of 2020, this sunscreen has a lovely, if slightly heavy texture. The birch juice and other botanicals do contribute to a soothing sensation on the skin. Only real downsides are the price and the packaging. Because of the way the tube is structured, it can't stand up without falling over every 5 minutes, which I found extremely annoying. Otherwise, it's a solid choice- as long as you don't try to use it for strenuous outdoor activities.
6) Anessa Perfect UV Mild Milk (2020 version) SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: ZnO, TiO2, Tinosorb S, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150Now here's a sunscreen that absolutely *is* rated for outdoor sports! This does not budge throughout the day and it definitely requires a 2-step cleanse at night to take it off. It has a gorgeous finish, with a satin-matte texture and a noticeable pore-blurring effect on the skin. Doesn't dry out my skin any further, but will accentuate any dry or flaky patches. It does have a whitecast that *almost* entirely disappears, but not completely. I love it under makeup because it mattifies my shiny t-zone and blurs the look of my pores. It is really freakin expensive, though, and that plus the whitecast made me like it, but not love it.
THE GREAT
5) Ultrasun Extreme Sensitive Skin SPF 50+/UVA-PF 20/PA++++Filters: Tinosorb S, Tinosorb M, Octisalate, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150, TiO2Apparently this sunscreen is made for use on the body rather than the face, but I didn't notice. It has a similar texture (light with a hint of greasiness that dries down) to the other Ultrasun product I reviewed, but unlike that one, this doesn't sweat off! It's great for outdoor activities! Works well under makeup, too. The only downside is a light whitecast from the Tinosorb M and TiO2, but it dies down almost completely after a few minutes. Plus, you get 100 mL for less than half the price of the Ultrasun Face Anti-Aging Gel, which is 50 mL. TWICE THE PRODUCT FOR HALF THE PRICE.
4) Verdio UV Moisture Milk SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: ZnO, TiO2, Uvinul A-Plus, OctinoxateYes yes, this is another sunscreen for ants (36 mL) but hear me out! It's rated for outdoor sports, and unless you're an athlete, you won't need to use this as often as you would a regular sunscreen. I like this one for traveling as well, because it's so small and the tube is squared off at both ends so it fits into a bag really easily. It doesn't sting my eyes, despite the Octinoxate, and has a whitecast that disappears so quickly I always think I hallucinated it. It's lightly moisturizing and gives the skin a pleasant glow. It's true strength, though is in how water- and sweat-proof this is. I used it to spend two days working outdoors in 43 C weather with like, 8 million percent humidity and it did not budge *at all.* It helped keep my makeup on all day, and I'm pretty sure that the combination of soothing botanicals calmed down some acne that I had. Also, this is like, 10 *Canadian* dollars right now on dokodemo, so it's something that could be purchased in bulk. I'm on my second bottle of the stuff because I like traveling with it so much.
3) Rohto Skin Aqua UV Super Moisture Milk SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: ZnO, Uvinul A-Plus, OctinoxateIt's a classic for a reason! I love this sunscreen so very much that I've followed it across multiple repackagings. It's moisturizing, but not greasy, has no whitecast, despite its zinc-based formula, and no eye-stinging despite the Octinoxate. I find it to be pretty water and sweat-resistant, too (it's rated for outdoor sports). It's only 40 mL, but because it's so ubiquitous and cheap (even in the benighted west) that I don't really care. Some people have expressed concern about the UVA protection because of the way this sunscreen photographs with one of those UV cameras. HOWEVER, the primary filter here (highest concentration) is zinc oxide, which in addition to covering the entire UV spectrum DOES NOT PHOTOGRAPH WELL UNDER SUNSCREEN CAMERAS. No mineral filters do. According to Lab Muffin Beauty Science, the only thing those cameras can reliably show is where on your face the sunscreen is. So use this without fear! Or at least, without excessive fear.
2) P20 Suncare for Kids SPF 50+/UVA-PF 50+Filters: Tinosorb S, Tinosorb M, Tinosorb A2B, Uvinul A-Plus, Uvinul T-150, OctisalateWow, what a combination of filters. This is the only truly high-protection sunscreen on the list that doesn't suck. Not sure what dark wizard skills the formulators used to make something so stuffed with filters that its UVA score jumps the 50 hurdle, that *also* has a nice texture, but they did. It has a faint whitecast that disappears almost immediately, and doesn't sting my eyes. Plus it's designed to be worn for 10 hours at a stretch, or 3 hours in the water. It goes on a little greasy and heavy, but that dies down too and leaves a beautiful, dewy sheen on the skin. It's kind of hard to get outside the EU; I used Amazon UK. I'm definitely going to repurchase this for days when I'm recovering from a chemical peel.And now we come to...
THE BEST
1) B-LAB i am sorry just suncream SPF 50+/PA++++Filters: Tinosorb S, Uvinul A-PlusA dark horse contender, I just spotted this on Jolse.com and thought it looked really nice. Boy was I right. This has a texture that comes pretty close to the Evermere sunscreen, but it doesn't sting my eyes! No whitecast, either. It's very light and elegant, but also moisturizing and glowy, WHILE ALSO MATTIFYING OILY AREAS. Yes, that's right, this sunscreen is a genuine C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER, perfectly evening out combination skin. I love it under makeup, I love it by itself. It sparks joy. Would I use this for outdoor sports? No. But I don't do outdoor sports every day, or even most days. Plus, it's almost always on sale on Jolse. I paid $7 for it. My recommendation is to try it once, and if you like it (and I suspect you will) to wait for a sale and buy it in bulk. This is the *perfect* everyday sunscreen, and thus, it gets the crown.
I'm giving away a tube of this wonderful stuff, and if you're interested, just go to Part 2 (linked in the description bar of this video) the instructions are there. This is an international giveaway, so no matter where you live, I'll find a way to get it to you! Thanks for reading/watching!

So 2020 was a bit of a dumpster fire. And by a bit, I mean a giant, steaming shitshow. But I got through a bunch of products, so yay? Per my usual, the following is a lengthy af list of products that I used or destashed, complete with notations unfit for human consumption, generally sweary thoughts, and rather crap formatting. Some of my 20 in 2020 pan list are included in this breakdown, but a full recap post on that adventure will be coming shortly.
tldr: 78 haiskin/perfume/cosmetic products used/destashed, minus a midsummer destashing session that I forgot to document.
Huda Beauty Kayali Vanilla|28 (Sample)
Impressions: This is a nice, warm vanilla fragrance. Its pleasant (and oddly the same scent) at initial application and dried down. If you could get rid of that slightly chemical scent in VS Amber Romance, it would be this perfume. Wear time on me is about 4 hours. Easily wearable in most situations, unlikely to offend anyone’s nose. Weirdly, my sample is purple, but the stock image on Sephora is pale pink and it isn’t that old….
Repurchase: $85 for 50mL for glorified VS Amber Romance? Fuck outta here….
CORSX Acne Pimple Master Patch 24 count (KB)
Impressions: I love these lil guys. Super handy to have around for hormonal acne flares. They stay on my face throughout the night, which is impressive given that I’m a restless sleeper.
Repurchase: Definitely
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Celebrate Me Time Sheet Mask (LE) (KB)
Impressions: The cuteness of this is adorable. The mask is printed with HK’s signature bow and cute accents. Pleasantly watermelon/sugary scented, well moistened mask. Does this do anything outstanding? No.
Repurchase: Also no. But it was a nice 20 minute experience that made my skin happy.
L’ador Tea Tree Scalp Clinic Hair Pack (KB)
Impressions: This is the loveliest thing for getting rid of dry winter flakes and deep cleaning from summer product scalp buildup, especially when used with a shampoo brush. My husband even likes it for his scalp psoriasis. My only gripe is that I have yet to find a US vendor for this. Shipping from South Korea takes a small eternity. First world problems, I know. I just have to remember to order multiples at a time. {ed. note, this now is available from a US vendor (sokoglam.com) at a slightly higher price point. Score!}
Repurchase: Definitely
BH Cosmetics Stellar Lash (DS)
Impressions: I love this mascara. Its like TF’s BTS’ nicer, older sister. Similar performance, but not as heavy or gloopy. Brushes are similar, but I think SL’s is a bit smaller. The bottle stopper is much more proportionate to the brush head as you don’t get metric tons of product on the wand like you do with BTS.
Repurchase: Yes. I’ve got a full size of this mascara on my 20 in 20 pan list as well.
The Doux One Love Co-Wash
Impressions: I’m sure at one point in time I liked this product because it didn’t immediately get binned. However, at the time of review I’m trying to recover from some hair fuckery due to an incompetent stylist so I’m super salty about everything. At the moment, I like exactly three things about this product. 1) The packaging 2) The pale pink color 3) The fact that this bitch empty and gets to be yeeted into the recycling bin. Partial credit for being available at my local Target.
Repurchase: No. {ed. note, I am rethinking my position on repurchasing this. I think it would be lovely for wintertime when I’m not sweating as much. I am also mostly recovered from the hair fuckery.}
Shea Moisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Hydrate + Repair Conditioner
Impressions: I really like this whole line. The smell is incredible. The conditioner is thick without being too difficult to work with. Absorbs nicely into the hair. Good balance between moisture and protein. This is too heavy for my hair as a regular conditioner. I use it as a deep conditioner once or twice a month. This seems to be the sweet spot.
Repurchase: Yes
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Complete Cleansing Makeup Wipes (LE) (KB)
Impressions: Husband and I were out of the country visiting relatives over the Christmas holiday. I didn’t want to bring the full arsenal of cleansing products (and I wasn’t planning on wearing much makeup anyhow) so I picked these up. No lie, I was surprised how much I like these. The strawberry rosé scent is really nice and they did a good job of removing makeup without stripping my skin or stinging my eyes. Each wipe was moist and the compact packaging (great for travel!) had a nice locking lid, in addition to the interior sticker seal.
Repurchase: Probably not. These are LE and I really only purchase wipes for travel purposes. If these are still around the next time I travel, then I would definitely repurchase. If they’re gone by then, I would likely purchase something comparable from the same brand.
Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb in Glow
Impressions: This is quite possibly my favorite lip gloss ever. I rave about it to anyone and everyone who asks about it.
Repurchase: Yes. The next purchase will likely be in another shade, but I can always count on Glow.
Maybelline Fit Me Matte + Poreless Foundation, 228 Soft Tan
Impressions: There’s nothing really *wrong* with this foundation, though I would have to say the “poreless” is a lie. But maybe that’s just me. I get good wear time out of this and it is fairly lightweight. Decent coverage, though I’m not a fan of how it looks built up. I’m tossing this because it is way too dark; at least two shades too dark while wet and between three and four shades once dry. Its also pretty old; I bought it when I was living in Hawaii and I haven’t lived there for a few years.
Repurchase: Probably not. Its fine, but there are other foundations that I like better (with better shade ranges) that I would rather wear.
Too Faced Cocoa Powder Foundation, Medium
Impressions: I love this. It is everything I ever wanted in a powder foundation. In a compact. Has a nice sponge (crap sponges are a pet peeve). Applies nicely with said sponge or with a brush. Lightly scented. Good coverage. Behaves itself as a standalone or as a light helper to BB creams. I finally panned this one (which took ages) and I’ve got one more in backup.
Repurchase: Sadly, no. This has gone the way of the dodo, like so many of the products us Old Bats love. I’m contemplating TF’s Born This Way Powder as a substitute, but the mixed reviews give me some concern. I have plenty of setting powders to get through before I buy another powder foundation, plus I’ve had my eye on RCMA’s colorless powder for a while.
LA Girl Pro Conceal HD Concealer, Medium Beige
Impressions: I used to like this. I really did. But, not any more. My skin (specifically, my Old Bat under eyes) cannot take thick cosmetics anymore. While playing with some application techniques & cocktails to thin the product out, I came to the realization that this it also completely the wrong shade & undertone for my skin now. I have been victimized by my own shitty lighting. {ed. note: I suspect my skin tone changes are due to a combination of winter-induced paleness and some sneaky lightening ingredients in current skincare regimen. Will investigate further.} I had a decent amount of product left, but it had been open for a while and the formula was starting to change a bit. I decided that money wasted is still wasted, regardless of if it sits in my stash or in the trash. Since I hate clutter, in the bin it went. I don’t miss it.
Repurchase: No, unless it is for Halloween/costume party related purposes. You can’t beat the coverage or shade range for the price.
IPKN Moist & Firm BB Cream, Medium (KB)
Impressions: I like the SPF. I like the scent. Applies nicely and has good coverage. I get decent wear time out of this. However, it oxidizes like a mfer. Doesn’t matter what primer I use, doesn’t matter if I freshly wash my face right before application, setting powder, no setting powder, primer vs no primer, it oxidizes. Which is a shame because its a pretty good color match at initial application. But within an hour its two shades too dark and orange. I’ve had success combating that with mixing in blue color corrector, however *insert ain’t nobody got time for that meme here*. It might just be too moisturizing for my skin.
Repurchase: No, which is super disappointing. Back on the hunt I go.
Elizabeth Arden My Fifth Avenue (DS)
Impressions: This is one of the most generic smelling perfumes I’ve ever tried. Lasts maybe 2 hours on my skin, which is just sad. I get absolutely no citrus (which is supposed to be a top note), just a vague, generic floral, and a hint of musk. It isn’t offensive by any means, its just….there. It is quite light and would be a nice summer option, but this is definitely not for me.
Repurchase: No
Wet N Wild Photofocus Stick Foundation, Classic Beige
Impressions: I'm sure this is a great formulation for someone. I am not that person. This did nothing for me. Emphasized all my texture/pores/fine lines. Just sat on my skin. Amazingly, it looks even worse on camera. I swear I look 10 years older wearing this. This bad boy gets yeeted into the trash with zero regrets.
Repurchase: Hard no.
LA Girl Slim Shady, Darkest Brown
Impressions: I fucking love this thing. Its cheap. Doesn’t have funky undertones. Is pigmented. Its retractable. Can be blended easily, but doesn’t melt off as soon as you look at it. It even has a nice spoolie.
Repurchase: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Celebrate Whipped Cacao Hand Cream (LE) (KB) x3
Impressions: This is a nice lil hand cream to keep at my desk or in my purse. It isn’t strong enough to bring my skin back from full on lizard status, but its fine for restoring moisture after washing my hands. It absorbs fairly quickly. The scent is not obnoxiously heavy and fades pretty quickly. Basically, there’s nothing special about this
Repurchase: This is a LE product, so its no longer available. However, if if it weren’t LE I don’t think I would repurchase
Chapstick Lipbalm, Spearmint
Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. Except for the (very faint) mint flavoscent, I enjoyed nothing about this. Too waxy. Not moisturizing.
Repurchase: God no
Hourglass Mineral Veil Primer (mini)
Impressions: I enjoy just about everything this primer offers, except for the pump. When you get about halfway through the bottle, it just turns into this leaky, gloopy shitshow. It doesn’t impact the primer’s performance, but greatly decreases my desire to use it.
Repurchase: Maybe. If the alleged NYX dupe is comparable, then probably not. But I do like it enough to for it to be a repeat contender.
Colourpop Brow Boss Gel, Clear
Impressions: This is a nice lil’ gel. Has good hold, dries down matte. Plays nicely with every product I’ve thrown at it. Even works pretty well as a primer. It even has a good price point.
Repurchase: Maybe. I’m currently wearing my brows pretty short and filling them in with ABH brow gel [I find it easier to work with than Dip Brow] , so I don’t have a current need for a clear product. However, if that changes I would likely repurchase.
L’Oréal Infallible Pro-Glow Foundation, Natural Beige
Impressions: Pretty decent color match. Decent amount of glow without veering into glitter. Plays nicely with most primers I’ve tried it with, but it does not like the Hourglass Mineral Veil; I put those two together and Hello! Texture City. I get decent wear time. The packaging says that this is medium coverage and I would mostly agree, but it can get cakey quickly. I do like that I can sheer this out with a face serum pretty easily.
Repurchase: Maybe? I’m not mad at it. It performs better than some prestige brands I’ve tried. I’ve got a few other foundations to get through in my stash and a couple on my post no-buy list to try out. As long as they don’t change the formula, I wouldn’t mind going back to this.
Mario Badescu Facial Spray (Aloe, Chamomile, & Lavender)
Impressions: This does absolutely nothing for my skin. It smells lovely though. And its a very pretty shade of purple that complements the packaging. Those are literally the only redeeming things I can identify.
Repurchase: Hard no.
The Body Shop Shea Nourishing Body Butter
Impressions: This is good in the drier winter months and is great for year-round application to feet and elbows. However, it is too damn heavy for the rest of my body in the warm, humid months.
Repurchase: Probably not. I like the coconut one better. I’ve also learned that I only need to have one of these on hand at any time since I’m shit at remembering to apply moisturizer to my body.
Love Beauty and Planet Coconut Water & Mimosa Flower Lucious Hydration Hand Lotion
Impressions: This is, quite possibly, one of my favorite hand lotions ever. I love the scent. I love the quick absorption time. I love the scent. I love the lack of greasy residue. Did I mention I love the scent? Because I do. I want everything in my house to smell like this, always.
Repurchase: Yes
Wet N Wild Megaslim Skinny Tip Eyeliner
Impressions: The eyeliner itself is okay. I’ve tried two skinny/micro liquid liners and have come to the realization that they’re just not for me. It likely has to do with my eye shape (hooded, close-set, AND deep-set) I binned this because I literally can’t remember when I opened it and I have this thing about liquid liners being open for extended periods of time. I’m pretty sure I opened it before Mr. Lew and I started house hunting and that was early 2019.
Repurchase: No. I have this crazy idea that I want to give the Tarte Amazonian Clay liner (in the tube) a chance again. Or just suck it up and stick to pencil liners.
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Pink Water Creme Ultra Dewy Face Cream (LE) (KB)
Impressions: I really like this, but I don’t think its quite moisturizing enough for my winter skin. Its a very light, slippery texture. Absorbs fairly quickly into the skin without being too sticky. Really nice watermelon (?) scent that isn’t overpowering. Nice, heavy packaging. Doubles nicely as a lightweight hand cream.
Repurchase: Sadly, no. This was a Winter Holiday LE release. I very much liked this formula and would be open to buying something comparable from the brand for summer months. [Ed. Note: This is back in stock on Creme Shop’s website as of 22 October 20, so I may acquire myself a jar to help combat the Differin-induced dryness & flaking that is my skin rn]
NYX Lip Lingerie, Exotic
Impressions: I like the color (a richer sort of MLBB) and the coverage, but it drives me crazy that this never dries down. I don’t mind a little bit of tackiness, but this constantly feels wet and sticky.
Repurchase: No. There are other liquid lip formulas (Colourpop, NARS Powermatte) that I like much better.
Girl + Hair Under Hair Care Protective Restoring Balm
Impressions: I bought this with the intention of using it to keep my hair & scalp moisturized when I started wearing more protective styles aside from the Curly BunTM. I had the brilliant idea that I would do my own box braids. Utter. Fucking. Fail. As is this product. Like a lot of products geared towards “natural” hair, this is much too heavy for my fine AF hair. Two days after putting a SMALL amount on my scalp, I was still a greasy betch. I love the packaging (squeeze nozzles ftw!) and the scent is pretty nice.
Repurchase: I like the idea of this product, but ultimately its a no from me. I am interested in trying out other products from this company though.
Blueberry Bliss Control Paste
Impressions: I bought this on the recommendation of one of my favorite natural hair YouTubers. I don’t particularly care for the scent. Its definitely fruity and sweet, but not that I would immediately identify as blueberry. This does a great job at adding shine, an okay job at controlling the frizz halo, and a shit job at holding my edges. Additionally, something in this strongly disagrees with my scalp. I’ve used it about a dozen times and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. my scalp gets dry and itchy af and flaky.
Repurchase: Hard no.
Chapstick Lipbalm, Strawberry
Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. Except for the (very faint) berry flavoscent, I enjoyed nothing about this. Too waxy. Not moisturizing.
Repurchase: Nope
Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Water Flowers & Sea Salt x2
Impressions: This is a great lil hand cream in a lovely scent. Absorbs pretty quickly. Nicely moisturizing. Does a good job of holding off handwashing-induced lizard skin. This is another one of those scents where I would not object to ALL THE THINGS smelling like.
Repurchase: Yup
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Lip Balm, Winter Apple Pie (LE) (KB)
Impressions: The packaging is adorable (pink macaron shaped pot) and that’s about all I like. The scent is okay, but I would never in a million years identify this as apple pie. Or an apple. Or anything apple-adjacent. There is no artificial flavor, but the taste of the actual balm is no bueno. It isn’t particularly moisturizing and has a tendency to just sit on top of your lips, never really absorbing in. It might be useful as a sleeping pack, but the thick, waxy nature of the balm is pretty off-putting and challenging to work with. I may keep the container to use for decanting purposes or travel purposes IF THIS FUCKING PANDEMIC WILL EVER END.
Repurchase: No. This was a Winter Holiday LE product. Even if it was in their regular catalog, I wouldn’t buy this again.
Essence Melted Chrome Liquid Lipstick, Copper Dropper
Impressions: This is really nice packaging, particularly for a budget brand. The tube feels substantial. The wand handle matches (mostly) the lipstick shade and a good chunk of the tube is transparent so you can see how much product you have remaining. I will never, ever pan this because this lipstick gives me the WORST case of butthole lips. I don’t even like metallic lipstick, let alone metallic liquid lipstick. WTF even was I thinking. That said, the wear time is pretty good.
Repurchase: God no.
NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream, Copenhagen
Impressions: I fucking love this lip cream, but damn if this shade isn’t a pain in the ass to get even. Even with matching lipliner, I still can’t get an even coat. Which is super frustrating because I love dark berry/goth-adjacent lipsticks.
Repurchase: Product yes, shade no
Taliah Waajid Protective Styles Bamboo, Biotin & Basil Restoring Serum
Impressions: I love this as a scalp treatment, either in conjunction with a deep conditioner or on its own. I’m not sure if it actually does anything for promoting hair growth, but it does make my scalp feel nice.
Repurchase: God I would love to. This particular product has either been discontinued or reformulated into another product. The original formulation (of dubious age/authenticity) is still available on Amazon, but at a ridonkulous markup. I may try the new version once I make a dent in the current inventory.
Creme of Nature Sulfate-Free Moisture & Shine Shampoo with Argan Oil
Impressions: For a sulfate-free shampoo, this produces a surprising amount of lather. I love the smell; spicy and exotic and warm. Kind of reminds me of Dior Hypnotic Poison. Cleanses well and does provide a decent amount of shine. Strangely helps with detangling. One of my faves.
Repurchase: Hell yes.
CARE:NEL Special Lip Care Lip Sleeping Mask (KB)
Impressions: Got this on Amazon as a dupe for the OG Laneige lip mask. This came in a three pack and I *think* this is the last one. The product is nice and thick and lasts most of the night. The mask (balm? goo?) is slightly sweet-scented, but not aggressively so.
Repurchase: Maybe? I don’t think this is functionally different than Lanolips, but it is a good product that does work well.
Carol’s Daughter Almond Milk Leave-In Conditioner
Impressions: This has a ridiculously strong almond smell at first application, though it mellow out fairly quickly. This made my hair crunchy as shit. I don’t know what moisturizing properties it was supposed to have, but my bottle clearly missed out on them. The sprayer is nice though.
Repurchase: Hard no.
Neutrogena Triple Moisture Deep Recovery Hair Mask x2
Impressions: Like most Neutrogena products, I love the way this smells. This is a really nice drugstore deep conditioner. Actually does what it says on the label. My biggest gripe is that, at only six ounces, I go through this way too fast because of the ridiculous amount of hair I have.
Repurchase: Probably
Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Mist (KB)
Impressions: There is something in this (pretty sure its the fermented yeast) that my skin loooooooves. Very faint smell, good sized bottle, gloriously fine spray. If I can ever figure out how to get the top off, I’ll likely decant my setting spray into it.
Repurchase: Hard yes
Missha Time Revolution Clear Toner (KB)
Impressions: I can’t nail down what it is about this product that works so well with my skin. It doesn’t seem to do anything special at first appearance, but I can tell when its presence is lacking in my routine. Maybe its the fermented yeast, might be the gentle AHAs/BHAs, but whatever it is, I love it.
Repurchase: Yes
Creme of Nature Intensive Conditioning Treatment with Argan Oil
Impressions: This entire product line is one of the best smelling things I’ve ever put on my body. This conditioner is a little weird. Too rich for a regular conditioner, not quite rich enough for a full on deep conditioner. I haven’t tried leaving this on overnight, but 15-30 minutes (my hair is dry AF, don’t judge me) is about right for a nice little pick me up. If CoN ever decides to branch out and put out body care scented like this, it will be the the only body wash I used forever and ever, amen.
Repurchase: Hard yes
Dionis Goat Milk Hand Cream, Vanilla Bean
Impressions: Like the other scent in this product line I’ve tried, I love this cream. It is hydrating and absorbs quickly. However, there is something in this scent’s fragrance that wants to stab me in my frontal lobe. Its sweet and vanilla-y, but there is another note (vaguely cinnamon-adjacent) that is just too damn much. Oddly, that note isn’t present in the vanilla bean lip balm, which I love. It took me a couple times to realize that using this hand cream was almost guaranteed to give me a low-level migraine, so I gifted it to Mom, who finished it in like a week.
Repurchase: Product, yes. Scent, no.
Colourpop Ultra Glossy Lip, Free Spirit (LE)
Impressions: I’ve been looking for a dupe for an early 00s L’Oréal lip gloss (that was this glorious, mostly opaque caramel) for the better part of a decade. To date, I am still stymied in my search because this gloss ain’t it. The packaging is cute and the gloss itself is okay, but doesn’t last for shit. The color, which seems quite opaque in the tube, but is utterly invisible on my lips. The brush turned into an angry hedgehog within about a month of use, which has never happened with other CP glosses. In short, a total fail. Whomp.
Repurchase: No. This shade was part of the LE Frozen II collection. Even if it wasn’t, I still wouldn’t repurchase this.
COSRX Advanced Snail 92 All in one Cream (KB)
Impressions: This bad boy has never failed me. High concentration of snail mucus, which my skin loves. Pleasant smell. Reasonable price, if you don’t buy from Ulta. Easily sourced at multiple US-based vendors. Hella sticky though.
Repurchase: Yes, once I make a dent in my utterly ridiculous skincare stash
Skinfood Peachy Jelly Soothing Gel 90 (KB)
Impressions: This smells like a peach jolly rancher. I fucking love that. Lightweight, which is great for the hot & humid South. This will not fix Winter Lizard Skin, but it is great for healthy skin barriers that need some gentle love. I prefer to use this on my body post-shower, but it is also nice as a sleeping pack or to chill skin out that has had too many actives on it. Absorbs fairly quickly, but can get sticky if you go ham on application. 8/10. Would recommend. Bonus tip! Keep this bad boy in the fridge for a delightful cooling experience.
Repurchase: Yes, but I’m not sure if its still available. The packaging says it is LE, but its still in stock at Skinfood’s website. Ulta (my original sale point) no longer carries it, so who knows. If I can repurchase, I will. I have several backups of this and the Aloe, which I kind of want to try on my hair…
Clinique Take the Day off Cleansing Balm (travel size)
Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. I needed a small, balm/solid cleanser to take with me last Winter Holiday to go in my carryon as the husband and I were travelling overseas. This was the only thing I could find in the timeframe I had that was small enough to meet my needs, that was NOT a bar of soap. This is very effective at taking makeup off. Its also effective at trashing my skin. I ended up hate panning it when I ran out of my beloved Heimish and everywhere was out of stock thanks to Ms. Rona. At this point, I’m permanently swearing off all Clinique products except Black Honey.
Repurchase: Hard no
Bobbi Brown Vitamin Enriched Face Base (DS)
Impressions: This is nice. Hydrating without making me oily. Plays nicely on its own and with most of my foundations. Doesn’t break me out. Thick, without being too heavy. HOWEVER. Baby girl smells like Lemon Pledge and that shit lingers. I can honestly say that I’ve never had a cosmetic smell like a household cleaner before so…..
Repurchase: Maybe. I’m not mad at it, but I don’t know if I love it enough to get over the Lemon Pledge smell.
Morphe Continuous Setting Mist
Impressions: I was on the fence about repurchasing this last year (this is one of my backups) and I’m still on the fence about repurchasing because I find the brand to be somewhat problematic and some of their partnerships to be very problematic. However, some of their products are really great. Like this mist. Its still one of the best I’ve ever tried. I’m still open to looking for something comparable, but the aerosolized mist is just *chef’s kiss*. Ethical consumption in capitalism is such a bitch.
Repurchase: ?
***pretend there are detailed reviews of the big ass box of hair & makeup products that I destashed but couldn’t be bothered to document, mmmkay?***
The Ordinary Natural Moisturizing Factors + HA
Impressions: I bought this on a whim after reading some promising reviews on Reddit. I also needed something that could travel with me as Mr. Lew and I were traveling for 2019 Winter Holiday. I kind of liked it at the time, but not so much anymore. I think I liked it because it was winter (cold) and I was in the mountains (dry air). Upon returning to warm & humid Florida, this doesn’t seem to do anything for me. I’ve struggled to use this as a face moisturizer, hand cream, and body lotion. I’m giving up.
Repurchase: No, unless I’m traveling again and need something to get me through for a few days.
The Creme Shop x gudetama Gold Peel-Off Mask for Nose (LE) (KB)
Impressions: I suspected this would be crap when I bought it, but I was hopeful as I liked other LE offerings from this brand. I was sadly disappointed. This took forever to dry and barely did anything to my skin. Its got a pleasant smell and is a lovely shade of gold. That’s about it.
Repurchase: No
Bioderma Atoderm Ultra-Moisturizing Lip Balm
Impressions: I picked this up on the recommendation of a fellow MUACJ Redditor and HOLY SHIT! This is one of the best lip balms I’ve ever used. Which is somewhat baffling because there is nothing revolutionary about the ingredients. But somehow, these French wizards hit one out of the park. Lightweight, but moisturizing. Not sticky. No flavor. Weirdly, vaguely smells like blue raspberry. But it somehow works. The only thing I’m slightly salty about is how quickly I’ve gone through the tube.
Repurchase: Hell yes
Mizon Original Skin Energy Collagen 100 ampoule (KB)
Impressions: I think I like this. And I think it works, but I’ve been really inconsistent about using it so its hard to tell. I generally like Mizon ampoules and find they absorb rather quickly. They make my preferred HA.
Repurchase: One more time to actually see if it does anything of note.
Sixteen92 Super Natural Hair Serum, Malum Malus (DS)
Impressions: I received this as a DS with the Fall (Halloween? Falloween? IDK) 2019 CAoS set I purchased. Malum Malus is my favorite scent in that line and the fragrance lasts a long time without being overpowering. The serum itself is a bit thicker than I’m used to, but is okay.
Repurchase: Probably not, unless I just *really* fell in love with a scent and needed to wrap myself in it. I have other serums that I prefer and am much more likely to repurchase
Shea Moisture Mongongo & Hemp Seed Oils High Porosity Moisture Correct Masque
Impressions: I really love this. It provides such a moisture injection to my hair in addition to the protein my high porosity hair needs. Nice and thick. Great smell. Really needs a cap to absorb into the hair
Repurchase: Hell yes.
The Ordinary Azelaic Acid Suspension 10%
Impressions: I kind of like this and can tell it has had an improvement in my hyperpigmentation and uneven skin tone. However, it hasn’t done much for my texture and has minimally improved brightness. Its cheap and doesn’t irritate my skin. I’m not wild about the dimethicone, but it isn’t a deal breaker.
Repurchase: Maybe once more. I’m incorporating more Vitamin C products in my routine to address the lack of brightness. If those work well, then I likely won’t repurchase.
Hask Cactus Water Prickly Pear See Oil 5-in-1 Leave in Spray
Impressions: Got this for my mom, who ended up not liking it that much. This plays surprisingly well with my hair. It conditions without being heavy and is sort of okay at managing the frizz halo. I detangle in the shower so I can’t really say whether this does anything for that. The scent is quite lovely and the mist is nice & fine.
Repurchase: Definitely
Design Essentials Natural Almond & Avocado Moisturizing & Detangling Sulfate Free Shampoo
Impressions: I’m not mad at this. Easily accessible, reasonable price point. Does moisturize. Not as detangling as the CoN Argan Oil but does have a bit of slip to it. The scent is not my favorite, but it doesn’t linger so I’m not going to hold that against it. It does its job and does it fine; I’m just not wowed by it. Admittedly, I don’t think I’ve ever been wowed by a shampoo so I might be expecting too damn much.
Repurchase: Maybe one more time to see if I really like it.
Majestic Pure Cosmeceuticals Rosehip Oil
Impressions: I like this, but struggle to use it in warmer months. Its great for the winter and plays nicely with my skin, hair, and cuticles. It is too heavy to use as an allover scalp treatment, but is good for the occasional dry patch.
Repurchase: In a smaller container, for sure. This 4 ounce bottle took me ages to get through and it went off before I could get more than halfway through.
The Ordinary Marine Hyaluronics
Impression: I don’t care for this. It does nothing worthwhile for my skin. Fell for the Reddit hype. I’m definitely going back to my KB HA.
Repurchase: No
Too Cool For School Rules of Mastic IX Cream (KB)
Impression: I’m not mad at this. It has a lovely smell, is quite thick, and nicely moisturizes my skin. This is great at bringing back winter lizard skin, but its a bit too much for non-winter facial skin. My mom quite enjoys it as a hand cream, but its too strongly scented for her face.
Repurchase: Maybe? I’m still on the fence.
Creme of Nature Pure Honey Moisturizing Dry Defense Conditioner
Impression: This conditioner is the shit. Its got slip, a nice scent, wallet-friendly price, bottle that fits nicely in my hand, and provides delicious, delicious moisture.
Repurchase: Hell yes
Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Strengthen & Restore Treatment Masque
Impression: I genuinely adore this masque. I love the scent. I love the way it makes my hair feel afterwards. My only gripes are pretty minimal; I wish it was slightly less thick (its kind of hard to spread in my hair) and had a smidge more slip.
Repurchase: Yes
Sunday Riley Good Genes
Impression: I used to love this and then they went and reformulated it. And now I’m not sure how I feel about the new new. I don’t think its as strong as it used to be, but that may be a factor of my super inconsistent usage. I like that its vacuum sealed and the product itself is protected from light. I’m not the biggest fan of the scent, but it isn’t nearly as aggressive as the Bobbi Brown vitamin face base that reeks of Pledge.
Repurchase: I’m reserving judgement on this. I want to buy this one more time, consistently use it, then make a final decision. {ed. note: upon further reflection, I will not be repurchasing this}
Fanofi Micro-Needle Soothing Patch (KB)
Impressions: These are delightful for taming the occasional hormonal cystic acne.
Repurchase: Yes
Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Sea Treasures
Impressions: This is a great lil hand cream in a lovely scent. Absorbs pretty quickly. Nicely moisturizing. Does a good job of holding off handwashing-induced lizard skin. This is another one of those scents where I would not object to ALL THE THINGS smelling like.
Repurchase: Yup
Physician’s Formula Healthy Lip Liquid Lipstick, Vitamin Beet
Impressions: I got this several years ago in a vault that was heavily on sale. This is the last of the remaining tubes. The lipstick itself is okay, nothing revolutionary. I enjoy the triangle-shaped (tulip?) applicator. I hate this color and have absolutely no intention of ever wearing it.
Repurchase: Nope
NARS Powermatte Lip Pigment, American Woman (DS)
Impressions: I genuinely like this formula. The application is a bit finicky due to how close the cap is to the doe foot, but I’m not going to hold that against it as this is a DS. The color is perfectly fine, a pinkish-brown MLBB shade. However, I own approximately 25 products this color and its time to destash.
Repurchase: Formula yes, color no.
Sephora gloss, Lady Luck
Impressions: Ever met a person and then immediately forgot everything about them because they’re so bland? That’s this gloss. The color is pretty in the tube. The packaging is nice. And that’s about it.
Repurchase: No. Its nothing against the product itself, but it doesn’t spark joy.
Lime Crime Velvetine, Beet It (GWP)
Impressions: Got this as a gift with purchase from a Postmark order.
Repurchase: Nope
Lanolips Hydrating Lip Luminiser, Beach Pop
Impressions: I bought this in the hopes that it would be as awesome as their multipurpose balm. I was sadly, sadly disappointed. I like absolutely nothing about this product except the color. It smells horrible, tastes worse, and is stupidly thick.
Repurchase: No
Lanolips Hydrating Lip Luminiser, Desert Glow
Impressions: See above
Repurchase: No
The Ordinary Buffet
Impressions: I honestly couldn’t tell you if this did anything for my skin. It was hella sticky though and didn’t sting, so it has that working in its favor.
Repurchase: No
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab Aelopile (imp)
Impressions: Scent description from website: Glowing amber and citrus, labdanum, verbena, cedar, and oud. I definitely get amber, some verbena, and oud. This wears warm and spicy on me, but not aggressively so. I suspect this would be lovely in a room oil warmer.
Repurchase: Yes
Estee Lauder Beautiful Belle (DS)
Impressions: This goes hard on the white floral with very light rose & musk and virtually no other notes. This is a very heavy fragrance to me, but I think that’s due to the gardenia, which I’m quite sensitive to. A generic, inoffensive fragrance that’s not remarkable in any way. Pretty much the antithesis of what I like my perfumes to smell like.
Repurchase: Hard no
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab The Apothecary (imp)
Impressions: Scent description from the website: Tea leaf with three mosses, green grass, a medley of herbal notes, and a drop of ginger and fig. I get the fig and some heavier tea notes. I much prefer the scent in the tube; there you can pick up the ginger, grass, and some sort of herbaceous notes. On my skin its still nice, just not my cuppa.
Repurchase: It does not spark joy, so no.
Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Water Flowers & Sea Salt
Impressions: I have accepted that I am a Stan for these hand creams. I am just obsessed with them. I want everything to smell like this.
Repurchase: Yup
Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Mist (KB)
Impressions: My skin loves this
Repurchase: Sadly no. This product is no longer made and I can’t find a reasonable dupe in mist form. I’ve replaced this in my routine with Neogen Real-Ferment Micro Essence.

Smelling good (or even amazing!) is overlooked when it comes to looksmaxxing tips imo. In my experience, I have fallen head over heals for guys who otherwise I wouldn’t have given a second glance to because I caught a whiff of their cologne and they smell so sexy… and I’m guessing it has to be sort of similar for girls as well. At the very minimum, smelling bad in any way shape or form is a MAJOR turn off, so if you’re already not that confident in the looks or personality department you’re not doing yourself any favors.

First Section: Hygiene Tips

Good hygiene is half the battle to not only looking presentable in general but to smelling nice/not smelling bad. This might seem basic, but unfortunately, in my experience I’ve come across more people that smell bad in one way or another than those who smell particularly amazing. So I think it’s worth restating some of these tips, and I hope you will learn something new!
Underarms
-NEVER put on deodorant without washing first/ on top of an already smelly situation. It’s not a substitute for washing or a “treatment” option, it’s preventative care. Trust me on this one, you’re just going to make it worse. I like to use a wet washcloth with soap and water if I haven’t showered yet that day. If you’re out and about and catch a whiff of something rank under your arm, go into the restroom and use wet paper towels with a little soap and scrub away before applying deodorant if you have it on you. Same goes with perfume and body sprays.
-Know the difference between deodorant and antiperspirant. Deodorant = stops the smell; Antiperspirant = stops the sweat. Beware of this because some brands may only be one or the other, although most today do include both. Some antiperspirants are best applied at night, so they can seep into the skin while it’s dry. Also PS if you have problems with excessive underarm sweating, talk to your derm or doc about getting on Drysol or another prescription strength antiperspirant.. this really helped me out.
-Think about whether you want scented or unscented deodorant. To be honest, I think almost all female scented deodorants smell overpowering and cloying, and I prefer a neutral base (no smell) for that area anyway as I don’t particularly want attention drawn to my armpits of all places. Unfortunately it is getting harder and harder to find true unscented deodorants… especially when companies name fragrances as “ completely clean” or “daily fresh” when this does NOT necessarily mean they are unscented (whereas something like “Lavender” is obviously scented) and it can be very confusing. I recommend Secret’s clinical strength Invisible solid “Sensitive Unscented,” as it really does smell like nothing. This is however a white block-style deodorant and can leave some stains on dark clothes if you’re not careful… so be wary. But I have yet to find a clear gel or spray deodorant that is truly unscented…. If you know of any please lemme know in the comments!!!
-Consider adding underarm exfoliating to your showebath routine. This can help slough off deodorant buildup and dead skin that is causing the products to be less effective. Try a homemade salt/sugar scrub for this or if you have physical facial exfoliants lying around that are too harsh on your face, repurpose them for underarms.
-In my experience, sometimes deodorants get less effective overtime, and it can be useful to switch up the brand/formula every once in a while. Not sure if there’s a scientific reason behind this, but if you feel like your normal deodorant is less effective than usual it’s worth trying.
-Take “natural” deodorants with a grain of salt. Although I appreciate the sentiment behind this sort of thing, in my experience many of them do NOT perform well. Several of my family members who use Tom’s of Maine deodorant (a brand whose focus is on making natural hygiene products like toothpaste) have had very bad body odor problems that subsided once they started using a more traditional deodorant.
Breath
Bad breath is one of the most commonly stated turn-offs for both males and females of any sexual orientation. Don’t fall victim to being a morning-breath (or all-day breath!) monster. But how do you know if you have bad breath? Number one tip is to ask a family member or friend… but if you’re too embarrassed to do that, try spitting onto the back of your hand, and smelling it. It’s a pretty good indicator.
-Obviously, brush your teeth twice a day. This should go without saying but I know many who only brush once… TWICE IS THE BARE MINIMUM GUYS. And make sure it’s at least 2 minutes. Also really concentrate on getting the hard to reach places in the back of the mouth, especially the back molars.
-Please floss. For the love of god. I promise you there is shit in between your teeth that that the toothbrush couldn’t get. Please get it out. It probably stinks too.
-Invest in a tongue scraper, or be sure to brush your tongue. Bacteria can build up on it and cause bad breath.
-Foul smelling bacteria builds up faster in your mouth when it’s dry and saliva isn’t being produced. This is one of the main culprits of morning breath, as saliva production decreases during sleep and you aren’t drinking or eating then either. To resolve this, drink water consistently throughout the day, and try not to go longer than a few hours without eating (even if just a small snack). If you are into fasting, obviously keep hydrated!
-If you do all of the above regularly and STILL have chronic bad breath problems, there is a good chance you could have TONSIL STONES. Honestly, I think many more people have tonsil stones than they realize. I found TonsilStones a while ago, and being grossly satisfied by it, I decided to check if I had any. Lo and behold… I extracted about 10 tiny yellow buggers from the back of my throat with a Qtip and the back of my toothbrush. Guys, they smell FUCKING DISGUSTING. I mean they’re literally chunks of rotten food and foul sulfurous bacteria that have gotten stuck in pockets of your throat. Also now that I know what they smell like I can sort of tell when other people have them too… my mom being the main culprit. Go check out the sub above if you think you may have them (or anyone for that matter) to familiarize yourself with where the tonsil is and how to check if you have them. Protip- mine are quite small and don’t show up open first glance, but if I rub a Qtip up my tonsil they will pop out. They also form a lot faster than you might think, mine come back every few days and I have to extract them regularly.
-Mints, breath sprays, and gums are often marketed (and seen by pop-culture) as cure-alls for bad breath, but honestly imo they’re more of bonuses than subs for good oral hygiene. It’s like what I said about deodorant/perfume earlier, don’t use it on top of an existing problem.
-Mouthwashes with alcohol can further dry out your mouth, which is counterintuitive if you’re trying to reduce bad breath.
-Edit- I forgot about oral probiotics (like the ones specifically for mouth health, not just probiotics taken orally, although those have many benefits too). They help replace the bad smelly bacteria in your mouth with a colony of good, helpful bacteria overtime. This can reduce plaque, bad breath, and even the formation of tonsil stones. read more about it here
Feet/Shoes
-Never wear sneakers without socks. This should also go without saying.
-Be mindful of shoe breathability. Usually the more breathable the shoe, the less likely it is you’re going to have smelly feet when you take your shoes off (due to the buildup of anaerobic bacteria). This is why flip flops and sandals never tend to lead to smelly feet, but sneakers and boots often do. ALSO if you’re in a setting where others are taking off their shoes (ie watching movies on the couch with friends) BE EXTREMELY MINDFUL of your shoe’s breathability before your due the same. I have a pair of ankle-boots that while very chic are not breathable in the slightest (made of rubber) and when I take them off, my feet smell TERRIBLE. I made the mistake of taking them off in the presence of friends once and had to almost immediately put them back on, it was so rank.
-There are some things you can buy to absorb the odors out of smelly shoes, like sneaker balls. Haven’t tried them myself but it’s out there. Baking soda also apparently can do this?
-Always dry feet fully after showering/getting them wet to prevent the development of a nasty, smelly foot fungus.
Vagina/Vulva Area (if you have one)
There is a lot of misinformation surrounding the cleaning of this area. First off, for some basic anatomy, technically the vagina is just the “hole” / tube of expandable muscle (even though culturally we often refer to a woman’s entire genitalia as the “vagina,” this isn’t anatomically correct and can lead to confusion). The VULVA refers to the outside of a woman’s genitalia. The labia are the folds, with the labia minora being the inside folds and the labia majoria referring to the bigger, outside folds where hair can grow. NEVER clean the inside of your VAGINA! It is self-cleaning and you can mess up its delicate pH by doing so. HOWEVER, it IS important to clean your vulva and labia daily or it can get smelly and gross due to smegma. Water, a washcloth, and gentle soap (ie Johnson’s baby wash, dove sensitive, liquid facial soap, etc) can all be used for this task. Be sure to really get in there (especially if you are opting to just use water) to make sure there is no lingering smegma buildup around the tiny folds by the clit. Yes this is gross but it is necessary to talk about because many women (and men) are never taught how to clean themselves down there. Also, if you’re using soap be sure to not get it in the urethra area (ouch!!) and only use it in the outer folds!
-Cleaning with a wet washcloth and a little soap is much more preferable than cleaning with baby wipes, as they can leave a bit of an off scent. However, if you’re in a pinch you’re in a pinch.
-If you’re concerned about smelling funky down there during your period, change your pad/tampon more often instead of using scented hygiene products. Even if deemed “safe” I still think it’s not the best thing to be putting scented things near your sensitive vagina, and you don’t want to be drawing attention to that area anyways with a cloying lavender scent. Vaginas are not supposed to smell like flowers.
-Likewise, vulvas after cleaning should have little to no smell, and smell like skin if anything. After a few hours, the natural “vagina” smell will return, and again this is NATURAL to have a bit of a musky scent down there. It’s a vagina after all.
-HOWEVER, if the smell is way more than just “a bit” musky, or it smells fishy, or anything else way out of the ordinary, it is worth considering that you could have a medical problem going on that needs to be addressed.
-Don’t use douches. Period.
-Edit- u/Baekseoulhui has pointed out that a probiotic supplement can help you smell better down there and have better vaginal health in general. A great tip i didn't even consider. Yay for good bacteria!

Tips that aren’t Hygiene related:

Obviously, most of my tips are about general hygiene to help the average person get to a clean, neutral state where “extras” (perfumes, lotions, et cetera) can be applied. Remember, you need a good base before you can add the garnishes to a plate of food, or the icing to a cake. Same applies with smelling good, and to be honest 90% of the population doesn’t even reach that baseline state!
Hair
-If you can find one that works with your hair care routine, try to opt for a shampoo/conditioner combo that knocks it out of the park in terms of fragrance. The typical drugstore shampoo smell is fine, but if you really want wow factor and that extra layer of scent, this is key. I personally have several favorites, including coconut shampoo/cond combos like this ~it smells so tropical~ and I also always get compliments on my hair smelling nice when I use this shampoo with its respective conditioner. It has a wonderful scent, floral yet delicate and slightly exotic but not overpowering. One time even, a massive fly wouldn’t leave my head alone because it thought my hair was a flower!
-Try to use haircare products that are pleasantly scented as well. For example, LUSH sea salt hair spray smells so wonderfully intoxicating to me with its blend of neroli and orange blossom
Perfumes, Body Mists, etc
-Understand the difference between a perfume, a eau de parfum, a eau de toilette, and a body mist. Perfumes / “parfum” are very intense and a small bit goes a long way. A eau de parfum is slightly less intense, followed by a eau de toilette, and so on. SEE HERE. A “body mist” is usually a less expensive scent product (think the big spray bottles at bath and body works or Victoria’s secret) that is meant to be sprayed several times around the body as it isn’t too strong.
-Know where to put fragrances. Target spots include wrists, neck, behind the ears, and chest. Body mists of course can go over the entirety of the body.
-Understand that everyone’s bodies have different chemistry, and just because it smells good on someone else or in the bottle, doesn’t mean it’s going to smell good on you. Testing it on yourself is absolutely necessary to see if it works on you and how long it stays.
-NEVER buy a full-sized perfume without testing a sample on yourself for a week or so. Again, you can’t know for sure if it will be a good fit with your body no matter how many good reviews it gets online. Plus perfume lasts A WHILE. The big ones take years to use up… if you’re experimenting with beauty and fashion (especially in your teen years) don’t make that big of a purchase until you’re 100% sure you’re in love with a fragrance.
-There are many ways to acquire free 0.5 oz samples of perfumes that you want to experiment with. I’ve gotten them just by walking around department stores in high end malls and sometimes they’ll have little bins out with a few types of fragrance samples (looks like this) you can take for free! I also have had luck ordering samples online for free (often by searching thru freebies, or looking on the perfume’s website directly). Also it’s always worth asking the employee behind the counter for a take home sample if possible. Some stores, like LUSH, are really good about this and the samples are surprisingly big.
-For more information on the best brands and specific perfume scents, go check out fragrance!
Body: Lotions, shower gels, body conditioners, etc
-These are a good way to layer fragrances around your body so you can add depth to your signature scent or daily smell.
-I love LUSH, and I think their body products due a great job of incorporating more “adult” scents into them (as opposed to a place like Bath and Body works, which basically has two types of scent: toothache-inducingly sweet sugar or orgy in the florist’s shop floral). Some of my favorites include Rose Jam shower jel (I have gotten compliments from an entire room of people after showering with this), Sleepy lotion (lavender), and Charity pot lotion (ylang ylang, cocoa butter, plus 100% of proceeds donated). Lush Massage bars are also underrated in terms of their fragrance capabilities, and they are packaging free too. Of those, Each Peach, Soft Coer, and Tender is the Night smell really good.
Clothes/Detergents
-Couldn’t decide if this is personal hygiene related or not, I suppose the bare minimum is (ie having clean clothes) but extra scents would be more of this category.
-If you want a clean, neutral base to start with, obviously wash your clothes in detergent that is labelled as “for sensitive skin” or “unscented.” However, for people who prefer to have a more low-maintenance fragrance routine, a scented detergent can be a good tool in the arsenal that’s not extra work. Beware however, some might not be your thing so be sure to test them out (by smelling at the store if you can, or buying a smaller package to start with). There are some nice scents it seems, like lavender, which I haven’t tried personally. Dryer sheets as well can be used to similar effects.
-To avoid musty smelling laundry, try putting dried floral or herb sachets in with your socks, underwear, or shirt drawers. Lavender or rosemary ones are classics.
Lips
-Lipsticks, glosses, and balms are touted for their colors/visual effects, but the impact of their scents (on other people, not just the wearer) is quite understated. I can usually tell if someone talking to me at close range has recently applied a scented lip product, and often it can be quite a pleasant experience if what they have on smells nice. No recommendations here, as there’s just so many to pick from, but it’s worth noting. This goes hand in hand with the breath section. Also lip glosses seem to be the most strong-smelling (to the observer, not necessarily the wearer) imo.

OVERALL TIPS & REMINDERS

-Don’t go overboard with fragrances. Perfumes and cologne lovers especially are frequent perpetrators of this, as we often go “nose-blind” (not to sound like that one fucking commercial) to smells that are on/around our bodies for long periods of time. Again, see the guide to fragrance intensities I put above.
-You don’t need a scented deodorant + scented detergent + smelly body wash + lotion + perfume + sugary lip gloss all at once to smell good. This is why sometimes it’s good to have neutrals, when it comes to things like deodorant or lotion even, if you are into perfumes and mists and want to experiment with that instead. HOWEVER, blending fragrances is an art of sorts and can be done, especially highlighting different scents on different parts of the body. Just be mindful of what works well together (on your body and in general) and don’t mix obvious opposites like a saccharine cherry lip balm with a musky oud perfume.
-There’s nothing wrong with wanting to smell like, well, nothing. As I mentioned earlier, many people don’t even make it that far… foul body odors can be smelt anywhere where there’s a large gathering of people. That’s why personal hygiene tips make up 60% of this post. Also, strong fragrances can bother some peoples’ skin or noses and cause headaches. So be mindful of those around you, like if any family members have smell sensitivities.
If I’ve forgotten anything, be sure to add it in the comments below! I’d love to learn more about maximizing hygiene and fragrances as obviously it’s something I’m passionate about… I didn’t even mean to write this long of a post!
Edit 1- Formatting
Edit 2- added probiotics under breath and vaginal health categories.

I've just been consolidating the information I wanted when I started learning the "how to do TCD" rather than the science behind it. I wanted to use this to contribute to the very empty wiki on the right hand side... but it was suggested to put it in a post instead
So pasted here - hope it helps others :)Most of it is copied from Brad's site... but as mentioned it was just my own notes (and have found myself telling numerous people about it but finding it hard to just point to a summary!)

The Croissant Diet

To do The Croissant Diet, you must seek out only the most saturated fat (SFA) sources, use minimal monounsaturated fat (MUFA) and avoid polyunsaturated fat (PUFA) like the plague.
A high fat diet which allows starch and carbohydrates and the theory is that the fats used should be very high in long chain saturated fat and a near elimination of vegetable oils - including in foods that have ‘hidden’ vegetable oils such as pork and chicken fat!
The reason it’s called The Croissant Diet (TCD) is that the original inspiration study had rats eating a macronutrient ratio of 18% protein with 40 percent fat and 42% carbohydrate, with most (85%) of the fat being stearic acid which to the founder of TCD Brad Marshall (who is a French trained Chef) equated to ratios for croissants!
The theory is based on work done by Peter from Hyperlipid.
Backstory of The Croissant Diet in detail -
https://fireinabottle.net/introducing-the-croissant-diet/
List of Stearic Acid Fats that work for TCD - looking for a ratio of Long Chain Saturated Fats to Unsaturated fats of 0.73 or higher. *Table is from the Fire In a Bottle site

	Ratio	Stearic Acid
Coconut Oil	2.83	2.5%
Stearic Acid Enhanced Butter Oil	2.53	27%
Wild Elk Backfat	1.86	23%
Cocoa Butter	1.53	33%
Butter	1.47	10%
Beef Tallow (USDA)	1.00	19%
Beef fat from a Ribeye Steak	0.80	13%
Lard (From a pig I raised, wheat finished)	0.73	??

Spreadsheet of F/N ratio foods (ie which fats are best for stearic acid) https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1kTv3Fq44m6b1lBhWmqOXKMXQvB5W5vdUmojfprzAdKM/edit?usp=sharing

What To Eat

• Butter
• Ghee
• Stearic acid enhanced butter oil
• Beef Tallow
• Cocoa butter
• heavy cream.
• Full fat dairy. Sour cream, Full fat yogurt, full fat cheeses, triple creme.
• Purified starches like white flour, white rice, masa flour or pasta. Starches do a marvelous job of absorbing saturated fats.
• Popcorn. Popcorn can absorb a ton of butter! Of course you have to pop it yourself on the stove with butter or stearic acid enhanced butter oil.
• Peeled potatoes
• Eggs, especially egg yolks
• Ruminant meat. Beef, goat and lamb.
• Lean Meats like chicken breast or sliced ham.
• Vegetables sauteed in butter
• Organ meats and Pate
• Seafood
• Bone broth
• Head cheese - a terrine or meat jelly often made with flesh from the head of a calf or pig, or less commonly a sheep or cow, and often set in aspic .
• Dark Chocolate
• Zero sugar alcohols like dry wine or whiskey. Sugar free alcohol barely generates an insulin response and it produces ROS and so helps to knock out insulin signalling. Alcohol consumption leads to high levels of free fatty acids – a sign that your mitochondria are in fat burning mode. I want to reiterate that I’m not encouraging anyone to increase their alcohol consumption but if it’s already part of your routine, you can keep it.

Foods to Avoid

• Commercial Salad Dressing
• Olive Oil
• Avocado Oil
• Avocados and Olives. Did you ever notice that many olives in the US are packed in other vegetable oils? It’s SO misleading.
• All Vegetable Oils – Soybean, Corn, Canola, Safflower, Sunflower, Hemp, Flax, etc.
• Mayonnaise
• Aioli
• Sauces like ranch dip for crudities that are served at every work lunch and social get together. Also blue cheese dressing at restaurants.
• Anything Fried or sauteed in a restaurant
• Nuts
• Oily seeds like edamame or peanuts.
• Peanut butter and nut butters.
• Whole grains. I understand that this flies in the face of conventional wisdom and I’ll get pushback on it. But the fact is the French eat white flour and Chinese and Indian peasants eat white rice. It’s a lot of trouble to convert the whole grains into the purified products. They do this for a reason: removing the bran and germ removes the polyunsaturated fats and lectins from the grains.
• Low fat dairy. It raises insulin levels and I don’t really see the purpose.
• Plant based meats. These are inevitably high in vegetable oil.
• Bacon, (I’m sorry!) lard and pork fat unless you know it was finished on a low fat grain like barley, wheat or peas without using any full fat protein sources such as soybeans. Old fashioned heritage breed hogs have firmer fat but diet trumps everything. If the pig is well finished, the rendered lard or bacon fat will be a firm solid at room temperature. You’ll be able to make a depression in it with your finger but it’ll require some pressure.
• Chicken fat, which also means skin-on chicken and chicken wings, especially deep fried ones from a restaurant. But even more especially the veggie oil based “blue cheese” they’re served with.
• Most commercially produced pastries/cookies/crackers. They always seem to find a way to slip some veggie oil in there. Sometimes it’s a small enough amount that you can live with it if the cracker is to be used as a vessel for cheese. If you can find a pure butter croissant from a local baker, you are ahead of the game.
• Artificial sweeteners. Artificial sweeteners raise insulin levels about as much as sugar does, and the traditional French wouldn’t eat them. If you REALLY need something sweet, why not just use a little regular sugar? Don’t overdo it, of course.

Reading a label

What you are looking for in terms of what to eat.
Equal amounts of fat and carbs or maybe a little more carbs. More than half the fat is saturated.
In a Croissant the ratio of fat calories to carbohydrate calories is about two to one.
Fat contains 9 calories per gram - you want half or more of the fat to be saturated.
Carbohydrate contains 4 calories per gram
Avoid/minimise PUFAs (polyunsaturated fatty acids)
Look for the line about Fat and try and make sure Saturated Fat is at least ½ the fat in the product -- or make up for it in other foods.
Calories from carbohydrates should be equalish to the number of grams of fat.

Brad’s eating rhythm - standard

On day one I would eat a breakfast sandwich – a toasted, buttered stearic-acid-butter croissant with egg, cheese and sausage around 10 am. I’d feel a little hunger pang around 1 pm. It was august and there were a lot of plums around, so maybe I’d eat a plum, which would get my blood sugar back up with a minimal effect on insulin. After that I’d be fine until 7 pm. I’d eat another sandwich, perhaps a toasted stearic-acid-butter croissant with marinara, melted cheese and pepperoni. Sometimes I’d try to eat two but I usually couldn’t get through more than one and a half. On day two I wouldn’t be hungry in the morning so I wouldn’t eat. I’d typically have a “breakfast” croissant around 3pm.

Stearic Acid Butter

Stearic Acid and Butteroil can be purchased at Fire In a Bottle / Brad’s site - https://fireinabottle.net/shop-for-metabolic-enhancement-products/
You can make the stearic acid butteroil yourself - 1) melt butter, 2) add stearic and let it melt, 3) let it cool.

Lower Carb Versions of TCD

Carnivore / Zero Carb

• Beef and Lamb (and other ruminants)
• Eggs (Egg whites in particular) - pastured is best
• Butter / Ghee / Cream
• Cheese
• Stearic Acid enhanced butter and ghee
• Lean parts of chicken, pork with added saturated fats

Keto

• Beef and Lamb (and other ruminants)
• Eggs (Egg whites in particular) - pastured is best
• Butter / Ghee / Cream
• Cheese
• Stearic Acid enhanced butter and ghee
• Lean parts of chicken, pork with added saturated fats
• Cacao butter
• Dark Chocolate
• Coconut products (this is still a bit questionable in terms of exact effects)
• Berries (blueberries, strawberries etc)
• Vegetables (the usual keto ones!)

Low Carb

• Beef and Lamb (and other ruminants)
• Eggs (Egg whites in particular) - pastured is best
• Butter / Ghee / Cream
• Cheese
• Stearic Acid enhanced butter and ghee
• Lean parts of chicken, pork with added saturated fats
• Cacao butter
• Dark Chocolate
• Coconut products (this is still a bit questionable in terms of exact effects)
• Crispbreads with no/minimal PUFAs e.g. Cruskits
• Butter Croissants (did you know they are about 20-30g carbs!)
• Fruit (Limit)
• Vegetables
• Sourdough or other breads (Limit)

​
Edit: added Lower Carb Versions

And I have not had a real pimple since the quarantine began in March. It would have been much longer than that, but I foolishly tried a chemical exfoliator earlier this year and caused a breakout.
So, some backstory: I have an odd skin type that’s dry and acne prone. I always had to balance the idea of washing my face often to fight the acne and washing too much for my dry skin. I even tried not really washing my face for weeks, but found once a day with baby shampoo was the best thing. The mild formula cleans your skin and doesn’t strip away the natural oils. I use basic Johnson’s. It’s also cheap and easy to find, which are big pluses.
Like most people who struggled with acne, the hardest part is figuring out which combination works best together. It took me so long to figure out each part of my routine because I had to keep rotating out each part and going back and forth to old products. Sometime it would be okay for the first month and then I would breakout. It was beyond annoying and very deflating at times.
But I saw great results every time I rotated in shea butter. It’s popular because it does not clog pores at all. My dry skin also appreciates the buttery texture. It feels like it’s absorbing into my skin without feeling heavy. I’ve always used cocoa butter for my body all my life, so it was also a natural match. (Cocoa butter does clog pores, so I would never recommend for the face.)
And that’s basically it. The simpler I went, the better results I had.
Full routine looks like this:
In the morning, I only rinse my face with water to rehydrate my skin and the apply a thin layer of shea butter.
When I take a shower at night, I wash my wash with baby shampoo and apply shea butter.
I have a towel only for my face and change out my pillow cases regularly, though changing the pillow cases alone never gave me noticeable results. I suppose it’s more of a habit thing at this point.
As I said earlier, I tried incorporating a chemical exfoliator earlier this year, but it made me break out and I’ve since moved to a simple rotating scrub with just water. I do that about twice a week. Only been doing it for a couple weeks now, but I think it’s going to work out.
The best part is the old acne spots are fading without new old taking their place. I’m hoping in a year my skin would be the clearest I can remember.
Now, I may be pushing my luck, but I’d like to start using a nighttime cream. I think I’ll give it another month or two before that though. Don’t want to spoil a good thing.