Why the Joker has never killed Harley : FanTheories

(2020) Invisible Man 9/10
This remake, simply put, is excellent. I’m a huge fan of Leigh Whannell and while I do think the story itself is fantastic, it’s his directing that blew me away. This movie is so fucking tense without showing anything for a huge majority of its runtime. When shit actually starts to go down, it’s the definition of thrilling. Elisabeth Moss killed her role.
(2020) The Rental 8/10
The meat and bones of this movie is a character driven drama story. It’s tense and having so much knowledge right away as the viewer that the characters don’t have is frankly anxiety inducing, in a good way. I thought all four main performances were fantastic, especially Sheila Vand. There’s a moment in the film where everything is abruptly subverted in a grand horror fashion and depending on your tastes, that may be off-putting. To me, it was absolutely genius. Dave Franco directed the fuck out of this movie and eliminated all the comfort of campiness that great slashers usually hold.
(2020) Relic 8/10
Robyn Nevin is fantastic here and all the supporting roles are great but not only does this woman make the movie, she is the movie. Her dialogue, her delivery and her body language, at least to me, are a huge chunk of the entire plot. I just found this movie to be gentle until it isn’t, which makes for the most tense moments. It’s a very claustrophobic film; I think it does justice to a very serious and frightening illness.
(2020) Palm Springs 8/10
It doesn’t take long to catch on that, while this is a romantic comedy, it’s also a sci-fi horror film and a specific subset of sci-fi that makes me anxious. So in some regards, at least to genre placement, there’s my bias. The movie is seriously a treat though. It’s a new spin on an old formula and it’s genuinely funny, suspenseful and endearing. Even if you disagree that it shouldn’t be discussed in the horror circles, you won’t regret watching it.
(2020) Shirley 7/10
It’s an incredibly interesting film for many reasons but mostly because it exists as a biopic, as well as a psychological horror film. Jackson is played Elisabeth Moss who is just wonderful. She really brought to life the internal struggle of Jackson. I’d suggest doing some research before diving into this because her profession during the time period was not glamorous or widely accepted, which gives context to, well, everything.
(2020) Becky 8/10
Kevin James was fantastic. He’s a sadistic fuck in this movie. But he doesn’t deserve all the credit and the writers don’t either. I’m going to highlight Greta Zozula here. The most powerful moments in this entire film were purely cinematography based. Melanie Garros and Jenn McGouran deserve a shoutout as well. This was a cookie-cutter home invasion film at its core and these people, among others, made it one of my favorite home invasion films of the decade. Alissa Gee deserves recognition too for creating the most disgusting moment I’ve seen in a minute.
(2019) Parasite 9/10
This film is most obviously on-the-nose but in the same breath, so incredibly impactful. I can’t even describe the seamless transition from black comedy to horror. It’s a heartbreaking view on classism and poverty while also just being a thrilling experience. Every single performance is remarkable and natural. I’m not even sure what else to say without spoiling it. This film isn’t just specific to Asian culture but very relevant to anyone feeling that they’re in a rut.
(2019) Villains 8/10
The premise is sort of simple but the horror is in the details. i loved how everything played out and I thought all four main actors did an incredible job. Everything was super convincing which had me invested and tense. There’s a scene at the end, despite the movies dark, comedic aspects, that was really sweet and very climactic.
(2019) Swallow 9/10
Haley Bennett delivers a heartbreaking performance with a powerful but melancholy ending. The narrative itself is twisted and sadistic. This film make me anxious, depressed and in the end, I’m not sure it offered much reprieve. I loved this film but I’d caution anyone going through mental trauma to venture cautiously into it. It doesn’t promote anything negative but the subject matter can be difficult.
(2019) Nimic 8/10
When I googled the name of this film it gave me the Romanian translation of “nothing” but also, “everything”. For a 10-minute short it offers so much. It felt like a powerfully dark statement about performance in general.
(2019) The Head Hunter 9/10
This was one of the most creative, restrained yet somehow absolutely insane movies I’ve seen all year. I’m absolutely blown away. The exposition is limited and told so refreshingly through almost entirely visuals. It’s caused many viewers frustrations but for me, it was absolutely the best aspect. That’s saying a lot because visually, stylistically, it’s fucking remarkable. I’ve heard people say this movie is boring and to me, there’s not a dull moment throughout the entire film, not a single wasted shot. It’s thrilling, dark, gritty, campy at times and embodies this identity that’s both somehow fluid and refined. It feels like an arthouse film in its minimalism but avoids any pretentiousness you may associate with that sub-genre. Jordan Downey has done some intentionally so-bad-it’s good movies in the past and he clearly wanted to still reference those aspects through some of his shlocky, 50’s horror inspirations in here; especially Fiend Without a Face. That’s a creative decision that will turn a lot of people off but I just really appreciated it and it made the actual watching experience so incredibly fun.
(2019) The Lighthouse 9.5/10
This film is among the few that I felt compelled to watch it again almost immediately. It’s so incredibly rich in every aspect that can make a movie successful. The visuals are jaw-dropping; almost every single frame of this film is photographic. The soundtrack is stripped down to just these haunting sounds of fog horns and piss buckets. The package everything is delivered in, from an artistic standpoint, is so memorable. The performances by Pattinson and Dafoe are both some of the best I’ve seen this entire year and really, the decade…possibly of all time. They deliver this brilliant script’s dialogue with such passion, humor and intensity. The story in this film is shrouded in mystery but the clues and tools needed to decipher it do exist and with a rewatch, finding them felt so rewarding. It’s the kind of movie that I want to make my friends watch, simply so I have someone to discuss it with. It’s one of the best horror films I’ve ever seen.
(2019) I Trapped the Devil 7/10
This one is a bit of a slow-burn but I felt the tension from beginning to end so none of it felt like a blind investment. It had the potential to be another, cookie-cutter, pretentious statement but what I found it to be was simply a well-crafted horror film.
(2019) Pet Sematary 7.5/10
The original film was entertaining to me but I felt it was also dated and a bit too unintentionally silly for my tastes. So going into this, I was hoping for a darker, more serious film and I’m happy to say, that’s what I got.
(2019) Guns Akimbo 7.5/10
This is non-stop gory action, an absurd story and an insane performance by Radcliffe, who I’m such a big fan of at this point. The best part? It’s genuinely, laugh-out-loud funny, both through physical comedy and clever dialogue.
(2019) Harpoon 7/10
I enjoyed this movie a lot and I mean “enjoyed” in every sense of the word. It was the kind of movie to stop making me think so critically about the acting and cinematography because I just find the stranded genre so fun. This movie really delivered in both dark humor and pure, unpredictability.
(2019) Annabelle Comes Home 7/10
I know that Gary Dauberman has worked closely with the series so he definitely understands Wan’s Conjuring universe’s vibe. I mean that from both a pacing and cinematography standpoint. I loved that all the possessed artifacts come into play.
(2019) Vivarium 8/10
This movie is fucking terrifying. The cast may even be too loaded because it’s the environment and Senan Jennings that makes everything so scary. The final 30 minutes of this film are a complete mindfuck and just left my jaw on the floor.
(2019) It Chapter 2 9/10
It embodies the heartfelt, character driven story of King’s novel so incredibly well. Every single performance by the adult actors is fantastic and as much as people didn’t like the overuse of humor, it felt like a natural evolution to me. Things were destined to be less scary with the adult characters coming into contact with an evil they’ve faced before. The last 30-min to me were just so touching, sad and it was the culmination I was hoping for.
(2019) Zombieland: Double Tap 7.5/10
It’s certainly a sequel as far as sequels go but I had a ton of fun with it and it was great to see this group back together. It’s a super cheesy film and I would expect some hate but the original is cheesy fun too, if even to a lesser extent.
(2019) The Color Out of Space 7/10
The entire suspense if the film is how each individual character reacts to this unknown force but Cage’s is of course the most volatile. I love the body horror and I think the entire movie is pretty goddamn exciting in that aspect. It goes so far beyond what you’d expect.
(2019) Joker 9.5/10
To have a Batman-universe film stand out this much among all the others is incredible. This film intentionally evokes almost every emotion until a raw, chilling finale. Gotham is unkempt, unstable and teetering.
(2019) Come to Daddy 7.5/10
This movie is definitely a dark comedy but it’s incredibly interesting in that, among the dark humor, is a real horror movie and a very graphic one at that.
(2019) The Lodge 9/10
The misdirects in this story are excellent and I was blown away about how well the cinematography was used to manipulate the viewer. It feels like it’s twist after twist but in reality, nothing changes and that’s the scariest aspect to the entire movie.
(2019) Home with a View of the Monster 7/10
They do a fantastic job of storytelling, switching timelines and perspectives throughout the film. It’s a technique that’s been around longer than we’ve all been alive but one that’s not easily mastered.
(2019) Ready or Not 7.5/10
It’s just a ton of fun and Samara Weaving is fantastic. There’s so much great meta-humor and the effects are top notch. I think this sub-genre of sadistic games being played has been done to death so it was a welcomed surprise to see a film do it in such a successful way.
(2019) The Platform 9.5/10
One of my favorite things about horror is that you can trace history itself through the decades, with films reflecting the current political, social and economic state around the globe. First we has Us and then another incredible film Parasite, all with similar desperate themes of class instability. Then you have The Platform, which in its pure brutalism combines horror, religion and politics to make an incredibly powerful statement.
(2019) I See You 9/10
This film consistently surprised, disappointed and impressed me throughout its runtime based purely on my own expectations. It frankly made a fool out of me.
(2019) The Vast of Night 7/10
This movie is pretty low-budget but they really worked with what they had to create this warm, throwback aesthetic that just tickled my tiny little nuts. It’s a dialogue driven, on-the-nose Twilight Zone homage and I really enjoyed it.
(2019) John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum 8/10
The choreography and production is mesmerizing. This might be a Hollywood mainstream action film but the kills are powerful and fucking brutal.
(2018) Bloodline 7.5/10
Sean William Scott is a forever type casted actor but has managed to break free of that throughout the years and this is another great example of him doing just that. His performance is reserved but effective.
(2018) Gwen 8.5/10
It’s an incredibly heartbreaking story that, while exists in the folk-horror genre, subverts any and all expectations. Eleanor Worthington-Cox and Maxine Peaks carry the entire film.
(2018) Freaks 8/10
Emile Hirsch, Amanda Crew and Lexy Kolker were all great but it was Bruce Dern who blew me away. He’s such a powerful on-screen presence; just his delivery alone establishes a lot of the more horrifying elements to this film.
(2018) Overlord 8/10
I thought it would be a traditional zombie movie and the circumstances would be the twist but it was its own thing. It’s kind of difficult to describe but I think action-war-horror would be the closest thing I could pin it too. Jovan Adepo was a great fucking lead.
(2018) Monster Party 7.5/10
It’s awesome to experiment but this is a film that will appeal to almost everyone without feeling unoriginal or sold out. This is dark humor at its most enjoyable and the practical effects and gore are fucking awesome.
(2018) Pledge 7.5/10
It’s a simple premise but so well executed. I loved the ending and pretty much 95% of the creative decisions. This isn’t a bloodbath of a horror film but it’s violent as hell.
(2018) High Life 7/10
This film is a really uncomfortable watch from beginning to end. It’s filled with violent, psychosexual imagery, a disjointed narrative and cum. It ends and if you don’t outright hate it, it’s hard to explain why you like it because it’s such a rough watch. I fall in the latter category.
(2018) Possum 8/10
I love the way the story unfolds in the end, just methodically bit-by-bit until a crushing reveal. I felt for this main character and his pain seemed so real.
(2018) Wildling 8/10
Bel Powley and Liv Tyler both play very complimentary fantastic roles. There’s an extended portion of the film that’s almost uplifting and pleasantly strange, following their relationship with each other. I’m happy to say things turn sinister quickly and the last 30-minutes are a wild ride, to say the least.
(2018) The Nightingale 9.5/10
Jennifer Kent decided to put in such a universally disgusting scene that had people walking out of screenings and almost justifiably so. It’s really difficult to watch in portions. It’s just fortunate she followed it up with a masterpiece.
(2017) John Wick: Chapter 2 8/10
These assassins dance so carefully around innocent civilians that it almost comes off as a black comedy, in a great way.
(2017) My Friend Dahmer 8/10
To me, especially with Ross Lynch’s performance, it was an equally endearing and chilling film. It humanized someone who I’ve always considered to be a literal monster, which is something I don’t know how to feel about.
(2017) One Cut of the Dead 7/10
This movie is super creative and pretty fucking hilarious. It feels like a modern day Bowfinger.
(2017) Marrowbone 7.5/10
The characters portrayed are vibrant and fully realized, whether it be through substance or lack-there-of. I obviously don’t actively try and predict movies like a gameshow but this film seemed to excel in misdirect.
(2016) White Girl 8/10
It reminded me a lot of Larry Clark’s Kids but actually intelligently modernized to make a statement on these neighborhoods on the fringe of gentrification.
(2016) The Lighthouse 7.5/10
Mark Lewis Jones and Michael Jibson play their respective roles as the lighthouse keepers really well. Towards the end of the film when the story demands even more of them both, they truly deliver.
(2015) Room 9/10
Brie Larson is an incredible actress and plays this profoundly realistic character. There's moments where emotions do bubble over but most of the time, she does so much by doing so little.
(2015) Jurassic World 7.5/10
Some people will be completely turned off by some of the more absurd and out-there plot elements but I have to say, despite it being cheesy on paper, a lot of the newer sci-fi concepts just happen to work. This is bound to forever be kind of divisive but I liked it.
(2015) Tag 8.5/10
It’s like Tokyo Gore Police meets The Matrix. Sono makes a powerful statement on film media, gender oppression and interestingly enough, he doesn’t leave himself out of the lens of criticism.
(2015) The Invitation 9/10
This movie’s horror aspect is incredibly telegraphed and manipulated with these creepy violin sounds. However, Karyn Kusama’s impeccably clean cinematography and direction use all of that to its benefit.
(2014) John Wick 8/10
I saw this movie in theaters and let me just say, as a beagle owner, this may be my favorite revenge movie. Keanu Reeves is badass as shit and it was the first film in a long time to make me interested in action.
(2014) Spring 8.5/10
It feels helpless and hopeful at the same time, Benson’s script is amazing. I’ve always said that films shot in idyllic landscapes are a blank canvas for horror. There’s so much beautiful contrast.
(2014) The Treatment 7.5/10
This film is so unnerving, dark and depressing. The bones of it are structured like any crime thriller but the meat of it is pure depravity.
(2014) Clown 8/10
This is body horror and one of the better ones out there; the slow, methodical transformation throughout this movie was so effective.
(2014) The Incident 9/10
Bleak doesn’t even begin to describe this film. It’s pure nihilism, screamed loudly into the universe.
(2014) The Guest 8.5/10
I fucking love the story, Dan Stevens is fantastic and the production was cleanly executed. It’s Adam Wingard’s best film so far.
(2013) Blue Ruin 9/10
It’s a standout to me among revenge films. Macon Blair’s character isn’t some bloodthirsty ex-navy seal bent on revenge. He’s a completely broken man that’s overcome by heartbreak.
(2013) Evil Dead 7.5/10
It’s one of the few examples where a remake of a classic, near perfect movie, actually works.
(2013) Redemption 8/10
The film is shot so well, the editing and portrayal of the visuals all correspond to the ebb and flow of his characters physical and mental health.
(2013) Under the Skin 9/10
The second death in this movie is one of the most remarkably unsettling scenes I’ve witnessed to date.
(2011) The Strange Thing About the Johnsons 7/10
Astor flips child molestation on its head in a tense, sickeningly well-made film and I absolute hate it. Do not watch this movie, this will only detract from your overall happiness.
(2011) Contagion 9/10
There’s some fantastic performances by Paltrow, Law, Fishburne and quite a few others. However, it’s the research and writing of this film, the frightening scientific accuracy, that makes it so effective.
(2011) We Need to Talk About Kevin 9/10
This is probably one of the most sensitive subjects you can approach and I’m a huge fan of Lynne Ramsay. Ezra Miller has one of the most chillingly realistic performances of the decade.
(2010) Inception 9.5/10
It’s Nolan’s masterpiece in my mind and that statement isn’t to be taken lightly, as everything he’s done has felt powerful.
(2010) Buried 8/10
This is one of my favorite movies filmed all in one location. It’s tense, claustrophobic (obviously) and it feels genuinely helpless.
(2010) Skeletons 7/10
It’s a strange little film but it’s charming, smart and a refreshing take on the exorcism sub-genre.
(2009) The House of the Devil 8/10
My absolute favorite aspect of this film is the retro feel. It captured 70’s horror so incredibly well. Ti West is a talented filmmaker and this is one of my favorites by him.
(2009) Cropsey 7/10
If there was one thing I really took away from this film, it would be how society and children in particular adapt to unsolved murders.
(2009) The Loved Ones 7.5/10
It reminds of almost a modern day interpretation on The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, if the dinner scene was the entire film.
(2008) Lake Mungo 9/10
This family is so incredibly natural, real and convincing. It’s not too over the top. The horror is hidden in every frame and simultaneously interwoven with heartbreak. Despite many previous and later films attempting to do what it does, I’ve never seen anything like it.
(2007) An American Crime 7.5/10
Elliot Page is wonderful as Sylvia Likens, she just has this innocent nature to her that amplified the violent aspects of the film. I loved the editing of courtroom footage throughout the runtime, it was a constant reminder that what you’re watching actually happened, despite the theatrical nature of the film at times.
(2007) Teeth 8/10
Teeth is actually such an incredibly hard movie to review critically. The film itself, as a whole, is so many things at once. It’s a comedy, an exploitation film, a revenge film and even sort of…a slasher? I have to give respect where respect is due.
(2007) Death Sentence 7/10
This movie is so goddamn intense during the action sequences that it actual reminds me more of a Max Payne video game film adaptation. It’s so over-the-top but in a really entertaining way.
(2007) Timecrimes 8.5/10
I loved this movie when I first saw it but upon re-watching it, I can’t help but stress its influence in the time-loop horror sub-genre. Sure films like Primer definitely helped pave the way but Timecrimes really manages to focus less on the science fiction and more on the horrifying consequences that come with time travel.
(2007) Zodiac 9/10
It’s not the most violent film, it’s much more story driven but the moments of violence feel fucking powerful. The horror in this film isn’t about the serial killer, it’s really about obsession and Gyllenhaal absolutely nails his performance to bring that aspect home.
(2006) Population 436 7/10
It didn’t aim to disgust or push boundaries; it’s just a fun, creepy story with a satisfying ending.
(2006) Children of Men 9.5/10
It’s a bleak film, as bleak as they come from some perspectives but through the violence and despair is a powerful message of hope. Clive Owen’s character is as a broken as the world around him and one of my favorite character arcs of all time.
(2005) Red Eye 7/10
The setup is sinister enough, being in the confines of a plane, to warrant it being discussed as a horror but it does devolve into an action thriller, not that I’m a genre-snob. Both Cillian Murphy and Rachel McAdams are fantastic and it’s a tight knit package.
(2005) The Descent 9.5/10
It’s absolutely terrifying and top-to-bottom, one of the most effective horror movies ever made. After seeing over a thousand horror projects, this still remains one of the most intense, period.
(2005) Constantine 8.5/10
Listen, I’ve obviously never even heard about this comic but let me just say, as a standalone movie, it’s fucking awesome. It’s basically Keanu Reeves battling his way through hell, murking demons and basically just being badass as shit.
(2004) Saw 8/10
It’s one of the most creative projects of the 00’s and a project that launched Wan’s and Whannell’s career. I can safely say, the two of them haven’t had any major misses since. This movie is raw, disturbing and has a strong mystery-driven backbone that makes it iconic and endlessly re-watchable. I absolutely love it.
(2004) Hellboy 7.5/10
Listen, I’m not a fucking nerd who is all-knowing about these comics and how well they translate to film but let me tell you, this movie fucking rocks. Ron Perlman kills this role and has so much personality.
(2000) The Gift 8.5/10
Everyone here is wonderful. If I had to pick a standout though, it would be Giovanni Ribisi. His performance is so raw and emotive. The unstable nature of his character actually held up as the backbone to the mystery portion of this film, making it very much unpredictable.
(1999) The Ninth Gate 9/10
It’s two hours of a giant satanic onion being peeled back layer by layer. It’s clear that when Polanski isn’t raping children, he’s creating filmmaking masterpieces.
(1999) Deep Blue Sea 7.5/10
The science-fiction aspects may be super contrived to someone smarter than I am but the entire movie is so goddamn entertaining. I love all the characters and LL Cool J is particularly hilarious.
(1998) Pi 7.5/10
Aronofsky is challenging religion with science and mathematics and it comes together in a really insane way.
(1997) The Lost World: Jurassic Park 7/10
One scene in particular that stuck with me was the raptors in the tall grass, so aesthetically gorgeous and well-shot. It’s not a perfect movie but Goldblum and Moore are charismatic, it’s fucking action packed and the set pieces are diverse as shit. This isn’t some dialed in bullshit for a quick buck.
(1997) Men in Black 9/10
Vincent D’Onofrio was fucking incredible. The entire villain that is Edgar is one of my favorites of all time. Everything from his speech, his loose-skin and awkwardly stiff gate just really sell it.
(1996) The Craft 7.5/10
I love all the acting and characters but Fairuza Balk is probably my favorite. She’s just so eclectic and over-the-top.
(1995) Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight 7/10
This is such a fun movie and very much in the Tales from the Crypt vein. It’s campy but super violent too; the practical effects are fucking dope. It’s kind of like Evil Dead meets From Dusk till Dawn. Billy Zane is great in it and just brings a ton of personally to the film. I even really dug the raunchy, meta-horror opening.
(1994) The Mask 7/10
Jim Carrey is his usual, hilarious, eclectic, over-the-goddamn-top self which softens the edges. There’s also a villain though and the same childish aspects don’t apply to him. As a kid, he was kind of scary actually.
(1993) Jurassic Park 9.5/10
Even just typing that title blows my mind, this movie was made in 1993 and 27 years later, it still looks better than most modern monster movies. Jurassic Park is everything. This movie is the perfect blend of horror, action, adventure and sci-fi.
(1991) Highway to Hell 7.5/10
This is an absolutely awesome 90’s horror movie. It has cameos from the entire Stiller family, even fucking Gilbert Gottfried. You also have Chad Lowe, who I truthfully didn’t even know existed. The story, set pieces and script are also all excellent. It’s darkly funny, well-paced and just a wild ride from start to finish.
(1990) The Exorcist 3 8.5/10
This movie, for a film following such an iconic movie, being a third film in a series, is just bafflingly good. The original writer of the first film is returning and his script as well as directorial product both deliver.
(1989) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade 8/10
Indy is still Indy here, he’s fucking badass; his character and dialogue excel in this entry immensely. Not just dialogue but this film contains some of the best action choreography of the entire series, something that almost seems unfairly diminished through repetition. This movie is fucking awesome.
(1988) Akira 7.5/10
This story is one that would feel very difficult to pull off through traditional media. The level of violence and body horror would possibly be even too much for Cronenberg’s plate. The ending of this film is mind-melting.
(1988) Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 7.5/10
It’s violent, dark, disgusting and gory as fuck. It feels like a fever dream of hell. I loved the female character kind of forcing this disgusting erotic nature and it doubled down on the series soul which is the deadly allure of hell.
(1988) Vampire’s Kiss 7/10
I love American Psycho and watching this, I can see where a ton of the performance inspiration in that film came from. Cage’s body language here is so insanely expressive and probably my favorite part of the entire project. Even if you’ve seen this one before, I highly suggest a re-watch, there’s something special about it.
(1987) Fatal Attraction 7.5/10
Holy shit Glenn Close you goddamn crazy bitch, such a great performance. This movie is so incredibly and exponentially tense as it plays out. I loved Micheal Douglas and the entire film is just a reminder to never fucking cheat.
(1987) The Believers 7/10
It gets a bit absurd at certain points but the cult aspects are awesome. I also think it’s the first horror movie I’ve seen specifically about Santeria. It’s not perfect but it stuck with me.
(1987) The Lost Boys 8/10
Joel Schumacher’s The Lost Boys is so indicative of 80’s horror that it could very well be the face of the decade itself. The one-liners, the practical effects, aesthetics and story are all just wonderful. I’m not sure what else to say, this movie feels like a warm blanket to me.
(1986) Little Shop of Horrors 8/10
Rick Moranis is as goofy as ever and good god…the practical effects are mind-blowing. You’re watching this giant plant movie and it just melts your brain thinking about how it was accomplished.
(1986) Aliens 7/10
They exploited the action of the first film to capture a larger audience and lost what made Alien such an effective horror movie in the first place. I still like this movie because it contains my favorite heroin and monster but I’m sick of acting like the Alien series ever needed a director like Cameron. The ending is absolutely insane and bumps this up a few points for sure.
(1984) The Terminator 8/10
This movie, simply put, is badass as shit. I’m aware the series kind of progresses into more action focused territory with the sequels but the original will always be a horror movie to me. The pacing, the unstoppable force that is Arnold, it’s all thrilling as shit.
(1984) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom 8/10
I think it’s a scary movie and a really dark turn in the trilogy. There are quirky aspects of it character wise that are kind of goofy but playful. Overall though, goddamn dude, these set pieces are amazing.
(1984) Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter 7/10
Jason is super fucking powerful here; he moves quickly, intelligently and is able to drive the suspense of the movie. The success is greatly attributed to a solid performance by Crispin Glover but more importantly, Corey Feldman. I know Corey gets a lot of shit these days but he was an eclectic child actor.
(1981) Raiders of the Lost Ark 9/10
Raiders of the Lost Arc is such an important movie to me. It helped open my eyes to darker content as a child, for better or worse. Everything that could ever be said about this film has been said, I’m just here to show my appreciation.
(1980) City of the Living Dead 8/10
This movie is batshit insane in the best way possible. It’s ultra-gory, tons of crazy impressive practical effects which are very much Fulci in style. The narrative is a bit confusing but I think, or hope at least, intentionally so.
(1980) The Ninth Configuration 7/10
The Ninth Configuration, while still representing William Peter Blatty’s struggle with religion, is tonally very different from The Exorcist. It’s a tedious, slow, detail oriented, character driven film that exceeds so well because of great writing.
(1979) Nosferatu the Vampire 8/10
This film not only embodies and celebrates the original in terms of structure as well as substance, but in its restrained filmmaking methods; its ability to let shots live without intervention. It’s atmospheric, well-trimmed and just an all-around, exceptional film. Klaus Kinsi as Nosferatu is perfect.
(1979) The Amityville Horror 7/10
I like James Brolin’s character, he’s odd and the axe sharpening is somewhat iconic. The film has both pacing issues as well as dialogue issues. With that being said though, the finale in sinister as fuck and really brings life, quite literally, to this evil house.
(1979) Alien 9.5/10
My love for this single film transcends my love for the genre itself. Ridley Scott pulled off an absolute masterpiece and despite having watched it 25 times, I still cannot comprehend how a film of this quality was pulled off in 1979. It’s as close as perfection can be.
(1978) Dawn of the Dead 8/10
Obviously at first glance you can tell this is a really lengthy film at over 2-hours long. However, the pacing is actually my favorite part. Romero really builds up to the climax slowly and lets you linger in his world for such a long time that it becomes fleshed out through pure exposure.
(1978) Slave to the Cannibal God 7/10
I love the visuals, the story and Ursula Andress’ great big dirty milkers. It’s a wonderful, sleazy little exploitation film. The audio is also fantastic; I just love the way this film is edited all around.
(1977) Shock Waves 7/10
Peter Cushing is awesome and I really liked Brooke Adams as well. Despite the cheesy premise though, this film is dark and moody. The tension and action really builds throughout the film and with the atmospheric nature, you kind of forget the ridiculousness of it all.
(1975) Satanico Pandemonium 7/10
This is a pretty great, atmospheric, old-school exploitation film. It dives right into the temptations of sex and the devil among this convent. It gets pretty fucking dark, especially for the time period, specifically for Mexican horror.
(1974) Vampyres 9/10
It’s dark, moody, sexy and offers one of the most unique vampire film experiences to date. It’s a film that makes Dennis’ idea from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia about a full-penetration, Dolph Lundgren crime fighting movie seem almost plausible.
(1973) Soylent Green 8/10
I loved all the concepts and details in this film. It took me a bit to get invested but once I was, real food was replaced with gold in my brain watching the plot play out. Charlton Heston did a great job of bringing life to this fictional universe as well through his dynamic and invested performance.
(1973) The Crazies 7/10
There’s this great scene with this old lady knitting that I just adore. The innocent and violent clash in such an effective way. Obviously the horror aspects in that scene, as well as the virus itself are very fictional. The government response though, seems almost plausible, considering how they’re currently handling Covid-19.
(1972) Horror Express 8/10
It’s genuinely creepy to this day and the storyline is ambitious as fuck. I’d be hard-pressed to say it’s not one of the better horror-sci-fis of the 70’s and that category includes some great fucking films.
(1968) Even the Wind is Afraid 8/10
Coming over a decade before Suspiria, I can’t but feel, despite how unknown this film is, how influential it was to the genre. The story is great; it’s not super violent or anything and when they do show anything, it’s so well built up. It’s either a reveal at either peak tension or the opposite, when it’s least expected.
(1967) Our Mother’s House 8/10
Jack Clayton, simply for directing The Innocents, is one of my favorite directors. He manages to capture super poignant emotional moments unlike no one else. We have some great modern directors working today that do the same but in terms of 1960's horror, it was harder to come by.
(1967) Violated Angels 7/10
It’s actually based on an American case, about a man Richard Speck who broke into a hospital in 1966, raped and murdered eight nurses. The cinematography is startling cold. The dialogue is profound and helpless. This has to be up there with the most cynically sexualized piece of exploitation cinema.
(1964) Lady in a Cage 7.5/10
It’s a really great little thriller with a solid performance by Olivia de Havilland and also James Caan. I think this movie captures such a helpless nature really well.
(1964) The Last Man on Earth 7.5/10
I loved this movie. It’s actually one of my favorite Price films, which at least for me, is a bold statement. His films tend to have this warm, campy feel to them but this one actually felt pretty dark and desolate. It still contains those less-serious scenes and bits of dialogue but the writing and ideas themselves feel like a huge leap forward for the horror genre.
(1960) The Virgin Spring 9/10
This is clearly the inspiration for The Last House on the Left and while I appreciate that film immensely, it didn’t evoke the same emotions this one did. The cinematography, per-Bergman, is impeccable.
(1958) The Fly 7.5/10
The plot is actually non-linear and the first half is my favorite. Patricia Owens plays up the paranoia of her character incredibly well and I was actually really happy to see Price in a supporting role.
(1956) Forbidden Planet 8/10
I personally think it’s one of the best sci-fi films of the decade. I know I’m going to get chirped for saying this but there’s even a scene towards the end that I believe could have inspired the tesseract in Interstellar.
(1935) The Black Room 7/10
This is another Universal horror film starring Karloff, directed by Roy Neill. It presents itself with the usual, tight-knit flair you may have come to expect but it somehow has seen much less recognition than any of the major monster movies. I really liked this movie.
(1932) The Old Dark House 8/10
This is also Karloff’s best look to date. I mean seriously, his performance is pretty muted and mostly expressed in body language but he has the same screen presence as Mickey Rourke.

(2020) I’m Thinking of Ending Things
Charlie Kaufman seems unrelentingly obsessed with tearing apart and exposing the male psyche. It’s something I love about his films but it also can be depressing how much I relate to them.
Runners- up: Possessor Uncut, Nocturne, Invisible Man, The Rental, Relic, Palm Springs, Shirley, Becky
(2019) The Lighthouse
The story in this film is shrouded in mystery but the clues and tools needed to decipher it do exist and with a rewatch, finding them felt so rewarding. It’s the kind of movie that I want to make my friends watch, simply so I have someone to discuss it with. It’s one of the best horror films I’ve ever seen.
Runners-up: Little Monsters, Furie, I Am Mother, Glass, Crawl, Ma, Godzilla: King of Monsters, Us, Color Out of Space, Ready or Not, Midsommar, Zombieland: Double Tap, The Head Hunter, Parasite, Villains, Swallow, Nimic, The Head Hunter, I Trapped the Devil, Pet Sematary, Guns Akimbo, Harpoon, Annabelle Comes Home, Vivarium, It Chapter 2, Zombieland: Double Tap, The Color out of Space, Joker, Come to Daddy, The Lodge, Home with a View of the Monster, Ready or Not, The Platform, I See You, The Vast of Night, John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum
(2018) The House That Jack Built
In my mind, this is Lars Von Trier’s masterpiece and Matt Dillon’s best performance to date. It’s hands down the most fun, engaging, darkly humorous, disturbing, bleak and creative film I’ve seen this year.
Runners-up: Annihilation, Apostle, The Bad Seed, Summer of 84, Mandy, Upgrade, Calibre, Hereditary, A Quiet Place, Bird Box, Lords of Chaos, Head Count, The Witch in the Window, Dragged Across Concrete, Braid, Climax, Incident in a Ghostland, Hold the Dark, The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot, The Strangers: Pray at Night, Suspiria, Halloween, Monster Party, Bloodline, Gwen, Freaks, Overlord, Monster Party, Pledge, High Life, Possum, Wildling, The Nightingale
(2017) Mother!
Mother! is an incredibly conscientious statement on the nature of humanity, steeped in religious allegory. The last 30 min or so makes up for any weariness over the pacing. It’s one of the most intense, impressive sequences I’ve seen in a horror film in the last decade. The absolute perfect icing on the cake for what is such a masterful dip into surrealism.
Runners-up: Errementari: The Blacksmith and the Devil, The Endless, You Were Never Really Here, The Ritual, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, Creep 2, Brawl in Cell Block 99, It, It Comes at Night, Get Out, Tigers are Not Afraid, Jungle, Cold Skin, The Crecent, Pyewacket, A Ghost Story, The Bar, Ghost Stories, My Friend Dahmer, One Cut of the Dead, Marrowbone
(2016) The Wailing
The photography direction and cinematography are astounding. I could pause the movie at any given moment and marvel at an iconic photograph. This film had me guessing up until the very last moments. It’s exactly what I crave, an unapologetically evil entry into horror cinema.
Runners-up: Better Watch Out, Boys in the Trees, We are the Flesh, ‘Sweet, Sweet Lonely Girl’, Here Alone, The Girl with all the Gifts, Raw, Nocturnal Animals, A Dark Song, The Void, Split, Train to Busan, Arrival, The Eyes of My Mother, Blair Witch, The Good Neighbor, Don’t Breathe, Phantasm: Ravager, Swiss Army Man, Before I Wake, The Shallows, In the Deep, Are We Not Cats, Sam was Here, White Girl, The Lighthouse
(2015) The Witch
I really think it focused on expressing the idea of evil being a completely separate entity from god and that the characters in the film can do fuck-all about it. The incredible struggle that every single character is going through in this film is palpable in literally every shot. It’s astounding how well Robert Eggers was able to get this exposition across with such little dialogue.
Runners-up: Tale of Tales, The Gift, The Devil’s Candy, I Am a Hero, The Lure, Evolution, Hell House LLC, Landmine Goes Click, Green Room, The Visit, The Final Girls, Southbound, Baskin, Remember, Room, Jurassic World, Tag, The Invitation
(2014) Alléluia
It’s a gritty tale of heartbreak, loneliness, jealousy, greed and obsession. It’s just fucking real; the kills feel impulsive and impactful. It’s also shot in this dirty format where both killer’s (the woman’s more so) physical appearances degrade as the film progresses.
Runners-up: It Follows, Zombeavers, Interior, Backcountry, Dig Two Graves, The Taking of Deborah Logan, A Girl Who Walks Home Alone at Night, What We Do in the Shadows, The Voices, The Town that Dreaded Sundown, Wolfcop, Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead, Creep, The Babadook, Tusk, Girl House, Tusk, Honeymoon, As Above So Below, Life After Beth, The One I Love, John Wick, Spring, The Treatment, Clown, The Incident, The Guest
(2013) The Conjuring
One of the most established and refined supernatural horror films ever made. James Wan’s style is immortalized here and would go on to be imitated by dozens of other horror filmmakers.
Runners-up: Insidious: Chapter 2, Pee Mak, The Sacrament, Escape from Tomorrow, Oculus, We Are What We Are, Coherence, Evil Dead, Afflicted, Horns, I Spit on Your Grave 2, V/H/S 2, Bad Milo, Jug Face, Under the Skin, Blue Ruin, Evil Dead
(2012) Byzantium
This film really transfixed me on vampires until I was at a point where instead of fear and dread, I was really in-tune with that intense, multi-life spanning loneliness, rather than the violence. It’s really a tale of romance, even just the way it feels. There’s moving Beethoven piano music flooding a sort of neo-gothic atmosphere which, by the way, intertwined perfectly with the flashbacks throughout the film. It’s inevitable that a vampire movie would be grounded in classic elements of the sub-genre but Byzantium manages to push in its own direction, inspiring a surprising amount of mystery.
Runners-up: The Battery, Antiviral, Cosmopolis, The Collection, Resolution, The Conspiracy, Chained, The Bay, Vamps, V/H/S, Sinister
(2011) Sleep Tight
Luis Tosar puts on a sickeningly realistic performance that boasts up an already incredible script. His character is this unstable complex mess of depression, sadism and sociopathy. He’s the world’s worst nightmare, hiding in plain sight.
Runners-up: Scream 4, Take Shelter, Guilty of Romance, The Innkeepers, The Woman, Detention, The Rite, You’re Next, Kill List, Apollo 18, The Cabin in the Woods, Source Code, The Strange Thing About the Johnsons, Contagion, We Need to Talk About Kevin
(2010) I Saw the Devil
Jee-Woon Kim makes actions feel loud and crisp. Both the villain and our protagonist are powerful in their own right. It’s both intensified but also remarkably realistic. I get that that’s a paradox of sorts but I just mean, it’s just not what audiences are used to seeing. There’s not too much left to the imagination with this one in terms of the violent sequences.
Runners-up: Insidious, Trust, Trollhunter, Dream Home, Helldriver, The Crazies, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, I Spit on Your Grave, Inception, Buried, Skeletons
(2009) Dogtooth
Yorgos Lanthimos’s filmmaking style is darkly calculated with deadpan cinematography and tip-toeing dialogue thats minimalism only adds to its strangeness. I haven’t been made this uncomfortable by a film since Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom. Dogtooth offers a difficult, albeit alluring glimpse into a world of isolationism, abuse, violence and psychopathy.
Runners-up: The Forbidden Door, [REC] 2, The Collector, The Fourth Kind, Orphan, Drag Me to Hell, The House of the Devil, Antichrist, Zombieland, Jennifer’s Body, Cropsey, The Loved Ones
(2008) Let the Right One In
The way this film deals with both sexuality and immortality is genius. It’s a rotten dichotomy between pedophilia and loneliness that ends up being darker than the actual violence.
Runners-up: Cloverfield, The Strangers, Quarantine, Four Nights with Anna, Pontypool, Vinyan, Surveillance, Eden Lake, Martyrs, Lake Mungo, The Ruins, Lake Mungo
(2007) 1408
1408 captures the magic of The Twilight Zone and blends it expertly into the most horrific supernatural waterboarding experience.
Runners-up: 28 Weeks Later, The Orphanage, Hansel and Gretel, Funny Games, Resident Evil: Extinction, The Girl Next Door, Trick r’ Treat, Paranormal Activity, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Stuck, The Poughkeepsie Tapes, An American Crime, Teeth, Death Sentence, Timecrimes, Zodiac
(2006) Inland Empire
Inland Empire is the most ambitious conceptual interpretation of Hollywood and film making that I have ever or could ever conceive. It challenged my mind for three consecutive hours and reinvented the way I interpret his films.
Runners-up: Fido, Sheitan, Severance, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Hatchet, Slither, Final Destination 3, Bug, Population 436, Children of Men
(2005) The Descent
The impassioned and realistic performances in this movie by every single female actress involved cannot be overstated. It’s absolutely terrifying and top-to-bottom, one of the most effective horror movies ever made.
Runners-up: John Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns, Noriko’s Dinner Table, The Call of Cthulhu, A History of Violence, Lady Vengeance, Funky Forest: The First Contact, Haze, The Skeleton Key, The Decent, Doom, Hostel, Strange Circus, Red Eye, Constantine
(2004) Shaun of the Dead
This movie is just wonderful. I find it hilarious on a personal level but also so intelligently funny that it could go down as one of the greatest horror-comedies of all time. Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have an undeniable chemistry and just simply make an entire new breed of film-style. It’s dry, whimsical, crass, darkly funny and wholesomely endearing.
Runners-up: The Phantom of the Opera, Shutter, Dumplings, Three Extremes, Calvaire, Saw, Dead Man’s Shoes, The Village, The Butterfly Effect, Saw, Hellboy
(2003) Oldboy
Everything about this film is exceptional. It looks fantastic, the acting is fantastic and Chan-wook Park wrote an incredible story. I think when you try and sell a revenge movie to someone, it can imply some degree of formulaic filmmaking but Park’s films are anything but. This one had me guessing up until the very last minute.
Runners-up: Dead End, Open Water, Willard, Identity, High Tension, Dark Water, A Tale of Two Sisters, Gozu, House of 1000 Corpses, Jeepers Creepers 2, Scary Movie 3, Final Destination 2, Alexandra’s Project
(2002) The Ring
The Ring is a terrifying film that relies on an unstoppable force. It utilizes one of the few shining examples of a successful grey-scale and manages to convey a horrifying sense of bleakness and helplessness. It’s better than the original.
Runners-up: 28 Days Later, Blade 2, May, Dog Soldiers, Resident Evil, Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, In My Skin, The Eye, Irreversible
(2001) Pulse
How a horror movie can make ghosts infiltrating our world through the internet not stupid is beyond me but everything here just worked. For 2001, the visual effects for the ghosts are perfect and don’t steal the spotlight away from the emotionally driven horror that makes this project successful. I’ve yet to be more moved by a horror film, this one absolutely broke me.
Runners-up: The Devil’s Backbone, Frailty, Suicide Club, Visitor Q, Ichi the Killer, Trouble Every Day, Dagon, Jeepers Creepers, The Others
(2000) American Psycho
You won’t see a much better performance by Christian Bale; he’s top notch, however, the success is owed to everyone involved. It’s an excellent script, written from excellent source material and expertly directed by Mary Harron. This film is pure genius and it’s well worth noting that even if you’re not viewing the film under a super-critical lens, it’s highly entertaining.
Runners-up: Fail Safe, Ginger Snaps, Final Destination, The Gift
(1999) The Sixth Sense
I can’t praise this movie enough. It’s dark, depressing and only offers the humblest of reprieve in the end; much like what many of the films characters go through. This is M. Night’s masterpiece.
Runners-up: Arlington Road, The Blair Witch Project, Nang Nak, Idle Hands, Audition, eXistenZ, Sleepy Hallow, The Ninth Gate, Deep Blue Sea
(1998) Ringu
This is a benchmark in atmospheric horror and a film that spawned an entire generation of psionic horror films. It’s dark and heartbreaking.
Runners-up: Blade, Bride of Chucky, Phantasm IV: Oblivion, The Faculty, Disturbing Behavior, Pi
(1997) Lost Highway
This film is about how powerful the human mind is and how we cope with intense guilt, fear and regret. Specifically, in this instance, the compartmentalization of murder. Although that all seems inherently negative, especially in the context of the movie, it’s really just about confronting your issues; even if that means accepting your punishment.
Runners-up: The Devil’s Advocate, Funny Games, Alien: Resurrection, The Cure, Cube, Event Horizon, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Men in Black
(1996) Scream
Scream just may be the best meta-horror film ever made. It’s so special to me and was probably the film that sparked my fascination with horror. I watched it the year after it came out, at 8-years old, alone in my dark basement. I shut it off after the opening scene with Drew Barrymore and never saw the rest until years later. However, if I had just stuck with it, it actually evolves into this darkly funny, poignant statement on slasher films.
Runners-up: Ebola Syndrome, Naked Blood: Magyaku, From Dusk Till Dawn, Crash, The Craft
(1995) The Addiction
This was Abel Ferrara’s extremely personal vampire film that tackled addiction and through the gritty melodramatic landscape of New York, he really sheds his skin. It’s raw and rightfully claims the best film of the year.
Runners-up: The Eternal Evil of Asia, Habit, The Day of the Beast, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight
(1994) In the Mouth of Madness
Simply one of the best Lovecraftian films ever made. The special effects in this movie range from miniature set pieces shot up close to a full size 30-man operated partially animatronic wall of creatures. Some people will say that these 80’s style techniques hurt the production value but those people don’t know shit about shit.
Runners-up: Interview with The Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, Cemetery Man, Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, The Mask
(1993) Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park is everything. This movie is the perfect blend of horror, action, adventure and sci-fi. It was the “fuck yeah, dinosaurs!” of many or our childhoods. As an adult though, re-watching it for the 50th time, it feels like so much more.
Runners-up: The Eight Immortals Restaurant: The Untold Story, Necronomicon: Book of the Dead, Fire in the Sky, Return of the Living Dead 3
(1992) Man Bites Dog
One of the strangest aspects to some horror movies is their ability to make light of ultra-violent crimes like rape and murder. Man Bites Dog will actually have you laughing out loud until you realize you’re in a kitchen watching three men rape a woman while she pleads for mercy. Whatever way you choose to digest this movie, I can guarantee you’ve never seen anything quite like it before.
Runners-up: Ghostwatch, Army of Darkness
(1991) The Silence of the Lambs
While the film does stand out in blatant, suspenseful, scary moments; it’s the conversations between Clarice and Dr. Lecter that make it so memorable. It just adds this timeless psychological horror element that helps establish it as a classic in my eyes.
Runners-up: Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, The Addams Family, Sometimes They Come Back, Naked Lunch, Highway to Hell
(1990) Der Todeskin: The Death King
While often wavering between the blunt, literal message and depressive expressionism, Der Todesking manages to feel all too real. It’s one of the best arthouse-style horror films I’ve seen to date.
Runners up: It, Misery, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Jacob’s Ladder, Gremlins 2: The New Batch, Tales from the Darkside: The Movie, The Exorcist 3
(1989) Santa Sangre
Easily the most impressive aspect of this film is the ventriloquism inspired acting. It starts out as a goofy aspect of the plot, something that doesn’t really necessarily grab you. However, by the end of the film, it’s molded into this beautiful, creepy display of possession.
Runners-up: The ‘Burbs, Ghostbusters 2, The Woman in Black, Bride of the Re-Animator, Society, Intruder, The Cook, The Thief, his Wife & Her Lover, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
(1988) The Vanishing
The Vanishing is an absolutely raw tale of abduction, almost like a Norman Rockwell imagining of an American’s European vacation turned horror story. It takes this incredibly simplistic but underlying dynamic approach to horror that’s as refreshing as it is captivating.
Runners-up: Child’s Play, Dead Ringers, Men Behind the Sun, Pumpkinhead, Pin, Phantasm II, Brain Damage, The Following, Halloween 4: The Return, Beetlejuice, Akira, Hellbound: Hellraiser 2, Vampire’s Kiss
(1987) Evil Dead 2
Just from a technical perspective, everything is so fucking impressive. It’s all basically hand-done, practical effects and the camera work is just remarkable. The film leans more towards the humor side of the series but it does so both intentionally and gracefully. I adore this movie, it’s on par with the original
Runners-up: Hellraiser, Creepshow 2, Near Dark, A Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Warriors, The Witches of Eastwick, Anguish, Prince of Darkness, Angel Heart, Fatal Attraction, The Believers, The Lost Boys
(1986) In a Glass Cage
It’s an incredible movie about consequence and revenge that’s told in a manor that I think bewildered reviewers for years. It blurs the lines between right and wrong, willing to sacrifice lives in the process of condemning an extraordinary evil. The specific breed of revenge, as portrayed in this film, isn’t noble but rather an inevitable product of abuse. If you think you can stomach it, I can’t recommend this enough.
Runners-up: Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, The Fly, The Hitcher, Blue Velvet, Night of the Creeps, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, From Beyond, Little Shop of Horrors, Aliens
(1985) Come and See
Come and See is a raw and sobering look at WW2 from the Soviet perspective. It’s one of the least “Hollywood” war movies I’ve ever seen. Some of the scenes towards the end were truly gut wrenching and will most likely stick with me for quite some time.
Runners-up: Lifeforce, Silver Bullet, Fright Night, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, The Return of the Living Dead, Re-Animator, Day of the Dead
(1984) A Nightmare on Elm Street
This felt like a first glimpse into Wes Craven’s mind and the last glimpse into my well-rested sleep. It’s creative, vile and fucking scary.
Runners-up: Poison for the Fairies, Countdown to Looking Glass, Threads, Gremlins, The Terminator, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
(1983) Videodrome
Videodrome is a fucking trip and it’s an incredible feat of psychological horror while also being a visually horrific movie.
Runners-up: Something Wicked This Way Comes, Angst, The Day After, Special Bulletin, The Boxer’s Omen, Eyes of Fire, Christine, The Dead Zone, Cujo
(1982) The Thing
It’s one of the best sci-fi body-horror films ever made and the fact that no one is steeping up to say otherwise should be a clue.
Runner-up: Creepshow, Poltergeist, Cat People
(1981) The Evil Dead
I’ve wracked my brain trying to think of a good description. This is one of the most incredible horror films ever made. It manipulated both the body and time itself to establish such a pure horror environment.
Runners-up: The Howling, Halloween II, Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Ms. 45, An American Werewolf in London, The House by the Cemetery, Raiders of the Lost Ark
(1980) The Shining
Absolute perfection. This is such an enthralling psychological horror film.
Runners-up: Inferno, Hex, Altered States, Cannibal Holocaust, City of the Living Dead, The Ninth Configuration
(1979) Alien
A classic and possibly the best creature film ever produced. There hasn’t ever been a better blend of sci-fi and horror.
Runners-up: Salem’s Lot, The Driller Killer, The Brood, Zombie, Apocalypse Now
(1978) Invasion of the Body Snatchers
I love this fucking movie with all my heart, it’s seriously one of the best alien invasion movies I’ve ever seen. It’s drenched in dread from start to finish, a film that never gave you a safe moment to take a breath.
Runners-up: Beauty and the Beast, The Shout, Magic, Halloween, Dawn of the Dead, Slave to the Cannibal God
(1977) Suspiria
Its psychedelic, pastel, fun-house atmosphere, coupled with a fantastic score lend a benchmark aesthetic for Italian horror and well, horror in general. Many have tried to emulate it and most have failed.
Runners-up: The Hills Have Eyes, Shock Waves
(1976) God Told Me To
Cohen takes all this religious subtlety and blows it all up for the finale into a very Cronenberg-style conclusion. Despite all the veils seemingly being lifted at once, I still found myself unsure of what to think during some of those pivotal scenes. After the credits rolled, I was damn sure I was into it.
Runners-up: The Tenant, Carrie
(1975) Jaws
This movie actually made people scared to go in the water. It’s almost difficult to think of a more impactful film off the top of my head.
Runners-up: Deep Red, Shivers, Satanico Pandemonium
(1974) Vampyres
It’s dark, moody, sexy and offers one of the most unique vampire film experiences to date. It’s a film that makes Dennis’ idea from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia about a full-penetration, Dolph Lundgren crime fighting movie seem almost plausible. It plays with the dynamics of Vampire lore in general, while somehow getting to the true root of this sub-genre.
Runner-up: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue
(1973) The Exorcist
William Friedkin takes the time to let the characters accept their reality in a realistic manner. It’s a technique that creates a very human aspect to them and watching the mother and the priest break down actually becomes as horrific as anything else here.
Runners-up: The Legend of Hell House, The Wicker Man, Don’t Look Now, Soylent Green, The Crazies
(1972) Images
Robert Altman’s Images is an exhibition into how to fully encapsulate an idea within the confines of a visually and sonically refined film. You could throw away the plot entirely and I’d still tell you this is one of the best looking films, period.
Runners-up: Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key, Morgiana, What Have You Done to Solange?, Don’t Torture a Duckling, Raw Meat, Tales from the Crypt, The Last House on the Left, Horror Express
(1971) The Devils
It’s tough to tell how accurate of a representation The Devils is of what actually occurred in Loudun, France back then but either way, it seems eye-opening. It’s a very powerful film, I really enjoyed this one.
Runners-up: THX 1138, The Abominable Dr. Phibes, Short Night of Glass Dolls, The Cat o’ Nine Tails, Blade the Ripper, Malpertuis, A Bay of Blood
(1970) Valerie and Her Week of Wonders
I would absolutely consider this a coming-of-age film and they balanced the horror and whimsical elements perfectly. For that reason alone, I don’t believe I’ve seen any other film quite like this. With a tantalizing soundtrack and colorful visuals, I really felt transported into this strange new world.
Runner-up: The House That Screamed
(1969) Horrors of Malformed Men
I’ve never been so confused only to have everything wrap up so emotionally that the vision and artistic direction became so clear. I don’t want to ruin anything so I’ll just leave the teaser as, this film might be among the strangest Japanese horror films I’ve seen to date.
Runners-up: Cremator, One on Top of the Other
(1968) Hour of the Wolf
Hour of the Wolf is a top to bottom, beautifully produced psychological, surrealist nightmare. The first half of the film is fueled by pure intrigue through the perplexity of events that unfold. Like most surrealist films, a portion of your attention is devoted to figuring out what’s real and what isn’t. To speak to that aspect specifically, not a whole lot is left to the imagination, at least through my interpretation. I definitely feel like this project inspired filmmakers like David Lynch to push some of those boundaries, eliminating the extra explanation and leaving more up to the viewers interpretations.
Runners-up: Kuroneko, Rosemary’s Baby, Night of the Living Dead, Even the Wind is Afraid
(1967) Viy
This is the first and possibly only soviet horror film. For the resources they had, everything looks amazing. It’s an incredibly fluid experience that takes zero time before jumping straight into the scares.
Runners-up: Wait Until Dark, ’Spider Baby or, The Maddest Story Ever Told’, Our Mother’s House, Violated Angels
(1966) Persona
It’s instantly one of my favorite arthouse-style films of all time. All of the flashing images, cuts and effects are almost unbelievably purposeful. Just 5-minutes of this films would spell pretentiousness but as a whole, it’s a masterpiece.
Runners-up: Seconds, ‘Kill Baby, Kill’, Cul-De-Sac
(1965) Repulsion
Sonically the movie thrives in the negative. When our lead actress is being raped Polanski purposely takes her voice away, really emulating the fear and helplessness in a genuinely scary way. The delusions she’s having are clearly transparent but intentionally so, though they tend to bleed into reality towards the end in a satisfying way. Couple this with a claustrophobic atmosphere and we’re given a seriously trimmed up psychological horror thriller that was way ahead of its time.
Runners-up: Fists in the Pocket, Planet of the Vampires
(1964) Kwaidan
This is an anthology but rather than dissect each segment I’d rather just speak on the film as a whole. All four stories really encapsulate a sort of morbid beauty and tend to compliment one another over the course of the three-hour long movie.
Runners-up: Castle of Blood, Blood and Black Lace, The Tomb of Ligeia, The Masque of the Red Death, Lady in a Cage, The Last Man on Earth
(1963) The Haunting
The Haunting, despite being such an influence in the horror genre in general, seems to be an incredible lesson in use of space. Architecture, ceilings and walls are constantly the focus. Wise creates a ton of claustrophobic tension and before the story even begins to evolve, you get the sense that these individuals are indeed, trapped inside this house.
Runners-up: Black Sabbath, The Birds, The Haunted Palace, Twice-Told Tales
(1962) What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?
This film was fantastic. Beyond the poignant statement it makes, it’s just such a solid, performance driven thriller. I’m very surprised I’ve never heard of it before today.
Runner-up: Carnival of Souls
(1961) The Innocents
This is simply one of the most beautifully shot horror films from the early 60’s. Every frame is truly a picture and for that alone, I’d call this a must watch for horror fans.
Runners-up: Mother Joan of the Angels, Pit and the Pendulum
(1960) Psycho
There’s a scene where Norman Bates first shows real nervousness. The actor playing him, Anthony Perkins, puts on probably the most believable performance here that I’ve ever seen. It really gave me chills. If you haven’t seen this before, it just might be the first and greatest execution of a theatrical misdirection.
Runners-up: Peeping Tom, The Brides of Dracula, Village of the Damned, Jigoku, Black Sunday, Eyes Without a Face, The Virgin Spring
(1959) A Bucket of Blood
This is such an awesome Corman film. It’s pure entertainment and just an excellent horror-comedy. Dick Miller is a great lead.
(1958) Horror of Dracula
Both Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are fantastic in their roles and it’s strange to even be saying this is one of the best Dracula films at this point, after having seen so many.
Runners-up: The Fly
(1957) Curse of the Demon
Certain aspects of the ending sequences don’t exactly age gracefully but for the most part, Curse of the Demon remains compelling and creepy.
(1956) The Bad Seed
Outstanding performances from both mothers and really just an excellent film all around. It’s probably the earliest film to tackle childhood evil in a realistic sense, without all the usual campiness.
Runner-up: Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Forbidden Planet
(1955) The Night of the Hunter
The film just looks fantastic, I mean seriously, it doesn’t get much better for the era. The depth for a black and white film is incredible, especially in the backdrops. It makes for some really iconic looking scenes and those moments are probably what I’ll hold onto as time passes. The underwater shot of the car was fucking stunning.
(1954) Rear Window
This film just feels like Hitchcock flexing. He knows how to make the perfect theatrical experience in technicolor with all the hottest stars.
Runner-up: Godzilla
(1953) House of Wax
House of Wax, much like other Price films, is meant to be fun. It’s definitely dark and horror focused but it’s also colorful and accessible. Phyllis Kirk is also a very capable female lead.
(1952) The White Reindeer
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Finnish horror film before but this was great. It’s super mellow but builds into this atmospheric horror-fantasy.
(1951) Strangers on a Train
This is such a fantastic crime thriller and I absolutely loved the character Bruno Antony. It added such a creepy element seeing this seemingly desperate man reveal himself to be something entirely different.
(1950) Sunset Boulevard
It totally brings a smile to my face to say this this is, yet again, another film that had to inspire David Lynch. It’s certainly film-noir but the melodrama itself is so creepily in-tune with the struggles of Hollywood actors and actresses. It’s almost as if acquiring fame is accepting a deal with the devil.
(1949) The Queen of Spades
Dickinson managed to capture the both literally figuratively cold vibe of imperialistic Russia and I think that’s one of the main components that makes it stand out to me. It certainly is an exercise in greed but within the setting you almost adopt an understanding for our main character, however devious he may be.
(1948) Rope
Despite a very straightforward plot, I can’t help but thinking there’s a ton going on in this movie, a lot of which was way ahead of its time. It’s not just about two men attempting to get away with murder but it also introduced this widely controversial notion of lesser lives being expendable to the more powerful sector of society.
(1947) Black Narcissus
This film is absolutely breathtaking. For anyone who’s ever considered technicolor to look fake, blown-out and oversaturated, this is a shining example of it done right. It’s an entirely created set with gorgeous artwork. This film so elegantly says what I believe religious detractors have a hard time putting into words. There’s a huge portion of the movie that’s confronting sexual temptation and it’s an aspect that’s woven into every single frame of this film. I mean that literally.
(1946) Bedlam
This film is hugely influential and may just be the first film to explore the horrors of being accused of insanity. It also happens to be pretty diverse between horror, cruelty, meta-humor and wholesomeness.
(1945) Dead of Night
This is a clear inspiration for The Twilight Zone and just the structure alone felt way ahead of its time. It’s a nightmarish journey adapting many horror traits but really building a foundation around surrealism. There’s just so much that stands out as influential to modern horror that I’m a bit surprised to have never heard of this film before. It’s one of the earliest examples of a film that initially inspired skepticism from strange acting, performances that ended up being integral to the heart of the film.
(1944) The Uninvited
The character relationships are comically whimsical and coupled with the upbeat score, I didn’t get really any “scary” vibe from it. It’s an aspect I didn’t hate though, it’s really what this film is about, the characters.
(1943) Shadow of a Doubt
Joseph Cotten’s character really stands out as the focal point of the film. Hitchcock manages to build suspense throughout the film my highlighting his presence in subtle powerful ways. Whether it be through camera framing or the subversive violent tone of his dialogue, you really feel tension whenever the man is on screen. It’s techniques like these that made some of his later films great as well, such as with Strangers on a Train.
Runner-up: The Seventh Victim
(1942) Cat People
Simone Simon is a fantastic lead and even with the short runtime, I came to understand her character rather quickly. Tons of anxiety as well as repressed sexuality sort of hone her into this timid and frighted woman who brings her own fears to life.
(1941) Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
As with any Jekyll and Hyde film, it all really hinges on the performance of the two and Spencer Tracy fucking killed this role. The first scene with him as Hyde in the bar was super creepy and also pleasantly rape-y. Is that weird to say?
Runner-up: The Wolf Man
(1940) The Invisible Man Returns
A young Vincent Price plays our perp this time and he’s excellent as always. It’s not paced exactly as intensely as the original but I enjoyed the steady decent into madness.
(1939) Son of Frankenstein
I probably should have watched the original Frankenstein first but eh, what can you do? I totally dug this though! Of course there’s that 1930’s cheesy sci-fi but the film as a whole is very entertaining and the set pieces are incredible.
(1938) They Drive by Night
This is a great fucking movie that totally embodies crime-noir. It reminds me a ton of early Hitchcock and for the 30’s, the narrative is spectacularly clean.
(1937) Song at Midnight
I wasn’t really looking forward to watching a 2-hour long remake of The Phantom of the Opera and thankfully, Song at Midnight managed to really set itself apart from the original, even more-so than many US remakes. I’d consider it more of a reimagining, a film inspired by the original. It is tedious but really, not overly so. A huge aspect of this film is character and tension building and in that regard, it really works.
(1936) The Invisible Ray
Man I love this movie. You obviously have Boris and Bela back together but it’s just such a legitimately fun sci-fi horror film. The plot is straight out of a 1950’s nuclear propaganda film which was probably the coolest aspect. With that, the effects are also fucking top-notch.
(1935) The Bride of Frankenstein
Boris Karloff is the only Monster in my mind. I would even consider this film to be family friendly as he’s the sweetest version of himself. There’s no really complex character development but The Monster is undoubtedly more self-aware which makes the entire film more engaging.
Runner-up: The Black Room
(1934) The Black Cat
When I thought of things that struck me that were worth mentioning, I actually thought of vacation-horror. Beyond all the elements of lust and innocence, I actually was struck by how much this film probably influenced destination horror films. These films excelled at taking our protagonists out of their comfort zones, before even introducing fucked up shit to the plot. It’s smart, concise and something I feel is even worth revisiting.
(1933) The Invisible Man
I’m absolutely floored by the production of this film. I went in with this preconceived expectation of the invisible man solely being portrayed wearing all the rags and shit. The effects for 1933 are very impressive.
Runner-up: King Kong
(1932) The Old Dark House
This is Karloff’s best look to date. I mean seriously, his performance is pretty muted and mostly expressed in body language but he has the same screen presence as Mickey Rourke.
Runners-up: The Mummy, Vampyr, Freaks
(1931) M
I feel like I, myself, never realized how far back people have been recognizing mental illness. I don’t mean in the specific and complex clinical sense, but more so, just in the obvious sense, certain displays that appeal to our natural, compassionate nature. Of course, in this film you do see the antithesis of that at times but really only to highlight the importance of law, reason and justice. Absolutely fantastic film and a staple in the horror genre with really the first truly dynamic killer that comes to mind.
Runners-up: Dracula, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Frankenstein
(1930) L’Age d’Or
It’s very much one of the earliest, full-length, surrealist films and with that comes the usual loose narrative that can be hard to follow. When I say hard to follow, it’s probably because it wasn’t meant to be “followed”. I digested this film as sort of an anthology of poignant criticisms by the filmmakers and Dali.
(1929) Seven Footprints of Satan
This film is fucking insane. It’s a super surrealist spiral through satanic-based situations. It’s really indescribable. The effects and cuts are excellent. I loved the restored version I watched. I don’t even know what to say. I definitely think this inspired or at least should be mentioned as a precursor to films such as Bergman’s Hour of the Wolf.
(1928) The Man Who Laughs
Some people might not know but this film was the direct inspiration for the ultra-famous DC comics villain, The Joker. It’s pretty fucking incredible how much people took to this idea of someone being disfigured in such creatively sadistic manner. I would absolutely, especially with the role of Cesare in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, consider Conrad Veidt to be a horror icon.
(1927) The Unknown
It's a really fun movie. You’ve got Lon Chaney and he’s not just a modern day novelty in this. His expressionistic performance is actually the main highlight, even more-so than Joan Crawford.
(1926) The Bat
(1925) The Phantom of the Opera
(1924) Hands of Orlac
(1923) The Hunchback of Notre Dame
(1922) Nosferatu
(1921) Destiny
(1920) The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
(1919) Eerie Tales
(1914) The Egyptian Mummy
(1913) The Student of Prague
(1912) Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
(1910) Frankenstein
(1909) The Sealed Room
(1907) Satan at Play
(1906) The 400 Tricks of the Devil
(1905) The Black Imp
(1903) The Monster
(1902) Mephistopheles’ School of Magic
(1901) Bluebeard
(1900) Faust and Marguerite
(1899) The Sign of the Cross
(1898) A Trip to the Moon
(1897) The X-Ray Fiend
(1896) The House of the Devil
(1895) The Execution of Mary, Queen of Scots

I hope you've got some time and a snack, because this one is going to be super long, as the events that follow span from late 2019 to last week. As per the rules, all names are altered herein.
Ok, so here's the backstory. My STBXW was my high school sweetheart. We started dating in 1992 when we were both 17 (we're both 45 now) and have been together ever since. She's the only woman I've ever been with my entire life. We married 5 years later at 22, fresh out of college. A year later, we had our 1st of two children, both boys. (22 and 17) 23 years I gave to her. Built her a house. Worked my ass off to give her the life she wanted. Sure, we had rough patches, but what marriage doesn't? Even in the worst of times, we found a way to pull through and come out the other side better. Which made the discovery of her affair that much more jarring.
Flashback to March 2020, when I 1st got the feeling something was "off". For a good 2 months prior, we were in a funk. I was on the mend from reconstructive knee surgery (blew out my ACL fall 2019) but still lacking in movement. At the time I only had about 55% range of motion on my knee. This took a toll on quite a lot in the house. I was out on worker's comp, as I had been injured on the job, and I was unable to do my usual household duties, so a lot got backed up. My sons would do what they could, but tasks only I was capable of doing had to be put on the back burner, or my wife had to do, which she wasn't pleased with. Things also crawled to a stand still in the bedroom between us. It had already slowed down prior to my injury, but in the state I was in at the time it completely stopped.
During these months, she (we'll call her Sue) was spending more time "hanging with co-workers" after work. Between November 2019 to March 2020 it was a regular occurrence for her. Naturally, I thought nothing of it. I've never in the 23 years I'd been with her had any reason to worry or not trust her. She has her friends, I have mine, and we have mutual. I'd go hang out with my friends all the time and there was no issue. It was all above board. It was around January of this year that I noticed something odd. Sue started getting noticeably distant with me. Sure, we were in a funk, but she'd never deny me affection to that point. The usual hugs and kisses she'd give me came to a halt. Her phone was attached to her hand long before my suspicion grew, but she'd always share and show me things she'd discovered on the web. DIY ideas and recipes on Pintrest, memes, all kinds of stuff. But she was now being guarded about her phone. Even her interactions with me became more snippy, as if she couldn't be bothered.
So we're now in March. Covid has arrived and New York City is locked down. Our chosen careers fall under the "essential" designation, so neither of us have to work from home. I'd just been recently cleared to return to work after 5 months on the shelf, and I was eager to get back after it, as 5 months on my ass rehabing my knee and not being able to do physical stuff drove me nuts. (For context, I enjoy physical activities. I'm an avid martial artist and I'm typically in the gym 4 days a week, on top of all of the home projects I did.) Within a week or 2 of the lockdown, my STBXW alerts me that she's going to have to start putting in extra hours. Again, I think nothing of this because of her field. Of course, I was under the assumption it'd be every other day, but no. It was every day. And not just an hour or 2. She'd come home 3 or more hours later, and go straight to the shower, spend a little time with me, a little time with our 17 y/o (22 year old lives with his GF crosstown) and then go to bed. As I'm able to support myself on my knee better, we started getting intimate again, but as you'd probably guess she wasn't mentally or emotionally present for it, which I noticed quickly.
So by early April, the picture started getting clearer to me. All of the signs were pointing to the idea that she was having an affair. That's when I decided I needed to find answers. So I scoured the internet on things I should be looking for. Signs of infidelity in one's partner, and sure enough she was pretty much ticking all of the boxes on such behavior. So then my search inquiry advanced to how to I find proof. I started with her social media. Looking at her FB entries from months prior, it's pretty much the usual. Pics of us and our sons, pics with her and her friends, and a more then a few pics of her nights out with co-workers. In these pics, it's a mixed bag of her closets friends from work, and a couple folk I've never met from her work. But I see one recurring thing in a number of these pics, one guy. In every picture he's in, he's rather uncomfortably close to her. His arm is around her shoulder, or his hand on her lower back. WAY to close for a guy I've never personally met. Needless to say that put a sour taste in my mouth.
But that wasn't the worst of it.
No, no, no. The worst was the fact that apparently, this dude is a friend of hers on FB and followers her on IG. So I go to look up his FB account and wouldn't you know it, I'm blocked. Why the hell am I blocked from seeing this guy's FB account, but he's friends with her on FB. Yep. Now I'm in Batman detective mode. At that point, I wasn't even trying to deny it. I knew she was cheating on me with this guy. My mission was to find out for how long. And over the course of April and May, that's what I did. You know I never had any clue the depth of info you could secure from phone, text and email records up until then. We have a family plan cellphone package, and I was able to pull up quite a bit of data. My STBXW's data history was telling. The 2 most frequent numbers she had interacted with from October 2019 to April 2020 was my own, and a number I'd never seen before. Take a wild guess who's number it was? A quick check on google and I confirmed it was the dude from the photos who blocked me on FB. (We'll call him POS, cuz that's what he is.) Again, the picture becomes even clearer at this point. But a lot of their messages and texts were disjointed, which meant she was deleting a lot of them. I knew she was cheating on me with this guy, but nothing in the data could serve as a smoking gun. I needed more evidence.
It's at this point that I tell my best friend Oz what I had found. He asked me did I confront her with what I had, and I said no because I felt like it wasn't enough. That's when he told me about an app that I could download to apparently spy on her communications in real time. I won't say the name as I don't know the rules on that here. I got it installed, sync up my data plan, and waited. Within days of doing so, I finally saw it. A text string between the 2 of them talking about how much fun they'd had the previous night, and making plans to do it again that weekend. Boom. Gut punch. To say I was completely devastating was an understatement. I guess that moment counts as my "D-Day", and for the next 2 days after I was just broken. I actively distanced myself from her those 2 days immediately after d-day, which she was noticeably shaking by. She'd try to console me and ask me what was wrong, but I'd brush it off and leave her presence. I couldn't even look at her. This woman, who I gave 23 years of my life to. Who I have given everything I could and more to as a husband, and she stepped outside of our marriage for a guy just 5 years older then our eldest son. By the 3rd day, I wasn't even sad anymore, I was pissed.
I contacted Oz to let him know my suspicion was confirmed, and he asked me had I confronted her yet. My answer was no, and I told him I wanted payback. I didn't want to just divorce her, I wanted to destroy her. I wanted to leave her life in shambles and fucking ruin her. It was going to take time to do so, and I devised a plan. In my readings and research on infidelity, I had saw a quote that resonated with me that went "the enemy of infidelity is unpredictability". Or something to that ilk. That was going to be the basis of my plan. I was going to make her life hell on wheels, while also secretly planning my exit strategy.
So we're now in early June, and I've still got the app installed. Pretty much every night, I'm gathering as much data as I can seeing their back and forth messages. They're talking like it's a full blown relationship they're in. Sexting, lovey dovey romantic stuff, nudes, the whole fucking bag. At that point I had stopped looking at any of it, I was just collecting info and cataloging on my private FPS server. Meanwhile, I start doing things "out of the ordinary". I start going out at odd times. I start coming home even later then she does. In her presence, I'm on my phone a lot more then usual and when she asks "what are you up to?" I just simply say "just stuff" and put my phone away. I'd also changed my log in info on everything, so she couldn't access any of my stuff. Mind you, for our entire marriage, we'd never hid anything from each other. But right around I'm assuming the start of her affair, she'd changed her password on FB, as well as on her phone stating "she had to because of the security breaches in recent months." Yea, really nice cover for hiding your affair from your husband. Anyway, I'd clued Oz in on my plan, as well as telling my older (and only) sister and two more of my closest friends what was going on. These are people I trust with my life, and I swore them to secrecy. (For context, Oz and I have been friends since we were kids. The other of our friends Joey and Nina we've known since High School. Make note of Nina, she comes into play down the road.)
July comes, and my STBXW is in full paranoia mode. She's texting and calling me a lot more frequently now, asking me if I'm going to be home when she's gets home, when am I coming home while she is and I'm not, asking me what am I up to, the works. I can see the seed planted in her head the month prior is starting to sprout, especially in her communication with POS. She's confiding in him her doubt and confusion. Telling him that I'M getting cold and distant. The fucking nerve of this woman!!! In the interim of these interactions with POS, she suggests that maybe they should stop meeting up at our house because she has no idea if I'd just show up, confirming that yes, she's had this fuckwad in my home. Thanks, Sue! POS asks her in that specific communication was she worried about me potentially cheating on her, which actually pissed her off. I can't even begin to describe the level of joy and how many laughs I got out of reading that exchange. My cheating wife arguing with her affair partner over if she's mad her husband could be cheating on her. Oh the fucking irony. Now bare in mind, I'm not hooking up with anyone. When I leave, I'm usually at Oz or Joey's throwing back some booze, watching fights and spending time with my bros, or at my big sis' house hanging with her and my BIL, who's like an older brother to me. My sis is 52 and her hubby is 58. She had told him about my STBXW's infidelity, but not of my plan. Couldn't risk it as he's a bit of a blabber mouth.
We'll fast forward now to October. That's when things seriously pick up. I've been in my "faux affair" for 3 months now, and Sue is hyper aware of the fact that I'm actively pulling away from her. It's been as long as the day I enacted my plan until the day she "confronted" me, October 20th, 2020 that I'd even touched her. No hugs. No kisses. No initiation of intimacy. Nothing. Not like she needed it, she was still fucking POS, just at his place or at motels. So that afternoon, she calls me at work, which wasn't rare before all this began, but certainly hadn't happened in a while and asks me to come straight home after work saying she had "something important to tell me." I'm not gonna lie to you all, I half believed she was going to come clean about her infidelity, but she of course didn't. Instead, I get home to her asking me was I unhappy with her. The. Fucking. Nerve. She sights the fact that I've been spending way to much time away from home, I don't show her affection anymore and our sex life has completely died. She tells me she's worried I'm pushing her away because I was resentful of how she treated me the months I was rehabbing my knee. And then came the punchline. She fucking asked if I was cheating on her. Folks, I fell out on the floor laughing hysterically. And when I say hysterically I mean Joker laughing gas hysterical. On the surface it looked like (to her assuming) it was me laughing off the notion of being unfaithful, but it was of course actually me laughing at the sheer irony of what was happening in front of my eyes. I'm tearing up, pounding on the floor in complete hysterics for a good 2 minutes before I compose myself enough to answer. I sit up and look her in the eyes for the 1st time in months shaking my head, but I don't give her and answer. I stand up, brush myself off, kiss the top of her head and go about settling in for the night.
Later that night, as I'm in my office I decide you know what? Given the brevity of what happened, I wanted to see what she was telling him. So I fire up the app and sure enough they're actually texting in real time. She tells POS "I know he's cheating on me. I asked him tonight and he literally laughed in my face. He fell on the floor and laughed for like 5 minutes. (It wasn't 5 minutes obviously.) He doesn't even care how I feel anymore. I don't know how or why, but he's gone. I know I've lost him. This is karma, I know it." The smile I had on my face reading that must've resemble the Cheshire Cat. She was breaking. POS attempted to console her, saying that if I cared enough for her, she wouldn't have had come to him to give her what I wasn't giving her, but the tone of her responses told me she was having doubt now. She had the nerve to step out of our marriage because I was unable to fulfill my role as a husband due to legitimate injury, and kept the affair going for at that point nearly an entire year, but the idea of her losing me to another woman was enough to make her waver? What a fucking weakling.
Now, during all of this I was also exacting the 2nd part of my plan for payback, getting all of my affairs in order financially. In September, I had met with a family attorney to get the ball rolling on divorce paper, with the mountain of evidence I'd piled up to that point. New York is an "at fault" state as far as Divorce, and the overwhelming amount of proof I'd gathered displaying Sue's infidelity pretty much solidified I could nail her to the fucking wall in a divorce case. My lawyer instructed me to get all of my financials in order in preparation for whatever division of assets might come as result. I went one better then that, secretly pulling all of my money out of our joint account and putting it in my personal account. I also started shopping around for an apartment as part of "phase 2".
We're now in November, and I've not changed my behavior. In fact, I've ramped it up. This is where my friend Nina comes into play. For context, Nina and Sue have never been what you call "close". I met Nina freshman year of high school 2 years before I met Sue. Even way back then, Sue has seen Nina as a "threat", as she's my closest female friend. There's always been an implied "I don't trust her" from Sue regarding Nina. She's never addressed it directly, but it's obvious to anyone who pays attention. Conversely, Nina's never been a big fan of Sue. Early in me and Sue's relationship, Nina called to attention to me how Sue was pretty much imposing herself into our little "square" of friends, whereas I didn't do the same with Sue's set of friends. That irked Nina because she knew why Sue was doing it, her. Among Sue's circle even now, there are no male friends...aside from POS. Whereas Nina is the only girl in my "square".
Nina had been "stuck" overseas due to the virus, and finally returned to NYC November 3rd. Oz, Joey and I decided we were gonna celebrate her return with a night at Joey's house for dinner and drinks. (There was only 5 of us, Oz, Joey, Joey's wife...who is also Nina's sister, Nina and myself. Sticking to CDC guidelines. We take the rona VERY seriously.) Nina, being the evil mastermind she is, comes up with an evil idea to trigger Sue. She suggested we take some photos in the same vein of the photos I discovered of Sue and POS months prior...and post them to my FB. And that's just what we did. It wasn't until the 5th that Sue got wind of it, as I'm guessing a few friends noticed my updates and saw how "uncomfortably" close I was with Nina. This really fucked her mind up, because she still believed I was cheating, and I can almost guarantee she "wanted" to accuse Nina, but she knew that Nina had been stuck in Europe for the majority of the year. Still didn't stop her from attempting to dress me down that night for being so as she said "handsy" in the pics. I saw this as a golden opportunity to deliver the the lead jab for my knockout blow. I say "So what about the pics with you and POS from last year? He was pretty handsy in them. But did you see me get bent out of shape over it?"
Dear in headlights. It was the 1st time I even mentioned the dude's name throughout all of this. The hamster wheel in her head started reeling in real time as she tried to to explain away those pics. To that point she hadn't even known I saw them, that's little I use FB. When I actually do post something it's like an event to people, which is why the pics with Nina specifically got so much traction among our circles. And explain away she did. "He's that way with everyone." "He's just a really friendly guy." "I can see how it looks, but there's nothing their." "I'm sorry if those pics hurt you. I'll delete them." No, no...the pics aren't what hurt me. The year you've been fucking the dude whilst lying to me that you're working extra hours and hanging with friends is what hurt me. But vengeance, as Lt. Comm. Warf from Star Trek: TNG so famously said "is a dish best served cold." From that night, Sue was being extra specially clingy and attentive to me. Like, annoyingly so. She's try to initiate affection and intimacy with me and I'd stonewall her at every chance. All the while, I'm still archiving everything she's saying to POS. Mind you by this point I'd long since gone numb. Any desire I might have had to save my marriage was dead. I'd checked out the day I enacted the 1st phase of my plan.
She's confiding in him that I've gotten worse. That she doesn't know what to do, and she feels like I absolutely hate her. (I do.) Then comes the bombshell. She says she can't see him anymore. The guilt is to much for her, and she feels like karma is suffocating her. She can't risk losing me. She says that she loves POS deeply, but she "still in love" with me, and she has to save her marriage before she loses me. No, my dear...you're about 8 months to late for that. POS loses his shit, saying such lovely things as "He doesn't love you the way I love you." and "You're making a mistake, you can't just throw me away like this." That text chain would be the last they'd have until about 3 weeks ago. Throughout the remainder of November into December, Sue is tuck in limbo. She's trying to gauge where my headspace is and is still unable to tell if I'm actually being unfaithful. Meanwhile, POS is steadily blowing her phone up daily, but she's not responding to him. I'd see her check her phone often, the quickly put it away. Meanwhile, phase 2 of the plan was now officially complete. The divorce papers were done. I'd found me a studio apartment in Co-Op City (New Yorkers will know the area) and signed a 2 year lease on it. All of my money was in my personal account. I was ready to throw my haymaker.
So we're now at Thanksgiving. My oldest and his GF were hosting a small gathering of our immediate families. So them (Oldest and his GF), Oldest's GF's parents (she's an only child) myself, Sue and our youngest. We have a great night. My oldest's GF is studying to be a chef, and she did all the cooking herself. The girl can fuckin' cook lemme tell ya'. As I had to keep up appearances of nothing being wrong between Sue and I, I initiated affection with her several times that evening. Kisses on the cheek. Cute lil' hugs. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders from behind. The gestures didn't go unnoticed by her, as she reveled in it. Bare in mind, this was the 1st time I touched this woman since I kissed the top of her head the night she "confronted" me in October...so just about 2 months. Not gonna lie, I felt repulsed doing it. But I had to. I couldn't risk the plan, and me being distant to her in the face of my boys, my oldest's GF and her parents would set off alarms. So my youngest decides he wants to stay over with his big bro for the night, so Sue and I head home. On the drive home, she thanks me for being so good to her, and says "I don't know what you're going through, baby. But I'm here for you." I had to hold off busting out in maniacal laughter again, and responded saying. "I know. I just need time."
So for the 1st time realistically since Springtime, we had sex that night. I figured fuck it, with what I'm about to do, may as well get some action before I delete her from my existence. I won't go into detail, but it wasn't "love making". When I was finished she was a lump of flesh laying their trying to figure out the direction of the truck that ran her over. No cuddling or anything after. I just got up, showered and and went to go sleep in my office. To her confusion though, I used a condom. 1st time 2 damn decades I did. She was definitely perplexed by it, but she didn't ask questions. (Sure as hell wasn't going raw in her knowing that she'd been doing so with POS for months at that point.) I wake up the next day and check my handy dandy spy app, and for the 1st time in weeks, she responded to POS. Dude went full novella. He professed his love for her. Said she was wasting her time trying to rekindle a flame in me that died. That she'd been "in a prison" with me for 23 years and deserved to experience the love and affection of a man who would cherish her. Mind you, this dude is 27 fuckin' years old. Five years older then our oldest son. And he's THAT sprung on a 45 y/o married mother of 2? What a grade-A, high quality SIMP. She chose to blow up our marriage and destroy the home we'd built for this dude? Pretty boy with a "soft side"? HAAAA!!!
She responded saying pretty much the same thing she said when last they talked. That she loves him, and enjoyed their time together, but she can't lose me. I'm still the love of her life, but she'll always have a place for him in her heart. That they can still be friends if he chooses, but the physical relationship between them is over. He begged her to see him one last time that week, and yep...you guessed it, she said yes. One more for the road, right? Who am I to say anything, that's what I did to her the previous night. Of course I added all of that to the archive I'd compiled. December 4th is when phase 3, the final phase of operation "Shinobi Ghost" started. The divorce papers where in hand. My new place or residence was set up. Now I had to slowly start moving me stuff out of the house. But 1st, I had to break the news to my boys. I called my oldest to the house that Friday night, had them join me in my office...and laid everything on that table. Not the specifics, but that there mother had been cheating on me for over a year, and I was going to be filing for divorce soon. My 17 year old was especially shaken up by this, because he himself had recently experienced his 1st taste of infidelity. Yep, his 1st GF had cheated on him just 4 months prior. Seeing his heart broken a 2nd time at the idea that his own mother was capable of doing this hit him hard. My oldest took it a lot better, and suggested taking his brother in to live with him until this blows over, to which I agreed.
We packed up some of his stuff, and he asked me was I gonna be ok. I told him "Yes, son. I'm going to be alright. And so are you. We're going to be alright. I promise." And then they were off. The hardest part was now over, and it was now time to arm the nukes. Over the next few weeks, day by day Oz would help me get a little of my most sensitive stuff out of the house. Gave him a list of all of the definite stuff to grab while Sue and I were at work and left him the spare key. This was all stuff Sue wouldn't notice was missing unless you told her it was gone. I'd also gotten a new phone and phone number, and told everyone who needed to know (Oz, Joey, Nina, My boys, big sis and my mother) my new contact info. Meanwhile, I'm keeping up the rouse with Sue and she's non the wiser. trickling bits and pieces of affection to her just to keep her off of the trail, whilst she's still in contact with POS. Not to the extent that they'd been prior, but there's still an emotional thing happening. The fog is feint, but it's still there. All the while, I gather everything, and I do mean everything. Every bit of data I've archived since I started the plan, call logs, texts, pics, emails...everything, and start making printouts. Folks, I must have spent over a $1500 on staples supplies. Printer ink, paper, binders, the works. And I cataloged everything in order, from the beginning of the affair until that last bit 2 weeks ago, December 16th in the binders. 14 of them.
I then put each one in a box, and gift wrapped each, addressing them to various people. My mother (my father passed 7 years ago), her parents, her 2 sister, her brother, her HR department (Did I forget to mention POS works for the same company, and there's an expressed rule against inter-company relationships because of the nature of what she does?), several of her friends, POS AND POS's parents. Lugged all of those fuckers to the post office and shipped them all out December 16th. ETA for delivery, December 22-24th. PERFECT. So we're now at Christmas Eve. Sue comes home around the usual time, no idea if she'd seen POS, I'd stop tracking her on the app the 18th. Figure I'd gotten all the mileage I needed from it. As per usual, she showers, hangs out with me a bit, I blow her back out on the living room couch (I know, I'm a fucking asshole) and she turns in for the night. The final phase was upon me at long last. The nuke I'd been arming since June was finally about to launched. In the middle of the night, I woke up and wrapped up one of the 3 remaining binders, with the divorce papers taped to the inside cover, and set it on my side of the bed with a note note that said "Merry Christmas" on it. Next to it I left my old phone, and the business card of my lawyer. I packed up the remainder of my most needed items, enough to fill 2 backpacks, and I left my home...that I spent 23 years in, for the last time.
That my friends, was one week ago. To Sue I am completely off the grid. Gone. Shadow ghosted. She's blocked on FB, but still hasn't blocked me for some reason, so I'm keeping tabs on the fallout. It's absolutely glorious. My packages have reached everyone I sent them out to, and Sue is getting crucified. Her youngest sister completely dressed her down. Both of her parents have condemned her. My mom absolutely destroyed her. Like holy shit, I know my mom has a mean streak...but the things she called Sue were un-fucking-holy. She's been frantically trying to find out if anyone knows where I am, but those that due, aren't saying a word. All over her FB feed she's desperately trying to reach me, because I'm guessing she knows I'm likely looking. But I'm not saying a fucking word to her without my lawyer present. That'll be the next time I share oxygen with her. She's got no way of spinning the narrative to paint me as the bad guy, because I've exposed her to everyone who matters to her. And from what a mutual friend who works in the same company as her, she and POS apparently are being put on administrative leave as of tomorrow, so yea...chances are she'll be going into 2021 unemployed. As for the the final 2 binders, well...one has been turned over to my lawyer as my final bit of evidence for my impending divorce, and the last one I put in my storage unit to be burned in Joey's fire pit when the divorce is final.
Do I feel guilty about this? No. Not even in the slightest. 23 years I did right by this woman. I gave her the home she wanted. I gave her the family she wanted. I gave her the life I felt we both deserved, and I loved her unconditionally. Never have I faltered. Never have I strayed. Never have I even entertained the notion of breaking my vows. When an issue came up that I felt was effecting our marriage, I came to her and told her, and we sorted it out as best we could. She opted to find comfort in another man's bed. Rather then come to me and say she was unhappy with our sex life at the time, she decided to step out with a young punk who gave her the tingles. So no, I have no sympathy for what I did, or for her. She can burn in hell for all I care. The most I stand to lose is my house, a car and maybe a couple hundred bucks a month in alimony, but seeing as the divorce is filed under the statute of adultery and NYS is At Fault, that might get waved with the insurmountable about of evidence I've provided. As far as I'm concerned, she's dead to me and I'm never looking back.
TL:DR - Wife of 23 years had a 1 year long affair with a co-worker 18 years younger then her. Pretended to be in an affair myself while collecting evidence of hers for the majority of 2020. Had divorce papers drawn up early Fall. Compiled all the evidence in early December. Shipped binders full of the evidence to everyone near and dear to her to arrive around Christmas Eve. Left one binder with the divorce notice attached inside on my pillow, as well as my phone and lawyer's card as she slept Christmas Eve. Completely went off the grid on her as her life completely imploded the following days after Christmas.
Quick edit: NYS is not fully "at fault". Under certain circumstances a divorce can be filed at fault, of which my lawyer has informed me my case falls under. I'll be meeting the STBXW with her lawyer tomorrow. I'm guessing I'll just update here.
2nd Edit: To the guy on Youtube and in my PM who said I got cucked for over a year, and all of my evidence will not be submittable in court claiming he's a "retired PI" with 20 years experience, you can fuck right the fuck off. Had a quick word on the matter with my lawyer earlier today (1/5/21) and everything provided outside of the phone calls are valid. Find something better to do with your time then harassing me, buddy.
UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/useKermit_Defrogg/comments/ksuv4t/update_fooled_my_cheating_stbxw_into_thinking_i/
UPDATE 2: Shit jus got even worse...
STBXW of 23 years just tried to kill herself last night : Kermit_Defrogg (reddit.com)

General Scott Drake
I sat in a conference room. They had turned it into an interrogation room with two other generals facing me across a long table.
“Did you know Timothy Crestfall was, in fact, Timothy Misho?” General Conner asked me, sitting at the head of the table. He was a bigger fellow, on the older side of 60.
“No,” I said flatly.
A slightly younger general, General Schultz, in his early 50s followed up, “You have been against a great number of the POTUS’s decisions, General Drake, how do we know you're loyal to this country?”
“I fight for this country, Generals,” I narrowed my eyes, “This would require me giving our Commander in Chief my honest opinion of the situation at hand.”
“You most recently were against recapturing Zepherina Hippolyte, a former operative who clearly has clearly joined the enemy,” General Conner stated.
“It was a terrible idea and I’ll stand by that. Zepherina was only trying to use her heritage as leverage with Ragna to negotiate a ceasefire. I have met Zepherina Hippolyte, she is not a violent person.”
General Schultz, the younger general laughed, “Tell that to the poor bastards in Mexico City.”
I narrowed my eyes on him, “Reports indicated that the Steward of Penthesil, Theodora Regias, was shot by one of our soldiers. She died in Zepherina’s arms during the hamfisted attempt to capture her,” I shouted.
“She resisted, these Penthesilian girls aren’t like normal women, General Drake. I hope you’re well aware that Theodora Regias is equally sized as Zepherina and posed a measurable threat to our soldiers,” General Schultz stated.
“And yet despite there being a measurable threat, we still attempted to capture her during an agreed-upon peace summit? You realize that action violates UN laws.” I pointed out, “The POTUS was an idiot to try it.”
“Speaking pretty boldly for a man facing potential treason charges,” General Schultz accused.
“I work for the betterment of this country!” I yelled, “If that means telling POTUS the truth about poor military actions then so be it. If I may be so bold, I prefer to tell POTUS how to act, not take the POTUS’s desires and whims at face value!” I glared at General Schultz, “let’s be clear that managing a business and the military of a nation are vastly different things,” I argued.
Someone walked into the room, whispering to the two Generals.
Both Generals looked to me, concerned.
“What?” I asked.
General Conner got to his feet, “A disturbing communication just came from the US/Mexican border in Texas.”
“Disturbing?” I lifted an eyebrow, trying to hide my growing concern. “Generals have there been formal charges levied against me or just suspicion? Because it sounds like we have a problem.”
General Schultz nodded, getting to his feet, “We’re being pulled into a meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff now. POTUS is extremely upset.”
The two Generals led the way and I followed shortly behind them. Rushing towards me from one of the hallways, I spotted Dr. Underhill.
Dr. Underhill caught up with me, walking alongside me, “General Drake, I have some information regarding what happened,” Dr. Underhill began.
I fell back a few paces from the other Generals, “Well? What do you know?” I whispered.
Dr. Underhill leaned in close, whispering, “Zepherina has committed to Ragna’s cause. She’s used Theodora’s death to rally the entire nation in a campaign against the United States and has breached the US/Mexcian border wall,” Dr. Underhill informed me, pulling away, “We’ve been invaded by Ragna, with Zepherina’s help.”
“What is your source?” I questioned.
Dr. Underhill’s attention turned towards the doors before us, “You have a meeting to attend, General, I will wait outside and make preparations.”
“Preparations?” I asked, confused as to what Dr. Underhill was on about.
“For protocol Red Wing,” Dr. Underhill informed me.
I stopped, allowing the other Generals to move into the meeting room. I narrowed my eyes to Dr. Underhill, “Vlad… it’s not that dire, is it?” I asked with a hint of desperation.
Dr. Underhill nodded to me, “Yessir, it is.”
Dr.Underhill discretely showed me a video on his phone from what appeared to be some kind of aerial footage.
I saw the fully completed and reinforced US/Mexican border wall. POTUS used Ragna’s invasion to push for new emergency funding for the wall’s military-grade reinforcement.
With the United States Army Corps of Engineers handling the project rather than the Department of Homeland Security and whatever rag-tag group of third party contractors had bid on the project, the work was done not only quickly, but with an effective military attitude.
We were not just installing searchlights nor were we placing passable barriers for wildlife.
We were building a barrier for vehicles and personnel. Massive pillars loaded with pillboxes filled with armed soldiers, 50. Cal machine guns with S.A.M. Rockets to boot. The guard towers weren’t for surveillance, they were for defense.
The wall was reinforced concrete with a line of razor wire as well. As if flaunting the thing out for everyone to see, there was a lighting set up along the length that could be seen from several clicks away.
What I saw was an aerial view of a section of the wall, soldiers patrolling it, as a black figure raced across the Mexican side, straight at the wall, with alarming speed.
“What is that?” I asked.
“Zepherina,” Dr. Underhilll stated clearly.
I watched as a sonic boom surrounded her body mere moments before she crashed through the wall as if it were nothing more than a stack of cardboard boxes.
The tower shifted and the central cement panel she had burst through creaked, and finally collapsed completely, taking down the two armed guard towers attached to either side of it.
I was shocked, to say the least.
Dr. Underhill placed his phone in his pocket. “Scott, if you stay here they’re going to court-martial you for defending Zepherina. She’s now openly attacked us. If you come with me, you’ll have a chance to continue to fight alongside The Guardian Temple.”
“That’s treason. Actual treason!” I growled quietly at Dr. Underhill.
“Not against God,” Dr. Underhill explained.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I recalled my sins.
I remembered the day clearly. My men on patrol in Afghanistan. We came upon a village where the local Taliban was being less than co-operative.
“Sir, they aren’t giving us permission to go through,” My Major had informed me.
I looked at the timetable, “Fuck ‘em, they can let us through or we will force our way through. We’re going through one way or another.”
Pride. It’s a sin for a reason.
We rolled through a town with no defenses, the local Taliban consisted of ten guys with AKs, half of them were kids, no older than twelve.
I remember stopping briefly to confirm a kill.
The kid’s intestines were spilling out of his body, and the kid glared up at me and he spat, “Khwdey de... baikh... ubasa…” as the light left his eyes shortly after.
I asked the translator about it. ‘May God uproot you,’ was the translation.
I laughed at the insult.
Then when I saw Timothy, a literal angel, I still didn’t think much of it. Until I entered the Guardian Temple.
Then I knew my sins were going to come back to me. That’s when I knew that I had to do everything I could to help Timothy Crestfall.
I turned to Dr. Underhill, “Vlad, I’ll consider it, but let’s see how this meeting goes.”
Dr. Underhill gave me a nod as I walked into the room.
Sitting at the head of the table was President William Fustian.
He had a terrible dirty blond hairpiece that did not match his white hair. He was pushing seventy, but despite that had the youthful face of a fifty-year-old man. He sat in a poorly sized suit that made his shoulders look far larger than they were.
A tacky red tie and an American flag pin on his lapel completed the outfit.
He looked to us with tired blue eyes, furious, with sweat dripping from his brow. “Gentlemen,” President Fustian began.
I disliked the man because he had no idea what he was doing in his position when it came to the military. Economic decisions? Fine. He was a businessman. But where he should have differed to our military knowledge and experience. He often ignored our advice when it came to military procedures.
To say it was infuriating was an understatement.
I served as a soldier, I worked my entire life in the military to get to the honored rank of General.
This joker is now my boss thanks to a glorified popularity contest we call an ‘Election’.
“I just got reports that our borders have been breached by the Mexicans,” President Fustian shouted.
“Penthesilians,” the President’s Secretary of State, Tillman Rod, stated. Tillman Rod was a portly man with thin hair, thick glasses, and what looked like a permanent look of ‘I just ran up a flight of stairs and am out of breath’ plastered on his face. Apparently, the pair had been business associates prior to Fustian’s bid for President.
“Mexicans, Penthesilians,” Fustian complained, “Does it matter?! We’re under attack, damn it!”
I sighed, “That is bound to happen when you kill one of their ambassadors during a peace summit.” It wasn’t until about ten seconds after I said it that I realized I had said it out loud.
Everyone’s eyes in the room were on me. So I decided it was my time to get up and speak.
If I was going to be court-martialed I was going to let them all know what exactly they had done.
“Mr. President, my fellow Officers, if I may explain the situation?” I offered.
“Please do, since you’re so versed on the subject, General,” President Fustian mocked.
Whether he remembered me as the guy who called him an idiot for his plan, I don’t know, but I was going to act as if he did remember me.
“Mr. President, to put it mildly: The Penthesilians are furious and they’re looking for justice or retribution,” I began.
“Justice? They attacked us!” President Fustian yelled.
“We cast the first stone, Mr. President. This is retaliation,” I explained.
“Retaliation or not,” President Fustian shouted, “I’m going to show them what happens when they fuck with us!”
I heaved a sigh, about to explain how that was not going to work with Zepherina at the spearhead of Ragna’s army.
Before I could, however, three men walked in.
Two were secret servicemen and one was a young soldier, a private, 1st class I believed.
“Mr. President,” the young private said meekly. The kid was shaken, couldn’t have been older than twenty-two.
President Fustian saluted the young soldier, “Just the man I was looking for. I hate reading reports!” the President exclaimed, “Tell us, in your own words, what happened?”
I frowned, “Wait, this soldier was there?”
President Fustian gave a nod, “Yes, he’s how we found out about the attack on the Texas border! Keep up, General!”
My stomach dropped. Dr. Underhill withholding information from the President? Why? That video should have been more than enough to explain what we were up against.
The young soldier swallowed hard and gave us a nod. “I’ll… try my best to explain.”
…
Private 1st Class. David Madrid
It was a normal day, like any other at first.
I was on patrol at the top of the wall, just moving across the span between the guard towers, making my rounds like it was any other day.
I’m used to seeing caravans of drug cartels passing by the wall, sometimes to take potshots at us, which we’re happy to return. Most of the time they were buzzing by us, flipping us off, just to taunt us about the wall.
But I never expected a full-blown army!
I freaked and called my superiors!
Amassing in the distance was a huge number of soldiers. The soldiers were all wearing what looked like some kind of crazy mix of medieval and modern armor. They had different colored armor, almost all of them had guns.
I spotted a few with what I swear were bow and arrows, but not like anything I had ever seen before.
The army was amassing in huge troop movements. I even saw some military transport vehicles showing up behind the massive infantry.
That’s when a smaller group, made up of ten people, who I assumed were officers, moved out from the larger army.
I had no idea what they were doing. I rushed to the pillbox in the tower and I waited for instructions.
My superior officer, Master Sergeant Thompson, was already on the radio.
“I’ve got a literal army out here and I need some kind of air support and more troops!” the Master Sergeant shouted into his radio.
I swallowed hard, “Sir, orders, Sir?”
“Don’t fire until we get the order,” Master Sergeant Thompson ordered, “This might just be a training operation or they’re trying to get us to do something stupid like fire on them first!”
I took position looking out of the guard tower, my gun at the ready. But I didn’t want to be the first idiot to fire.
That’s when it happened!
A single soldier in black and purple armor just started sprinting like a marathon runner towards the wall.
The rest of the army didn’t budge as she just started running. She did not have any weapons on her, just her armor.
The crazy part was: she was running faster and faster! I didn’t think it was possible for someone to move that fast. Before I knew it, I watched as she got close enough for me to see her body.
Her armor had some crazy angel wings or something on the back as if it was made out of black metal feathers.
“Shoot the bitch!” Master Sergeant shouted.
I took aim and tried to fire, but I wasn’t sure if I missed or… well if my bullets just weren’t doing anything! I was not the only man firing at her, all around her I saw the ground show signs of bullets striking and a few large tracer rounds whizzed by her head.
That’s when I heard the first ‘Boom’.
She was running and, out of nowhere, she sped up and then there was this explosion around her!
That’s when I felt the guard tower shake like someone had detonated a bomb underneath us!
At first, there was nothing after we felt the second explosion. But then I heard the creaking from the wall and the whole pillbox I was in shifted.
I looked out and saw the walkway spanning the wall warp and twist as it began to buckle before the wall underneath it collapsed!
Worse yet the wall in the middle was crumbling and pulling the towers down with it!
“Brace!” The Master Sergeant shouted as we felt the entire tower begin to fall around us.
I grabbed hold of a gun mount on the window and held on for dear life as the entire tower toppled down onto the ground.
My ears were ringing. As the dust cleared I managed to crawl my way out of the window of the pillbox. It was a tight squeeze to make it through the window, but I managed to crawl through.
But when I got to my feet, I was knocked to the ground by a horde of soldiers stampeding across the rubble of the broken section of the wall.
I thought I was going to be trampled by the time one of the enemy soldiers grabbed me and hauled me up to my feet.
I looked up, and up, to see a massive soldier standing easily seven feet tall! I was even more shocked to see the soldier was a woman. She had dark skin, and upon seeing me, a predatory look came over her face.
“¡Mira, tengo un Americano de trofeo!” she shouted, and after a while, I was hurled over her shoulder as the invading army rushed through the broken wall. As I was manhandled I realized all the enemy soldiers around me were women!
I heard gunshots, but not many, and eventually I found myself being set down on the ground once more, my hands being tied up with a color-coded zip tie, along with a barcode on it.
The female soldier who had dropped me off just grinned wickedly at me with a knowing look, and said: “Después vamos jugar, Muchachito!” She laughed ominously as she walked away from me.
I looked around and saw other men tied up like me. Their weapons stripped from them, some were even in nothing but their underwear, others were simply left without their boots.
“What the fuck did they do to you?” I tried to ask the other soldiers who were tied up with me.
My fellow soldier who was wearing nothing but dog tags and his underwear turned to me, a look of terror in his eyes. He had a black eye, and a swollen cheek, “Those giant women? They force you to fight them in hand to hand combat…”
I frowned, “Then what?!”
He shuddered and turned away from me in shame.
I frantically looked around and nearly shit myself when I saw an absolute monster of a woman loom over me.
She had violet eyes and black hair and wore armor that seemed bulkier than the rest, as well as a long blue cape. Her left hand had a golden gauntlet on it.
“So, these are the P.O.Ws’?” she asked another large female soldier to her right.
The other soldier was almost as large as her and wore black and yellow armor, which contrasted the white and blue that the taller woman wore. “Yes, Empress. I’ve already spoken to the soldiers about the… traditional treatment.”
“Shameful behavior, but I suppose my new Mexican soldiers are rowdy, we’ll scold them later,” the giant winged woman in white and blue said as she gazed down at me, “Name and rank, Soldier!” she demanded.
I frowned, “I-I-”
The female soldier to the Empress’s right in black chastised me, “Speak up prisoner, you’re in the presence of Empress Ragna Misho! Show her some respect.”
“Captain Hill, that’s not needed, the boy is obviously terrified,” The Empress said as she looked down at me.
I steeled myself, “Private 1st Class David Madrid, Ma’am.”
“Empress,” Captain Hill sneered.
“Oh, he’s never addressed an Empress before, give the boy a pass Maddy,” The Empress said, smiling pitifully to me, “I’ve captured your entire unit and likely any other units who will respond. But I will ask you to do me one favor,” she said, “Would you mind?” she said with a disarmingly sweet smile.
I frowned, “I-if I say ‘No’ are you going to kill me?”
The Empress smiled at me with a shit-eating grin, “Oh, no little boy. Though the soldier who claimed you is going to be the one who is responsible for your care,” she warned, “So if you won’t do what I, The Empress, am asking of you, I will simply hand you over to the soldier that claimed you.”
I glanced to my right at the soldier who was stripped and beaten and I shivered as I looked at the soldier turning from me in shame. I could only imagine what was done to him that was so unmentionable after his beating by these women. I made up my mind right then and there. I turned to the Empress, “W-what do you want me to do?”
The Empress gave me a satisfied smile and picked me up and snapped the zip ties around my wrists like they were made from paper, “I want you to go and tell your ‘superiors’ everything that happened here today. Because I want them to understand who they are up against, what you have seen today. Tell them every last detail, do you understand me?” She said to me, still smiling to me with a soft, yet menacing smile, her hands coming to rest on my shoulders.
I just nodded nervously and with that, I was taken away.
…
General Scott Drake
We all turned to the young man as he finished his story.
“T-the only reason I’m free is because I agreed to tell you,” he frowned, “I-I’m sorry sir, but… but that’s all I know.”
“How long ago was this?” I asked.
Private Madrid looked up to me, “Sir, it was yesterday, Sir.”
President Fustian shouted, “Yesterday?! So why are we just hearing about it right now?!”
“Sir, I only arrived here today, Mr.President, Sir,” Private Madrid said nervously.
That’s when one of the secret service members rushed into the room, “Sorry to interrupt, Mr. President, but the State Governor of Texas just stated that he’s making an emergency announcement!”
General Schultz got up, turned on the TV in the room, and tuned it to a 24 hours news channel.
On the TV came a banner scrolling across the bottom which read, “EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT FOLLOWING STRANGE 1 DAY SOCIAL MEDIA BLACK-OUT FROM TEXAS.”
We had been caught with our pants down.
I half expected Ragna to walk up to the podium and declare her victory.
But what happened was far, far more shocking.
The Governor of Texas, Richard Terry, walked up to the podium to the flash of multiple cameras and some chatter from the press.
“Thank you all for coming on such short notice,” he said in a deep southern accent. He smiled, flashing too-white-teeth to the cameras. His hair was a salt-and-pepper shade of black, combed into a fairly well-styled quaff. His fifty-something-year-old face smiled as he waved at a few people here and there, blue eyes flashing charismatically to the cameras.
Governor Terry wore a grey suit and white shirt and a purple tie with a strange emblem at the center hanging from his neck. As he spoke, he did so as if knowing his speech would be referred to in the future.
It was well-rehearsed and unlikely written by the Governor.
“My fellow Texans," he winked to the camera, "And to everyone else,” he smiled while some folks laughed at his joke, “This has been a tumultuous time for mankind. The attacks on New York and the loss of Jerusalem, are painful events that will always live in infamy.”
President Fustian glared at the TV.
I turned to one of the secret servicemen, “Is this live? Can everyone see this?” I asked.
The young agent nodded to me, “Yessir.”
I turned back to the screen as Governor Terry continued his speech.
“Sadly, despite our best efforts, the Federal Government of the United States of America has not held the best interests of the great state of Texas at its heart,” Governor Terry shook his head with some theatrics. “As such, after meeting with the state senate, we have come to the unanimous conclusion that we, the Great State of Texas, will leave the Union.”
“What?!” President Fustian shouted, “But they love me in Texas!”
I sighed heavily as I looked on, my fist clenching on the back of my chair as I watched the Texas Governor turn on the US Government.
“But, sadly, Texas cannot make it on its own. A major caveat is that the National Guard cannot stand against the United States Military,” Governor Terry sighed shaking his head for dramatic effect, “It’s a mistake other southern states have made before.”
A few Generals were already stepping out of the room to make calls. Likely to engage their troops in the local area for either reconnaissance or for a counter-attack.
I was certain both endeavors were doomed to fail.
“The United States military has been the greatest force in the world, up until recently,” Governor Terry said, with a shake of his head, “But the monster Xyphiel's destruction of New York is a painful reminder of how that is a thing of the past.”
“We destroyed the damn cannon!” President Fustian shouted at the TV as if Governor Terry could hear him.
“We offered a second chance to the United States Military and allowed them to build their militarized border wall between Texas and the rapidly encroaching force of the Penthesilian armies,” Governor Terry gave a nod, “The task was simple: If the United States could properly defend our great State of Texas from invasion, then we would continue to push back and fight alongside our Union brothers.”
More camera snaps occurred from the press.
I knew where this was going. The POTUS had failed the Texas Governor's made-up challenge. The charade was put in place so Governor Terry would have an excuse for Texas to secede from the United States.
“Sadly, as of yesterday, Penthesil breached the walls the United States government wasted so much taxpayer money and manpower to construct… destroying it in a matter of minutes. Forces from the Penthesilian army stormed into our great state and captured every single Union soldier,” he shook his head, “the Penthesilian army suffered not a single casualty from this battle. The same cannot be said of the Union forces.”
I turned to Private Madrid, “Son, did we lose anyone in the assault?”
He frowned to me, “Sir, I was the only one to escape from the Guard Towers, sir!”
I heaved a heavy sigh and turned back to the screen. Zepherina was being driven to do things she’d never do before and I grew concerned. I had seen that angel do unspeakable feats of strength and she always operated with a measure of control and restraint. Now that her power was unleashed, what could stand in her way?
I didn’t blame Governor Terry for his next statement.
Governor Terry continued, “As such we have found a new Federal entity which will welcome Texas into its arms while allowing us our desired independence,” he smiled, “before y’all judge, allow me to clarify a few things for all of you!”
Cameras flashed as the press seethed in murmuring and questions.
“All Texas citizens will have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” Governor Terry said, rather pleased with himself, “And now Texas will also be able to provide, under our new Federal Government, the right for the unborn. That they sadly never had before!”
There was a commotion from the press. A female reporter shouted passionately over the rest, “Are you saying a woman’s right to choose has been violated?”
“No! Women’s rights have not been violated!” Governor Terry stated.
“How is that possible while making abortion illegal?!” the woman reporter shouted.
“I couldn’t go over all the details in a single press conference, but allow me to give someone the podium who can provide a better picture of the situation,” Governor Terry turned to the left of the stage, where Ragna soon walked out.
Ragna wore a modern take on what I would call a blue military tailcoat jacket. Beneath that was a pair of black slacks and with a blue seam of fabric running down the side. She wore black boots as well, her right hand clad in a white glove, her left in a golden gauntlet.
Ragna smiled, her black wings slipping out from behind the tailcoat as she addressed the cameras.
“May I introduce, Ragna Misho,” Governor Terry smiled and the pair shook hands as he looked up at the monstrous woman.
Ragna gave a chuckle, said something encouraging away from the microphone to Governor Terry, and made her way to the podium.
A hush fell over the room.
“Thank you, Governor Terry,” Ragna looked out over the crowd of reporters. “I am certain every last one of you is shocked and outright amazed at the reception we’ve received here in Texas. I have been in talks with the local government here for some time and I can say, the people of Texas have values very dear to my heart.”
A few cameras snapped, but the silence in the room was deafening.
“You ask about changes to abortion laws, yes? I’ll explain it simply,” Ragna said with a proud smile, “a medical procedure, where the fetus and mother can each survive the process while being separated,” Ragna glanced to Governor Terry, “A process which Governor Terry has told me is ‘having your cake and eating it too.’”
There was some chuckling from the press.
“And what other laws will change? Any other major differences you can highlight?” Another reporter’s voice shouted.
“Change is the name of our effort,” Ragna said with a proud grin, “First a shift in economic focus, primarily, one of manufacturing and entrepreneurship is paramount. I also wish to make clear that, even as we speak, Texas medical professionals are being provided the most advanced medical technology that I have to offer. Life-threatening ailments such as Cancer, Dementia, and life-long viral infections are relics of the past. At least, as far as Texas is concerned.”
There were murmurings now.
“That technology, I would like to add, is available to all Texans at no charge,” Ragna smiled wide.
“How is that possible?” shouted one reporter.
Ragna addressed them with a smile, “I’m sure your question is: ‘How can we still pay the Doctors’?”
“Yes,” the reporter said, sitting down.
“Our economy is vastly different from anything this planet has seen before. Your planet attempted communism to repeated failure, as well as attempts at neo-liberal capitalism, which constantly juggled between too little and too much government overreach,” Ragna shook her head, “Suffice to say, a new system must be implemented. One in which the My Federal Government handles basic human rights and the state handles day-to-day operations.”
“And how-” The reporter was cut-off.
“As such,” Ragna continued, “We have reached a new level of employment. Doctors are paid by Federal monies. Federal monies are obtained by taxation on goods and services, not your income. As such, the more you spend your money into the economy, the more money you pay in taxes,” she smiled, “This scale changes, of course, depending on what you’re buying. A gallon of milk, for example, will receive no tax upon it, but a high-end sports car will be taxed.”
There were more murmurings, “You mention medical technologies, but what other technologies do you bring with you?” another reporter asked, astounded.
Ragna smiled, “The use of oil resources has been optimized and much of the dangers removed. Not to mention I am certain there will be plenty of new jobs building new power plants which operate at much higher efficiency.”
There was a final question, “What of your association with ‘Xyphiel Misho’? The madman who destroyed New York?”
I frowned. That had to be a planted question, these all were planted questions. “This is on all our news networks?” I asked.
The agent nodded, “Yes, sir.”
“Shit,” I grumbled.
“What?” President Fustian asked me.
“She’s pushing her propaganda on us,” I shouted, “Can we interrupt this feed? She’s trying to sow dissension among the other states!”
President Fustian was clearly not understanding what I was telling him.
“She’s advertising her country to try and sell her leadership to other states, Sir!” I shouted, “She’s pushing a campaign ad on us!”
President Fustian turned to his chief of staff, “Can we cut the feed?!”
“We can use the Emergency Broadcast Service to do it,” a General announced.
“Get the FCC chair on the line now!” President Fustian shouted, “I don’t care if it’s a blue screen that says ‘Stand-by’, shut this bitch up!”
Before anything was shut down, however, I caught something.
“Xyphiel… yes…” Ragna shook her head, “My supposed brother? Well, he has parted ways with my vision. His crimes are his own to answer for and know this: He is public enemy number one of the nation of Penthesil. I will give anyone who brings him to me any reward they desire. Whatever earthly possessions or riches you want, are yours. This is not a false promise, I assure you,” Ragna said, a dire look in her eyes, “I want Xyphiel’s Head!”
The feed cut out with a blue box that reads ‘Please Stand-By for an Emergency Broadcast.’
President Fustian got to his feet, “Someone writes me up a speech and makes it as God damn patriotic as possible!” he shouted, “I am not going to get outdone by some eight-foot-tall dyke!”
The joint chiefs and President Fustian all left the room, leaving me, a few secret service members, and Private David Madrid behind.
I turned to Private Madrid, “Son, I gotta ask you, as you’ve seen them fight: What are our chances?”
Private Madrid frowned at me, “Sir I… I don’t know. I thought I shot that woman but… my bullets bounced off of her. It was… it wasn’t natural. None of this is natural. I feel like… like this is the end, sir.”
I heaved a sigh, “At ease Private, get debriefed,” I walked out of the room to see Dr. Underhill waiting for me.
Dr. Underhill saluted, “Well?”
“Why didn’t they know ahead of time, Vlad?” I asked, point-blank.
Dr. Underhill smiled at me, “Because, it wouldn’t change anything. What would be accomplished? The parties that needed to know, knew.”
“What country do these parties align with?” I asked.
“Scott,” Dr. Underhill began, “Do you think that Timothy forged alliances with only the United States when he knew Xyphiel and Ragna posed a global threat?”
“I know we had an escape plan in Red Wing,” I pointed out, “But I guess I assumed Timothy had more faith in us.”
Dr. Underhill shook his head, “We need to have faith in Him, not the other way around.”
I sighed, “Let's get protocol Red Wing underway while everyone is focused on Texas.”
Dr. Underhill gave me a nod and soon we were heading through the halls of the pentagon, making our way to the roof.
There, fueled and ready, was a transport helicopter.
I strapped in, along with Dr. Underhill, as it took off.
Deep down I felt like I was fleeing a battlefield. I looked down at the Pentagon as it grew further away from us, more concerned over whether I was making the right choice.
I shivered as I remembered when I sentenced a village to death for not letting us pass.
What would it have meant for my battalion if we didn’t go through? An extra ten hours of travel time? Was that worth the lives of so many villagers?
I had listened to Irfan and Fatima talk to me about some of the atrocities that US Soldiers had committed in their country. While we had gotten into heated debates, I found plenty of sick bastards doing terrible things under the banner of the United States flag.
I knew that at some point, I had been one of them.
Was it just the natural thing that happens when you place a gun in a man’s hand and give him control over life and death?
Is it easier to execute someone when they don’t speak your language or share your culture?
What can and cannot be morally ignored under the phrase: “I was just following orders”?
I remembered when I set foot inside the Guardian Temple.
Angels’ bodies were strewn all over the floor, just as I remembered that village. I stared at their decayed and dead faces and I swear I could hear the words of that child ringing in my head, sending an ice-cold shiver of death into my very soul.
“May God Uproot You.”
But what does that phrase mean? To kill me? No. Death isn’t something that happens when you uproot something.
When you uproot a plant you’re taking it from its home and you’re doing what the person wants to do with it.
You’re surrendering control to God. Allow him to uproot you and hopefully replant you in better soil.
That’s what I found in Timothy. Better soil.
Pure soil.
Timothy may be gone, but I know I had to continue. If not for my sake, then for God’s.
As we landed at a nearby military airport, I saw our long-range transport, a C-17 jet, getting loaded with a few vehicles.
Some other supplies were being loaded and it looked as if the plane was moments from take-off.
I headed towards it, saluting the soldiers who I passed, who stopped and returned the salute.
I got inside, looking to see a number of seats I was all too familiar with. A humvee and a large transport truck were being strapped down in the center.
“General Drake, Sir,” a familiar voice chimed in.
I turned to see Sergeant Demond Winter, or as his uniform showed, Major Demond Winter, saluting me.
“Major,” I laughed, “Congrats on the promotion.”
Demond nodded to me, “Sir, Thank you, sir.”
“I assume you know where we’re headed?” I asked.
Demond nodded to me, “Yessir, I do. Best to strap in,” he announced as he headed up towards the cockpit.
With some trepidation, I sat down and fastened myself into my seat. I wondered if the other soldiers knew that every soldier in this bird was going to turn traitor to their own country.
Dr. Underhill could tell I was feeling apprehensive, “It’s alright Scott. I understand.”
“The wife and kids?” I said, turning to him, “They're already out?”
“As of yesterday,” Dr. Underhill smiled, “I had figured, at worst? They get to think of it as a vacation before going home if you changed your mind.”
I sighed, “You knew I wouldn’t. You knew this was coming.”
Dr. Underhill nodded, “I did. She told me.”
“She?” I asked.
“Synchronous,” Dr. Underhill smiled, “You don’t think Timothy was the only one leading the Temple, do you?”
I shook my head, “Who’s leading it now?”
Dr. Underhill smiled as the cargo bay doors closed, “You’ll see.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling the plane start to taxi.
Soon enough, we were speeding down the runway, the jet engines at full blast.
I felt the plane lift off and at that moment, I could feel it.
The young man who I had killed? His words were now coming true.
God had uprooted me.