125 TOP Best JOKER Quotes With Images Wallpaper

[This was written before Melody of Memory has come out so that game will not be included.]
Kingdom Hearts 2.8 Backcover is the first instance that we meet the Master of Masters ourselves without anyone else’s perspective of events and see him as an individual character. From the get-go, the Master of Masters (or MoM as I will be addressing him throughout this theory for simplicity sake) is immediately addressed with heavy respect from his title alone. But, Chirithy also makes sure to mention his “mischievous” nature that we see a lot of throughout all of his appearances from here on. Due to the Master of Masters only being included and planned from Backcover onwards, it definitely seems more than coincidental that all of his similarities to Sora take place in the games technically made after Backcover which I will discuss; Backcover itself, KHX and KHUX, 0.2, KH3 and ReMind.
Both Sora and MoM are introduced as joker, light-hearted characters who use humour to lighten dark situations and comfort people. They hold themselves lightly and make fun of themselves to make others laugh or to lighten the dark of a situation. Sora did this when he comforted Riku by pulling a funny face (“how am I going to face everyone?!”/“like this?”) in KH2 while MoM pretended to question if Invi cared about him when she was overthinking things and getting worried about the events to come (“do you… want me to go?!”
Comparison of MoM And Sora gestures in KH3 & ReMind
Both characters share several of the same gestures and body movements, with Sora copying a lot of MoM’s gestures especially in KH3 and ReMind. Both hold their arms behind their heads, tilt their heads or even bodies sideways playfully and poke things to name a few shows off their playful, animated gestures. Both use their right hands when using the Keyblade with Sora holding his in his right hand and MoM summons No Name with his right hand to give it to Luxu.
Along with these personality and movement similarities, we also have the infamous Gazing Eye' glitch found in KH ReMind that 'definitely calls this theory into question. Why does a glitch like this only happen with Young Xehanort, whom we know MoM interacted and met with? Why does it only happen when Young Xehanort uses his time alteration powers if this was simply a glitch in the texture of Sora and the Gazing Eye's eye? Would that not mean that this could be triggered at any other time? And why is it so cleanly done if not to be intentional? This 'glitch' appears perfectly on Sora's eye and doesn't affect any other texture on Sora. If Sora was in fact MoM, would it not make sense for his possibly clairvoyant/prediction abilities to be affected by Young Xehanort affecting time? This would be too difficult go be a simple visual glitch or error of the engine given how the texture of the Gazing Eye appears in both of Sora's eyes perfectly, as well as appearing bloodshot since there would be no reason for Sora's eyes to use the bloodshot texture AND the Gazing eye texture together.

‘Gazing Eye Glitch‘ from KH3 Limit Cut Fight against Young Xehanort
Speaking of Sora’s eyes, this also brings me back to the pre-KH3 release conspiracy theory about Sora’s eye colour changing to green throughout the trailers which people passed off as being the reflections of the environment. This happened several times throughout the game and seemingly meant nothing, but when you consider who Sora was interacting his eye colour changed, him possibly being the MoM explains this. The first time we see this is in Mount Olympus, when Sora meets with Xigbar for the first time since DDD and we see Sora’s eyes have strong green tint compared to Hercules, who also has bright blue eyes that don’t seem to be affected by the lighting. Maybe only the KH original models are affected for some reason? Xigbar’s eyes are also not affected, while yellow, which would definitely show given how intense Sora’s are. Xigbar, is Luxu, so one could assume that anyone connected to MoM would make Sora’s eyes react, yes? Again, we see Sora’s eye go green with others as well. In Kingdom Of Corona, Sora’s eyes are once again green and while it it way greener here than Olympus, Marluxia’s—or Lauriam, who MoM choose as a Dandelion leader and survivor of the war—eyes once again are not affected, nor are any other characters’ like Rapunzel, Flynn, or Mother Gothel. Only Sora. We see this again with Ven when Vanitas is going to kill Aqua in the land of Departure and Sora wakes Ventus up from inside him, Sora’s eyes go green while no one else’s, including Ven and Aqua both of whom have blue eyes, have their eyes affected. And the final past character that is directly tied to the MoM through the dandelions and Sora whose presence affects Sora’s eyes is Ephemer in the Keyblade Graveyard. Ephemer has no reason to come to Sora here, compared to Ventus who he knew in canon and had every reason to help but let die in the previous ending, given that they do not know one another beyond Ventus. And as the camera zooms into Sora, Sora’s eyes gain a slight green tint to his eyes before the centre of his eyes change to a light, greenish blue that is very similar to another Name’s Gazing eye and focuses on his eye not only here, but once Sora snaps back to reality and focuses on the reflection of all the dead keyblades helping them. Here, Sora’s eyes are green again the exact same way that his eyes were green interacting with XigbaLuxu and Marluxia/Lauriam, both of whom were tied to the MoM. The green tint and highlight of the colour around his iris is identical to that of the Gazing Eye in No Name, with the environments and how others reacting to them in each of these worlds showing that these events and only these affect solely Sora’s eyes, proving that this is not just a simple light reflection but something done intentionally to Sora’s eyes.
Comparision of Sora’s eye colour shift when around XigbaLuxu, Marluxia/Lauriam, and Ventus and how they’re eyes are not affected.
Sora’s eyes when meeting Ephemer
Comparison of Gazing Eye and Sora’s eyes
Beyond physical and personality similarities, both Sora and MoM share another quality with only one other individual in the entirety of the KH cast; they are the only ones aside from Xehanort to have held and been the apparent wielder of the X-Blade. While we never see him with it, Nomura confirmed that MoM had had the X-Blade at one point and studied it to create the Keyblade that everyone in KHX used. He used the X-Blade as an example and managed to figure out, through studying it, how to extract the light/power from people’s hearts and shaped their Keyblades which he then trained the Foretellers with. As well as the X-Blade, MoM also had a sort of authority over Kingdom Hearts as well as Ira mentioned that he had given them Keyblades to protect Kingdom Hearts and Ava tried to warn Gula away from summoning Kingdom Hearts since MoM had said it was “forbidden”. Gula decided to try and summon Kingdom Hearts in order to force the MoM to return to set them straight, showing that he held a sense of cautious as well towards it and decided to not use it and lock it away instead. Given that the MoM’s word was seen as gospel, this was more than likely a serious warning and order. And what do we see by the end of Kingdom Hearts 3? Sora, earning the X-Blade and telling Xehanort that using it is wrong and that no one should use its power to change destiny, before closing it to keep the worlds safe. Both characters—with only Xehanort as the other wielder of the X-Blade and exception of this mindset—had this power and chose to not use it but instead locked it away from using it for their own gains.
Both of these characters also shared the same philosophy of destiny despite the power they hold; Sora, who has challenged and even changed his friends’ doomed fates claims that a true leader knows that destiny “beyond his control” and “accepts that”, something that makes no sense with how much he has changed his own destiny and the events written in the Book Of Prophecy. However, the Master of Masters shares these ideals and believes not in changing what is meant to happen, but rather in preparing for what happens after that in order to secure the best aftermath. Why would Sora believe in this given his past, if not to draw similarities between himself and MoM?
Comparison of Sora’s speech to Xehanort and MoM’s speech to Ira about destiny
The Book Of Prophecies, as depicted in Backcover, also shares connections to what we assume to be the timeline of events surrounding not the the events of Backcover and the Keyblade war, but rather the events of the entire game series timeline. We see MoM looking at the Book of Prophecies through the Cases of the different Foretellers and Luxu, as well as Ira later on in the movie which we can use to create a basic ‘timeline’ of events based on imagery depicted.
We see the MoM look through throughout Backcover, with the ‘Case of Gula’ showing what seems to be the earliest part of the book we see with an illustration of a darkside heartless and a keyblade which would either be the Kingdom Key or Kingdom Key D, placing the beginning of the book at the first Kingdom Hearts game. The reason I think this takes place during KH1 rather than 0.2 is the Sora’s crown emblem being on the page previous to a Darkside heartless, seeming to signify Sora and then his first battle against the darkness either on his Station of Awakening or Destiny Islands, as well as these pages appearing to be nearing the middle of the book which would make sense given that Sora only entered the canon timeline after the whole Fairytale Saga, BBS and 0.2 took place. Then, we see the next page with an image of a shadow heartless, both which Sora fights on Destiny Islands after getting the keyblade and then in Traverse Town where he learns about the darkness or could simply represent all heartless as the most recognisable heartless. The page after this shows another Keyblade which looks like the Kingdom Key again, while the next page is the infamous ‘traitor’ that the MoM rips out and gives to Gula and the page after holding another illustration of Sora’s crown emblem. Given the pacing of events based on the concept of this book depicting the events of Sora’s experiences in KH1, the page detailing the ‘traitor’ may in fact be talking about Riku and his betrayal of Sora by accepting Maleficent's help. The MoM’s wording seems to support this, by telling Gula to “find the traitor hidden among you and stop them before it’s too late”, through Sora eventually learning of Riku’s fall to darkness and possession by Ansem before stopping Riku-Ansem and saving the worlds.
Pages of Book Of Prophecies mentioned in order about from Backcover
This causes us to question exactly how would the MoM know of Sora's first adventure given that his eye, at this point, hasn't even seen Sora yet? The only logical answer? Because he lived it.
During the ‘Case of Aced’; when Aced, who acts a lot like Sora in KH1, is angry at Ira being chosen to be the new leader and was constantly in Ira's shadow, much like how Sora was undermined by Riku who was seen as the better of the two and originally chosen first by the keyblade. These corresponding at the same time suggests a connection to KH1, Sora, and Aced. Even their whole discussion over why Aced shouldn't be leader seems to, much like his discussion with Invi over keeping up "otherwise you'll be left behind, all alone" seems to cause an unconscious reaction from the MoM. "I know you want it, but that just isn't enough. Any chump can say, 'You! Here's a huge promotion. Good job!' and make you head honcho, but enthusiasm alone doesn't make a great leader." The way this is worded, especially with "great" and not just "good" suggests he has a basis for it, similar to how Sora saw Riku as being better than him. His following line "Ira needs someone like you to give him a push in the right direction" is spoken with anger or bitterness, as if the MoM understood Aced's annoyance at being considered second and feeling similarly in the past, as if he had to act supportive and push someone who was considered better than him in the 'right direction' before. But, his "you need to support Ira'' line is spoken sternly, acting as though he knows from experience that someone like Ira would need the more emotional support of someone like Aced, who uses his heart to decide things rather than "always just thinking and thinking and thinking behind that Unicorn mask of his" as Ira does. Everything said in this scene definitely parallels Sora and his emotions in the first KH game up until Sora decided that his friends were his power and that he didn’t need the keyblade to be strong, something that the MoM understands and acts sympathetic towards Aced about while trying to push him towards the same idea; "you might not be entirely happy with your role, but just know that it's the most important one." There is also a sense of symbolism in this scene with the MoM using his hand to cover the Kingdom Key when telling Aced that he will be Ira’s right hand man, possibly paralleling back to Sora’s own sense of being overshadowed by Riku.
Other connections these two share include the emphasis of their bond with Dream eaters and the Wreck-It Ralph summon from KH3. Both of these two characters show a stronger connection to Dream Eaters than any other characters, with MoM being the ‘creator’ of the Chirithy dream eaters which hold a deep connection to their owners’ hearts and are affected by their owners’ state given that these dreams eaters, like when Sora fell into darkness, fall into darkness with their masters and become nightmares. And what is Sora’s nightmare in DDD? A figure in a dark coat with purple and pink colours and a dark dream eater symbol on their back, much like the MoM and his black coat and the Chirithy nightmare we see in Backcover and KHUX.

Nightmare Chirithy Forms

Anti Black Coat from DDD

Chirithy Dream Eater
The design of the normal Chirithy is also bizarre given how, unlike every other dream eater, it has very calming, less vibrant colours compared to the likes of Meow Meow and the other dream eaters from DDD. Chirithy is small in stature but absolutely loyal to their master, to the point of falling into darkness with them to try and help them. Their fur is a grey-ish silver, with bright blue eyes, a blue and cream collared cape, as well as holding a pink pouch with what appears to be lux or a wayfinder around its neck. It’s design is made of a plush, toy-like texture and it has no mouth. Seemingly made by the MoM artificially somehow (much like how Sora would create Dream eaters in DDD), he describes them as “like cats or dogs, and they’ll be your loyal pet.” Unlike its original reveal, Backcover immediately tells us that these are not naturally made creatures but are made by the MoM as he shows it to the Foretellers in a scientific beaker and the Dream Eater theme plays, which directly matches how Sora and Riku would make them in DDD. The reason I call this to attention is due to both how much it reminds me of Riku, with its silver fur and loyalty, as well as Kairi with its pink pouch and blue eyes. It would make sense that, in order to make a loyal creature, Sora would combine qualities of his best friends into a single form. We never see anyone else, aside from the TWEWY gang, use Dream eaters aside from Sora and Riku. And what happens at the end of DDD and directly after in 0.2? Sora visits his dream eaters and misses the others going on their missions for KH3 due to the fact that he “likes to say goodbye to all his friends”. Meaning that Sora, unlike Riku who never uses Dream Eaters after DDD, values these creatures as much as his human friends and even uses them as a summon in KH3, meaning even in the real world he still has power over them.
Along with dream eaters acting as a summon, we see several characters from past games that Sora has met who help in battle throughout KH3, from Simba to Ariel to Meow Meow and the other dream eaters. However, there is also another summon who appears, that Sora has not interacted with at all during the series; Wreck-It Ralph. Wreck-It Ralph, by KH3, has not appeared at all in the series and has never met Sora. But, he has eventually appeared in the series since. In KHUX, we learn that the Dandelions are trapped in a data Daybreak Town by what we assume to be the MoM and Ephemer and the player character manage to travel to another world; the world of Sugar Rush from Wreck-It Ralph where they meet Wreck-It Ralph and Vanellope. The fact that Sora is able to call upon Ralph, who has only appeared in the series through the Master of Master’s computer, definitely hints at a connection between these characters and would explain Ralph’s sudden appearance in KH3.
Wreck-It Ralph summon in KH3
Wreck-It Ralph in KHUX
Now, knowing Nomura, there is also a good chunk of symbolism we can look to that hints towards these two being one in the same. In the opening for Kingdom Hearts 3, we are introduced with Sora’s opening quote “they can take your world, they can take your heart, cut you loose from all you know. But, if it’s your fate? Then every step forward, will always be one step closer to home.” Nomura has confirmed that this quote is Sora’s thoughts after the events of KH3 and follows his change of attitude towards destiny much like his speech about destiny. The actual opening begins with an image of Sora, alone, standing in The Final World and looking out towards the breaking light of morning—daybreak. These two scenes come across as very similar, focusing on Sora/MoM gazing out towards the daybreak sky littered with dark clouds (symbolism for the troubling times ahead ?) as they both proclaim a speech about destiny and talk about how what is to come is inevitable but the aftermath and how they handle that or what happens after is what is actually important. Both know of the hardships ahead; “A great war shall transpire. Darkness will prevail and the light expire”/ “they can take your world, take your heart, cut you loose from all you know.”, but decide to look ahead to the future with hope; “we have to focus on what comes after, there’s no point focusing on events that we know are going to happen!”/ “but if it's your fate, then every step forward will always be one step closer to home”.
Comparision of Sora’s opening speech in KH3 and MoM’s speech on Darkness Prevailing and Light Expiring in Backcover
This opening scene quickly skips to night, traditioning to Young Xehanort staring at the night sky before seeing a purple light that represents his pull to darkness, suggesting the passage of time given it focuses on the sky shifting to these times. Having Sora be shown before Xehanort is suggestive enough, acting as though he came before Xehanort, while daybreak connects to the MoM's home of Daybreak Town. In recent time, the importance of the sky and its colour was given significance with the box-art showing it shifting from daytime to twilight to nighttime and finally daybreak with the foretellers looming ahead on the 2.8 box-art. A note to make is that this happens in the KH3 box-art also, with all the skies forming an x-shape with Sora square in the middle - Sora is connected to all of these skies and as a result, holds some connection to all these different times that those skies represent. Sora, and his entry into the series, has always been represented by daytime, so to include him at Daybreak, which may represent the death of night (Xehanort) and the birth of a new day (new saga for the series), it could also represent Sora himself coming far before any other character in the series. The end of the opening features Sora’s friends joining him, but it is now daytime.
Ending image of Sora now in daytime The Final World and then when his friends appear

2.8 Game Box Art

KH3 Box Art
Xehanort moving his pieces to mark the actions of the villains throughout the games as everything leads up to KH3 and him making his way to Sora and surrounding him with his darknesses. When the prophecy comes to pass, he claims victory, only for Eraqus to pull the biggest cheaters' move in the book and the Dandelions save Sora once he reverses time. The Dandelions are led and their keyblades seemingly summoned by Emphemer, who asks Sora if he wants help... but why? Why would these ancient, dead keyblade wielders help Sora who has no connection to them aside from Ven who was easily murdered by Terranort in the previous timeline? Why would Emphemer, who is apparently long dead, appear to Sora and offer him help? And why, when Sora gazed up in surprise at the Keyblades and their Deux-ex Machina rescue, did his eyes have a green tint to them despite the dry, orange landscape around them much like how they changed to a green-blue colour, much like that of No Name, when confronted by the likes of Xigbar and Marluxia? Why have a close-up shot of his eyes especially? This reason also explains why Sora’s eyes don’t react to Larxene, Luxord or Demyx; they were not Dandelions or as connected to MoM as the Lauriam, Ventus and Ephemer.
The symbolism of the chess pieces continues to the end of the opening, when we see Sora still alone against the daybreak sky, holding Xehanort's piece while Young Xehanort a moment before stared at Sora's lone piece. Untouched. But alone. The symbolism of how, in the end, Sora is at the start of time and Xehanort is his pawn? How he was the one in control while Xehanort couldn't touch Sora? Because he had help from the past.
Comparison of Xehanort not being able to touch Sora’s chess piece and Sora having Xehanort in his palm.
Continuing into ReMind, the subject of names becomes very important with the introduction of Yozora. Back in the Final World after his first “death”, Sora met with a nameless star who told Sora of Yozora but we the audience did not hear his name but saw Sora’s reaction of shock. This is very important due to the emphasis put on a name three other times during KH3 and ReMind. After waking up, Ventus meets Sora for the first time face to face and seemingly surprised that Sora is Sora. This is very similar to Yozora and Sora's first meeting in ReMind, where Yozora is surprised and believes that Sora is lying about being Sora. What is most important is the emphasis of Sora's name in a sense that Yozora knows of 'Sora' and believes that Sora is falsely using this name; "Why are you using Sora's name" but also knows about Sora given his task to 'save Sora'; "I went through some trials and was told to 'save Sora'." The phrasing of this scene suggests that Yozora knew Sora, not our Sora but rather another Sora, but not physically given that he immediately thought that Sora was lying about his name. While it is based on the context of Sora looking like Vanitas, I think this goes beyond that simple connection due to the shift of Sora’s eye colour in this scene. If we use Blank Points as an example, which was meant to be considered the canon ending of BBS (however 0.2 does make some question if it was retconned due to Aqua learning Sora’s name earlier in 0.2 while meant to have first learnt it in Blank Points much later) which KH3 tries to establish with Aqua and Ansem the Wise already being together by the time Aqua appears in the game, then Ventus should technically already know Sora’s name. And yet, they make sure to draw focus to it here again, much like how Yozora is also confused by Sora being “Sora”.
comparison between Ventus emphasising Sora’s name and Yozora emphasising Sora’s name.
The framing of Yozora revealing that how he looks like here is not what he actually looks like lingers on Sora for a good moment, suggesting that perhaps those words apply to both of them. While many have theorised that Sora is also the name of Yozora’s girlfriend from Verum Rex, I don’t think this is the case due to how he phrases his question of Sora using his name. If Yozora knew another Sora personally, like as a girlfriend or significant other, then the phrasing of this conversation is wrong and he would have reacted to Sora mentioning “that girl”. This whole exchange is phrased to make us question both Sora’s name and appearance, as if Yozora is talking of another Sora that looks different than our Sora that he was told about… perhaps he was told of a fully grown man and so is confused as to why Sora here is a fifteen year old boy? That would explain the MoM’s comment about “the truth is what you see with your eyes, not what you hear”. We see Sora and Yozora in these forms, this is what these characters appear to us, but to them they appear differently. Yozora doesn’t know Sora as what he sees him as—a confused teenager—in this scene, while Sora perceives Yozora as a fictional, video game character and not a real person. Our reality, what we know as the truth for these characters, is how they appear, not what they are telling us. The emphasis of fate and destiny is brought up once again here, much like Sora’s KH3 opening speech and MoM’s acceptance of the prophecy, with Yozora being convinced that it was fate that brought them together suggests that this “fate” is the planned aftermath that MoM was talking about and that Sora was convinced would lap help him get closer to home.
The emphasis on names being known by characters but not by the audience through Yozora having heard about Sora, Sora having heard about Yozora through the Nameless Star, and Young Xehanort hearing about the MoM’s name that he recognises can’t be a simple coincidence. These scenes are all included to emphasise Sora’s name and others are shocked to hear it, just as Sora was first used to show shock at Yozora’s name in KH3 before these ReMind scenes.
The reason these situations are important is due to one of the first few scenes of ReMind, where we witness Young Xehanort meeting with the MoM in the Keyblade Graveyard sometime after he returned and lost his memories of the future at the end of DDD and before his Mark of Mastery. In this scene, we see the MoM claim that “the truth is what you see with your eyes, not what you hear.” Which carries over as we see Young Xehanort ask for his name and hear it, appearing shocked at whatever the name was, while we the audience don’t hear it. This scene is identical to that of Lea remembering Xion through Kairi but not being able to remember everything, suggesting that this effect symbolises when someone remembers something that should’ve been erased from their memory. The emphasis of Young Xehanort claiming that he recognises the Organisation’s coat and knowing that he will wear it in the future supports this, as he was not meant to remember the events of DDD but clearly does. This means that Young Xehanort recognises the MoM’s name, much like Axel with Xion, but unlike with Axel seeing a hazy vision of Xion instead of Kairi, the MoM only sees the light due to the MoM’s face being blocked by the MoM’s hood. And, due to the forgotten person seeming to need to be important to the person who forgot to trigger those erased memories, we have to assume that whoever’s name the MoM told him must have been important enough to him for it to trigger these memories. Perhaps… the last person he talked to before being dragged back to the past and had his memories erased?
Young Xehanort talking time Sora before having his memory erased compared to him being shocked at MoM’s name.
All of these pieces of evidence that I’ve put here are, to my knowledge, from my own research that I decided to put together into a big theory to get people talking about this theory since I really enjoy this theory and wanted to get some enjoyment from this.

Talking about random stuff: Day 96

The Dark Kingdom Royal Family/Why Ralsei Is Alone/The Knight Discussion

12.z Speculation

I'm not sure if this is an unusually confusing chapter or I was just tired while reading it - probably both. Regardless I'm going to do an immediate re-read (which I don't usually do,) to try and draw out some insights I missed the first time.
This is gonna generate a lot more commentary than I usually have so I figure I may as well write it down.

Interlude – 12.z

As many people have pointed out, it looks like we're in for one of Wildbow's patented format screws.
That presumably involves is getting firm evidence in advance that March is going to succeed and do something to the temporal anomalies. I like that; it takes the sense we already have that Match is obviously going to succeed for narrative reasons, and does something interesting with it. (Some of Wildbow's previous format screws, like messing with the links to Imp's interlude, just amounted to pranks on the reader - it doesn't look like this will fall into that category.)

“You can’t put that down there.” The words were hushed, furtive. May’s mother snatched up the violin case that May had just set down. In the process of straightening up, her hands fixed May’s shirt collar, then smoothed her hair down. “Everything matters.”

??? Why not? Seems like May's adoptive mother is maybe deliberately messing with/abusing her, rather than just being a stereotypical "tiger mom" as I assumed the first time. Note that it's later revealed that this whole thing is not an interview for the school, she's just being "shown off".

A kiss at the top of her head, a smoothing of the hair, another kiss.
“We’re going to be late,” she murmured. A strategic move. In the moment, mentioning the time took the attention off of herself and put it toward the time.

Interesting that March goes from hating this smothering/abusive attention from her mother, to being so desperate for attention that she inflicts a much worse "love" on Foil.

“My friend thinks you’re hot!” one of the girls shouted across the subway platform, aiming the comment at a guy that was at least two years older than any of them.

I originally wrote a whole thing about how Lily is seemingly straight/closeted here, and the implications of that, before I realized I'd misread and she's the one doing the teasing.

The other two girls, a blonde and a redhead, tried to shush her, one of them pinching her hard, the other trying to cover her mouth.

Boy, there sure are a lot of blondes and redheads in Wildbow works, huh? Especially blondes.
Actually, nope! Turns out that over 20% of Caucasian females in the US are either one or the other. That's definitely higher than I would have predicted and seems in line with what Wildbow depicts. Seems like this recurring criticism that I was about to repeat is itself flawed.
(I was going to bring this up to deflect from the fact that I initially thought this was the Trio from Worm despite that making no sense even given the limited info on this chapter up to this point.)
I wonder what happened to these friends? Lily seemingly didn't maintain any New York friendships when she moved to Brockton Bay, part of the serious isolation shown in her Sentinel interlude. Had she already drifted away from them (as a result of bleed-through from Match, even), or did she leave these friendships behind?

And the one who had shouted- she was seemingly the only person on the platform who paid attention to May. A long, lingering look, encompassing May and her mother, the aura of ‘fun’ momentarily dampened by what May imagined was a pitiable sight.
It was a moment that struck her as profound, the kind of moment she imagined would be with her forever.
And that girl, who looked like she could have been May’s sister, who could have been one of the many, many people who evacuated Japan after the attack, who might have changed her name to be more American like May had changed hers, she would probably forget this momentary meeting of eyes.

Of course, Lily is probably having pretty much the same thought about her own sister!
I initially felt embarrassed about how long it took me to figure out that this was March's interlude and not Foil's. And I still kind of do. But in my defence, man, the similarities and parallels between the two are even crazier than March is.
It's funny that that fact never seems to (explicitly) figure into March's obsession with her. She wants to wear Lily's skin, but never brings up even the parallels she definitely knows about, like their similar girlfriends (and the fact they're both gay to begin with!) Even here, as she feels jealous of Lily, her first thought is of them as potential sisters - not that her life could have gone like that if she'd been adopted by a different family (which, as we know, is literally true since Lily is adopted.)

May’s heart swelled with a childish sort of longing, a mad desire that- if she could only push that feeling out, couldn’t it be the kind of wish that drove fairy tales?
I want to be you.

Of course it would be far too kind for her to trigger as a Stranger here, as much as it would fit.

I want a life that’s a balance of life and work, not weeks of waiting for a break in my schedule, so I can have a scheduled, calculated few hours of fun. This movie, because it will help with my English and because it’s a classic. An actual playdate for a thirteen year old, my ‘date’ chosen carefully, because their parents are the right people and they’ve never been in trouble.

Of course, this is setting the foundation for the later 24-7-party March, as well as the eventual "life is just a lethal game of tag" March.
She later suggests that that's a result of personality bleed, but I'm dubious. Is March simply pattern-matching everything she does to "personality bleed" as an excuse? Or is that how personality bleed works, with plausible deniability? More on this when its actually brought up.

“I’m so proud of you. I know you’re going to be great. If we aren’t late. Are you still visualizing the singing?”

Again, this seemed merely overbearing on my first read, but with the knowledge that this is basically a social occasion this behaviour is positively psychotic.

May’s mother ushered her one way, closer to the edge of the platform, closer to where the train would come, so she could stand at the yellow line, peer past and around, maybe hoping to see the light of the train, though there was no sound.

Actually, maybe her adoptive mother was mentally ill, not just abusive. It seems like she's more torn up about this than May is.
It's a neat little character beat that May only ever thinks of the woman as her mother, no matter how much she resents her and the fact that she was adopted.

Because she couldn’t. Happiness was by accident only. Happiness was when the tutors got the times wrong and there was a break in the schedule, and mom just so happened to be busy with something. Or when mom had just bought the violin and cupboards and fridge were running empty, and mom messed up the timing on the preheating for the chicken kiev, so it was raw on the first bite, and there had been money only for a dollar burger and side salad.

So she had private tutors, even though money was tight enough that paying for food was a serious struggle.
... even though she ends up with a substantial trust fund later. Not sure what to make of this detail tbh.

The homeless man had a bottle in the pocket of his ankle-length jacket, and all she could think was that he was free. Free to make all the bad decisions.

But sure, trying drugs later at parties is clearly a result of personality bleed, right?

May reached forward, where people were helping, where people were focused on helping one of the white girls, or the man that had fallen onto the track, the latter groups more obstacle than anything.
...
It mattered that her mother had hit her head, and had blood running down one side of her eye, that her mother reached for May and found someone else, the blonde girl. She lifted, noticed something was wrong, and by then, was locked into the course of action. She wasn’t a bad person, wouldn’t drop the girl to look for her own daughter.

Seriously, what happened to these two friends of Flechette's that went through the same event but didn't trigger? I'm super curious.

The train could be heard. The lights visible in the tunnel.
She heard the screams, and she bowed her head. Conscious of what she’d just done through her silence.

Despite the conscious decision not to warn people, I have a hard time believing that her calling out about a clearly audible incoming train would actually have helped. Hell, even with powers she'd have had a hard time going anything.
Is that the intended "purpose" of her power? To let her know when she really has time to do something and when she's just kidding herself?

She opened her eyes, but she saw only darkness, and she wondered if she had died after all. She saw figures writ in onyx black against a black background, dressing themselves in roles. Again and again, on the stage, curtains closing, crashing together like waves, fragments flying in every direction, then backstage, figures dressing themselves in a new set of roles for another performance, then the performance, so fleeting compared to the preparation and what followed…
She felt an elemental sort of urgency as she minded the repetition, the drum-beat flow of images so big she had to abstract them in her head. In trying to define that elemental urgency, she reached for a comparison and found one in her mother, driving her, not demanding perfection, but needing it.

This is strikingly similar to GU's descriptions of the cycle, of course, and also to her dying vision (more on that later).
Trigger visions seem to be informed by the shard's purpose (Taylor see the Whole, Ashley sees her shard destroying worlds, Contessa sees the Entities' plans, Kenzie sees a world of cameras, etc.) Was March's main shard involved in planning out the running of the cycle, or of trigger events?

A man screamed, and it was a different sound than the other screams. They were reacting to something that had happened a minute ago. The man- the homeless man with a mop of dreads at the top of his head, he was screaming because of something that was happening now.
May winced at the sound, then winced again as her thoughts were briefly scattered. Onyx figures that weren’t figures, choosing roles in contradiction to one another.

I failed to parse this the first time around, but of course this is Homer's trigger event. He must have just pushed his girlfriend into the passing train?

“Julliard,” she said.
“You look too young to go there.”
I’m just going to show off for someone important, not to apply.

I'm still pretty confused by this.

“Vista,” March said. “Cute kid. If she’s actively using her power, then driving into it would be bad.”
“Bad how?” Dino asked, from the back.
“It doesn’t affect us,” March said. “Our ride would turn into a pretzel around us while we stayed the same.”

Pretty sure March is wrong about this and Vista's power would simply fail to affect the car, from previous showings. Which is a good sign for their upcoming fight, and plays into Match's general characterization as knowledgeable, super-confident, and wrong.

She smiled, and she looked at the others for reactions. Only Tori matched the smile. Tori, the Goddess cluster’s fourth. Tori, who had a tractor beam as a power. Tori’s was a friendly smile, not one of appreciation for the novelty of the situation. Not that Tori was really the type to get excited about novelty, danger, or those sorts of things. Not often.

This seemingly foreshadows the fact that March and her gang do not align goal-wise. Which is reinforced sine Motte later, but never really parts off. Something for the upcoming arc?

March hit the accelerator, shifting gears. She caught a glimpse of alarm on her megacluster’s faces as they sped toward the effect.

How does Match keep the loyalty of her team while being so obviously mad as a fish? She plays this off momentarily as being an example of her strategic genius, but still.

She could see how it happened. The order of things, laid over one another. A fallen tree branch over a patch of leaves, telling a story. A car that had crashed, gone rusty, that rust a history and a timetable. Paring through it all, she could get a sense of how it had played out. A clock had ticked down without anyone the wiser and when it had hit zero, a world had ended. These were the consequences and the casualties.
“You were a teenage girl not that long ago.”

OK, so March is in her early 20s now (possibly 20 exactly?) and was 13 when she triggered. That suggests that she and Foil triggered at least 3 years before Worm.

“And I am impatient. I’m reckless, and I don’t dwell on the quiet parts of my power as much as I could. But she was younger when she started, and she still has a way to go. If she lived another ten years, I think she’d settle into it.”

Not only is March wrong about how Vista's Manton effect works, she's wrong about Vista herself as well. We saw Vista was practicing the subtle uses of her power in the epilogues to Worm, two years ago. She reads Vista folding a city into an Escher drawing as support for her judgment in a moment, but in fact that probably involved a lot of detail work, as it's repeatedly emphasized how everything has been arranged to fit together like a sweet interlocking 3D puzzle.

Inside, buildings ran horizontally, vertically, upside-down, even diagonally in places, where they jutted from corners. None collided with any others, and water, parks, and hills all factored into the architecture.
March broke into laughter, seeing it.
...
“You really think the quiet stuff is what makes her strong?” Ixnay asked.
March managed to stop laughing, uttering a gleeful, “I really do! But this is great! I can’t wait!”
The others climbed out. Ixnay, Dino, Enyo. Tori lingered behind.
“Don’t die,” Tori said.
“It doesn’t matter.”

This is our first real glimpse of March "treating life like a game". Of course, in retrospect we know that it "doesn't matter" because of the shard afterlife.
Thinking about it, this attitude makes me skeptical of the theories that March is on a crusade to re-start the cycle. That wouldn't be a game, it would be the most serious thing to ever happen. This makes me think that March is either causing chaos for chaos' sake, Joker-style, or pursuing some other relatively low-stakes (to her) and hedonistic plan like creating broken clusters to see what happens and hang out together.

“Our thing is temporary. You can’t get attached,” March said.
“You always say that. Temporary because you plan on dying?”
March shook her head. “Because, until I figure something out, we can’t be together long-term. It’s unfair to pretend we can.”
“I’m worried what your solution would look like. She got you good. Wormed her way into your head.”

Tori really has no clue what she's dating, and March doesn't seem super motivated to enlighten her on this point. Again, I think this mismatch may prove to be a serious weakness of March.
This also means that Tori is hanging out with a woman who casually kills people for fun without buying into March's ideology. Why? Tori seems sane enough in the flashback later on.

“But if I could? If I can? I’d map you to our cluster, so I could do all the Kiss and Kill things I have to do to them to you, too. And you would be the most important person in the world to me, then. I’m going to look for ways.”

People are reading a bit too much into this when they see it as some kind of confirmation that this is possible, I think. Match doesn't seem sure, and we learn later that her knowledge regarding clusters is limited and mundane in origin anyway.

When March didn’t respond, she added, “You’re so weird.”
“I’m ahead of the curve.”

This is literally a Joker quote. Not sure what to make of that except that, well, March is pretty much the Joker as written by Wildbow - deliberately so?

Tori was joined by Jace and Megan. The other two wore blue as well, though Jace favored midnight blue, painted onto armor that had scuffed here and there, the silver showing through the paint... Megan wore sky blue.

Took me a moment to realize that Godess' cluster have a shared colour scheme. Possibly March's doing? Seems like the sort of thing she'd do.

Then Ixnay, as alone as she was, though she could pretend he had a bit of company with the arm he had borrowed.

I was confused by the "she" here, but I'm guessing its either a typo or a non-binary character.

Megan hit her with the power boost. March felt her perceptions shift, her power take on new dimensions. The dimensions it would have permanently if she got her hands on Foil. The world slowed down as her perception of time increased. That perception of time was linked to a perception of movement, and all of this would become child’s play.
She would crack open this particular cereal box, find her treat, and please the people who were going to try to corner Foil. Even if they succeeded, they’d weaken her or wear her down, and March would be free to act.

Is this saying that this whole time-zone scheme isn't March's at all, but a favour?

“They didn’t let me sing or play,” she said. “But if they had, I would have killed it.”

Love how March is just casually explaining her trigger to a stranger, here.

She had almost, almost used her power on the woman.

This is our first piece of foreshadowed that the kill-happy March of Ward is a later development and there's more to it than ordinary hedonistic sociopathy, I think.

She judged, connected to the timing, and visualized the avenues it could travel. She threw it frisbee style, lining up her own body with the ghost images.

Funnily enough, it seems like March's power is much less intuitive and integral than Foil's thinker powers. She had to switch it on, and make r effort to match the right movements.
I'm not sure how these "ghost images" translate into longer term super-planning, though.

She was wearing a mask and kept her hood up, either way. Dime store mask, borrowed sweatshirt. Notoriety or fame didn’t matter much when it wasn’t even her face.

We're not told what sort of mask, but I'm guessing its not even a rabbit. Seems like she hasn't developed her March identity yet.

May looked, watched the video play, an introduction with some poses and close-ups of costume parts. White and blue, a tinted one-way visor. PRT quality, PRT production. Polished but… boring.

I think this might be some self-awareness from Wildbow about never giving much detail regarding Flechette's costume beyond "visor".

May watched as the girl threw darts, cleaving through the top of a series of soda bottles.

Nice little callback to Lily originally having thrown darts as her signature weapon.

It caught the cap, and embedded the cap to the lip of the camera, just in front of the lens. A Flechette in miniature on the cap.

I thought at first that the dart itself was in the shape of Flechette. That would have been too cool for a PRT promo I guess.

It started at their relatives houses, then migrated to people they knew of. This time, those people they knew of were confined to a back bedroom.

Are they... tied up, or..?

“They say if you do something really triumphant, you get good powers. If you don’t… you get the flawed or broken ones. You trigger at major moments. Best days. Worst days. That’s the line, anyway. Does it hold up?”
“I got good powers, so…” May paused. She thought about how she’d let her mom die. Was that supposed to be a triumph? “I guess I did something good.”

Heh. This does serve as a good example of how people might buy that line.
Little bit jarring to see Wildbow look at the screen and go "BUT THAT WAS A LIE", but I guess its necessary.

“Can you get me away too? I’ll tell you everything I know about Flechette, your multi, what it means…”
“I don’t care about Flechette.” I know who she might be. I still don’t care.

I wonder if her shard was annoyed at her ignoring her cluster-mates to travel the world with a random teenager? It can't be coincidence that she later abruptly turned into a psycho killer obsessed with Foil, but if her shard deliberately orchestrated that ... I guess that lends weight to the idea that it was a proper second trigger rather than a random accident.

Ixnay’s waves pulsed through the air, making the air condense into rings, and some of those rings served to stop some of the drones and the ice crystals that were flying through the air. As the waves hit, the things were suspended, rotating slowly on the spot. If released, they would continue their current trajectories.

Great name, kinda lame power. I guess we don't know about their other abilities - are they a cluster trigger? I assumed so but March did comment about them being "alone" compared to the other clusters.

“Megan, your three!” March gave the order.
Megan turned, hand extending out. She tractor-beamed an ice crystal her way, driving it into the back of a cape that was stampeding toward her.

How does the number three translate into that? Use your third power, and trust her to be looking the right way at the moment you say it because timing? That's... actually pretty clever, and I guess it may be a part of why she uses clusters so much.

It was at eye level for the cape who had sound-manipuating touch, fingers singing as they moved through air and the ability to deafen on touch. He reeled back with a bloody nose.

How does March know this guy's power? Does she recognize him and just not explicitly think about his name and costume?

Not his biggest concern. March put her rapier through his chest cavity, pulled it out, and then drew a line through the face with her power. A hole in the heart, and four point three seconds until face became crater.
A merciful way to go. It was also about to become a dramatic and cool way to go out.
She cut a scrap of his costume away, doing a small circle with her sword to keep it airborne, cut it in half, then pushed her power into one of the halves. Time delayed explosion. While Megan’s power boost was running through her, she could work with shorter fuses.
The explosion was just in time to intercept a lob of ice through the air.

Oof. I'm guessing that it's deliberate that we see these moments of casual brutality before we learn March's justification for them, so we're already inclined to hate her when we learn what it is; rather than following her down the rabbit hole together.

Do you want to see me go all out? she thought.

Well, generally murdering people left and right is a sign that you're already going all out, March. You can't blame them for being confused.

Homer had grown, in a lot of ways. He was well-dressed now. He still had the dreads, but they were shorter, bound in gold – it looked like wedding rings. His mask, too, was gold. He had a golden baseball bat, and as he walked, he dribbled a baseball with the bat. A flowing black costume swept around him.
He liked the aesthetic and she didn’t hate it, herself. She watched the baseball bounce up and down. Black skin, gold stitches. It was getting a beating, just from being dribbled.

I misread this as saying "basketball" the first time I read this. Still love this guy and his aesthetic.

“I think I got the singing from you,” Homer said. “I remember the violin case. Some musical talent. I guess not violin, specifically.”
“I sang before. It’s been a while since I did.”
“If you picked it up again, I’d lose the ability,” Homer said.
May nodded.
“It’s subtle,” he said.

That's really not very subtle. Straight-up memories that aren't yours, plus you reckon it would outright vanish if she used it? That's much more blatant than I expected, and makes me think that people who are blaming natural-seeming character development on personality bleed (such as March) are full of it.

“I checked in on our third,” May said. “She’s serious now. Dedicated, disciplined. She doesn’t hate it either. I’m the opposite. She and I switched places.”

Except that you did hate it, and only went along with it because it was externally imposed. Also, you have no real idea what she was like before. Also, your wild child phase is an obvious and predictable consequence of suddenly being on your own.
While March can't know this, we also know that Lily will eventually get overwhelmed and flee her responsibilities to be with Parian, with seemingly no corresponding change in March.

“I tried to reach out to her. She wasn’t interested. I don’t think she understood,” Homer said.

Quite literally, it seems. She had no idea what he was saying and doesn't remember him later. Poor Homer.

“That she’s not alone? It’s ironic, isn’t it? New school, new foster parents, moving away from friends, she’s lonely and she’s making up for it by jumping into the Ward thing, but if she stopped and listened…”

Oh, huh, I guess that's the answer to my questions earlier re:Lily and her friends. Totally missed that somehow.
Were they not in New York when they triggered? Can't have moved that far if they were.
Seems like March has been keeping pretty close tabs on Flechette's life for someone who claimed not to be interested. Hey, how does all this line up with Foil's description of March joining hang after gang and throwing them at her, anyway? Did that come after her near-death experience?

The ball glittered and glimmered as it reached its peak speed.

I'm guessing this is how his Sting power works, kicking in when projectiles reach full speed, and not just the gold stitching.
Man, Homer's powerset is really interesting.

“I couldn’t. She was too important to me, and I couldn’t stop her, but I had to stop her. I finally took action, she turned on me, and she got killed. Worst of all worlds.”
May nodded.
“And I can’t do a thing with this power that doesn’t hit people right where it needs to to kill them. I can smack something clear the opposite way and the ricochets put it right into their temple, or over their heart.”

Sounds like he accidentally killed the sister with his bare hands rather than pushing her under the train (which makes more sense with the timing, in retrospect.) Poor dude.

She’d come to like travel. It helped that other people were usually driving.
They’d settled into an informal role. Jan was the power expert, March the bodyguard.

Interesting contrast with the fact that she was driving, and leading, during the attack on the Bay.

Which meant hunting down interesting things. Which interested March, too. She was set for a good long time financially, and with this, she was feeding other passions.

Is she set financially because Homer gave her money? From doing mercenary work with his contacts? It was never spelled out.

Six. When Jan and March reached the town, there were three.
Three at a table in a shitty pub, four looking worn out, scared.

I'm not the first person to point out that this is gibberish. My guess is that it's a typo, WB meant to change 3 to 4 but changed the word "all" to 4 instead.

“Do you know the reason why they quarantined White Rock?” Tori asked.
“Yes,” Jan said.

How does Jan know this? Is this public knowledge? I got the impression the Shin affair was covered up.
Is there more to Jan than meets the eye? She gives off a mysterious Cauldron-y vibe, doesn't she?

“An open door between worlds as a big signal booster?” Jan asked.
March shrugged.
Jan nodded. “That would make it easier for six to happen, absolutely.”

How do you know this, Jan? What is your secret!

But to be trapped, March could sympathize. It hit so close to home that she worried it was designed to.

Designed by the shards? Again, it would fit with the way this all ends up redirecting her so strongly Kiss/Kill-wards.
How, though? Perhaps March's shard gave Tori's tips... I guess if the portal acts as an amplifier for shard comma, and it's still there rather than Doormakered closed (because Haywire tech is too powerful?), it might have helped with that.

She laughed again, using one hand and both feet to quickly ascend the light post that illuminated the newest roof top, dragging her sword against the length of it as she ran; it was the roof where the distance between rooftops was shortest. She stopped, pausing, then leaped.
The leap carried her a few feet up, helped by the fact that the space in the neutral territory between buildings was neither up nor down. Then the light exploded. The blast from the explosion tipped her over to the far end of the neutral territory. She fell up, rather than down.
All around her, buildings began to move. Leaving her less in the way of escape routes.

This is such a cinematic image. (Or rather anime-atic.)

A telekinetic shield that seemed to parry things just as effectively as her own timing power and enhanced baton did.

March used to use a baton! Fits way better with her theme, and of course she wasn't a psycho killer. Love that little detail.

He teleported short distances, and made the building shake like it was in the midst of an earthquake when he appeared.

Could fit with Goddess' much-speculated sixth power being some kind of Oni-Lee-like resurrection.

He’d drained March in hopes that he could take her power like he took the others’. He didn’t get the power.

Why not, though? Obviously that would be overpowered, but I don't get why this "confuse the shard" tactic only works on clusters. Heck, it seemed to work OK for Bonesaw.

So she talked to the ones in earshot. Tori, primarily, when the two of them were awake at the same time and the sedatives weren’t too strong. About love and life and hopes and missed opportunities. About mothers and violins and about the differences between their worlds.

March loves telling people her trigger huh.

Her hands were bound in a position where she couldn’t activate her power,

Seems like March-sting has a limit we weren't aware of. Limited to long thin channels?

Onyx facets.
Onyx walls.
Carmine facets, with veins instead of edges, kaleidoscopic when she tried to wrap her head around the shape.
Carmine walls, that she could almost imagine were the inside of her, because she saw herself reflected in this wall or that surface.
She’d remarked on the power of portals, and as she felt things hum through the structures that made up this oblivion, she imagined it was much like that. Vast amounts of power being redistributed, like the amount it took to hold up a breach between worlds.

"Much like" the portals, but she's not actually feeling the Haywire portals.
Also worth noting that this bears a striking similarity to her initial trigger vision. On my first read I assumed (as March seems to?) that this was a glitch in the uploading process slash Near-Death Experience, caused by the portals. But now I'm leaning toward it being a fairly ordinary second trigger, the only unique thing the portals did being the fact that she remembers it.
(And the fact that clusters can't normally second trigger.)
Not only does this look like her earlier trigger vision, and happen in similar circumstances (failing to save someone, screwing up, the blood theme), but it seems suspiciously planned. Like her shard is playing her. And Wildbow has been complaining about the fact that the fandom doesn't get how damaging second triggers are for a while now, viewing them as power-ups; making a second-trigger a major villain would be a clever way to course-correct that.
Unfortunately its unclear if her powers changed at all, which would settle it. There's no obvious powers difference between the pre-awakening and post-awakening segments of this chapter, but Tattletale did claim that March's powers had changed to include Homer-esque super-sniping. Or maybe that's just another benefit of Megan's power-boost. It's hard to say.

Something beyond the short and fleeting life. A heaven where she would never be alone. Forever in the company of another, running through, over, under, into, communicating through shared events and bursts of static, riddling each other out.
And when Flechette died-
The view dimmed.
And when Flechette died, she would have Flechette forever. Until the end of a species that intended to last beyond the end of the universe. And Flechette would have her, and what happened in flesh would be swiftly forgotten.

March_theme_song.mp3

Already, the particulars were fading. But an impression that deep- that would never go away. She knew.

Another point in favour of this being a second trigger, I think.

She could remember the feeling of the portal, so close. Past a veil. A huge source of energy. An amplifier.

So, a lot of people have already speculated that whatever is going to happen to the time-warps will serve as a similar amplifier. (Although that seems to contradict March's comment earlier that she was doing this as a favour to someone else?) A more specific and strikingly compelling speculation I've seen is that time breaking is retroactively responsible for Colt being added to the cluster and the empty fifth room that seemingly waited for her.
Here's a crazy speculation - what if all the broken triggers we've seen in Ward were retroactive echoes of this event drawing closer? Not all broken triggers ever, those coincide too neatly with Scion's death, just the ones where people have been seeing visions of the volcano/well calling to them.

“They’re taking us to Bianca. So long as we’re with her, none of us will be able to try this again, and if we do, at least we’ll be somewhere we can’t interfere with other stuff.”

And they can't kill you because that would depower Bianca, an asset for GM and stabilising force on Shin, right?

“It’s okay,” she said, not sure if Tori was still there. Or any of the others. “None of this matters.”

March is rather reminiscent of Goblin Punch's Awakened, isn't she?
And that's the end of the chapter. I hope y'all enjoyed this extended fan commentary. Don't forget to like and subscribe and comment below!

Weekend Reader: Two Haralabos Voulgaris Gambling Stories From The Past. (Very long).

[Note to this sub: Here are two gambling stories involving Haralabos Voulgaris. Two things you should know. 1) I originally wrote this for a completely different, anonymous audience and not for all the wonderful "Shoe Fitness Architects", "Pizza Delivery Engineers", Overnight Security Enforcers, and DMV Workers that I've gotten the pleasure of meeting on here during my time on /billsimmons. Instead, it will seem like I'm talking to a room full of strangers, and for the first time. So if you read something that you've already seen me say on this sub, you know the reason. I also sound “different” in this.
2) It's long. You've been warned, I don't want to hear shit about it being so damn long. Think of this as a throwback to the Page 2 days, when you knew a guy was going to take a huge, extended shit because he just printed out Simmons' latest article and ran into the bathroom. You know, the “glory days”.
If you read this on Friday, you can save this for your afternoon work shit. Read it on your phone though, because it's got a short YouTube clip in it that helps tell the story.
If you read it over the weekend, I suggest smoking a bowl beforehand, especially to our Canadian friends up North. Doesn't have to be Top Shelf, just something to buzz you going in.
That's it. Enjoy.
The recent news of the Dallas Mavericks hiring Haralabos Voulgaris as Director of Quantitative Research and Development recently blew my mind. I knew it was Bob's goal to be an NBA GM, and this job isn't quite on the GM level, but I still can't believe he's made it onto a real NBA organization. I still think of him mostly from his early 2000's poker and sports betting days, and I never imagined he'd be able to hold down a real job someday. I didn't think anyone from the gambling world ever could.
I was heavily into sports gambling and poker at the same time as Bob was ascending as a sports gambling force, from the late 80's until well into the 2000's. I didn't know Haralabos well, yet I heard about or saw him all the time. This pretty much describes all relationships in gambling to be honest. But I did make sure to hear all the stories about Haralabos back then, because they always made the gossip rounds and were usually funny.
I'm here to share two of Haralabos' famous gambling stories, to give you a little insight into the man. If you are an Old School gambler, you've already heard them. But they are now 15 years old, and I couldn't find a good telling already on the Internet, so new people might get a kick out of these. Sources are at the bottom of this post.
People need to understand that, back then (early 2000s), Bob was best known for two things: betting the NBA, and being a smart ass trash talker at the poker tables. Bob was a world class needler that people highly resented because he had “Fuck You” kinds of money and he sure lorded that fact over everybody. He found everyone in the gambling world incredibly stupid compared to himself, and wasn't afraid to let people know it. I guess that's not much different than his Twitter in 2018, except he's learned to be more polite about it.
It was amusing being in a poker room with Bob in it, unless you were the focus of his remarks. He did not have any boundaries and was merciless, and really went after people “Micheal Jordan style” with the ferocity of his put-downs. Asked to describe him, I'd say 98% of players back then would call him an “arrogant dickhead” (including me at that time), while 2% would say “really sharp guy who doesn't tolerate fools” (including me now). We would all agree that he could be hilarious.
With that set-up, here are two Haralabos Voulgaris gambling stories that let's you know what he was like back in the early 2000's.
Story #1
My favorite Haralabob story, which long time 2+2ers have already heard about and whose legend has grown over the years, is the infamous Freddy Deeb story. If you know it, you are already nodding your head. But hopefully it's new to you. It's a classic.
Freddy Deeb was a rich business man from Lebanon, but a lot of people thought he was Egyptian (close enough for poker players). “Fast Freddy” was a decent if unspectacular poker player who pre-dated the poker boom. So Freddy was a legit and well known regular even before TV got involved with the game, and parlayed that “real, genuine poker player” label into appearances on TV when the poker boom happened. He had strong credibility.
Freddy is probably most famously remembered for being accused of “Going South” by Johnny Chan on an episode of High Stakes Poker. Freddy handled that accusation in typical Freddy fashion – making a big deal about this small joke insulting his integrity, aggressively confronting everyone about it and challenging them to heads-up poker matches to prove his manhood. The dude could be a hothead. (“Going South”, which was more commonly called “rat-holing”, is when a player sneaks high denomination chips off the table undetected after winning a big pot, so he has no possibility of losing them back in a later big hand. It's a unethical way to play “hit and run” if you win big quickly, without the “running” part being as obvious as picking up and leaving immediately.)
The two things you needed to know about Freddy: 1) He was short. I mean really short, like 5'1” or less. Not to play Freud too much, but you can probably guess that the reason he spent all his time in poker rooms was because of this physical limitation. Poker attracted the social rejects like no other activity in the 1990's, and welcomed the physically and mentally defective in droves. It was a haven almost exclusively for nerds and losers, before TV made it cool for everyone to play No Limit Texas Hold'em, The Cadillac of Gambling Games (so hip!).
2) Stemming from #1, Freddy could have a short temper. If you are jumping straight into a “Napoleon Complex” accusation for Freddy, well, in this case you're the heavy favorite. Freddy was a quiet, nice guy for 90% of the time he played. But Freddy was quick to act like a gangster you didn't want to fuck with if you ever gave him the chance, with that persistent shoulder chip that will never go away. Everyone let him play gangster without comment as long as he still had a bankroll to gamble with.
Here is a YouTube video that illustrates both points perfectly. Watch the whole thing to the end for maximum comedy – it's fucking hilarious:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqwQiIy1b48
Here's Freddy acting like a super tough guy, and – in the moment - you can believe it too. Until the camera pulls back and shows the other players at the table, and then you get a height perspective of the whole scene. It's unreal funny at that point. Gus Hansen sitting next to him looks like Yao Ming by comparison.
So when this first HBob story happens, poker is just about to really take off. My guess is that it was around 2003-4, so the hype around poker was growing fast but still not close to the peak yet. The first Season of the World Poker Tour (WPT) had already aired, and it was a cultural phenomenon. Poker players were speculating already that WPT tournament champions were going to be as famous as top professional athletes, and with the same kind of ultra-lucrative sponsorship opportunities and endorsement deals. A very common topic at the table was how much getting to the final table at a televised WPT event was worth in fame, above and beyond any of the listed prize money. Perhaps a few million? It was a crazy time, and being on TV was all anyone cared about back then. Seems a bit silly now.
Freddy had been on TV a few times with some respectable runs in some bigger tournaments. The WPT and ESPN featured him in a few “flavor of the game” clips during their early poker broadcasts, and that seemed like a pretty big deal, especially to Freddy. TV Poker was grooming narratives and trying to create presentable, relatable stars in the poker world and weren't above adding in some artificial flavor to an otherwise unremarkable cast of characters.
Being a legit long time poker player was enough for Freddy to get some screen time – the TV producers could take it from there. I think the narrative was along the lines of how anyone – all ages, ethnicity, shapes and sizes could find a home in the poker world, and Freddy exemplified all that. It all went directly to Freddy's head, and he was not alone during this time.
Anyway, the story goes like this. Haralabos is playing in a very juicy high stakes poker game in a California casino, most likely the Commerce. The game was already full with 9 players, which is the max in most California rooms.
Haralabos himself was very new to poker at this time. He dabbled previously, but only started playing for big stakes in the past year or two because of the huge influx of new poker players, who watched the WPT on television and flooded into casinos, chasing riches. Thus there was easy money to be made. Before then, of course, he was focused on his NBA gambling. He was very near the height of his powers as an NBA sports bettor, and known pretty damn well in the sports betting world, if not the general public yet. Far more people in poker knew about Bob than he knew about them, though. He was just starting to get serious about playing poker. Bob knew about some of the bigger poker names he gambled with betting sports together in the past, but knew almost none of the newly (and artificially) created TV “poker stars” that ESPN / WPT had chosen to promote.
So Freddy walks into the Commerce one day and sees the high stakes poker table, and eyes the line up. Freddy knows this “Main Game” is incredibly juicy, and wants in – immediately. He calls the floorman over and insists they create an extra space at the table for him and for the game to be played 10-handed. 10-handed was actually the common number of players in Las Vegas poker tables at the time, and Freddy was usually based there. Freddy is sort of 'big timing' the floorman, reminding him how much he's played there over the years, how much rake he's given that casino, and how all these new poker players want to play with someone like himself, a big-shot, old school, now famous poker player.
There is nothing that poker players like more than poker room drama (except maybe comped food), so this commotion has drawn the attention of every table within earshot. Everyone near by was focusing on the Main Game with Haralabos in it. Drawn from many accounts, here is a recreation of what happened:
Freddy (accented, slightly broken English)(to Floorman): Johnny, there's no board. Just put me in big blind right now and we can play with ten.
Floorman Johnny: Table's not big enough for ten, Freddy. This isn't Vegas. Our players will object. Everyone wants their space.
Freddy: Just ask then. If there are objections then Freddy will wait. But no one will object! C'mon Johnny, how much action I give to you? Freddy is “action player”. Everyone wants to play with Freddy. They see me, they know “That's Freddy” and they want to play.
[Yes, Freddy was talking about himself in the Third Person. What can I say?]
Floorman Johnny (reluctantly, to Main Game): Guys, Freddy wants to sit and play 10-handed. There is no board an he doesn't want to wait around for nothing. Any objections?
Haralabos (immediately): I object. Who the fuck is this guy? [To Freddy] Buddy, you're not special. What makes you think you control this game? If more people come, then you can start a “Must-Move” game and play in that. Otherwise, wait your fucking turn like everyone else. Ok, buddy? [To Floorman, incredulous] What the fuck?
Freddy (heated at Haralabos): Listen, buddy. Everyone here know Freddy. Floorman. Dealer. Players. All know Freddy, love Freddy. Who the fuck are you? In Vegas, Freddy wants a game, the manager come running to help Freddy! They bring in best table to start new game for Freddy! They get best dealer on break to come deal! They bring in new chips, new cards for Freddy! They bring special chair for Freddy to sit in!
Haralabos: Oh yeah, Freddy? Is it a high chair?
A thunderclap of uproarious laughter rang out from all who were listening in, perhaps fifty people or more, all rubberneckers from other tables drawn in by the drama. There was no denying the spontaneity, no denying the reason, and certainly no denying the focus of who the laughter was directed at. Fast Freddy, all five feet zero inches of him, with the hair-trigger anger and never lacking words, was truly stunned and humiliated into silence. His eyes became squinted and his face was stuck in a wince of pain, his whole head turning as red as a stubborn, two-week old pimple that just wouldn't pop. He rocked back and forth as if recovering from a physical punch, not knowing what to do as a second, smaller wave of laughter began because it was just that funny, and now the story was being instantly re-told.
The few that were present and could actually feel sympathy quickly stifled their laughter, feeling the guilt of knowing the guy just got hit in his most sensitive area in front of a very large audience, and was truly wounded. They were hoping Freddy would finally say something, anything, to show that he wasn't completely crushed inside, that he wasn't as hurt as he seemed. Instead, Freddy walked away silently, his decades of “bluster armor” built protecting his sensitivity about his height laid on the ground, smashed.
Souls are crushed all the time in poker rooms. You think you've seen it all, and you just grow immune. But this one stood out, as almost a warning. You just don't want to get into a verbal war with Haralabob.
There is an addendum to this story.
A year or so later, and strictly by chance, Freddy and Haralabos found themselves at the same table during a big tournament. Neither man had forgotten their previous encounter (how could they?). By this time, poker was being covered in real-time by a fleet of new poker reporters and journalists, and, by all accounts, Haralabos was riding Freddy hard that day, with verbal put-downs and jokes at Freddy's expense non-stop. Freddy tried to play it cool, knowing he was no verbal match for HBob.
Until this happened. There was a Random Guy sitting directly on Freddy's left hand side who was new, didn't know anyone at the table (or their past history with each other) and who politely told Freddy this (recreation):
Random Guy (to Freddy): Hey man. You need to protect your cards better. I can see your hole cards flash sometimes when you look. I saw you had paint last hand. You need to learn to peek without flashing.
Freddy: Buddy, do you know who I am? I'm playing this game since before you were born! I win more money this year than you will have in your whole life! They ask me to write new poker book, that is kind of player I am! Buddy, I'm writing now, next time I see you I bring you a signed copy of my poker book!
Haralabos: Next time you should bring a phone book instead so you can sit on it and see your cards better.
Well, Freddy was playing it cool with HBob until then, but that last comment instantly set him off. Again, by the written accounts of the poker reporters live blogging the event, Freddy shot straight up out of his chair (though you probably couldn't tell...) and challenged HBob to a fist fight, screaming expletives at him and demanding a duel. Haralabob just sat in his chair laughing, saying he didn't want to go outside and fight Freddy because he didn't want to get arrested for child abuse.
Famous poker player Daniel Negreanu witnessed this incident live, and blogged about it at the time. I remember that he thought that Freddy would be a decent favorite in a fight between Freddy and Haralabos. But I have my doubts about that. Negreanu disliked Haralobob personally, like many poker players who ever faced him at that time, because HBob could be so vicious. So he was biased in his fight assessment, IMHO.
HBob was not a figher at all - more of a jester than a knight – but I thought he could always just stiff-arm Freddy by the forehead and then Freddy would be left with that cartoon 'swinging of the arms trying to reach him' thing while HBob could just jab him with his other arm. I would have made Haralabos the -200 favorite.
Story #2
This happened in the early 2000's, during Season 3 of the World Poker Tour, just a year or so after Story #1.
Haralabos had played in one of the WPT's big televised tournaments and made the Final Table. Not only that, but he ultimately came in Second Place, meaning he was going to get a LOT of TV time, which, again, most players thought was worth more than the actual prize money. Poker by now was white hot in America and was bringing so many people instant overnight fame. Players were resorting to obnoxious table antics and hyper displays of “personality” just to get a few seconds of screen time. Everyone was trying to create a “brand”.
Not to belabor the point, but before television made poker cool and respectable, it was filled with 95% scumbags and degenerates with almost no white-collar, working professionals. But TV poker didn't want to portray that sordid image. In the very early days, the WPT actually had a “dress code” for appearing on the televised Final Table, where a sports jacket and collared shirts were required and would be provided for you if you didn't own them yourself (in other words, for everyone).
Even the long time “Old School” gamblers were cleaned up and presented as daring adventurers instead of leather-assed angle-shooters they (we) really were. Known broke degenerates like T.J. Cloutier was turned into worshiped, heroic figures instantly, romanticized by television producers as sharp equity traders who practiced at the table instead of on Wall Street. The reality was that guys like Cloutier were hanging around poker rooms mostly to shamelessly beg recent winners for a buy-in, or even just a meal.
Under this ethos of “cleaning up poker players' images”, players were allowed to manufacture any kind of image they wanted if they were going to be on the WPT TV show. Producers for the WPT would ask each finalist for a biography, but did absolutely no fact or background checking at all intentionally, mostly out of fear of what they might find if they actually did do so. So with all that in mind, here is the official bio for Haralabos that appeared on the WPT website before his televised event, almost certainly written by HBob himself:
"Haralabos Voulgaris is a 29-year-old professional sports bettor from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. This poker tyro brings a lot more to his first WPT final table than meets the eye. He is a playwright, holds a degree in philosophy, and his goals reach far beyond the green felt. His plans for the next 5 years include learning to play the piano, to have one of his plays performed on Broadway, and to win a WPT title."
I'm not sure how much of this was an inside joke, how much was just the pressure to appear white-collar in order to attract advertisers (remember, poker players were all thinking about future endorsement deals at this time), and how much of this was HBob's ego run amuck.
BUT COME ON! “Playwright”? Has Haralabos ever gone to a play yet, even in 2018? But that wasn't enough; he wanted to have one of his many, many written plays performed on Broadway very soon, because that's how dedicated he was to this art form! Just remember, this is the guy who widely known throughout the poker world for using his mastery of language to mercilessly torture midgets and other unfortunates at the poker table. Not exactly Tennessee Williams. Add in the piano lessons and the PhD in philosophy (philosophy!), and the fact that the WPT didn't bat an eye in putting this up as his bio, and the unintentional comedy is off the charts.
Haralabos claimed to friends at the time that it was mostly a joke, but as we will now see, he seemed to really care about this false image.
As you probably well know, there is a gap between when the WPT Final Table was played, and when the show based off of it is actually aired. By the time Haralabos' episode was about to air, he was staying as a guest in the house of a former poker pro named Paul Phillips, who only the most dedicated and old players will remember. (Paul Phillips won 2 WPT titles in the very early seasons, took the prize money, and pretty much disappeared from poker, going on to live a “normal” life. One of the few gambling success stories, IMHO).
Well, Paul was a practical joker himself, and he had found a way to hack his DVR and change the description of recorded programs, including Bob's WPT episode. Knowing that Haralabos was coming back soon to watch it, Paul changed the description on the DVR to fuck with him. The original show description was something like this:
“Six new players vie for the title of Champion of the LA Poker Classic Tournament. Players include movie star John Smith, astronaut Mark Hunt, playwright Haralabos Volgaris, undercover international spy Chris Jenkins, the crown prince of Wakanda Jerome Jones, and the inventor of the Internet Joe “Man Tits” Mande.“
Obviously the other names and titles were made up by me, but you get the picture. Anyway, Paul made one small adjustment, knowing Haralabos would see it:
“Six new players vie for the title of Champion of the LA Poker Classic Tournament. Players include movie star John Smith, astronaut Mark Hunt, uptight playwright Haralabos Volgaris, undercover international spy Chris Jenkins, the crown prince of Wakanda Jerome Jones, and the inventor of the Internet Joe “Man Tits” Mande.“
Paul then waited for Haralabos to return so they could watch the episode together, leaving up the modified description of “uptight playwright” on the TV and making sure HBob was in the room alone for a few minutes before starting the show, so he had no choice but to stare at the phony description.
Bob noticed it immediately. According to Paul, HBob started to get really worried, thinking that the show was going to portray him in a terrible light and edit him to look dumb and foolish, just because of that one word “uptight” in the description. Before even starting the show, HBob was already making excuses, telling Paul that he forgot they kept his microphone on at all times, and he said some critical things about the WPT's production crew, and now they were getting their revenge by calling him uptight. He kept bringing up ways he might have acted uptight during the Final Table and was pre-rationalizing them for Paul, who was enjoying it all.
This went on for the first 15 minutes or so of the show, with Haralabos worrying and moaning non-stop about being called “uptight” and wondering how they were going to edit him to look that way, until Paul finally let him off the hook. According to Paul, Haralabos didn't believe it was a practical joke and kept worrying and griping longer, until he saw for himself that it was just a standard WPT show with no unfair editing involved.
I'm not going to put too much on Haralabos for being so worried about his portrayal. Players really did believe that a good edit was the difference between a lucrative endorsement deal with Budweiser or Nike and getting nothing. The sky seemed to be the limit. BUT... the notion that Bob was just playing an inside joke and didn't really care about being known as a “playwright, piano player, and philosopher” didn't quite match up with his defensive and concerned attitude that day.
Sources:
Source for Story #1: This is a very famous poker story that was talked about amoung players live and on 2+2 (the dominant, high-traffic poker forum back then and perhaps now) a lot when it happened. You can find snippets and references on twoplustwo.com. I'm sure other long time and knowledgeable players will verify hearing a version of this story before.
An account of it was given by Haralabos himself on the podcast “Big Poker Sundays” which he used to co-host with Scott Huff, but has long since disappeared. It was a part of Poker Road Radio, which was run by Barry Greenstein's asshole son before closing. As this story is now close to 15 years old and poker media is on life support, many previous accounts from blogs and recording are now gone, and thus a lot of it had to be reconstructed from memory. Part of the reason I'm re-telling it is because it was gradually being lost in time, and that is a motive to re-tell it now, for a new generation.
Source for Story #2: I got the exact WPT description of Bob's bio from the 2+2 Archive (http://archives1.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=5504109&page=0&fpart=all&vc=1). The story of the altered DVR description and Paul Phillips came from the memory of Paul's old blog on LiveJournal (“extempore”), which has long been deleted, and from my own correspondence with Paul Phillips at the time (we were pretty good “online friends” before the invention of Social Media. Anyone remember r.g.p. on Usenet?). Again, unfortunately memory had to play a large role.
I by no means want to pretend Haralabos and I were close. I knew about him and tracked him more than most poker players due to my sports betting background, but Bob was just one of a hundred different and strange characters in the gambling world that you'd recognize daily, none of whom you'd want to spend a lot of time with. We had some mutual friends, that's about it.
Both stories were written under the Geneva Convention rules, which explicitly states that all gambling stories worldwide may contain up to 15% of exaggerations in order to make the story more entertaining or dramatic and still be called “truthful”. Like all good gambling stories should be told. But the core elements are as faithful a retelling as I could make it, including the WPT description, and the key dialogue by Bob that was quoted the most at that time. It's the dates and locations I'm least sure about.

[LN] Afternoon Tea & Analysis #2: Re:Tarot, the commencement!

A little late (because I had to read a 400 page to write this), but we're back with another of wall of texts! Today, we'll be taking a look at our dearly beloved Re:Zero characters through the lens of the tarot. For those of you unfamiliar with it, the tarot is a system of fortune-telling cards; each deck comes with 22 Major Arcana, which have long been used in establishing character archetypes and extrapolating literary analysis, etc etc. I'd give a little more exposition, but it seems that literally everyone except me has played Persona 5 before and is therefore already equipped with the knowledge to delve into this. This post only contains 10 of these miniature analyses; I've been informed that any more would too much to digest in one sitting (fair enough, also saves me a little effort in the next one of these). And, without further ado,
XII. The Fool as Arc 1-3 Subaru! So as an edgy contrarian, normally I would go out of my way to not assign the MC this role, but goddamn it Subaru just fits so well.

The Joker connects two worlds – the everyday, contemporary world where most of us live most of the time and the nonverbal land of imagination inhabited by Tarot characters, which we visit occasionally.

Seems to me like there's a kind of escapism aspect in there, which aligns so well with Subaru, who had a hard time in his normal everyday world, and spent a long time refusing to deal with his IRL trauma while having fun exploring his fantasy world, being able to explore the isekai life where he could be his chuuni self with relatively little judgement.
And then there's also other fun stuff like the fool typically being presented as immortal, the fool being someone who uses primarily intuition to solve problems, rather than brute force or sheer intellect, and especially the fool being oftentimes shown as blindfolded; but his blindfoldedness, while serving as a physical obstacle, does little impinge on the joys of experiencing his journey. Subaru in comparison drops into the isekai world know literally nothing about anything, and yet still manages to get back on his feet in the end, coming out more or less for the better at the end of every arc.
And then there's also this very interesting series of quotations;

Roswaal: “This is where you should've learned what it is to lose something. You should have become a SAGE, who even in the face of loss, stringently protects only what is precious. I know how it sounds, but I wanted to save you.” Subaru: “What's so sagely about that. What is so clever about accepting loss!” Roswaal: “You have rejected loss, chosen to salvage everything, and you will hurt for it. You will repeatedly suffer wounds beyond repair, repeatedly suffer loss, frantically attempt to regain what you lost, the invisible hurt compounding perpetually. And I pity that.” Roswaal: “And so I will not be lenient about your refusal to be a SAGE, and decision to be a FOOL. As expected, yes? After all, you're the one who chose this.”

Roswaal almost makes the [FOOL] sound like a proper role, no? As if it were an active divergence from the path of the sage...
I. The Magician as Post Arc 4 Subaru!
However, beyond Arc 4, Subaru has developed so much that he hits almost like a different character. Arc 6 In fact, he comes to resemble something more of a magician character. The magician is like a fool's level up; he is still seemingly frivolous and lighthearted; but he magician has learned, and now he has goals and ambitions served by genuine cunning. It feels almost like Tappei wants us to look at the two Subarus as different characters; as if he's using Arc 6's plot to remind us of how far Subaru's come, of how the hero Natsuki Subaru is a stranger to the "original".

The Fool, we said, expresses the spirit of play, footloose and fancy-free with boundless energy, wandering restlessly about the universe with no specific goal. Heedless of what's to come, he even looks back over his shoulder. The Magician's energy is directed to the objects before him which he has singled out for special attention. He evidently has a plan. He is about to do something – to perform for us.

This here is the main difference between Subaru, pre and post character development; one is passive, thinking in terms of what comes to him, while the other is active; he chases a goal he acts as a hero. The setup of Arc 6 Arc 6
II. The High Priestess as Echidna!
Often a female figure, representing mysticism and wisdom;

She is obviously seated at the entrance to something – perhaps a temple or inner sanctum whose mysteries she guards.

Conjures to mind images of Dona sitting alone under a parasol, sipping tea as she reads her book of wisdom, doesn't it?

She is almost rooted in place, passively seated, immobile. One feels that she has been sitting there always and will continue to do so until the end of time.

Conviction, then, is what is suggested; deep adherence to a set of ideals. The defining characteristic of a witch. Echidna wants to save the world, and is convinced that she can only do so with knowledge, with wisdom; she'll pave the path of to salvation with blood if need be. But Echidna isn’t utilitarian in the traditional sense. She does believe in sacrifice for her “greater good”, but that actual greater good isn’t the typical “the less people suffering, the better”. She wants the whole world to stop suffering, and even that’s not out of altruism; rather, it’s for her own peace of mind. Her goals are completely motivated by her own greed. Echidna is utilitarianism taken to its logical extreme; as long as suffering can vanish entirely, the sacrifices along the way don’t matter. so a conventional "some people suffer for the greater good" result doesn’t line up with her values. She's the kind of woman who will never look at the present, because her gaze is set so far in the future. The entire world must stop suffering. And what a mystery she is! Even those closest to her took hundreds of years of truly comprehend her, to come to terms with their regrets surrounding her and understand her intentions; even now, perhaps, after four hundred years of reflection, they can't quite unravel that mystery.
III. The Empress as Capella!
and now let us behold the full force of my edginess; I'm going to call capella the empress. the empress is a leader who rules through love; the empress is, in fact, how capella-sama views herself, using a bit (very much) backstory speculation.

Her dominion is flexible, almost quixotic at times, because her heart has reasons inaccessible to the mind. But although she allows her sceptre to fall away from her, she clasps the eagle to her. Obviously the power of love is dearer to her than the love of power.

capella views herself as a force of love, a benevolent ruler over her subjects who exist only to love her; if they please her, they are rewarded; and liberally, at that! all they have to do is love her, and she will grant them her love. and what a dutiful woman she is, for her love can take any form, accommodate any fetish; and she herself, as an object of love, can take accommodate any preference. she can be any ideal! perhaps she is a little whimsical at times, perhaps a little prone to cruelty; but she, her true self, capella emerada lugunica, is no doubt an empress. she'll love everyone, like an empress is meant to; is it too much to ask her empire to love her back? see, emerada lugunica wasn't sufficiently loved, because emerada loved the wrong way. emerada had always thrived on the praise of others, but she had to earn every bit of love she had. if only she'd impressed upon everyone how deserving of love she was, then she wouldn't have to try so hard. capella-sama is different; forceful as she is about her love, her loved ones will have no choice but to love her back. what a perfect setup, indeed. capella has become an active force, one which constantly moves forward, toward a stronger, better empire.
IV. The Emperor as Crusch!
In contrast to the Empress, the Emperor rules through firmness and authority; "he" is a conquering force, one of structure and authority, just like righteous Crusch and her dedication to honor and honestly. A classically feminine governance is nurturing and protective; a transition to a masculine one means facing realities and embracing hardships, allowing those experiences to better shape one's true self, a Mila and a Duma. Crusch, a woman who acts in a masculine manner, represents this transition; she serves as both a bridge and a balance. Part of this means accepting unpleasant truths; Crusch's blessing, which allows her to see lies, is representative of this, as well as her mission; she wants Lugunica to rely first and foremost on itself, and not on the whims of a dragon; self-governance and agency is what strength is to her.
V. The Heirophant as Felix!
The Heirophant is considered an advisor and savior of sorts; a holy judge, presiding over right and wrong, a man of logos rather than pathos or ethos; an ultimate authority on holy miracles. Similarly, Ferris is a renowned healer, burdened by the weight of all the lives that have become his responsibility; wielding the Immortal King's Sacrament, he practically presides over the realm of death, and therefore serves as almost a judge of the dead. When Fourier dies, it is Ferris's judgment that the immortal king's sacrament shall not be used, allowing death is authority. The Heirophant's responsibilities are twofold; he also serves as an advisor for his Emperor; where the Emperor rules with ethos, the Heirophant serves a of reason, similar to how Ferris often comes across as cutting and aloof; he is the cold reason to the determination behind the Emperor's mettle.
VI. The Lovers as Meili!
Arc 6
VII. The Chariot as Garfiel!
The Chariot evokes images of feckless youth and bold victory, of triumph and mobility. A chariot itself is a transportation device, an emblem of travel and progress; what better character to encapsulate this youthful, almost arrogant desire for self-improvement with than Garf? Throughout Arc 4, we see many many different aspects of Garfiel, and are offered a chance to explore him from angles that we don't see of most others. We see an introduction where he's shown a rough, no nonsense guy, and he starts coming off as a dick, then he murders everyone in probably my favorite loop ever, then reset and he's suddenly this guy who hates killing/deaths and does all he can to keep Subaru safe, eventually even dying for him, despite still having that rough angry attitude. And yet throughout all of this, he feels consistent and believable; equally rough and go-getting regardless of whether Subaru views him as friend or foe. The reveal that he's 14 plays out incredibly naturally and convincingly due to the nature of his constant push for improvement. Garfiel has a long, bright future ahead of him, and so he fills them with lofty aspirations, his beacons for pushing forward. Garfiel's dreams are grand indeed, but he will always keep reaching, because he'll never stop wanting to protect what's dear to him.
VIII. Justice as The Sword Saint!
Who better for Justice than our so called perfect hero, Reinhardt van Astrea? Chivalrous and pure hearted and moral moral to a fault, Reinhardt is also an empty, soulless husk of a person. He's an excellent look at a "perfect" character whose his flawlessness, ironically, is what makes him empty. The two scales of justice are another clear reference to duality; is Justice the Sword Saint, or is Justice Reinhardt?

One meaning of the word “innocent” is ignorant. Only ignorance imagines that it is guiltless. So each of us has a double weight to carry: the burden of our innocent ignorance and the heavy guilt that inevitably comes with each new bite from the apple of knowledge. The two pans of Justice's scales stand empty, ready to accept and receive our human duality.

See, justice isn't judgment; justice is blind. Justice is a blade which only knows to cut where others direct it. Justice carries out the will of the people. But Justice is a 13 year old boy playing “paragon of justice”, who either a) doesn’t realize that his dad doesn’t like him or b) subconsciously knows it and has to try to convince himself otherwise by telling strangers about it. Justice is a 19 year old kid who at some point realized that his family hates him, and now doesn't even try to reconcile with them because he'd have no idea where to even start talking to them. But Justice is maybe also a young woman who watched her brothers die, a woman who hates being justice so much that she ran away from cutting down those who she was supposed to until they put the man she loved in danger. And because Justice is blind, it can't see what it looks like; it can only choose whether or not to obey. And if it doesn't obey, what purpose does it have left?
IX. The Hermit as Beatrice!
I did quite the wall on Beatrice last week, so I'll keep this one brief; the Hermit is the quintessential wise old man, the Hermit rejects the notion of being alone in a crowd to be alone in isolation. Too late I realized what imperfect example of the Hermit Beako happens to be, but the rest of my choices line up so well that she has nowhere else to go... so instead of looking as Beako as a fake loli, let's regard her as a fake adult today! See, the hermit isn't about antisocial teenager angst, it's about embracing the creativity of introversion;

As if in compensation, such periods of introversion are usually accompanied by a lively imaginative life. Since we lack outer companionship, the characters of our inner world take over the stage. These personalities often appear as vivid entities. They engage us in spirited dialogue; they clamor to have us paint their portraits or tell their stories in words. Sometimes they sing to us, bringing fresh and enchanting songs. Here the Hermit can be of help. If, inflated with such a flow of creative inspiration, we try to rise above our human selves, he can bring us down to the ground again and help us choose from this golden fire the one small flame that fits our own unique human lamp.

Quite the opposite of the Beako we've come to know, yes? For four hundred years, this was the type of escapism she refused to allow herself to indulge in; it's only when she's physically being freed from her prison that she allows herself to engage in what is no longer imagination, but reality, making her in a way the anti-Hermit. If the Hermit is about embracing positive introversion and escaping negative extroversion, Beako is about escaping negative introversion and embracing healthy extroversion. Which is a goal that I believe she'll inevitably be denied; to quote myself from two weeks ago, Beako just wants to be a kid, to live out the childhood that was stolen from her, to embrace her everyday simple joys, even though she knows, profoundly, in the back of her mind, that it could only ever be temporary. Only when Beako can handle maturity will she be able to open herself up to others, in a show of the healthy extroversion she desires.
Remember,

Arc 4 = spoiler tags not needed;
Arc 5 = spoiler tags for content not covered in the LN/in translations;
Arc 6 = spoiler tags, always!

Eggy The Gameroom Pervert 3 - Spring has Sprung, My Tolerance has Fell.

EDIT: *My Sanity has Fallen - I was trying to find something cute, and forgot to change that :P
(Sorry if this seems so long and maybe rambly. With class, other time schedules and a "go with the flow" attitude it's inevitable sometimes. Still, enjoy!)
Welcome back guys, ZangoZengo here and we're ready to give you another episode of our favorite segment. If you remember the last two episodes, you will well know this man, now 21, has morals, obsessions and mannerisms so drastically different from ours, it's theorized he might be from a distant galaxy where all of this is accepted as normal. This man is Eggy, The Gameroom Pervert.
As expected, your friendly narrator has pretty little in common with this guy, so expect most dialogue to be short, and only ever remembered if anything weird stood out. Hell, even though we both like anime and gaming, the generation and type we prefer isn't the same (Which for reference, I mostly enjoy things made since 2006. Him? Mostly 90s anything.)
------Broadcast Section 1: More Bluntly-Stated Fantasies!------
Now, let's continue where we left off, the perversion section: If you recall from January, something had us talking about James and the Giant Peach. I remember watching it, I remember loving it, but it's been since 1999, so I can't remember diddly-shit about it. We're watching one of the songs in it, and before you know it Miss Spider pops up. Eggy's comment du jour? "If she were a human, I'd totally fuck her." My response? "Uhhhh, okay." His reply? As usual, "Don't judge!"
Aaanyway.... This isn't the only thing he's bluntly admitted he gazes at while massaging the tenderloins. As I learn more and more every interaction, his dick-compass has THE most sensitive magnet in it. As mentioned in previous stories, the poor thing points to things such as lolicon, shotacon, futanari and even "Eric Cartman in drag." But, recently I've been bestowed the knowledge that it even points to dragon girls, psychotic and zombie-ish girls, some 3D-ass girl named Miko from Transformers , the Kanker Sisters, and I shit you not he even made a comment about getting turned on by one of the goddamn cardboard cutouts from Ed Edd and Eddy.
Oh yeah, Miko reminds me: This gameroom has a lot of Japanese majors in it, of which I was one before graduating and afterwards pursuing a teaching certificate. Now, what's one pet peeve of people who speak any specific language? ... That's right, cultural appropriation! :D Boy's showing me some weird slideshow from Transformers, and next thing I know Miko pops up and I hear the words "she's so kawaii desu!" I look up at him, thinking there's no way someone could be serious about saying that (Pretty much everyone else cracks jokes about Japanophilia here. It's normally what keeps neckbeards out of here), but then I see an infatuated smile and it clicks in me... yep... that was deliberate. That boy just butchered 1. Japanese, 2. The beautiful art of "code-switching" (Example: "I would like to cocinar pollo with you a mañana.") While I ignore that, it doesn't help him that not long afterwards the following dialogue happened: "By the way, would fuck!" .... Me: 'Uhh, dude, she's 14.' .... Eggy: "That's no problem. The age of consent in Japan is 14! That's one reason Japan is AWESOME!" I have no clue how true this is. Regardless, interesting what preconceptions fly through his brain :P
Before we end the Perverted Section, we have one last story! As I've learned, Eggy simply can't not talk about his chicken-choker habits. Some time ago, I get to meet two of his Spanish classmates in the gameroom, two very kind girls. Everyone goes about their own business, until he really wants to tell me something, with them passively listening in the background. It's about masturbation, he makes it go on and on, and even talks about how healthy it is, how he does it every day, how I should do it every day, and even raises his arm in the air going, "So, fap daily!" ... Only God knows what the two thought of that monologue... Probably a mix of confusion, shock and laughter.
Anyhow, let's tune our broadcast to some other fun, not-so-perverted moments! :D
------Broadcast Section 2: Sometimes, there is no shame in not commenting------
Here in the gameroom, we all love a lot of things besides anime and video games! Youtube binges and African-American comedies are a huge, huge favorite for everyone. Specifically, this one day we were all watching Key & Peele. While most everyone was laughing at some of the skits, in the background one could easily hear the moans and groans of none other than Eggy, sometimes wishing this could be Star Wars instead, and other times actually watching but taking a lot of jokes seriously. Well, up comes a skit about brothers, with the quote: "Dude! I am 34 years old... I am a grown-ass man! I have GRANDCHILDREN!" We were rolling, Eggy decides to interject, "Yeah, that's what happens when you're ghetto!" Many people's faces when...
As you may remember as well, Eggy is only the best of SciFi critics. If it does not reminisce of Star Wars or include features from Tolkien or other fantasy stories, he will most likely be uninterested. Regardless, I decided to show him how I was doing my story via RPG Maker, because I don't know many others who are too interested, and wanna get the word out at least. His next set of ideas includes:
-"You should put in a dimensional rift that transports them into the Star Wars universe!" In a world where magic and/or the Force isn't even a concept, where guns still fire bullets, where space travel isn't even a priority, and where the main themes are ideological power struggle and the frustration of two species needing to collaborate (while at the same time learning each other's languages!).... I'd say adding anything Star Wars would make zero sense, and I'd likely get my ass sued, neither of which I'd like :P
-"Why don't you get inspiration from these creatures?" This wasn't actually a bad idea. But personally, the idea of using one world's book of creatures (which, these are basically hybrids of earth organisms) to inspire another doesn't click with me. When you're dealing with a distant planet, there's just so many more possibilities to mess around with than flying rats and genetically-modified dinosaurs!
-"The villain looks cool. Make him sound like Megatron!" Nothing neckbeardy, just... unexpected. I get that Frank Welker sounds badass, and that my villain is a tech-flashing, emotionless dickwipe that turns into a Joker-level insane manchild. But, he's bird-people... I'd imagine Gilbert Gottfried before anything close to Megatron, ahahaha!
------Broadcast Section 3: I know I'm weird, he thinks I'm a weirdo.------

Cue SPORE, one of my favorite games and my best tool for writing one of my stories. While I'm showing off some of my creatures, he's suddenly reminded of a Star Wars creature, and then another, and then another. He asks me if I've ever made any of them in the game, or if I was interested: "Not really." .... "Really? Why not? Wouldn't it be fun?" .... "It could be... It's not so much that I can't do it, it just never occurred to me to draw someone else's creatures in this kinda game." He ends up speechless for a bit on that. (I get it, it's fun to fanfiction sometimes. But truth be told, it's not really my thing :P )
After the thing with his classmates, Eggy asks me if I have a "waifu." (For those unfamiliar with Japanese pop culture, that is a term, used often jokingly, to refer to anime characters one would marry given the opportunity.) I reply "Uhhh, no.", and can't tell whether or not he's joking, until he answers "Really?" and gives me this "wtf" look.

------Final Section: Pet Peeves and a Question------
I'm watching vines, I fucking love that shit. This collection happens to be 15 minutes long, and by the time he arrives at the scene he's already got plans for what videos he wants me to watch. While I'm cracking up at these, you can hear him getting more and more impatient, going as far as being condescending ("Come on, this is boring!") Me being me I forget to check the clock and realize, "Shit, I gotta get to class!" ... "Wait, I forgot to show you my video!" ... "Sorry dude, I gotta get to class." ... "Pleeeeease!" ... "Ugh, how long is it?" ... not so specific information ... "I'm asking how long." ... "It's only a few minutes." ... "Fine." It was... amusing, to say the least.
Now, here's a curious question for y'all. Suppose you make a language, or you speak a language. You're damn proud of that shit, and suddenly someone finds this out about you. The only thing he cares to ask, though, is how to translate song lyrics, edgy quotes and sarcastic remarks that are generally only understood to an English-speaking mind. Would you find that annoying or offensive? Would you see it as an opportunity to learn English? Both?

[Team P-K] Scathach, Soldier

Name: Scathach
Primary: Soldier / Halberdier
Secondary: Myrmidon / Swordmaster
Birth Name: Scathach Vefernic
Age: 19
Height: 5’9”
Weight: 150 lbs
Race: Sairshi
Gender: Born female, genderfluid
Stats:
HP: 18+(2x2)=22
Str: 6+1=7
Mag: 0+0=0
Skl: 6+0=6
Spd: 5+3=8
Lck: 2+3=5
Def: 5+3=8
Res: 2+0=2
Growths:
HP: 30+(30x2)=90
Str: 15+45=60
Mag: 0+(5x2)=10
Skl: 15+30=45
Spd: 15+35+5=55
Lck: 5+(10x1.5)=20
Def: 10+40=50
Res: 5+35=40
The two patron points went into luck.
Skills:

Level	Name	Scathach’s Thoughts
Level 1	Def+	”If you go on out there without any armor on and expect nothing bad to happen to you, it’s your own dumb ass’s fault for whatever happens.”
Level 5	Spd+	”Doing those foot pivoting exercises really helps your coordination when you out on a craggedy-ass battlefield trying to get the jump on dudes.”
Level 10	Steel Mind	”Mind over matter’s what Pops always said; If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.”
Level 15	Quick Draw	”Y’all ever seen how you can swipe a glave from neutral into forward? Watch this.”
Promo Level 1	Lethal Stance	”Catching them in the beak of the glaive’s the hardest part, but damn that shit works. You got five minutes? You’ll be chopping off heads like you were a butcher.”
Promo Level 5	Death Blow	”You learn how to do a charging diagonal slash, and learning how to avoid that shit’ll be the first thing that idiot in front of you will never learn.”
Promo Level 10	Lancefaire	”Lances, spears, glaives, naginatas, whatever. Use something for long enough and it’s like second nature.”
Promo Level 15	Punitive	”Making it to the top means you gotta’ learn to take the worst they can give you, and give it all back to them without even sweating.”

Pair Up Bonuses:

Rank	Bonus
C	Spd
B	Spd
A	Str
A+	Str

Support Bonuses:

Rank	Bonus
C	Crit
B	Crit
A	Hit
A+	Hit

Description:
Some people got that look about them like they could snap any second and go on a rampage, then come back in time for dinner with a nice suit of blood on them, and that’s why my dad always said i’d grow up to be a great fighter. The spirit-sayers and Volur always were saying something about how I had the “spirit of the wolf” or something like that in them, but wolves always hunted in packs and I got no problem with laying someone and their whole squad out over a bar countertop without any backup.
All those magic folks got something right, at least; a wide assortment of wolf-themed nicknames, mostly stemming from my giant ass puff of silver hair, completed with a pair of blue eyes to go alongside the whole “wolf” gimmick. I ain’t sayin’ that looking like a wolf is a bad thing, but when you hear about how you’re supposed to be this wolf in the fuckin’ Wolf Clan for about 19 years it starts getting old after the first year. Even that’s being generous to all those jokers who love handing out nicknames like they’re condoms at an orgy.
There’s all this stuff going on about positive body image or something, but honestly i’ve never really doubted my body that much. It throws people off when I get called “sir”, but they just raise they eyebrows and walk off. If anyone says something about it, they get shut up, one way or another. Now, I ain’t too short, and I also ain’t too tall, and I ain’t quite thin, but I ain’t chubby neither. I suppose that makes me a pretty regular lookin’ person, but you ask anyone how you look and you respond, “regular”, all they’re gonna’ end up doing is either laughing or looking at you funny. If I said I had some good muscle to me, I ain’t gonna’ say that it ain’t like i’m tryin’ to brag, because that ain’t me boasting, that’s an astute measure of self-assessment. And I ain’t bad looking neither. Maybe weird looking if i’m a guy, but then i’m just getting into semantics and all that “who am I really” kind of crap and you aren’t a therapist or a bartender, so i’ll save it.
Now, of course everyone’s gotta ask, “Hey Scathach, what pronouns you use?” What pronouns do you use? People call me sir and son and i’ve been ma’am’ed enough just to get over the whole thing about who I am and am not. Truth is, I am who I am, and I don’t care enough about the formalities behind this whole gender fiasco to really care all that much of what other people think of me. That too much for you ? Say my name.
Personality:
Okay, first of all, if you really gotta ask what i’m like, you ain’t getting the best explanation. In case you just haven’t been paying attention to a word i’ve been saying this whole time, I say it how it is. If I see dumb, imma’ say it’s dumb. People call it bitchiness, but I call it being honest.
And while i’m at that point, I don’t take shit from anyone. You spend too much of your life wondering who you are and what you’re doing that you don’t need anyone else saying you aren’t good enough for whatever it is you’re doing. The way I see it, most other people just ask a lot of questions to make up for the fact that they ain’t got a thing to say. Attitude is everything, and I got enough attitude to make up for the whole court of Ankeadtir.
When shit all goes down, I am of the attitude that if people wanna fight, let’s fight. Yeah, a Geirfreki loving fights, i’m original, I know. You can call it confrontational or you can call it brave; whatever you want to call it, if people want to fight with me, they getting ready to get their ass beat. Now don’t go around thinking that I just go around fighting everyone with at least two legs and thinking imma become the greatest spear fighter in the world by decapitating an old man in his walker. If you’re so clearly out of your league that you don’t know what you getting yourself into, I ain’t about to do what all the other guys would and teach you a lesson. I ain’t like that.
I don’t care what nobody says about themselves, everybody likes to hear themselves talk. We all rant inside our own little heads, and we keep it all to ourselves, but we don’t ever stop talking none. So, if it’s all in my head and I ain’t got nothing to hide, but I got the balls to say it all unlike 90% of all y’all out there, of course i’m gonna go off and talk to other people. I ain’t no shut-in, and I sure as hell ain’t afraid of what other people got to say about me.
Bio:
I thought about calling this section “background”, but I decided against it because it’d just be a list of some important stuff and a lot of stuff that’s either so far back that it don’t matter no more, or just plain uninteresting shit that nobody wants to hear about. Then I thought about calling it “life overview”, but this ain’t no essay, and I certainly ain’t no academic. So, I thought i’d just call it a little bio and get it all over with.
So in case my name wasn’t a dead giveaway, yeah, I ain’t exactly a native to Clan Geirfreki. Pops tells me it’s because he found me all alone while he was out on a raid and while he’d give it to the Empire all he wanted, he wasn’t no heartless bastard and wasn’t about to let no baby starve to death, and he and his wife always wanted to have a son, so even though I didn’t really have all the right parts to be what most other folks’d call “son material” (‘cause I dunno many sons who got a pair of tits) I guess that didn’t matter none to him. Now, why he didn’t bother giving me a different name when he found me, I dunno. Maybe it’s some sort of diss towards the Empire or something, or maybe he and all the folks up north thought Scathach was just some cool foreign name and didn’t care none about the origins of it all. Still, he and everyone else didn’t treat me any differently because of it. Got the regular 3 or 4 meals a day, mom who made breakfast and told me bedtime stories, and all the other stuff that good parents do. Maybe it’s that whole Stockholm Syndrome thing I keep hearing about, but that’s that and there’s nothing I can do about it all now.
You know, when you’re a kid, you spend a ton of time dreaming about what you wanna do when you grow up, and not only ‘cause people won’t fucking stop asking you about it. I’ll admit it’s an important question, but hell if I know what the world’s supposed to look like in the next 5 years, nevertheless what it’ll be like in 20 when i’ll actually be grown up and looking for that dream to fulfill. But people kept asking me “Hey Scathach, what do you wanna be when you grow up?”, and i’d always give them the same answer: “I wanna be a motherfuckin’ badass; you better ask somebody.” You ask a dumb question, you’ll get a dumb answer.
So yeah, i’d go around here and there learning how to quote unquote “be a badass”, but all the badasses’ve been doing this kinda shit since they been put in diapers and could walk and hold a spear forwards and been told to go stab whatever’s right in front of them. Truth was, I was sorta the same way, ‘cause Pops would always give me a spear and tell me to go out and find us something good for dinner, which meant using a motherfuckin’ javelin and chasing down a damn deer until it got tired. Good exercise I guess, but chasing down a deer and learning to catch a sword’s blade between the spike and the glave head are two different skills. Maybe what I wanna actually say is that I wished I had spent more of that time learning more practical shit instead of some busywork that you just need to do, but it’s all whatever and i’m just ranting to nobody at this point.
Everyone remembers their first fight. Don’t matter if you smacked someone so hard they grandparents felt it or if you got beat down from someone so far above you that you thought the Gods themselves pulled they pants down and took turns taking shits on you, you remember exactly how it went down. You can talk it up or talk it down all you want, but in your first fight, you learn what kind of person you really are. So you go on out there, you think you hard, but you’re scared. Everyone’s scared. You see that giant Fornish dude over there, so big you think he eats Morthirian soldiers for breakfast and kills people like you go through a flower patch pickin’ flowers? He’s scared. He won’t admit it, but he scared shitless, because he knows if he fucks this up all that work he put in his whole life is all gone. Now if something like that makes an old veteran quake up inside, what it does to someone fresh off the dojo makes them either go berserk or turtle up. There ain’t no in-between. And when I was fighting for the first time when I was 14, I went so fuckin’ berserk I didn’t know if i’d ever stop. You didn’t know how to tell if someone was down for good, so sometimes you’d chop ‘em up until you couldn’t make out what was what in they dead body until you were certain that a cleric’d look right at them and not even try. I was damn scared, i’ll admit it. I ain’t no coward, but I was scared back then.
But you fight through the fear. You do things even though they terrify you, just out of principle. You go, “Think you can step all over me? Fuck you, you little fuckin’ worm.” You don’t show your fear no more and just know that when it’s time to lay a motherfucker down, you lay ‘em out so hard nobody’ll speak they name ‘cause they can feel that pain just from talkin’ about it.
So yeah, you get pretty good at doing this whole fighting thing when you live somewhere where the size of your glaive’s more important than whatever you’re packin’ in your pants or under that shirt. I went from tournament to tournament, win some, lose some, learn lots of good shit from all the people you meet and how to counter all that bullshit techniques people save for the final round and pull out outta’ nowhere. If there’s one thing you learn from tryin’ to do what basically every kid from here to the motherfuckin’ border of Caincrath wants to do, it’s learning how to adapt to what you’re given, and how to handle shit you ain’t never seen before. I got pretty good at learning how to use a polearm. Why a polearm? It’s because all them swordmasters and berserkers just all go crazy learning how to motherfuckin’ cleave people in half and all go “FEAR MY BLADE OR AXE OR WHATEVER BULLSHIT” and forget they was people in the first place. You ever meet a crazy spear master? Let me give you a few seconds to think about it. Nothing? Yeah, I thought so.
You get the skills, you get the equipment, yada yada yada, something something you need to wake up and make money. I could have gone out and started raiding, and y’know, being there together with all the dudes out on a rape and pillage mission killing everything from the town guard to some lady protecting her baby’s all good and fun in the Wolf Clan tradition, but y’know, there’s kinda moral obligations against that (insofar that anyone cares about that kinda shit anymore). There was something about some kind of smuggling deals going on down in Traroe, and they might be slavers, but at least I could probably do something like make some of the inventory go missing to the local brothel or whatever it is escaped slaves do.
Additional Notes:
The entirety of this application is written in first person and is in-character.

Wolfram, the Man with a Broken Past

!!!!!LOOK AT THE FIRST COMMENT!!!!!
Callsign: Wolfram
Real Name: Liam Lowell
Height: 5'6"
Age: 30
Nationality: Scottish
Occupation: Student (Formerly), Vishkar Employee (Formerly), Overwatch Agent (Reformed) (Current)
Hometown: Edinburgh, Scotland
Affiliation-
Architect Academy (Formerly)
Vishkar Corporation (Formerly)
Overwatch (Reformed) (Current)
Role: Support
Total Health: 200
Movement Speed: 5.8
Ammo Capacity: 5
1st Spawn Quote: Life's a joke! I'm just here for the punchline.
Difficulty: ✮
Bio-
Liam Lowell lived an impoverished life until he was brought to the Architech Academy by the Vishkar Corporation. During his experience at the Academy, his life was relatively unremarkable. His grades were average, besides his music class, which he excelled in with his flute. However, there was one aspect of the Academy Liam couldn't grasp; Hard Light manipulation. He wasn't particularly comfortable with the fact that he was literally bending reality, but he nonetheless made an effort to work on his skills, though with few results. He failed most Hard light related exams, which significantly impacted his overall average. Liam had asked people for help, but Hard Light manipulation was hard enough for them as it was. People also bullied Liam, as he was clumsy to say the least, and would usually fall if he was pushed, further complicating his problem. One day head heard of two top student that were giving Hard Light related tutoring sessions. Liam decided to take them up on their offer. This was when Liam first became acquainted with Satya Vaswani and Hugo Eisert. They both told Liam that the likely cause of his problem was that the Academy had taught him that Hard Light manipulation was mechanical, while it was meant to be more freeform. They suggested he find a more specific area of study. Liam though about it and decided he was tired of being pushed and falling over. His field of study would be gravity, though he had to be able to use Hard Light for music as well. Liam set out to learn as much as he could about gravity and eventually, with the help of his tutors, he was able to apply gravity to his Hard Light. Liam was absolutely elated, both at the fact that he was finally able to master the tech and that he had found new friends. Liam, Hugo and Satya eventually graduated and went into Vishkar together. Hugo came to Liam and Satya with an interesting fact. Most, if not all, of Vishkar's employees had few memories and knew they had come from poor environments. Now that Hugo mentioned it, the gears in Liam's head began to turn; that story applied to him, and some other people he knew as well. It was Liam himself that suggested that they break into the records building to discover their origins. He seemed the most eager to know about his past. While Satya and Hugo both had their doubts about breaking and entering, they eventually agreed. Liam used his gravity to blow the door open, Hugo used his mechanical prowess to unlock the lock on the student records and Satya's turrets acted as a defense against any guards. Liam was finally face-to-face with his past. What he found was shocking; he was to be forcibly removed from his impoverished life by Vishkar. When his parents did not comply, the agents murdered them and took their child. All of a sudden, Liam remembered the event in vivid detail, which was odd, as neither of his friends seemed to remember their pasts. Liam saw horrible images; the agents knocking in their door asking for him, the bloody bodies of her parents and those two horrible words on repeat in his head. "Mom? Dad?" He was momentarily overcome, before Hugo asked him to come with him back to his hometown in Crete. Liam knew he couldn't let Hugo alone, so he agreed. As Hugo argued with Satya, Liam stood by and refused to comment. As Liam and Hugo traveled, Hugo asked if Liam regretted his decision, to which he replied he didn't. They were later found by the agents of Overwatch (note: this is the reformed Overwatch. By this time it had already broken up and come back together). Liam pleaded with Hugo to stay, but could not manage it; Hugo's as determined to be sent back to Crete. Finally, after Hugo's parents were determined to be dead, Liam had had enough and told his friend that he was staying no matter what. Hugo agreed. Like him, there are 5 stories which explain his relationships.
Abilities
Passive: Clumsy Acrobatics
Wolfram is outfitted with special gravity boots. While they don't always work, when they do, they allow him to jump very high and boost his speed.
Speed is boosted by for 2 meters per second and jump is tripled every 5 seconds for 3 seconds, surrounded in a blue aura during it ....................
Main Attack: G-Force Rifle
Wolfram shoots a compressed Ball of gravitational force. Whenever he shoots a pellet, whoever he shoots is pushed back.
2 RPS (2.5 seconds per clip), 1 second reload (3.5 seconds per clip), 30 damage per shot, 3 meter push back, Medium Travel Time
Alternate Fire: Inertia Boost
Wolfram projects a small ranged blast from his gun that pushes him back a distance. It pushes him in the exact opposite direction of the way he is facing.
1 RPS, 50 damage, 1 meter range, 3 meter push back
Lines;
Weeeee! (Using)
Whistles (Using)
Take a look! (Using) ....................
Airlock
Wolfram creates an area of gravity that decreases the time needed for the next reload for allies in his immediate area.
14 second cooldown, -.35 second reload time for next reload, range is a 1 meter radius, doesn't effect Wolfram
Lines;
Come to me! (Using)
Just keep shooting, shooting, shooting, shooting, shooting. (Using) (Reference to Finding Nemo)
Keep it UP! (Using) ....................
Double Bond
Wolfram projects a beam of Hard Light to one of his allies, linking the two, as long as they're in the same area. The beam splits damage evenly between the two and breaks after either takes 100 damage (note 1: damage that has been healed still counts toward the total) (note 2: the 100 damage count is not collective between the characters; one of the two people,needs to take 100 damage, not 50/50 or 60/40).
10 second cooldown, 10 meter range
Lines;
Not on my watch, haha! (Using)
It's a miracle! (Using)
Here we go. (Using)
Woah! What was that? (Bond breaks)
Bond is down! (Bond breaks) ....................
Ultimate: Matter of Force
Wolfram creates a dark void that pushes people away and completely denies entry into a certain area.
Locks off 8 meter radius, pushes farther when nearer to the center, Lasts 7 seconds
Lines;
You shall not pass! (Self and Hostile) (Reference to Lord of the Rings)
It's a matter of force, you see. (Friendly) ....................
Pros: High potential mobility and excepted potential, Excels at pushing people out of position, Unique supportive abilities
Strong Against-
Genji: Wolfram's speed easily allows him to evade Genji's shurikens. He can also escape Genji if he gets too close and knock him back during his ultimate.
Pharah: Because Wolfram can also jump up into the sky, he can contest Pharah's airspace. He also moves quickly and can avoid both her rockets and escape her ultimate.
Hanzo: Hanzo is simply not fast enough to contest Wolfram and Wolfram's speed make him a difficult target to hit with Hanzo's arrows.
Mei: Mei has basically no tools which are particularly effective against Wolfram. Her main attack can be avoided with Inertia Boost, her alt is difficult to hit, Wolfram can scale the Ice Wall and completely avoid Blizzard.
Torbjorn: Wolfram is not usually the first to enter an area, making him an unlikely target for Torbjorn's turret. Even if he is targeted, he can very easily escape.
Widowmaker: Wolfram is extremely hard for Widowmaker to pin down and reliably shoot. By the time she has grappled to get a better angle, it is possible that Wolfram has already left the area. Wolfram also excels at contesting space and pushing Widowmaker out of position.
Reinhardt: Wolfram is mostly safe from Reinhardt's hammer and even if he is in range, escaping is easily done. He can also push Reinhardt out from a position wher he is shield into his allies.
Roadhog: Wolfram should almost always be outside of hook range and if he sees a hook coming, he can quickly dodge it.
Cons: All abilities (including ultimate) only cover a telegraphed amount of space, Long ability recharge times, Unreliable passive ability
Weak Against-
Tracer: Tracer is just as fast as Wolfram and vastly out-damages him. She can also recall to recover from being pushed off the map.
Soldier: 76: Soldier can get in on Wolfram using his Sprint ability and can easily dispatch him if he is careful around ledges.
Sombra: Sombra can easily get in on Wolfram and if she is able to Hack him, it is a virtually a guaranteed kill, as Wolfram lives and dies by his abilities. Sombra can also teleport to escape being pushed off the map.
D.va: D.va has no issues approaching Wolfram and easily blocks his shots. Her damage is bounds above his and peeing pushed off isn't exactly a problem for her either.
Winston: Winston constantly harasses Wolfram and doesn't care about being pushed off.
Zarya: Zarya's beam can hit Wolfram despite his speed.
Symmetra: Symmetra's turrets and main fire both work pin Wolfram down, which he despises. Her teleporter is also a very good counter to Wolfram's main attack.
Zenyatta: Zenyatta's Discord Orb forces Wolfram to retreat, which is very bad for him.
Synergies
Wolfram is the second character to use gravity in the game (the first being Zarya), but he plays no where nears Zarya, or any current character for that matter. He is focused on supporting his allies through helpful buffs, rather than healing them and making sure he is not pinned down. Case in point, his passive, Clumsy Acrobatics. Basically it gives him a boost to his movement and jump height every five seconds for three seconds. This ability has multiple uses, such as initiating a fight, getting out of a sticky situation, or taking a shortcut. However, do not rely upon this ability, as it is not always active, but as you play Wolfram you will get a sense of when it will activate. Wolfram's main weapons, the G-Force Rifle, is unique in that its main purpose is not to damage the enemy, but push people out of position and off of the map. This is one of his main benefits, but it does limit him in the damage category. Somewhat supplementing this is Wolfram's alternate attack, Inertia Boost. While it does have a higher damage output per shot, overall using it for this reason is simply ineffective, as it is very short ranged and Wolfram does not have the necessary health to sustain that range. Rather, it as tool to escape close range engagements quickly and can even be used to boost Wolfram into the sky. His first ability is called Airlock, which reduces the reload time for any allies in Wolfram's immediate range, a completely unique ability. This is an ability that can have significant impact, allowing you allies less downtime in their next battle, but must be used very carefully, as it has an extreme cooldown time. Please note it does not Wolfram himself. His second ability, Double Bond, evenly distributes da,age between Wolfram and one of his allies. This is a great ability all around as it can potentially save allies or Wolfram himself. However, the ability also requires team coordination to use properly, or else it will be wasted. Wolfram's ultimate ability is a bit of an odd ability, but is nonetheless useful. It locks off an eight meter radius (16 meter diameter) and pushes back anyone caught in the middle. This is helpful to prevent flanking, defend an objective or payload, and/or throw people off the map.
Niche
While Wolfram is certainly an odd support character considering the ones currently in the game, unlike Symmetra, he is correctly placed. His main goal should be to run around the battlefield supporting his allies, staying out of danger, and generally being an annoyance to his enemies. While he may not have a great damage output, he can instantly kill enemies by forcing them off the map with his main weapon. He has unique abilities that allow his allies to constantly stay in the fight and himself to not be in much danger. Overall, he is not for the play of the game hogs, but for those who wish to be able to provide helpful and selfless buffs to their team, as well as have a literal and figurative Blast with his blistering speed.
Victory Poses
Default: Wolfram looks directly at the camera from a slight angle.
Classic: Wolfram's rifle faces the ground and he leans on it with his left arm.
Tribute: Wolfram sits on his legs with his rifle laid out horizontally in front of him.
Victory Song: Wolfram is seen in the middle of playing his flute.
Bonus- Activates if Solon, Reinhardt and Wolfram are all on the same team and they win.
Trinity: Reinhardt stands holding Solon on his right shoulder and Wolfram on his left. Both are smiling and of Reinhardt is wearing a skin with no mask, he can be seen doing the same.
Emote
Default: Wolfram claps several time.
I'm a Player: Wolfram projects his flute and plays a short tune.
I'm Warning You: Wolfram projects three Warning shots into the air.
Yes!: Wolfram laughs and the points as he nods his head.
Great job: Wolfram does the ASL sign for respect.
It worked this time: Wolfram spins his gun then looks relieved that he didn't drop it.
Highlight Intro
Default: Wolfram projects his gun and happily waves with his other hand.
Perfect Pitch: Wolfram creates three notes of Hard Light and throws them into the air. He then shoots each, as they each let loose a different note.
Happens all the time: Wolfram runs sporadically around using his gravity boots before falling on his face. He then hold his thumb to indicate that he's not too hurt.
Up we go!: Wolfram jumps high using his gravity boots and further raises himself using his Inertia Boost, with the camera catching in midair, very much enjoying it.
Visuals-
Wolfram is reasonably short, an inch taller than his friend Solon. Being of European decent, he is very pale skinned. He has been called both younger and older than he is. As a self-described nerd, Wolfram's clothing reflects this. He wears a black graphic teeshirt with the picture of a falling apple that says "What's better than a ton? A Newton!" He opts for light blue pants, with his Gravity Boots, which are a relatively dull silver and light blue accents. His Hard Light projectors are gloves which match and have red accents as well. His hair is a relatively short dark blonde and his eyes are small and dark green.
Rare Skins
Pink Lady: Shirt is pink.
Granny Smith: Shirt is green.
Golden Delicious: Shirt is yellow.
Honeycrisp: Shirt is a deep red.
Epic Skins
Patriotic: Wolfram wears a blue shirt with a white X on it, mirroring the Scottish flag. His pants are now white and his gloves and boots are blue.
Rampant: Wolfram has a orangish-yellow shirt with a red graphic of the Rampant Lion. His pants are tan and his gloves and boots are copper.
Legendary Skins
Corryvreckan: Wolfram taps even further into his Scottish heritage. He is dressed as a semi-traditional highlander would be. He has a blue and black tartan kilt and a similarly colored full plaid, which is a long piece of traditional dress that is pleated. He also has a sporran, which is a leather or fur pocket that is positioned in front of the groin. His gravity boots are no longer boots at all, but now traditional reddish brogues with lacing that works to hold his socks. His gloves are a matching color to his gloves.
Finn: Similar to the above. The kilt is gold with a darker embroidered pattern on the lining. The full plaid is green and gold, the shoes are black. Instead of the sporran, Wolfram has a shining helmet of pure silver and gloves that match.
Unique Quotes-
A highlander never quits. (Respawn)
CHARGE! (Using Airlock)
Another for my flag. (Getting a kill)
For my homeland! (Using Matter of Force(Self and Hostile))
Play the anthem of my people! (Using Matter of Force(Friendly))
Maestro: Liam reflects his musical aspirations. He wears a long gentleman's coat made out of brocade with a complex pattern of red roses, with black trim, and gold button, all but one of which are buttoned. Underneath he has a cream ruffled shirt, though only the ruffles can be seen. His pants are brown dress slacks and the boots and gloves are both grey and more formal than his other skins.
Virtuoso: Similar to the above. The coat is black with a print of white musical notes and trim, while the buttons are silver. The shirt is white. The slacks are grey and the boots and gloves are brass colored.
Unique Quotes-
Looks like that note went a little flat. (Respawn)
Let's play a tune. (Using Double Bond)
Guess the duet is done. (Bond breaks)
Now! Your swan song. (Using Matter of Force(Self and Hostile))
Time for my solo! (Using Matter of Force(Friendly))
Personality
Unlike his friend, Liam is mostly what he seems at a single glance. Even to those who are unfamiliar with him, Liam is a very happy person and doesn't let himself become burdened easily. He isn't religious, but he believes deeply in the karmic balance of the world and Ying and Yang, which both comfort him and contribute to his belief that good will triumph in the end. Liam's attitude allows him to be a very good giver of advice, a fact which contributed to his friendship with Hugo. Good friends will find that Liam is zany, to say the least, and love making people smile. However, there is also a hidden side to Liam. Owed to his very hard life and the loss of his parents, Liam is depressive and can be haunted by some of his memories. Both Liam and Hugo are depressive and effected by anything that happens. Liam just chooses not to show it. That is not Liam's main personality; he is very optimistic, a bit crazy and constantly makes puns and references. He also loves to act like a dog, saying things loudly and more than once as they fit his wacky and energetic personality. He is very passionate about his heritage but doesn't normally use any of the slang, except in his Scottish skins. To compensate for the fact that he only speaks English, he knows sign language, and his animations for certain lines, such as hello and thank you, are him signing the word.
These are his closest relationships-
Mei: Mei is very much the welcoming committee of Overwatch. So, when she heard that there was a new agent in their midst, she just had to meet him. When she came to his room, Liam welcomed Mei and Mei began her speech about Overwatch and tstate of the world. Mei was surprised when Liam actually let her finish it. Mei then busted out one of her trademark puns as she began to leave. Before she could, Liam responded with another pun, which then turned into a pun battle. They laughed and laughed, as it was kind of unspoken that they had just pretty much become best friends. One day Mei was trying to memorize the periodic elements (because why not) and asked Liam to quiz her. When they got to Tungsten, Liam asked why its symbol was W, to which Mei replied that it stood for Wolfram. Liam liked the sound of that and the name stuck. Mei is also teaching Liam Chinese
Mercy: One day Mei and Liam were working on his Gravity Boots when Liam told a joke. Mei laughed hysterically and accidentally sent a gravitational shockwave through the area. Mei wasn't harmed, but Liam was. Mei ran out of the room screaming for doctor Ziegler. Mercy took him to the medical ward and told Mei that he would be okay if he got some rest. Liam woke up disoriented in the medical ward and Mercy explained the situation. Liam explained that he was having trouble with his gravity boots. Mercy actually knew a good deal about gravity, as she had to learn to control it with her suit. After Liam recovered, Mercy helped Liam and Mei figure it out. To this day, the per three of the still continue to iron out the flaws in the boots.
Ana: Unlike Hugo, Liam was actually excited to go out into the field. Ever since he heard about the legendary Overwatch team, he had dreamed about joining them. He practiced day and night with his rifle, but was constantly falling, due to both his clumsiness and the kickback on his rifle. One day, after crashing himself into a wall on the practice range, Liam sat and looked at the floor, thoroughly dismayed. Suddenly he felt something in his shoulder; a healing dart from Ana. The two greeted each other, as they had talked a small amount, and Ana said she had seen him fall…more than once. She offered to teach Liam how to shoot. Liam was apprehensive; he knew Ana was a good shot, but he also knew she had more important things to do. To show him her dedication, Ana took Liam's rifle and expertly shot several training bots. Liam then agreed. Not only did Liam become a much improved shot, the two also often laughed with each other and Ana provided the wisdom befitting the old and wise warrior she was.
Lucio: When Liam has spare time, he often plays his flute. He was doing this one day when Lucio, who's room was near Liam's, knocked on his door and asked if he was the source of the noise. Liam assumed he would complain, but on the contrary, Lucio actually wanted to watch him preform. Afterwards, Lucio asked of he wanted to preform music together the next day, which Liam of course accepted. However, the next day Lucio saw Liam projecting his flute through hard light. Lucio was able to recognize it because of his experiences with Vishkar. Liam explained that he and Hugo had came from Vishkar and the details of how they came into Overwatch. Lucio was conflicted; Liam seemed like a nice guy but he was from Vishkar, the very company which wanted to take Lucio's freedom. Lucio said he needed to think. When they next met, Lucio said he was still confused. Liam stated the he understood, but he said that there was a reason he left, other than Hugo; he didn't agree with Vishkar's methods or ideals. He had always felt that the actions of the company were morally wrong and felt similarly conflicted, as he wanted to stand up for what was right, but going against the company would cause many to see him as the morally corrupt one. It was then that Lucio realized that he had been unfairly judged Liam based in his background, which was something he told people never to do. Just because he was from Vishkar, that didn't mean that he was a bad person or even that he supported them; the company itself may be bad, but the individual employees may not. From there the two formed a powerful, if unlikely, friendship.
Tracer: Due to the variety of agents and abilities at Overwatch, agents are put into groups based upon their speed and mobility, after accounting for their abilities, and they rotate training partners daily. Liam was placed among the individuals with the highest ground speed, because of his gravity boots, along with Tracer, Genji and Lucio. Liam's first training partner was Lean Oxton, whom he had heard of and admired for her heroism. He expressed this before their training and Tracer was flattered and that somehow made her even more cheery than usual. Their match that followed was a harrowing endeavor. Because both were skilled at dodging attacks and neither was exactly an excellent shot (she was originally a pilot), the match mostly consisted of the two dodging each other's attacks and unsuccessfully trying to counterattack. After a long while of this, the two finally decided to call it a draw with a hearty laugh. The two became fast friends due to their similar dispositions and to this day they still often train and go on missions together.
Voice Lines
In just a few seconds, I'll be dashing through the battlefield. (During Setup)
It's almost time. Make sure your weapons are ready. (During Setup)
I'd like to take all of Hugo's missions here in his place. I don't think he wants to come here. (During setup on Ilios)
I wonder if there's any more gravity technology here. (During setup on Volskaya Industries)
Born free, shot to death. (Respawn)
Either I just died, or my watch has stopped. (Respawn) (Reference to Groucho Marx)
THIS-MEANS-WAR! (Respawn) (Reference to Loony Toons )
Good grief! (Respawn) (Reference to Peanuts)
Aw, man. I got shot in the face! (Respawn) (Reference to Pulp Fiction)
Stop! Stop! I'm already dead! (Respawn) (Reference to The Simpsons)
I told you, "I'll be back." (Said in a deep voice) (Respawn) (Reference to Terminator)
Well, ow. (Respawn)
I feel fantastic. (Pick Up Health Pack)
I've got all this energy. (Pick Up Health Pack)
Woo-hoo, just what I needed. (Pick Up Health Pack) (Reference to Super Mario Bros)
Who's on fire? This guy! (On Fire)
Does anyone smell something burning? (On Fire)
Time for some teamwork. (Damage Boosted)
Boom! Let's do it. (Damage Boosted)
Dang it, dang it, dang it! (Discord Orb Received)
Awesomeness! (Voted Epic(5 Votes))
Drinks are on me tonight! (Voted Epic(5 Votes))
Eat your heart out Isaac! (Voted Legendary(10 Votes))
Ohhh, YEAH! (Voted Legendary(10 Votes))
Huh…? (Stunned)
They're back. This must her work. (Enemy Resurrected)
You've helped me once again. (Resurrected)
Wolfram, ready for action! (Hero Switch)
Sniiiiiper. (Sniper Sighted)
Enemies. Get 'em, get 'em. (Enemy Seen)
Turret! Turret! I see a turret! (Turret Seen)
Say bye to that turret. (Turret Destroyed)
Me thinks I smell a teleporter. (Enemy has a teleporter)
Now, where is that teleporter? (Enemy has a teleporter)
Oh, look, I found the teleporter. (Teleporter Sighted)
No more teleporter. (Teleporter Destroyed)
Ladies and gentlemen, here I come! (Nanoboosted)
Bum bum bum! (Nanoboosted)
Are you excited? Get excited! (Nanoboosted)
We've almost won! (Time Running Out (Defense))
Times wasting! Let's move move move! (Time Running Out (Attack))
Start running. Let's win this! (Time Running Out (Attack))
We can turn it around. I'll work twice as hard. (Time Running Out (Attack))
The point's being captured. Everyone rush over. (Point being Captured (Defense))
Throw them away from our point. (Point being Captured (Defense))
Hey! Get off that objective! (Point being Captured (Defense))
The best offense is a good defense. So…offend the point. (Point being Captured (Defense))
I'm on the point. Let's do it! (Capturing Objective)
It's time! (Capturing Objective)
Let's hold down the objective. (Capturing Objective)
This is it. Move that payload. (Payload Stuck)
We have to move with the payload. (Payload Stuck)
I'm pushing the payload. (Escorting Payload (Attack))
Let's go guys. Come on! (Escorting Payload (Attack)
Gravity always wins. (Final Blow)
Another one bites the dust. (Final Blow) (Reference to Queen)
Down you go. (Final Blow)
Thank you for punderstanding. (Final Blow)
Make like lettuce and leaf. (Final Blow)
Did I blow you away? (Final Blow)
Sorry. It needed to happen. (Final Blow)
You're gone. (Final Blow)
Yay! (Final Blow)
Keep it up now. (Ally eliminated enemy)
Right back atcha'. (Revenge)
Was that cold? (Revenge)
Jello. (Hello)
Yo. (Hello)
Hi! (Hello)
Thanks! (Thank)
Aww, thanks. (Thank)
Zank you. (Thank)
Yip. (Acknowledged)
Gotcha. (Acknowledged)
Of course. (Acknowledged)
Could I get some healing? (Need Healing)
I need healing here. (Need Healing)
Over here. (Group Up)
Come with me. (Group Up)
Group up with me. (Group Up)
Come on, come on! (Group Up)
My ultimate is charging. (Ultimate Status)
My ultimate is almost ready. (Ultimate Status)
My ultimate's ready to go. (Ultimate Status)
It's ultimate time! (Ultimate Status)
Here's Liam! (Voice Line(Default)) (Reference to The Shining)
I got a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down. (Voice Line)
Obey gravity; its the law. (Voice Line)
I don't trip. I just check the gravity. (Voice Line)
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. (Voice Line) (Reference to Gone With the Wind)
They see me rollin'… (Voice Line)
Don't make me force you. (Voice Line)
I'm just a snarf! (Voice Line)
Enter the chuckle factory! (Voice Line)
Puns are always the best. Always. (Voice Line)
I'm not mad. Just disappointed. (Voice Line)
Dialogue-
Genji;
1)Wolfram- Half man, half machine, the crusader for all of Omnic kind, Genji Shimadaaaaa!
Genji- I prefer to enter unannounced. Thank you, though.
2)Genji- In our last training match, were you toying with me?
Wolfram- I get that a lot. It's just how I fight.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Genji)
Genji- As long as the sparrow is wary, he can defeat the wolf.
4)Genji- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Can I eliminate Genji? Shuriken.
McCree;
1)Wolfram- Is your watch broken?
McCree- No. What makes ya ask?
2)McCree- Y'ur friend never smiles. Could ya tell me why?
Wolfram- That'll…take some time to explain.
3)- (Is killed by McCree)
McCree- I should be used to dealing with wolves.
4)McCree- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- BANG!
Pharah;
1)Wolfram- Fly Pharah, fly hiiiiiigh!
Pharah- Umm…you too…
2)Pharah- How do you not break your legs when you jump so high?
Wolfram- Hmm…I don't really know.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Pharah)
Pharah- One step towards aerial superiority.
4)Pharah- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- You really rocket.
Reaper;
1)Wolfram- You getting ready for a wedding or something?
Reaper- …No.
2)Reaper- Stop with the word play.
Wolfram- Aw, but I'm so punny.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Reaper)
Reaper- That's enough out of you.
4)Reaper- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Rip!
Soldier 76;
1)Wolfram- Wow, you need to lead to take a joke.
Soldier: 76- And you should learn to take this seriously.
2)Soldier: 76- Support me, got it? No funny business.
Wolfram- Sir, yes Sir!
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Soldier: 76)
Solider: 76- I'm not sure I trust you.
4)Soldier: 76- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- I salute you.
Sombra;
1)Wolfram- Just to let you know, I could turn you in at any moment.
Sombra- I could say the same to you.
2)Sombra- You and your friend were very mischievous back in the day.
Wolfram- You don't know the whole story.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Sombra)
Sombra- I've got leverage now.
4)Sombra- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Now logging off.
Tracer;
1)Wolfram- Try to keep up Tracer!
Tracer- Haha, I was about to say the same thing.
2)Tracer- Get ready for…
Wolfram- …some speedy kills!
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Tracer)
Tracer- Finally, we ended a match.
4)Tracer- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- I won…? I WON!
Bastion;
1)Wolfram- Hey, Bastion! Can you sing?
Bastion- Makes humming sounds
2)Bastion- Makes flute-like sounds
Wolfram- Wow, you really can repeat what I play.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Bastion)
Bastion- Makes flute-like sounds as if it was a question
4)Bastion- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- There were many like him but this one is ours.
Hanzo;
1)Wolfram- Sniping is fun, eh Hanzo?
Hanzo- Fun…? I've never thought of it as such . 2)Hanzo- Please try to reign in your friend.
Wolfram- No one can do that. No one.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Hanzo)
Hanzo- It matters not how you move if you cannot hit your target.
4)Hanzo- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Aw, stop dragon your feet.
Junkrat;
1)Wolfram- You're a twisted clown, aren't you?
Junkrat- As long as you get laughs, it's all the same, right?
2)Junkrat- Your comedy needs some work, mate.
Wolfram- MY comedy!?
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Junkrat)
Junkrat- Competition? What competition?
4)Junkrat- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Last comic standing!
Mei;
1)Wolfram- Mei I ask you a question?
Mei- Oh, just Liam alone.
2)Mei- Liam, have you been practicing your Chinese?
Wolfram- 哦, 是的! (Oh, yes!)
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Mei)
Mei- You're truly a force to be reckoned with.
4)Mei- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- I'll have to put you on ice.
Solon;
1)Wolfram- Hey Hugo! What was the physics professor's first name?
Solon- Umm…oh, I know, Atom!
2)Solon- Thank you for the friction device. It fits my purposes well.
Wolfram- No problem. I was just returning the favor for that linking gadget you made me.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Solon)
Solon- Your speed doesn't fool me.
4)Solon- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- I've seen all your tricks…or at least most of them.
Bonus Conversation (Ilios Only)-
Wolfram- Hugo…are you sure you're okay with being here?
Solon- To be honest, I'm not. However, people need me right now. I still need to fight.
Wolfram- Alright. Tell me if you get overwhelmed.
Torbjorn;
1)Wolfram- Did you actually get your beard caught in a letterbox?
Torbjorn- I…don't think you got what I meant.
2)Torbjorn- You're fast, but you can't out run my turret.
Wolfram- Well, then I'll just destroy it.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Torbjorn)
Torbjorn- I will keep my baby's safe from you.
4)Torbjorn- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- You were really grinding your gears.
Widowmaker;
1)Wolfram- So, can you find anything funny?
Widowmaker- I don't see the use.
2)Widowmaker- I'd be careful if I was you, boy.
Wolfram- Are you threatening me?
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Widowmaker- Finally, that noise is gone.
4)- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- No bites!
D.va;
1)Wolfram- If anyone can beat Hugo at video games, it's you.
D.va- Just leave it to me!
2)D.va- Let's see who can fly higher.
Wolfram- Alright, but my boots are finicky.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by D.va)
D.va- That should slow you down.
4)D.va- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Game over.
Reinhardt;
1)Wolfram- Hey dad! Für gerechtigkeit! (For justice!)
Reinhardt- Hahaha, und für die zukunft! (…and for the future!)
2)Reinhardt- I shall shield you. Can I count of you to support me?
Wolfram- Anytime.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Reinhardt)
Reinhardt- This one…was hard.
4)Reinhardt- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Shot through the Hardt. (Reference to Bon Jovi)
Roadhog;
1)Wolfram- That guy with you seems like a clown.
Roadhog- You won't see me laughing.
2)Roadhog- Do you always need to make puns?
Wolfram- Hmm…yes.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Roadhog)
Roadhog- I don't need another joker.
4)Roadhog- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- The pig couldn't escape the wolf.
Winston;
1)Wolfram- You've really got a great sense of humor, Winston.
Winston- Umm, thanks. You'd…make a great stand up comedian.
2)Winston- I'm glad your here. I need some comic relief.
Wolfram- That's what I'm here for!
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Winston)
Winston- You're not the only one who can jump up high.
4)Winston- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- You're always monkeying around…wait, is that right?
Zarya;
1)Wolfram- You use gravity too? Cool!
Zarya- I use it to attract, not repel.
2)Zarya- I believe you are misusing your powers.
Wolfram- Believe you me, I know a lot about gravity.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Zarya)
Zarya- This could be what I've been looking for.
4)Zarya- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- There can only be one!
Ana;
1)Wolfram- Dual rifle support team, GO!
Ana- Hehe, we'll show them we deserve respect.
2)Ana- It seems you took to my teachings.
Wolfram- Well, I was learning from the best.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Ana)
Ana- A good shot can can hit their target regardless of speed.
4)Ana- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Thanks for everything!
Bonus Conversation-
Ana- Liam, when are we going to go out and find you a girlfriend?
Wolfram- Umm, Ana? I already have a girlfriend.
Ana- Oh, is that so? You'll have to introduce me. Though I have the feeling it's someone I'm already familiar with.
Lucio;
1)Wolfram- Sound off!
Lucio- One and Two!
2)Lucio- Lets see how fast we can go.
Wolfram- We won't even give 'em a chance to blink.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Lucio)
Lucio- You can't out-speed me!
4)Lucio- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- Now that what I call breaking it down.
Mercy;
1)Wolfram- Lets fly, little angel.
Mercy- Of course. Leave it to me.
2)Mercy- How far along are you in perfecting your technology.
Wolfram- It's still of the fritz. But we'll get there someday.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Mercy)
Mercy- A wolf in the sky…that's something new.
4)Mercy- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- No Mercy!
Symmetra;
1)Wolfram- Satya, what are you doing in a place like this!?
Symmetra- I'm afraid I cannot tell you Liam.
2)Symmetra- If you are still conflicted, we would accept you back.
Wolfram- Sorry, Satya, but I can't do that.
3)Wolfram- (Is killed by Symmetra)
Symmetra- You need not concern yourself with me.
4)Symmetra- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- What happens next…?
Zenyatta;
1)Wolfram- Say, were you ever part of the circus?
Zenyatta- Not per se, but you might say I was part of a troupe.
2)Zenyatta- Young minds need guidance. Please seek me out if you find yourself in need.
Wolfram- Will do. Thank you for the offer.
3)- (Is killed by Zenyatta)
Zenyatta- You are truly a soul like no other I've met.
4)Zenyatta- (Is killed by Wolfram)
Wolfram- As a musician, I can't have discord.

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