The results are in for Match 6. The winner is…
Player Team, with a score of 83 to Ernie Ford’s 62!

Category	Winner	Point Totals	Comments
Popularity	Players	25-5
Quality	TIE	24-24	Reasoning
JoJolity	Players	24-23	Reasoning
Conduct	TEAM	10-10

...“You know what I'm here for!” Effie’s words rang out as Ernie watched on at the unexpected turn of events.
“The funny thing is I really don’t know.” Ernie stood there and took in the scene. Was this the first time he had seen this type of outburst in the District? Ernie tried to recall, but now wasn’t really the time to reminisce on bad memories.
Something was afoot. Something about Ugo threatening them that was for sure. But if Ugo wanted somebody to fight him this would never be his plan of attack. “Would you care to enlighten me then, I wouldn’t mind this either way!” Ernie shouted back, his tone was neutral, the tension of the situation only increased, but he didn’t see a need to fight back even now.
“They sent us here, because they wanted us to steal your notebook!” Ernie heard the voice of Jenny behind a tree.
Things started to make sense to Ernie, the hiding, why it wasn’t Odin’s people doing this, and that outburst. “And what do you two intend to do?” Ernie moved his backpack from his back to carrying it on one arm.
“Well if you help us, you could send them a fake notebook! It’s not like we like those fuckers anyways!” Jenny replied beyond the trees.
Well that wasn’t so difficult was it, it only took one or maybe both of their ire to get to this arrangement. Ernie weighed this against the prospect that they were lying to him, but if it came down to it it would just be either a fight now or a fight later. “Alright I’ll help you! I’ll be in my cabin manuscripting! You two wait outside, this will take less than an hour!” Ernie shouted back over as he started to walk back to his cabin.
“Your funeral..wait what?!” Effie flipped as Jenny clapped an arm on her, “We did it, we can get out of this shitty situation.”
Effie looked around, The Murder receded back into herself. “Did that really just happen?” She held out the hope that it really would be that easy, she wanted to believe it but she felt a slight pang of confusion, guilt maybe?
Jenny continued on, “We just have to make sure that he does his end of the deal and we’ll be out of here in no time.” Jenny looked at Effie’s face as she noticed the change in expression, “You okay there? You let out a bunch just now and if you wanted to talk about it.”
“No I’m ok, come on we have to still keep an eye on him.” Effie brushed Jenny’s arm off and made her way closer into the clearing with Jenny following.
Well, that was somewhat anticlimactic. If you were hoping for a match with some more carnage in it, how about checking out a race out of a monster-filled urn and voting on it?
Scenario:
Sound’s Garden Eastern Strip - Heartache Casino VIP Room
“So kind of you all to come again,” a man dressed garishly in gold spoke to a roomful of wealthy highrollers, a lounge area with a wall taken up by a screen large enough to make the place double as something of a particularly cozy home theater, a setup which had typically been reserved for two things: watching games organized by Heartache Casino’s owner on the closed-circuits of buildings he owned, and being rented out for private parties and banquets.
“This is pretty unconventional,” a dark-haired sniper remarked between drinks, staring at the screen as it showed, largely, several shots of a building in Downtown Los Fortuna, which seemed to have rapidly grown occupied by a small group of Stand Users, some of whom familiar to the district’s regulars after some close shaves in the subways both occupied, “but it’s brilliant… Just needed to get your tech guy to get cameras in there, now you have a huge show for free.”
“Should you be drinking, Seido?” The gold-clad owner asked, raising an eyebrow, “I mean, if something comes up…”
“If something comes up, I’m off-duty, I’m just a guest right now, and I can shoot well enough sloshed to get myself out of a bind. If you wanted me as security, you should’ve hired me for that… Though really, I’d have rather been down there raising some hell if I was gonna shoot things.”
Tigran sighed, finding that fair enough, he supposed… He wasn’t going to hire this man when he was buzzed, and he wouldn’t do guard detail for free either. Apparently, the man literally came to the city walking out of a bar into the flag unveiling, so he shouldn’t have been surprised.
Still, though, even with moods high here, nobody seeming to mind the way anonymous characters like Oh No and Conqueror Worm mingled among them. Sure, they were kind of a low-priority target right now, with protests in the Business district, the hell-on-earth about to be unleashed Downtown keeping their worst nightmares busy, and the usual BS in places like the Waterfront and Industrial, but the man once noted for his supremely smarmy overconfidence had been feeling more anxious lately, probably because the Entertainment District’s criminal underground had taken some losses recently.
Things were riding high with several successful games, and the arrival of Conqueror Worm, revitalizing everything that they had thought they’d known and opening up whole new possibilities of what games might be possible to organize from a place of safety, all while not asking for a penny of payment. He was a weird guy, but a valuable asset, and all that was understood to be asked in return was that they pretend not to know exactly who it was underneath that big fleshy suit.
And then, the next time they had an in-person event, a bunch of them died in a fire, and on the way to… Well, who knew why he was there, but something happened that got a formerly active manager and ‘game’ organizer murdered blocks away from the site of the flames. Was it a sign, then, that the old ways really were dying, that they needed to change with the times or lose this subculture of theirs entirely?
Maybe, and maybe some would leave it like that, but Tigran “Golden” Sins knew another source of common ground with every one of their games to go wrong, to go awry, to risk the future and safety of all that they were, all that they had. Everything (besides that time he got punched in the face) that had gone wrong, from Thutmose leaving them, to events that were supposed to be disastrous bloodbaths going well for the ‘players’ and ruining bets, could trace back somewhere.
And she was sitting there looking very disinterested, nursing a sparkling juice in a very expensive evening dress and earrings, recently bought by the only man in the world he believed to be above himself.
“Having a good time, Metra?” Fox asked the star known to much of the city as TD/MD, smiling smoothly and paying her more attention than the event itself, where he was significantly more public than before. He’d spent how many thousands on her in a few days?
“Sure, yeah,” she answered, with a clear disinterest and foul mood.
“I understand if you’re not… we’re all sorry to have lost Thutmose. Most likely by where he was, whoever killed him would have done the same to us had he not interfered. So he would want you to have a good time, right?”
“Alright, everyone, last calls!” Conqueror Worm called out, many eyes looking all over. After getting back from camera work, he’d volunteered to handle bets, on account of his utter disinterest in profiting from his work there. Damn shame, honestly; Tigran loved that weird golden Stand-hurting sword he’d always been swinging around, and something belonging to a regional founder would be a hell of a get to wear around. “We know all the key players in that little downtown scuffle, so let’s hear it! Who’s biting it? Who’s comin’ out? Who’s gonna have the highest bodycount? Is anyone even gonna get IN?”
That Oh No guy, from the Institute, spoke up through that voice changer he almost always had on in his coverings. “I think that… Three people will manage to find their way inside. Nobody on this betting board.”
“Ooh, bold words from our boldest regular!” Worm leaned in close, asking, “how much’re you puttin’ on that?”
“Nothing,” No responded, “I just want to see what comes of it… I’m almost disappointed you needed to ask.”
Peas in a pod, those two. Tigran sighed, figuring he might need to drink through these proceedings, only to glance at Metra, suddenly, seeming to smirk, ears twitching as if that special pitch of hers had picked something up. “What? What’s so fun now, that-”
The heavily reinforced, hidden doorway to the VIP room burst open, bisecting the hollow yet burly door guard as sand and rocks spilled out of its hollow crevasse, the only herald within seconds of a quintet of Stand Users barreling in, led by a trio on two motorbikes as two others, curious but energetic, followed.
“All that you’ve done ends here, Fox!”
Around the same time, Heartache Casino Public Floors
“Uh… Glitch? I think… it might be good if we… go?” William Eyelash was not liking it here very much. His hyperactive coworker and teammate had practically dragged him here after what was otherwise a simple delivery performed in place of Zebra, who had been busy enough delivering food to the other side of the city. William was the one supposed to carry it out, but Glitch had practically jumped at the opportunity to do so.
Glitch herself, meanwhile, seemed to be very content eating some fries which she (very regrettably) had to actually buy instead of simply snatching it away from a poor, unaware bystander, and had already ordered another plate because they were just that good. Security was too tight, somewhat on edge - the moment she got close to someone or something, they immediately turned their attention to her. Still, she didn’t want to deprive herself of one of the many pleasures of life like that, so she didn’t mind paying too much. “Mmrgh..? Why sho?”
“W- well… you know… uh...” William wasn’t sure how to say it - he was scared enough of Glitch’s erratic mannerisms most days, and that was while he tried to steer clear of her. Were he to directly oppose her, he’d have no way of knowing what she’d do! On top of that, he couldn’t help but notice that she seemed slightly… on edge. She was usually hyperactive, but she seemed to be even more eager to jump from one thing to another recently, and to ignore anything that even slightly stressed her out. Considering everything that happened to the staff at the Elephant Bones recently, it made sense for her to be stressed, even if she didn’t really show it usually. “... um, you know the rumors about this place… right? ”
Glitch turned to look at William, tilting her head “Hm? What rumors?”. “Uh... well… about the ED… and the fighting rings… I saw an article about it on the Hermod, and… i- it could be dangerous to be here for too long...” hearing William say that, Glitch seemed to recede for a bit, thinking to herself. “Mmm... well, it hasn’t been a problem yet! Right? Besides, the other chips haven’t arrived yet!” Glitch didn’t want to think much about it - so long as these fighting rings were away from her, she could just ignore them and go on with her life, but if it really was here, then maybe it would be good to avoid this place… but the fries were so good... Glitch took another look at the table she was sitting at and at the plate of fries she’d ordered. She grabbed a handful and ate them. “Mmm… after the second order of chips comes! Then we leave! But only after then!”
“Alright...” William didn’t like this very much, and he couldn’t help but shoot nervous glances around as Glitch finished up. Just about every staff member here was on edge and uncomfortable - he knew how to notice these things, and it would make sense if this place really was connected to the underground. Ugh… Why did he come along with Glitch? He’d just have to hope that the second order would come soon, and then they’d be able leave just as quickly as they came in.
Naturally, as if fate itself had conspired to screw him over, he couldn’t help but pick up on ‘something’. Guards around the floor peered nervously into their phones, and most of them began rushing towards the stairwell. Glitch had noticed as well, her ears picking up on the nervous murmurings of the guards and their hasty footsteps.
“Uhh… G- Glitch, something’s happening, we should-” “Pleh! Can’t you wait just a second! The chips aren’t here yet! This isn’t-”
Before Glitch could finish her sentence, something flew into the room - the body of a security officer, clearly tossed away by some stand, flew from the entrance to the second floor, and landed right in the middle of a group of more security officers.
“Oh god oh god it’s happening oh no oh no oh no oh-” William was, as expected, positively freaking out by now. Meanwhile, Glitch was keeping her ears peeled out, having picked up on something… interesting. The voice of two people she vaguely recognized from “Taste of Fortuna” a month or so back.
“Hey! That’s Agnes! And that other chef whose food is good! Even better than the chips!! What are they doing here, fighting?!”
Soon enough, Agnes and Arpeggi really did pop into the room, their stands summoned as they staved off some guards with them. Much to William’s chagrin, Glitch grabbed onto his hand and summoned [Vida Loca], before hopping onto it, the massive feline hoisting him onto it as well, before running right towards the source of the commotion…
And right into the footpath of a terrifying giant who seemed to suddenly fall from the ceiling, several eyes along its body looking to them as its head rotated 180 degrees. “Well, wouldn’t you like to know?”
Several minutes earlier, A Few Stories Lower - Sound’s Garden Abandoned Subway
“Are you sure this is the place? Seems pretty fucking trashy to me, honestly…”
“That’s what makes it a secret passage, Agnes… They’re not exactly rolling out the red carpet to tell you how to get there.”
“Ugh, Astronomia wasn’t built for this shit. You’re paying if something gets stuck somewhere.”
“You’ve crashed it how many times this month alone?”
Arpeggi Osso Buco sat in the sidecar of a motorbike driven by one Ananas “Agnes” Bayley, through the abandoned subways of the Eastern strip. He’d meant to take this trip alone, like he had before, but of course, this fucking guy had to be the first on the team to learn that he was a Stand User, an active vigilante, and not only in part responsible for a certain cult’s influence plummeting to nothing in Los Fortuna, but had dedicated himself to making an enemy of the blight of the Entertainment District.
“Fuck it, I’m down.”
“You’re… What?”
“I’m down. Fuck those guys. I don’t even need to ask any more questions, they’re an absolute disgrace to be shown up by a real villain, and if you’re hunting their boss down, I’m with you.”
“You are the last person I would want watching my back in a-”
“Or I can tell Gabanna what you’re doing so soon after getting SHOT last time you tried your luck with these guys.”
“…bastard. Okay, just don’t get in the way.”
Minus a near-scare with RCR’s nightmarish train nearly running them down without noticing, and Arpeggi having to explain at some point that it was both private information from a set of informants and news now publicly printed in multiple sources about the higher-ups of this organization, it had mostly gone smoothly since then.
As they drove closer to the underside of Heartache, Arpeggi signaled for Agnes to stop, noting a destroyed set of hollowed-out mannequins of sorts, smoking and smelling like gunpowder.
“Hell is that?” Agnes asked, looking down, but Arpeggi, in turn, didn’t quite seem surprised. Before he could explain, however, another, distorted voice cut through.
“You’re late.”
The revving of a second motorcycle, a sport bike, had quietly synced with Astronomia, and the pair looked up to see a figure clad in orange and black, winglike scarf drooping upside-down, its rider atop the ceiling of the tunnel.
“You.” Agnes spoke with contempt, despite having never seen the Black Angel in person before, only for them and their bike to drop down right in front of them, flipping in midair to land gracefully.
“You didn’t tell me you were bringing a friend, let alone… Him.” The Angel sounded dubious about Agnes’ presence, adding, “since you took time picking him up, I’ve had to start picking off these weird… hollow doll-guards myself. They almost noticed me in time to signal the boss. I really don’t have the time for this today.”
“Sorry about that, he insisted,” Arpeggi wrote off, not wanting to explain the somewhat unsurprising (“ran into one another while doing their vigilante rounds, got to talking about the ED mainly”) story how he and the Angel met, “and he’s here right now… Say what you like about him, you saw that Being So Normal, I assume. He’ll be an asset.”
“I’ll kick your ass-et,” Agnes grumbled, “fighting them alone my ass. Ugh, teaming up with masked hero types like this… Pisses me off. We should be kicking each other’s asses, Angel.”
“Deal with it,” the Angel wrote off, before adding, “our contacts in there… They said basically everyone we might have any reason to get is on that floor with them, watching Downtown.”
“Right, some madman is acting out there,” Arpeggi noted, folding his arms and looking Westward, “I take it that’s why you’re in a hurry? You want to deal with them quickly and head out there next?”
“You got it,” they answered, “and admittedly, there’s a reason I had to come here first… Something I’m going to prioritize the highest, and if we take too long, I’ll have to leave having only done that.”
“You’ve got a grudge, is that it?” Agnes asked, “you wanna punt some fucker before moving on?”
“That’s… not why I’m targeting him,” The Angel noted, before adding, “that sword the Conqueror Worm always has on him… The ‘Sword of Sir Aurel…’ The future of the city might depend on me getting that Downtown. The contacts say he still has it with him, just like on that stream.”
“You’re pissing me off, pretending you don’t care about just one-upping that bastard,” Agnes chided, adding, “act like you’re ‘heroes of justice’ all you want… I’m doing this because these guys piss me the hell off, and seeing them fall will make me laugh. Do all of us a favor, cut the bullshit, and admit you’re gonna enjoy this, yeah?”
The others didn’t say too much more of note, then, beyond the Angel briefly examining Astronomia, putting something all over it that they claimed would ‘make it maneuver better,’ which Arpeggi had to calm Agnes into accepting, especially considering it meant they could ride up stairs with relative ease.
“Alright, from this secret passage, it’s a straight shot up a few flights of stairs to the VIP room… We should be able to burst it down without ever disrupting all the public patrons and fortifications up on 1F. Hold on tight, you got that?”
The motorbikes revved, then, and the Angel’s led Agnes in seeming to leap into the air, driving up and along the walls of the stairwell, before a long-haired figure emerged from the Angel, aiming something at a metal reinforced door, firing into it a few times, and it shifted in place as Pork Soda rushed towards it, placing a tab on the material before ripping it away, liquid metal blasting in the opposite direction the door would fly and swing at rapid speed, swinging like a deadly projectile and cutting more powerful puppet guards away as the three burst in.
Arpeggi called out, “All that you’ve done ends here, Fox!”
Not long after Arpeggi called that out, Fox himself, of course, was quick to stand, as were a few bold-looking members of the crowd, hurrying towards the fighters with his own accompanying doll-guard, small enough to hold in two hands and, with his large frame, swing like a hammer-thrower, lobbing up towards them and bursting open into a mess of pointed rocks as he drew closer, repelling Arpeggi’s immediate attempts to approach.
The swinging door, embedded with odd screws and still gushing metal soda, began to fly towards him, only for the sound of a rifle to fill the room, a single warping bullet putting out every one of the odd screws and careening it to strike Arpeggi back, sending him flying down the stairwell before either the Angel or Agnes could react.
Seido, sitting at his edge of the bar, finished downing his drink, holding his weapon in one hand and grinning a bit, slurring slightly, “thas’ goin’ on your tab, boss…”
Fox smirked, then, rocks and sand swirling around him and beating back the remaining attackers’ efforts to burst forward. “Let’s not fight up here, gentlemen… I’ve set this place up nice for a very special guest. Take it downstairs. Seido, consider yourself on the clock now.”
Worm, then, seemed to realize the Angel was staring at his movements, diving down into the floor below to the terror of the 1F patrons, and the rider hurriedly cut away from the clash, leaving Agnes to fend for himself against the rocky onslaught of Fox, all while Oh No watched and Seido, quickly, lined up another shot. Even on this upgraded bike, he knew the only response to make there. “Fffuck this!”
Pork Soda reached for Astronomia, a tab appearing on its wheel which, as the Stand weathered rocky blows, it pulled, blasting Agnes back into the stairwell, where he hit the wall with an, “oof!” before hopping off of his ride, which crashed and plummeted down as he abandoned it to slide down the railing, doing a cool combat roll to cover Arpeggi and the Angel as they rolled into the first floor, clearly concerned about what Conqueror Worm being there would mean for the patrons. Fox and others were shortly behind, with a certain exception.
Though nobody could hear it, by Metra Doria’s choice, as soon as Seido had spoken that aloud, she’d kicked up the chair she’d been sulking in all ‘party’ long, a pair of headphones appearing along her neck as a blast of sonic energy kicked it directly into the head of the hitman. Her heart skipped a beat, then, and she muttered under her breath, “shit, that actually worked… I got lucky, huh?”
“Entirely,” Oh No agreed, stepping forth himself and stretching, producing a very large, intimidating revolver from his cloak and beginning, idly, to load it, “but don’t treat that as a failing, TD/MD… You saw a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and you had the instincts to take it.” No closed the chamber, starting leisurely towards the stairs after the rest. “This is getting tiresome, isn’t it? You see it too, how dull this has gotten… What potential they’re wasting here. What do you say we speed along what’s been a long, long time coming?”
“Well, wouldn’t you like to know?”
A golden, shining sword appeared out of the giant’s gross hand, and his presence alone made Glitch want to wretch, the smell of the Conqueror Worm fell, and vibes even more rancid.
“We got two more troublemakers here, eh?” Worm asked her and William with an amused tone, “Hell just broke loose here, and you’re tryin’ to run headlong into it! I like that! I like that drive! So what do ya say? Attacka them!”
Glitch didn’t know this guy, but something about his gleeful nature, the way that William murmured to himself in alarm when he spoke those distorted words, made her hairs stand on end, made her want to hiss and immediately turn her attention to him, and it seemed, then, that Worm could sense this.
“Another one who ain’t a fan, huh?” He shook his head. “Disappointing, but typical.”
At that, he ducked into the floor, before attempting to burst out from underneath and drive his blade up into Vida Loca, barely being scraped before hopping away from the rising attack and meeting it with a sharp, harsh claw, beating back his raw strength with her Stand’s own.
“I don’t know who you are, but you’re really not the kind of bad news that’s any fun!” Glitch called out from atop her mount, pulling off in time to avoid the ambush of a hollowed-out guard and note two others bothering William.
“That guy looks underage… He ain’t allowed to be on a casino floor without ID!” Worm declared with amusement, fully expecting what came next as several of the doll-guards attempted to strong-arm him.
“G-get away… Get away from me!” William was freaking out, then, and fairly fearing for his life, allowed Ocean Eyes to manifest, swinging and spraying acid all around, which bounced uselessly off of Worm’s hide, didn’t so much as drop near Glitch or Vida Loca, and melted away the threats in an instant.
The casino floor was pandemonium then, several high rollers, some random patrons, and of course, every named member fighting, Stands flying. Arpeggi expertly caught rocks tossed by Fox, only for him to still control them even as they were made to burn by NEXT LEVEL 2, though this eroded away much of the sands of his barrier, backed up by Agnes as he very competently kept a rocky barrier up regardless, Metra standing close by, shifting her eyes. The Black Angel tried to drive headlong into Worm, continuing his mess of a situation, while Glitch, mostly, managed to sneak off on her own, trying to find a way to support William and calm him out of whatever this was.
“Don’t move,” a modulated voice behind her said, and she heard something click behind her.
“Mrr?” She turned, then, facing the barrel of Oh No’s revolver head-on.
“This might be a bit loud… But it’s about time this ended.”
Before Glitch could react, No had pulled the trigger twice. Neither shot so much as grazed her, but seemed to hit tables, cameras, walls, ricocheting about in apparent chaos, before finally…
“I… What did…” Blood ran down the organizational ringleader’s outfit, bleeding both from a massive wound to the back of his knee and opening a massive hole in his shoulder, as the rocks he had been flinging around dropped like… Rocks.
Tigran’s voice was the next thing to ring out through the casino, now mostly abandoned bar the combatants.
“TOBY!!!”
Fox hadn’t even heard the shots fired, thanks to Metra, let alone noticed their angles; after all, the only one he knew of who could make a shot like that was knocked out and drunk upstairs, not to mention loyal to Tigran’s paychecks.
No twirled his gun around, holstering it and patting the bewildered Glitch on the shoulder. “Thanks for holding still… Didn’t want to hit you and ruin it all, after all. Hmmhmmhmahaha!"
“You… You motherfuckers!” Tigran wanted to cry then, especially as the others drew closer, seeing everyone who had fought against an ally of his here as little more than an enemy. Still, though, facing them off, he had to calm himself.
“Stand down,” Arpeggi demanded, “you’re outnumbered, completely.”
Tigran, rather than giving up, began to speak again. “You know, as the owner of this casino, I know the power of ‘games’. You see, if you call it a ‘gamble’, that sounds so… negative, no? So you call it nothing more than a simple ‘game’. That’s what draws people in. Getting people to play ‘roulette’ is harder, but if you call it a ‘roulette game’ and mask it correctly, it’s so, so, easy… However, the moment the ball is launched, it doesn’t matter, does it? No difference between a ‘gamble’ and a ‘game’... the ‘contract’ is the same - you abandon your money for ‘entertainment’ and for a slim ‘hope’ that you’ll succeed this time and make bank… It’s all thanks to these ‘games’... All of you lot, don’t you think so? Aren’t ‘games’ great? Hell, I’ve got an idea for one we can play right now…”
“Wh- what the hell are you talking about!” Arpeggi shouted out in anger. “I’m not putting up with this shit! You want a ‘game’?! Sure, fine! Here, how about this one - I go up to you, and have fun beating the shit out of you!” rushing towards Tigran, Arpeggi readied a punch and swung towards him - only for his fist to stop in midair, hitting against some kind of invisible barrier. He reeled back from the impact, stumbling backwards, feeling… weak. A look behind him revealed that Agnes, Glitch, William, and even Metra, the Angel, and No seemed to be feeling the same, struggling to remain upright.
“Y- you ‘agreed’... heh…” Tigran’s previously panicked expression quickly faded, replaced by a wide grin. “You agreed to it! You agreed to the ‘game’!” By now, Tigran broke out into uproarious laughter. “Always! They always fall for it, tempted by ‘games’! You… you idiot! I put the answer right in front of you, and you still missed it! ‘Games’, by their very nature, are tricks! Illusions! And my [The Grid] has the power to facilitate that! By agreeing to the game, my [The Grid] forces you to participate! There’s no escape now - you’re trapped in this ‘game’ of mine!”
As he realized he had screwed them all right at the last moment, Arpeggi’s vision began fading, and he fell onto the ground with a thud, blacking out.
???, an hour later, Heartache Casino VIP room
“Alright! Seems like our contestants for the first impromptu match of the day are waking up!”
“Plrrr..?” Out of nowhere, Glitch found herself standing straight, awake, somewhere unfamiliar. She tried to listen to see what was going on, only hearing the groans of William, Agnes, and Arpeggi, indicating that they were in a similar position to her. Of course, there was also that voice - she was… a ‘contestant’. It wasn’t hard to roughly figure out what exactly she was a ‘contestant’ of. She, and...
“...William!” Behind her was a whimpering noise, evidently William, and the sound of droplets of some kind of liquid splashing onto the ground, clearly [Ocean Eyes]’s acid. Ahead of her were Agnes and Arpeggi, talking between themselves about what the hell happened. Arpeggi sounded mad. Agnes… she wasn’t sure how he sounded. But she gathered enough from their conversation to understand that somehow, they were currently inside of a roulette wheel. Or rather, she, and everyone else, was shrunk, and placed into a roulette wheel.
“Now, this match is simple - a deathmatch to see who manages to survive! However, since we’re at the heartache casino… there’s an appropriate twist involved! See, our combatants for today are fighting on a roulette table, and meanwhile, our spectators for today are placing ‘bets’ to see which colors win out! Representing ‘red’, we’ve got our very own ‘Fox’! On black, meanwhile, we’ve got ‘Tigran Sins’, who set this match up!”
She summoned [Vida Loca] besides her, taking a look through the stand’s eyes and seeing the environment for herself. She was dwarfed by the room, trapped inside of this small roulette wheel. There was nowhere to run. William’s whimpers had escalated into sobbing, as [Ocean Eyes] hugged him from behind. Arpeggi and Agnes were arguing by now, shouting at each other. She took a deep breath.
“Now… I won’t keep you waiting any longer, since I just know everyone here’s excited to see what happens! So...”
First, Glitch got tossed into Los Fortuna and found a new home there, with the rest of the staff at the Elephant Bones. Then, they started getting into fights with other stand users - Shelldrake, Effie, Byte, William. She hadn’t been in one yet, but she knew very well the effects of them. Her friends had gotten hurt, some such as Father Blue even dying. Then the situation in the slums got worse, her home becoming less and less safe by the minute, her friends getting extorted and forced to work for ODIN, and now she and William were trapped here.
“Three… Two… One...”
She needed to get out. She needed to fight. She needed to win. She could overhear Agnes and Arpeggi bickering on the other side of the wheel, but knew that they were going to try and fight her and William as well. They had to. They’d been trapped by that man’s stand, and none of them knew what could be done against it, if anything.
[Vida Loca] stood behind her, a constant vibration coming out of it and creating a loud hissing noise that was soon mimicked by [Ocean Eyes], drowning out William’s sobs. She knew full well that, even if he was her friend, William was also a dangerous killer, meek though he might have acted. As hard as that whole situation was to grasp, she understood something else - that the more she stayed near [Ocean Eyes], working alongside it, the safer she was. She and William had to get out of this. And if they wanted to get out of this...
They would have to fight for their lives.
OPEN THE GAME!
(credit to magistelles for the image, both the censored and uncensored version!(CW: trypophobia))
Location: A roulette wheel in Heartache Casino, upon which players have been forcibly placed.
The map here is roughly similar to the image of the roulette wheel above. The outer brown layer represents the rim, the yellow layer being the wooden slopes down towards the center, the black layer being the numbers, the red layer being the pockets, the next layer being sloped wood up towards the center, and the center being a metal tower.
The map is 30 by 30 meters relative to the players, with the dotted tile being 5 by 5 meters.
The diamonds are the metal bumpers, about half a meter tall, and the blue circle is a weighted metal roulette ball which is a meter tall, both heights relative to the players.
The metal tower in the center is 8 meters tall relative to the players and the outside walls are 5 meters relative to the players. Players can not go past the rim of the roulette wheel.
Goal: RETIRE your opponents!
Additional Information:
There is an invisible barrier keeping the players and their Stands inside the roulette wheel. Everything else will pass through as normal, but the players and their attacks will be blocked by this barrier. The barrier is cylindrical around the entire roulette wheel.
The roulette system is currently automatic, 5 seconds after the ball falls into a pocket or stops moving entirely, it will start rolling again at top speed clockwise. The max speed of the ball is equivalent to B SPD and the ball is A DUR. You can expect it to make around 8 revolutions around the wheel before losing most of its speed if it is unimpeded by the players.
If the ball is destroyed or unable to roll, a new one will be thrown in from outside.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
The Graveyard Shift	William Eyelash	“W-Well, I'll be going now...” You’re being forced to fight, and you don’t want anything to do with this! During the match, try to stay on the backlines as much as possible, assisting from there!
The Graveyard Shift	Tiger “Glitch” Ricky	"Nowadays, 30,000 yen is gone after you make one or two trips... So all that's left is to make more money, or go flat broke." You are being forced to fight here, and you hate it, so you might as well do something to cause the casino to lose money! Do whatever you can to constantly rig the roulette in favor of odds!
BADD GUYS	Arpeggi Osso Buco	"Does that alien not know what 'holding back' means?" You were tricked by that asshole, and now you’ve got to fight these two bystanders?! Fuck, this makes you irritated. Destroy as much of the area as possible over the course of your strategy!
BADD GUYS	Ananas “Agnes” Bayley	"I did say this seemed fun, but I wasn't talking about Cee-lo. I meant that it'd be fun taking your 30,000 yen from you." That girl over there is trying to rig the game, so play the agent of chaos and rig it towards the other end! Do whatever you can to constantly rig the roulette in favor of evens!

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1. Register for membership at the casino. It's usually free to join.
2. Bring $1,000 in cash. Preferably in $100s.
3. Using your membership card, check-in your $1,000 in chips. Preferably in $5 increments.
4. Play for 30 minutes, very conservatively.
5. Cash-out. Go to the cashier's cage and get your cash. Do not give them your card.
6. Go back to a different table and cash-in again. Show them your membership card.

The casino will register that you have given them $1,000. Then when you go back in, you are being re-registered again for $900 or whatever you cashed in again with.
Repeat these steps, and the casino will log your membership with hundreds of dollars in one day. Once you hit the $10,000 limit, the computer system triggers that you are a "high roller" and you get your Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire, or Diamond card in the mail.

For those who feel lucky Join my blackjack session
My psn is broetje070

A few notes before I begin the story. This occured almost a year ago near the beginning of the pandemic at a large resort hotel/casino with many amenities and services, including multiple wedding chapels. My mom has worked there since it opened, and this story happened to her. As many hotels do nowadays, the property has a service where you can text your questions and employees in many departments can see them and respond accordingly.
M = mom, EB = entitled bridezilla
My mom is answering some text service questions, and so begins the saga of the bridezilla who apparently thought everyone should be doing absolutely everything for her, possibly up to and including wiping her behind.
EB: Hi, how can I make spa and salon appointments for myself and my fiance?
M: I'm sorry, but the spa and salon are closed due to the pandemic.
EB: Okay, I am in need of a bridal veil as I am getting married here this week. Where can I find one?
M: There are two large shopping malls nearby, one just to the south of the hotel and one further away to the north.
EB: Okay, go ahead and tell one of your maids to get one and deliver it to me.
M: I'm sorry, the hotel does not provide that service, nor will they pay for your veil.
EB: HONESTLY THIS HOTEL HAS ALREADY RUINED MY WHOLE WEDDING EXPERIENCE AS A BRIDE AND AS A FREQUENT VISITOR TO THIS CITY I DEFINITELY WILL NOT BE RECOMMENDING THIS HOTEL TO ANYONE (WALL OF TEXT IN CAPS LOCK ETC ETC) NOW STOP TEXTING ME.
M of course has no problem not talking to this lady anymore and decides to do some investigating and looks at her reservation. It's flagged and full of notes about how EB has been terrorizing everyone she has come in contact with and nothing has been good enough for her, from the size and price of her room (a mid-tier suite that was just remodeled the year before) and the rooms of her bridal party, to the fact that she still has to pay for her meals and drinks. EB is basically a walking dumpster fire tornado.
It doesn't take more than a few days before M catches wind of an altercation in the VIP lounge. The day before her wedding, EB had to provide ID for some additional guests who were arriving under her name. Of course she didn't like that as she felt every single employee on property should know who she is as a "VIP" (there are vastly different levels of VIP, this is a casino after all) and how dare they ask for her ID. She started throwing a tantrum about how "crappy" the hotel was being and that even today she had already demanded that they redecorate the chapel AGAIN because it was nothing like she wanted. (She picked the decorations from their catalog herself...) She attempted to go around the desk and attack the VIP clerk. Security escorted her off property and evicted her from the hotel.
M never heard anything about what happened with the rest of her party or whether or not she got married there after all.
ETA tl;dr entitled bridezilla expects to be waited on hand and foot, assaults clerk when she doesn't get her way, gets kicked to the curb the day before her wedding.

Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

Due to COVID, Atlantic City casinos have gotten pretty aggressive with their free play offers to get good players in the door, and a nice batch of those offers lured me out this past weekend. I didn't want to be in town for the insanity of Super Bowl Sunday, so I got in Thursday night and left Saturday night.
If you don't know, Atlantic City isn't like Vegas with dozens of smaller casinos around. Atlantic City has 9 casinos, and 3 are on the same players card system (Caesars). I don't bother with Bally's since it's not convenient enough for the niceness or the comps they give, so each trip has 6 stops.
Most AC casinos have 5x odds, and a bunch of them have a weird version of 5x odds where a $30 pass line or come bet allows you to take $250 odds on 6/8, $200 odds on 5/9, and normal 5x odds of $150 on 4/10 (so any hit pays $330). I typically do $30 pass line and $30 come bets to get 4 total targets on the board, but on my own rolls I usually keep doing come bets until I 7 out. If a table is good I'll do $300 each 6 and 8 before doing come bets as well.
I started my trip off at Tropicana since that where I was staying. I brought $3k and got a $5k marker to start off, and instantly went on a nice run, winning a quick $2k and deciding to hit and run after less than an hour. I also had $100 free slot play and some dining credit, so I used those and got another $100 profit and some decent food.
Friday morning I headed over to Hard Rock for some nice free play ($500 table play and a $300 Amazon gift card). I did my free play over at BJ and won $250, then headed to craps. The table was rough for a bit, I was down $4k or so, but then I had an awesome roll, got up $3k and quickly cashed out. (+$5.4k running total)
Resorts is probably the worst casino in AC. Weak comps, bad free play, not many other benefits, terrible rooms (so I've heard), old, run down casino, etc. I still go there each trip since it's right next door to Hard Rock anyways, and it's nice to walk on the boardwalk in between them for a few minutes. I only do quick sessions there. I was up $1000 after my first roll there and just left right away. Some minor free play got me another $50 or something. (+$6.4k running total)
Next stop was Ocean casino. This was another rough table at first, leaving me down $3k rather quickly and considering just cutting my losses since the rolls were all particularly bad. However on my second time getting the dice I went on another nice roll, lasting about 40 minutes, and ending up turning a $3k losing session into a $5k winning one. I won a couple hundred off of free play as well and had a nice dinner at their VIP lounge. (+$11.7k running total)
Saturday morning I ventured out again, heading back over to Hard Rock for $300 slot free play. I won $300 off of that, and headed over to craps. At this point I'm up $12k and want to leave up at least $10k for the trip, so I only buy in $2k. Luckily, I have a hot run right off the bat, and wind up winning $3k over an hour session and leaving. (+$15k running total)
My second to last stop was Borgata. They only gave me $200 match play and some dining credit, and I broke even on the match play and headed to craps. It was very back and forth, but finally caught a decent roll and left up $1k. (+$16k running total)
Last stop was Golden Nugget. I won $300 off of free slot play and then jumped on the table, where I broke about even for a bit and then got the dice again, and had another 40 or so minute roll, hitting a ton of 4s and 10s. People were going nuts because I kept throwing hard way winners, and multiple people had $50-100 on them (I never bet hard ways). After my roll I instantly colored up and left with exactly $5k profit. This put my total winnings for the trip at $21.3k cash and the $300 Amazon gift card. Best of all, I never left a table down. Talk about a hot run. Not bad for a 48 hour trip!

The results are in for Match 8. The winner is…
Funk Odyssey, with a score of 77 to Klein Bras-cheche Heitsugi’s 76!

Category	Winner	Point Totals	Comments
Popularity	Tie	13-13	This match bears the dubious honor of being the first in T5 not to strike the eight-vote threshold set in T3, meaning that the total value of each vote is reduced so to prevent extreme disproportionate leads. Luckily, it was a tie anyway, at 3.5-3.5.
Quality	Tie	26-26	Reasoning
JoJolity	Baker Street Rat Pack	28-27	Reasoning
Conduct	TEAM	10-10

In the aftermath of the fight, there wasn’t much left of the stage - crystal, fungus, and scrap alike had all built up, scattered around the arena, and in the center of it all stood Funk Odyssey, skidding her bike to a halt after having eked out a victory at the last moment.
Klein and Funk both stood near each other, both breathing heavily and trying to recover after the tiring ordeal, amid a roar of applause from whoever was there to watch the exciting fight.
“AAAAND, WE HAVE A WINNER! A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR FUNK ODYSSEY! Wait, why’s the mic-” Cairo stopped in confusion, the microphone that was amplifying their voice cutting out all of a sudden. Shifting a glance towards the producers on set, it seemed like they weren’t aware of what caused the problem either.
Confused murmurs could be heard from the stand users on-set. Okay, this was a technical error, but this was obviously salvageable - Cairo’s dealt with worse in the past, so-
The already bad situation turned worse when the lights cut out entirely, the speakers in the warehouse humming to life again, though not by the hands of any of the crew members. A second later, a synthesized text-to-speech voice could be heard over the speakers.
“HELLO, CITIZENS OF LOS FORTUNA. THIS BROADCAST IS BEING HIJACKED. ”
What the fuck. Looking at one of the screens by the edge of the warehouse previewing the stream, Cairo could see that the stream’s been taken over entirely by whoever it was that did this, with them currently displaying some kind of placeholder image of a shrouded figure. Wasting no time, Cairo left the two combatants and made their way over to the filming crew, trying to figure out what the hell was happening and how it could be stopped.
“WHETHER DUE TO MALICE OR WILLFUL IGNORANCE, BEING SO NORMAL AND ITS CREW HAVE BEEN COMPLICIT IN VARIOUS CRIMES, BOTH DURING AND PRIOR TO ITS RUNTIME.”
Funk could hear the murmurings of stand users around her, and of Cairo and the rest of the crew trying to figure out what exactly was going on and how to stop them. Was this Peter’s doing? Was that why he needed her to be here? Funk remembered hearing him mention the source for this investigation of his a few times - apparently he’d been working with a “Jesse Jefferson'' from the Agricultural District who’d gotten his hands on a flashdrive made by Nova Nascens containing this information, and thanks to Peter’s skills (combined with some stand magic from that magic house Jesse lived in that repaired the hard drive every time it literally exploded in their faces).
Meanwhile, it seemed like the show’s producers were still struggling to regain control of the stream.
“CAIRO HAS BEEN COMPLICIT IN PROMOTING UNREST WITHIN THE INDUSTRIAL DISTRICT, WORKING ALONGSIDE ODIN TO SEND STAND USERS TO FIGHT WITH LOCAL UNIONS, LEADING TO RECENT RISING TENSIONS IN THE AREA.“
“FURTHERMORE, OTHER MEMBERS OF STAFF HAVE COMMITTED VARIOUS OTHER CRIMES, BUT NONE AS MUCH AS THIS SHOW’S LEAD CAMERAWOMAN - CAROLINE JEFFORDS.” The screen shifted to an image of a brown haired woman, who Funk could only assume was caroline. Then, it began shifting to a series of other, well-laid graphs, documents, and images, all presenting evidence for the accusations shown up until now.
“OVER THE YEARS, THIS WOMAN HAS COMMITTED COUNTLESS CRIMES ALL FOR THE SAKE OF PROFIT USING HER STAND - SPYING ON FIGURES OF NOTE FROM WITHIN THE CITY AND SELLING THE INFORMATION TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER, REGARDLESS OF INTENT, AND COVERING UP CRIMES AND TAMPERING WITH SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE FOR A PRICE. OF NOTE, EVIDENCE RELATING TO THE RECENT AND TRAGIC DEATH OF THE LATE ANDRÉ TIFÀNI HAS BEEN TAMPERED WITH IN ORDER TO FURTHER SHIFT THE BLAME ONTO-”
The feed cut off entirely, power having simply been cut to the building entirely. If Peter had found a way to make the stream continue even after this, Funk wouldn’t be able to see it.
For a moment, the warehouse was dead silent. Then, murmurings began between the various stand users in the audience, no one knowing what to make of this information. Regardless of whether the feed was cut or not, one thing was clear -
The damage had already been done, and the truth had come to light.
Surprises are everywhere, and there’s still yet more mysteries to be uncovered. Two boys have found doubles of themselves, who’ve lived their same lives yet all within the bounds of the city, and the four are now fighting. You only have a few hours left to vote in that when this goes up.
Scenario:
Sound’s Garden - Alexander Dickinson Amphitheater - Early Evening
The entrance to the theater which had, months ago now, put on one of the greatest shows in the city’s history had again been filled with eager people, wanting little more than to enjoy yet concert by Metra Doria, or “TD/MD”; it had been the first in a little while, her last appearances onstage being a string of benefit shows she’d performed for immediately after the destruction of Capital Island. They weren’t bad, critics had said, but far from her best work, as though spending several weeks kidnapped by the head of a citywide crime ring had affected her ability to perform or something.
Regardless, though, there were good feelings about this one, as since that fateful day, there hadn’t been a single bad show at the Alexander, and the local interview cycle had Metra come across as so much more genuinely excited than she had been, even if she also did publicly express her frustrations with the fact that, thanks to some act of sabotage, a leaking of information, the arrest of one Toby Fox had been subverted, and he and several of his buddies were still free to wreak their havoc.
Guy Manuel-Mota wasn’t much one to complain about a gig, whatever that job happened to be, and though he’d known the unscrupulous nature of his client, the garish Tigran “Golden” Sins, he also knew exactly how much money the guy had, so when he said that he and Fox had wanted a man on the ground at the stage out of fear that somebody might attack Metra, that even if he was trying to move past his affections for the girl, he’d still wished to keep watch over her, quietly.
If it was true, creepy. If it was a bold-faced lie, at least Guy knew damn well that they were good for their money if they had Seido fucking Shuto on retainer. Either way, he knew he’d get paid as long as he didn’t fuck up.
As Guy walked up to the ticket-takers, corralling eager audience members forward, he noticed them offering strange shiny wristbands to every single person who walked by, telling them “wear it if you want!” and finding, every time, that they just sort of mindlessly nodded and did just that.
When it came to be Guy’s turn, then, of course, he was much the same, accepting it and holding it in one hand, his stub in the other, as he looked the fake-gold, glittering accessory over, tilting his head as he noted the words, very subtly engraved, on it:

IWILLPLAY

“So… That’s your game, huh?” Guy asked, shrugging and slipping it on just like all the rest. He saw where this would go from here, and figured that what the guy paying him wanted was for him to play along.
“Uh, sir-” The ticket taker murmured and stammered at somebody, “sir, please, you can only take one! W-we need enough commemorative wristbands for a full house, so please-”
“Fuck off,” the pink-headed, ornery showgoer declared, yoinking the entire box away and fishing out several, putting a few all over his hands, “I want ‘em all!”
Huh… Guess that’s ‘trouble,’ right on cue. Should I lead him somewhere alone, or just wait for something, or..?
Before he could formulate a plan of action, Guy blacked out for what felt like a moment.
Sound’s Garden Eastern Strip - Metra Doria’s Apartment - Earlier that Day
“Well, well, well,” Ananas ‘Agnes’ Bayley said, before cracking open a can of soda, downing it in several drawn out seconds, cracking open a second, downing that in seconds, and then, a third time, before stacking all three, “how the turntables.”
“…” Metra gave him a look, one which Agnes smugly knew was her asking herself, in that moment, ‘am I seriously going to work with this guy?’ It was a feeling he reveled in, being unwanted and dreaded, yet at once needed and tolerated. “So… Will you come? I’ll hook you up with VIP merch, owe you one in general, just… I dunno. I’ve been feeling extremely good about this show, excited, but now that Fox is out there again, I feel like I need… Backup, I guess? Like, I could take any one of those guys in a fight on my own, sure, but with a huge crowd, and trying to focus on my stuff, and…”
“And Arpeggi and that fuckin’… catgirl were busy, I take it.” Agnes snickered, moving around the cans’ placement, never on one of Metra’s coasters, watching as little rings formed on the table. “Heh, fuck ‘em anyway. Dealing with a situation like this… You don’t need some ‘good guy’ worried about not making a mess or whatever. You need a bona fide villain to flex on these posers. Call it fate that I was available short-notice and they weren’t.”
“Just…” Metra sounded resigned. “Please don’t cause too much trouble. Damages will come out of your reward.”
“Snrk… Of course. It’ll come out of my pay. A sentence I hear every day from Gabanna, you know.”
With Metra’s reluctance and Agnes’ amusement, a deal had been struck.
Metra Doria, too, had been handed one of those strange wristbands, and she, too, seemed to black out suddenly, only realizing a moment too late exactly what, once again, this had all meant. She hadn’t approved ‘commemorative wristbands’ on the dossier, and the text on it… Goddammit!
But… Her green room looked almost identical. What the hell was going on? Maybe her backup dancers would know something, or Agnes had noticed… He’d at least report to her if he had figured something out, right? …right?
She stepped outside, then, only to find herself, and what she’d thought was her green room, atop a shelf in a very high-up, VIP area, a sort of outdoor box seating-type arrangement which the Alexander saved for its most prized guests. Almost always, somebody from Fox’s little club.
She had been shrunk down to the size of a game piece, and sitting at a table nearby, watched with interest by about half a dozen suits she had come to recognize, was a perfect recreation of the entire stage and seating areas of the amphitheater. As she tried to process this, then, her view was taken up entirely by the giant, punchable face of Tigran Sins.
“Evening, Metra! Looks like you underestimated me again… Heh, for some reason, people keep doing that.” The very garish man laughed, but his eyes were glaring down at her. Always, he’d hated her, resented the attention she’d taken from Fox. “Been awhile, hasn’t it?”
“Tigran… What the fuck did you do?” Metra curled her tiny hands into fists, allowing her Stand, the headphones often seen at her neck, to manifest, “you… How many people are down there? I hear so many voices murmuring, even from here!”
“Thousands upon thousands,” Tigran remarked, “all waiting none the wiser for the show you promised them… Including a side appearance from two Stand Users. You really put all your faith in a loose cannon like that Agnes kid who set a fire in my casino? You’ve been acting cool, but you’re desperate, aren’t ya? You know we’re here to stay… And what game we’re playing.”
“You… You’d better run the hell away fast as soon as we’ve won, because we will ruin you.”
She tried to sound defiant, there, but Metra was trembling.
“Some things, a Stand User just can’t beat with all their strength, Metra… Now, c’mon.” He held up a cute little tiny limousine, cracking the door open. “You’ve got a show to do.”
The crowd came to at once, already amassed within the amphitheater, seats filled, standing room similarly heavily occupied. There was hardly room to move one’s arms around in there.
Which, of course, Agnes was doing anyway, swatting people away and getting called rude words, cackling as he made for himself some space. Something was fucking up here, and he did not want to be caught off-guard by-
“Hey.”
“Shit!” Agnes jumped, then, and turned around, seeing Guy Manuel-Mota face-to-face, staring him down with a somewhat even expression.
“Hey, c’mon, I’m not that scary, am I?” Guy joked, rubbing his arms and making a point of showing off his bracelet, then gesturing at it, and at the stage, and saying, “anyway, my name’s Guy Manuel-Mota. You probably already realize this, Agnes, but… You’re already in a trap here. Both of us are stuck, even.”
“Heheh, what, are you trying to warn me or something? Well, I don’t need an alliance with you… So fuck off.”
“I wasn’t asking for one.” Guy corrected, then, adding, “you know how Tigran Sins works… The only way we’re getting out of this is through each other.”
“My fucking thoughts exactly,” Agnes answered, “and exactly what I came here for… A chance to pound that gold-wearing fuck’s face in. I hear he really hates that shit, so I’ll make it permanent.
Guy’s casual demeanor, then, turned into a stiff, serious face, hands at the blades on his person. “You won’t last that long.”
“Oh, you’re fucking on, you-” “Alright, Los Fortuna! Give it up for exactly what you came here for!” An announcer’s voice cheered on, then, ringing through the arena almost deafeningly loud, followed by a cascade of rising cheers.
The noise distracted Agnes, and Guy made his getaway.
“Back again at the Alexander Dickinson…”
Shit… So many people here, not even paying attention. Where did he go?
“Unbreakable, unshakeable, here to give the show of her life again as she always does… TD/MD!”
Metra strutted out onto the stage, then, to the cheers of the crowd, but Agnes noticed that she seemed to be frequently looking up towards the sky, or towards the various short-circuit cameras wired to display her on the jumbotrons. The crowd seemed too vapid, too fandom-consumed to notice, but there was apprehension in her every step in that casual yet elegant performing costume of hers.
“It means so much to me to see you all out here… Really, I appreciate every single one of you, even if I don’t know you! Just the fact that you came here…” She was trying not to sound guilty as hell there, for what she and all of them had fallen into. Agnes wasn’t sure whether to feel bad, to get mad at Tigran Sins for pulling one over on them again, or to laugh.
“So! I’m just going to start with a classic, alright? Keep the emergency exits in mind, but more than that, get ready, because what’s coming is something hard to describe! Let’s make it a night worth remembering!”
Guy continued to grasp his swords, keeping close to the crowd, close to the stage.
Cruel what you’re doing, Mr. Sins… And you didn’t tell me I’d be fighting the guy who ripped the Ocean Soul’s arm off. I’d better get a hell of a bonus for this.
OPEN THE GAME!
Location: The Alexander Dickinson Amphitheater, in the Entertainment District (specifically, a perfect replica of its crowd area). The area for the match here is 50 by 60 meters, with each tile being 5 by 5 meters. Agnes starts at the middle left and Guy starts in the middle right as represented by their respectively colored team tokens.
The stage is at the top as represented by the grey semi-circle. The audience members are represented by the red circles and the venue is sectioned off as a concert generally would be. Each seating section is represented by the blue, green, and yellow transparencies. These areas are roped off to keep them separate.
The dotted semi-circular line is a row of metal security fences to keep people from getting too close to the stage.
Goal: RETIRE your opponent!
Additional Information:
The audience members all have flat two physicals, and are mostly paying attention to the ongoing concert, eager and excited fans that they are. Metra Doria is performing onstage with a backing band, and it’s quite loud, yet somehow (the noise-altering effect of her Stand, maybe?) you aren’t debilitated by it. The audience members won’t deliberately cooperate with you in any meaningful way, and don’t particularly care about one another either, but will try to avoid getting hurt if they can see it coming.
Due to brazen threats on the guests by Tigran and the rest, none of Metra’s crew will interfere in the match, and are basically as good as non-entities mechanically, but it goes without saying that harming them or outright ruining the performance will lead to Fox canonically and successfully killing you with a giant rock. So don’t go on the stage itself.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
BADD GUYS	Ananas “Agnes” Bayley	“Faceless gazes passing by with me / The void in my heart changed with the path I chose” You find these ED guys absolutely loathsome, but the idea of completely stealing Metra’s thunder is nonetheless appealing to your villainous heart. Act as cool as possible in your own way!
Suburban Regalia	Guy Manuel-Mota	“There's no limit to each new encounter - everything so ordinarily bizarre” These people want their shows to be impressive, right? Well, may as well get that check… Act as cool as possible in your own way!

Link to the Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to Match Schedule
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So, I said that in my fanfiction, there's gonna be music - and it's true :) This is the list of the music I've compiled so far. If you think of a song that could also fit in a certain scene, maybe even better in the following scenes, let me know in the comments :) [Passion Scenes are the very intimate scenes, if you catch my drift.] Introducing Anthony: Sympathy For The Devil by The Rolling Stones, 1968 Part 1 (Chapters 1-15) [Chapters 15 and 16 are fused into one single chapter in my fanfic. Ch. 15 begins right after Anthony turns back time with the Watcher's necklace] Chapter 1 - Flight to the island: Dry My Soul by Amanda Jenssen, 2012 - Flying through the storm: Derezzed by Daft Punk, 2010 [From TRON: Legacy] Chapter 2 - Entering the (honeymoon) suite: Get Back by Ludacris, 2004 - The party: Fly Away by Lenny Kravitz, 1998 - Talking to Lena (Estela): She Doesn't Mind by Sean Paul, 2011 Chapter 4 Watching the CCTV: Unchain My Heart by Joe Cocker, 1987 Chapter 5 - CPR: Theme from "Medicopter 117" by Sylvester Levay, 1998 - At the airstrip: Lear Crash by Trevor Rabin, 1997 [From Con Air] Chapter 6 - Going to the pool: Danza Kuduro by Don Omar feat. Lucenzo, 2010 - On the waves: Mas Que Nada by Sérgio Mendes feat. The Black Eyed Peas, 2006 Chapter 7 - Hunt for alcohol (nightclub): Insomnia by Faithless, 1995 - VIP lounge: Tainted Love by Soft Cell, 1981 - Passion Scene I (In the kitchen): Gimme More by Britney Spears, 2007 - The feast: Time To Wonder by Fury In The Slaughterhouse, 1988 Chapter 8 Expedition's beginning: Sister Rosetta by Alabama 3, 1997 Chapter 9- In the rainforest: Nara by E.S. Posthumus, 2001 - Fighting with the crab: Gasoline by Audioslave, 2002 - Dangling from the cliff: Arpégiateur by Jean-Michel Jarre, 1982 Chapter 13 - Barricading: Enter Sandman by Metallica, 1991 - Sparring: Fighting Man by DJ Poné feat Drixxxé, 2002 [From The Transporter] Chapter 14 - Confronting William: Tick Of The Clock by The Chromatics, 2007 - In the restaurant: The End by John Powell, 2006 [From United 93] - The lobby: Hot Stuff by Donna Summer, 1979 - Passion Scene II: Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding, 2015 [From Fifty Shades of Grey] - Lena's demise: Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber, 1938 Chapter 15 - The fight with the Watchers: Given Up by Linkin Park, 2007 - Escaping from the roof: Tennessee by Hans Zimmer, 2005 [From Pearl Harbor]
Part 2 (Chapters 16-30) [The second part of William's (Aleister's) idol vision is a bit different.] Chapter 16 - Lena attacks Carter (Rourke): - Searching for clues: - Sarah's (Michelle's) Idol Vision (Past): - Sarah's Idol Vision (Future): Chapter 17 - The expedition begins: All Along The Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix, 1968 - At the clearing with Lena: Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel, 1977 - Jordan's (Sean's) Idol Vision (Past): - Jordan's Idol Vision (Future): Chapter 18 - Examinations: - Finding Rafael (Diego): - Rafael's Idol Vision: Clubbed To Death by Robert D., 1995 [From The Matrix] Chapter 19 - The tribunal:- At the cliffs:- Jamal's (Raj's) Idol Vision (Past):- Jamal's Idol Vision (Future): Chapter 20 - Charlie's (Quinn's) Idol Vision (Past): - Charlie's Idol Vision (Future): - Escaping the house: - Passion Scene III (The cave): Chapter 21 - Landing on the beach: - The confrontation with Seraxa / Battle: - The distraction: - Anthony's Idol Vision (Past): Sorry For Party Rocking by LMFAO, 2011 - Anthony's Idol Vision (Future): Is There Anybody Out There? by Pink Floyd, 1979 - Post-battle celebrations: Chapter 22 - Charlie falls into a coma: - Drinking the sap: - Accelerating time: - Jean's (Grace's) Idol Vision (Past): - Jean's Idol Vision (Future): Chapter 23 - Finding Charlie possessed: - The celebrations: - Sparring: - Eating contest: - Scavenger hunt: - Clara's (Zahra's) Idol Vision (Past): - Clara's Idol Vision (Future): - Quuk'tanoi: Rock N' Roll Train by AC/DC, 2008 - The meal: - IRIS' identity: Chapter 24 - Starting the journey: It's A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall by Leon Russell, 1971 - Encounter with Arachnid: - Matt's (Julian's) Idol Vision (Past): - Matt's Idol Vision (Future): - The blizzard: Chapter 25 - Waking up: Music for Airports 1/2 by Brian Eno, 1978 - Lena's evening entrance: The World Is Not Enough by Garbage, 1999 [From The World is Not Enough] - Anthony's evening entrance: Another Way to Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys, 2008 [From Quantum of Solace] - The celebration: Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung, 1986 - On the roof: Jerusalema by Master KG feat. Nomcebo, 2019 - Passion Scene IV (The room): American Beauty by Thomas Newman, 1999 [From American Beauty] - CCTV: Warlord by Antonio Pinto, 2005 [From Lord of War] Act V, Bonus Scene - Ines' perspective: Chapter 26 - Ines is compromised: Psycho by Muse, 2015 - Lena's Idol Vision (Past): In the End by Linkin Park, 2000 - Lena's Idol Vision (Future): - The ambush at Lake Tethys: Run by AWOLNATION, 2015 Chapter 27 - Briefing: - The forest: - Rafael's talk: - Passion Scene V (In the tent): A Time for Us by André Rieu, 1998 [From Romeo and Juliet; A Time for Us is the alternative title] - Lena's confession: Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur, 2016 - Preparations: Run Faye Run by Isaac Hayes, 1974 [From Three Tough Guys] Chapter 28 - Infiltration / VR simulation: Connor Main Theme by Nima Fakhrara, 2018 [From Detroit: Become Human] - Freeing the others: Too Old to Die Young by Brother Dege, 2010 - Daniel's (Jake's) Idol Vision (Past): - Daniel's Idol Vision (Future): Chapter 29 - Walk along the ruins: - Varyyn's perspective: - William's betrayal: Hello Zepp by Charlie Clouser, 2004 [From Saw] - William's Idol Vision (Past): - William's Idol Vision (Future): Building Steam With A Grain Of Salt by DJ Shadow, 1996 Chapter 30 - Ines's sacrifice: - The farewell: Hurt by Christina Aguilera, 2006 - Fight on the platform: 'Till I Collapse by Eminem, 2002 - Escape from MASADA Complex: Ready Steady Go by Paul Oakenfold, 2002 - Anthony's helicopter fall: Skyfall by Adele, 2012 [From Skyfall] Act VI, Epilogue - Anthony is found: Leaving by Trevor Rabin, 1998 [From Armageddon] - The Riddle: - Revealing Pandora (The Endless):
Part 3 (Chapter 31-42) [Chapter 42 begins when they step on the Celestial's roof. Also, the ending of the story is non-canon.] Chapter 31 - Pandora appears: - Escaping to the bay: - Lena's Ember of Hope: The Girl From Ipanema by Stan Getz, 1962 [True in a sense that her home, Rocinha, is in the same zone of Rio as Ipanema] Chapter 32 - Meeting up with the group: - Jamal's Ember of Hope: - Sailing race: - Passion Scene VI (On the cliff): I'm So Excited by the Pointer Sisters, 1982 Chapter 33 - Finding Charlie: - Boarding the speedboat: - Freeing Jordan and Matt: - Jordan's Ember of Hope: Chapter 34 - With Jordan at the waterfall: - Enter the temple: - Matt's Ember of Hope: - Meeting Clara: Chapter 35 - Pandora reveals himself: - The Fountain: - The hike to Quarr'tel: - Rafael's Ember of Hope: - Attempt on Anthony's life: Pump Up The Jam by Technotronic, 1989 Chapter 36 - Waking up: The Judge by Ketsueki Sākuru, 2016 - Entering Carter's base: - Varyyn's rescue: Superunknown by Soundgarden, 1994 - Jean's Ember of Hope: - The escape: Burn by Nine Inch Nails, 1994 [From Natural Born Killers] Chapter 37 - Daniel's Ember of Hope: Chapter 38 - 1st Head: Welcome To The Jungle by Guns N' Roses, 1987 - 2nd Head: Paranoid by Black Sabbath, 1970 - Charlie's Ember of Hope: Chapter 39 (I put everything that's possible into the party at the lake) - Face-off with Fiddler: - Arriving at the lake: - The bar: Pump Up The Volume by M|A|R|R|S, 1987 - Ice-skating: Bad Boys by Inner Circle, 1987 - Descent into Mt. Azana (Mt. Atropo): - The Omega Mech: Exit by Tangerine Dream, 1981 - William's Ember of Hope: Chapter 40 - Lena's proposal: The Portrait by James Horner, 1997 [From Titanic] - The friends find out: Honestly by Stryper, 1986 [I chose the song because of a personal note] - The wedding: November Rain by Guns N' Roses, 1991 - Leaving the hall: Can't Stop The Feeling! by Justin Timberlake, 2016 [From Trolls] - At the bay: - Passion Scene VII: La vie en rose by Grace Jones, 1977 - Sarah's (Michelle's) Ember of Hope: Chapter 41 (It's a little different, since Anthony owns a firearm in the scene himself and uses it. Also, he wears a military uniform in the chapter. You'll read the reason there when the story's done.) - The rally: Hard as a Rock by AC/DC, 1995 - Preparing the attack (in the suite): You've Got Another Thing Comin' by Judas Priest, 1982 - Storming the foyer: Battle Without Honor Or Humanity by Tomayasu Hotei, 2000 [From Kill Bill Vol. 1] - Gunfight in the atrium: You Could Be Mine by Guns N' Roses, 1991 Chapter 42 (The ending is non-canon. Carter dies, although in a different manner, but other things are different.) - Arriving on the roof: Coup de Grace by Hans Zimmer, 2009 [From Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2] - Anthony's origin: Der blaue Planet by Karat, 1982 - Encounter with Pandora: Time by Hans Zimmer, 2010 [From Inception] - The decision: Shutting down Grace's lab by James Horner, 2009 - Carter is executed: You Know My Name by Chris Cornell, 2006 [From Casino Royale]
That's the soundtrack of the main story :) The additional chapters (Act X, displaying different timelines) are below :)

I haven't played GTA V/Online since 2014, so things have changed a bit. It's all quite overwhelming for newcomers or returning players, especially if you get the Criminal Enterprise Starter Pack like I did.
I snagged my Motorcycle Club, my Bunker, and free vehicles, and proceeded to follow guides for making money with those businesses. I sank too much into them, to the tune of getting down to $500,000 with no profit coming in because I was getting skunked as a solo player, even in a solo public session.
The most difficult part of it all is dealing with the sharpshooter NPC's. These guys are ridiculous! So, we're aiming for non-combat jobs.
That said, here's what I recommend folks do: - Snag the Criminal Enterprise Starter Pack for the $1,000,000. - Link your Amazon/Twitch Prime account with your Rockstar Social Club account to snag another $200,000 (and another $200,000 after 4 weeks consecutive play, supposedly). - Grab a bulletproof helmet ($20,000) from a clothing store, and ensure it's always equipped. (You may skip this, as it's really not necessary, but will help if you get pinned somewhere.) - Purchase a Mini SMG ($8,900). - Purchase a Pegassi Bati 801 motorcycle ($15,000). - Play Mission Repo - Simeonics until Rank 16 (Pause Menu > Online > Jobs > Rockstar Created > Missions > Repo - Simeonics). Profit $16,170. - Once Rank 16, play the Chasers II mission (Pause Menu > Online > Jobs > Rockstar Created > Missions > Chasers II). Queue into it, select Hard, and on the next screen, select Closed so no one else joins so you don't have to wait for them. Start a timer once you load in, go grab the car, ignoring people shooting at you (they'll stop once you get close enough to the destination), and turn in the vehicle once you pass 4:00. Profit $9,480. - Repeat - Once you get to $1,500,000, see this post or watch this video to start making $240,000/hr until you reach $2,200,000.

Notes for fellow noobs

Snacks are how you regain health. Your free CEO office has an executive assistant that provides snacks for free. These can be consumed on-the-fly via the Interaction Menu at Inventory > Snacks.
Ammo can be purchased for your currently-held weapons via the Interaction menu at Inventory > Ammo.
Visit the casino once per day (real time). No matter what, it's worth the drive, even if just for a few thousand RP.
At this point in the GTA Online lifespan, your goal should be to obtain a submarine ($2,200,000) in order to do the Perico Heist. So, after grabbing your free cash, and spending some dough on the aforementioned items, you should be sitting at $1,156,100 before even starting any jobs. You're practically halfway to the submarine already...
The reason we wait for 4:00 is due to the way payout is calculated. Further reading here.

Math

I tried a bunch of things, but what boiled down to being most profitable-to-ease of completion, in order of best to okay, were: 1. Chasers II 2. Repo - Simeonics 3. San Andreas Seoul 4. Warehouse 1x Crate Pickup & Delivery
``` | Job | Avg Time to Complete | Net Profit | Avg Profit per Minute | Profit per Hour | | ------------------ | -------------------- | ---------- | --------------------- | --------------- | | Repo - Simeonics | 10:00 | $16,170.00 | $1,617.00 | $97,020.00 | | Chasers II | 6:45 | $9,480.00 | $1,404.44 | $84,266.67 | | San Andreas Seoul | 9:00 | $11,380.00 | $1,264.44 | $75,866.67 | | Warehouse 1x Crate | 8:00 | $9,000.00 | $1,125.00 | $67,500.00 |
Sample Size for each: 10 ```

Conclusions

Taking into account the costs for each warehouse, we'd have to do roughly 9 hours of solo 1x crate jobs before breaking even. However, these will come in handy with vehicle cargo if I decide to do that in the future.
While Repo - Simeonics is more profitable, it's also slightly more difficult. Taking your Bati 801 to the airport twice to grab two cars takes some time, and has more room for error, especially considering the wanted level at the beginning. That said, the only choke point is at the entrance/exit of the airport, and really isn't an issue. But it is worth noting.
Chasers II can be done in around 2:00, with 2:00 of waiting in Simeon's parking lot to turn in. This can definitely be more boring, so I am currently switching it up between Chasers II and Simeonics.
Once you're ~ Rank 40, you should be able to do some better missions, as mentioned in this post, but you should have already done the Perico Heist by then, and at that point the missions will be less than what you can make with Perico.

Testing Parameters:

Each mission was timed from the beginning of loading into the queue to loading back into free roam.
Crate jobs were timed from leaving the CEO laptop, picking up, taking to warehouse, selling and dropping off, to returning to the CEO office. Office used was Maze Bank West, while warehouses used were White Widow Garage ($360,000) and Convenience Store Lockup ($250,000).
All tests performed using PlayStation 5 with MTU set to 750. With default MTU setting, queuing into missions may be quicker, and therefore even more profitable.

Questions

Why not Sightseer?
Sightseer, the CEO/VIP Work, is definitely non-combat. However, there are so many variables here, that it's just not worth it. You're usually taken on a wild goose chase throughout the northern section of the map. You need a fast airborne vehicle for Sightseer to be worth it. But even then, you probably already have better means of income.
That said, give it a shot! Even if it takes you all 15:00 to complete, it's still $20,000 ($25,000 if completed in under 5:00, but let's not kid ourselves). This comes out to $1,333/min if done in 15:00, or $2,000/min if done in 10:00.

Changelog

12/30/2020 - Added Questions section - Added information regarding Sightseer. - Added information regarding CEO Vehicle Cargo.

Overview

• Name of Run: the born loser
• Metaplot: krimewave
• Run Link: [krimewave] The Born Loser <2021-01-31> : NeonAnarchy (reddit.com)
• Date: 2021-01-31
• Time: 2200
• Duration: 2.5 Hours
• Threat: Semi-prime
• Scheduling: Impromptu
• GM: u/coy-coyote (c0z1)
• Runners: u/doubleharts (Killdozer), u/aztechnologypr (Aegean), u/tkul (ZDT), u/anubonk (Bubblegum), u/n4shwise (Aurora)
• Johnson: Pit Boss, Planet Horizon
• Relevant NPCs: Herbert Gerber, Market Analytics & metadata collation, NEOnet (VIP)
• Location: Planet Horizon Casino
• Opposition: Jarl, F10; Herbert (Decker)
• Casualties: 0
• Collateral: 0
• Synopsis: Runners are hired by the casino management of the Planet Horizon to quietly & politely remove Mr. Gerber from the casino floor and prevent his return to gaming by shifting his obligations elsewhere.
• Run Rewards: 60,000 nuyen -or- 90,000 nuyen gear credit: Misc. (Survival, Tools, Tools of the Trade, Lifestyle payments [advance]), Pharmaceuticals & Medical, [15 RVP] 5 Karma [5 RVP], 2 knowledge karma [F]
• Choice of Quality(s) up to 10 RVP value, at chargen cost, Free [10 RVP]: Alibi [4], Analytical Mind [5], Astral Chameleon [10], Biocompatability (Bio or Cyberware) [5], Barrens Rat [5], Battle Hardened [2], Blandness [8], Brilliant Heuristics [5], Catlike [7], Common Sense [3], Cynic [6], Daredevil [6], Drug Tolerant [6], Focused Concentration [4 per, max 5], Guts [10], Honest Face [5], Instinctive Hack [2], Juryrigger [10], natural Athlete [7], ninja vanish [5], Perceptive [1 or 2 ranks, 5], Quick Config [5], Shoot First - Don't Ask [2], Magic Resistance [6], Social Chameleon [7], Profiler [3], Observant [5], Outdoorsman [3], Perfect Time [5], Toughness [9], Spirit Whisperer [8], Tough as Nails [5, S or P], Astral Chameleon [10], Resistance to Pathogens, Toxins [4, 4, or 8], Radiation Sponge [5], Rad-Tolerant [3], Natural Immunity (Natural or Synthetic) [4 or 10], Natural Hardening [10], Master Debator [10], Empathic Listener [10], Vehicle Empathy [7], Reverberant [5], Practice-Practice-Practice [2], Will to Live [3], Golden Screwdriver [8], Go Big or Go Home [6], Fade to Black [7], Stunt Driver [4], Speed Demon [3], Steely Eyed Wheelman [2], Innocuous [5], Groupthink [5], Special Modifications [5], Prototype Materials [5], Redliner [10],Black Market Pipeline [10], Poisoner [5], One With The Matrix [10], Lightning Reflexes [20], Spike Resistance [10], Brand Loyalty (Manufacturer or Product) [3], Double Jointed [6], Sharpshooter [4]

Background
Metadata manipulation is Vegas is dangerous; especially when metagaming relies on accurate metadata for trending bet predictions and odds to be properly calculated.
Meet
Runners meet the Johnson at the Casino Grande online Mahjong Table #12.
Run
Runners make their way to Vegas courtesy of ZDT's cessna, landing in searchlight and getting their comped room at the Planet Horizon as well as a limo ride from the airport. VIP services checks them in, and ZDT and Aurora proceed to search the fuck out of everything they can, getting a little background on the Johnson while ZDT foments a plan.
Bubblegum and Aegean take turns on the casino floor attempting to surveil the Johnson, with Bubblegum sitting a few hands of poker to realize that he's dealing, yet again, with another person Dream Pacted by the Fae - a Jarl possessing the man spends all night up gambling while he toils his days away in his hotel room remoting in to work. ZDT decides to frame him for corporate collusion with a rival entity while the team agrees to the plan.
ZDT hacks the NEONet foundation, grabbing some project data linked to Gerber, escaping the foundation after a daring series of hacks and receiving some secondary host code from Aurora, who vacates the host after getting chased for encryption-cracking while helping ZDT get into the foundation.
Back in the hotel room, they decide to kick it in Vegas for a couple days, doing the touristy stuff like feeding the lions during the virtual Siegfried and Roy show with a Krime T-Shirt Cannon and generally fucking around till their edge comes back.
Two days later, ZDT and Aurora get on the hacks, putting all the copied compromised data into gerber's comms, masquerading them to forward the files to Horizon and copying the transcript log of the transfer, and then Aurora anonymously calls NEONet for the tip-off. Not even an hour later, Herbert is checking out of his year-and-a-half long room at the PH, forced to return to chilly boston as his bosses start screaming over his corporate defection. Nasty guest evicted!
Aftermath
A CFD-ridden, dream-pacted executive may be an interesting threat during the Boston Lockdown...
Expenses
Johnson covered room & board as part of negotiations.

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If you are new to online casino then I suggest that you should go for iOffer I Dough, otherwise known as IDNPoker. The website is very user-friendly, has an interface that is pleasant to use, and has a great jackpot which updates in real time. Eight deposit choices include US dollars. Is iOffer I Do the real deal and why is it the second largest online poker website in the world? This article will try to answer these questions and more. Read on for more information.iOffer is a top poker website which is famous all over the world because of the poker tournaments which it hosts regularly. The poker rooms on the website are mainly based in Europe (where most of the international players come from), but some rooms also have players from Asian countries like Singapore, Malaysia and China. Players from Asia seem to be quite happy with iOffer, as they receive great tips from successful players about their moves. Most importantly, they are able to win real cash/ prize money and thus can earn enough to live on for a while (or at least make enough to cover living expenses).Another unique feature of iOffer I Dough is that it allows its players to participate in live chat with other members of the website. Players can chat about everything from tips to strategies, tournaments and everything in between - something which most online poker sites do not allow. The live chat also gives those players who join iOffer a chance to meet other poker players from different parts of the globe and thus build better contacts and relationships.The most important thing about idNPoker and one of the reasons why it is considered to be the best option by many players is the progressive jackpots it offers. If you want to play online poker in Asia, then you should definitely try out the progressive jackpots offered by iOffer. Here is a brief rundown of what these promotions entail:- If you are a beginner or if you want to improve your gaming skills, then iOffer can surely help you. This poker network offers a variety of games and prizes especially designed for new players and for players who do not yet have the experience with online poker. All the games supported by iOffer are completely free to play. - The website also offers a variety of free games that are suitable for players from all over Asia.- If you are on the lookout for a real deal and not just some hype about the progressive jackpots, then you should definitely check out the Daily Double option. Daily Double is a multi-table tournament that offers players the opportunity to win real cash. This is a lower end option compared to the other options of iOffer like the VIP and Single options. You can earn up to $10 weekly just by playing some of the most popular Rng games like iOffer Blackjack and Ultimate Bet.

Item	Price	MSRP	% Off	History*
112th Seed	$3.14	$6.29	50% off	New Lowest
1979 Revolution: Black Friday	$3.02	$15.11	80% off	New Lowest
A Dark Room	$2.50	$8.81	71% off	Lowest price $1.32 on 2020-9-10
A Gummy's Life	$12.59	$18.89	33% off	Lowest price $7.55 on 2020-11-23
Achtung! Cthulhu Tactics	$15.74	$31.49	50% off	Matches low
Aery - Little Bird Adventure	$4.49	$8.99	50% off	Matches low
Aery - Sky Castle	$7.49	$14.99	50% off	Matches low
Air Hockey	$2.32	$11.61	80% off	Matches low
Alchemic Dungeons Dx	$5.24	$10.49	50% off	Lowest price $4.19 on 2019-12-19
Alien: Isolation	$29.99	$44.99	33% off	Matches low
Ambition Of The Slimes	$2.75	$6.89	60% off	Matches low
American Ninja Warrior: Challenge	$9.44	$37.79	75% off	Matches low
Ancestors Legacy	$24.99	$49.99	50% off	Matches low
Angels Of Death	$11.33	$18.89	40% off	Matches low
Animal Up!	$2.99	$5.99	50% off	Lowest price $0.94 on 2020-9-18
Another Sight	$15.11	$50.39	70% off	New Lowest
Arrest Of A Stone Buddha	$13.22	$18.89	30% off	Matches low
Ashen	$19.99	$49.99	60% off	New Lowest
Astebreed	$7.55	$25.19	70% off	New Lowest
Battle Supremacy	$6.29	$12.59	50% off	Matches low
Battle Supremacy - Evolution	$6.29	$12.59	50% off	Matches low
Battle Supremacy - Ground Assault	$12.59	$25.19	50% off	Matches low
Battojutsu	$2.79	$6.99	60% off	New Lowest
Big Buck Hunter Arcade	$6.29	$25.19	75% off	Matches low
Biped	$13.43	$20.99	36% off	Matches low
Bleed	$2.83	$14.19	80% off	New Lowest
Bleed 2	$3.61	$18.06	80% off	New Lowest
Bloo Kid 2	$2.51	$6.29	60% off	New Lowest
Blood And Guts Bundle	$8.49	$56.69	85% off	Matches low
Bloodstained: Ritual Of The Night	$21.59	$53.99	60% off	New Lowest
Body Of Evidence	$9.49	$11.99	20% off	New Lowest
Bonds Of The Skies	$10.79	$17.99	40% off	Lowest price $9.89 on 2020-6-9
Book Of Demons	$3.34	$33.49	90% off	Matches low
Bowling	$2.51	$12.59	80% off	Matches low
Bridge Constructor Ultimate Edition	$7.55	$18.89	60% off	New Lowest
Bulb Boy	$2.75	$11.99	77% off	Lowest price $1.19 on 2019-10-24
Button Button Up!	$7.55	$15.11	50% off	Matches low
Captain Starone	$6.54	$13.09	50% off	Matches low
Captain Tsubasa: Rise Of New Champions Month 1 Edition	$47.99	$79.99	40% off	Matches low
Card Game Bundle Vol. 1	$4.52	$30.23	85% off	Matches low
Cartoon Network: Battle Crashers	$3.14	$12.59	75% off	Matches low
Cel Damage Hd	$2.49	$12.59	80% off	New Lowest
Chalk Dash Carnival	$1.11	$9.27	88% off	Lowest price $1 on 2020-2-17
Chess	$2.51	$12.59	80% off	Matches low
Chess Ultra	$8.49	$16.99	50% off	Matches low
Chicken Police €� Paint It Red!	$17.49	$24.99	30% off	Matches low
Chiki-chiki Boxy Pro Wrestling	$9.44	$18.89	50% off	New Lowest
Chocobo's Mystery Dungeon Every Buddy!	$26.74	$53.49	50% off	Matches low
Collection Of Mana	$24.99	$49.99	50% off	Matches low
Colt Canyon	$11.33	$18.89	40% off	Matches low
Crawlco Block Knockers	$8.79	$10.99	20% off	New Lowest
Croixleur Sigma	$10.07	$25.19	60% off	Matches low
Cryogear	$12.49	$24.99	50% off	New Lowest
Crypt Of The Serpent King	$2.50	$3.77	33% off	Lowest price $1.25 on 2020-5-22
Cytus A	$37.79	$62.99	40% off	New Lowest
Dangerous Relationship	$13.99	$19.99	30% off	Matches low
Dead End Job	$8.56	$21.41	60% off	New Lowest
Deadlings	$2.39	$5.99	60% off	Lowest price $0.59 on 2020-9-10
Deemo	$21.15	$42.30	50% off	Matches low
Defend Your Castle	$2.51	$6.29	60% off	Lowest price $1.88 on 2020-1-13
Deponia	$5.03	$50.39	90% off	Matches low
Desktop Baseball	$3.92	$9.82	60% off	Matches low
Desktop Basketball	$4.16	$10.41	60% off	Matches low
Desktop Bowling	$3.94	$9.85	60% off	Matches low
Desktop Dodgeball	$3.95	$9.88	60% off	Matches low
Desktop Rugby	$2.25	$9.81	77% off	Matches low
Desktop Soccer	$3.72	$9.31	60% off	Matches low
Desktop Table Tennis	$3.98	$9.96	60% off	Matches low
Desktop Volleyball	$4.06	$10.15	60% off	Matches low
Digerati Presents: Make It Quick Bundle Vol. 1	$6.04	$40.31	85% off	Matches low
Digerati Presents: The Dungeon Crawl Vol. 1	$9.91	$66.14	85% off	Matches low
Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth: Complete Edition	$32.49	$64.99	50% off	Matches low
Disease -hidden Object-	$4.99	$9.99	50% off	Matches low
Disney Tsum Tsum Festival	$25.99	$64.99	60% off	Matches low
Dokuro	$2.43	$10.99	77% off	Lowest price $1.29 on 2020-4-30
Don't Die, Mr Robot!	$2.83	$11.33	75% off	Lowest price $1.24 on 2020-5-21
Donut County	$4.49	$14.99	70% off	Matches low
Doraemon Story Of Seasons	$32.49	$64.99	50% off	Matches low
Dots 8	$2.49	$4.99	50% off	Lowest price $0.19 on 2020-9-24
Dragon Ball Fighterz	$12.79	$79.99	84% off	Matches low
Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2 For Nintendo Switch	$12.99	$64.99	80% off	Matches low
Dragon Blaze For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Dragon Quest	$4.89	$6.99	30% off	New Lowest
Dragon Quest Ii: Luminaries Of The Legendary Line	$6.29	$8.99	30% off	New Lowest
Dragon Quest Iii: The Seeds Of Salvation	$11.89	$16.99	30% off	New Lowest
Dreamgallery	$3.16	$7.9	60% off	Matches low
Drink More Glurp	$5.03	$12.59	60% off	Matches low
Dynasty Warriors 8: Xtreme Legends Definitive Edition	$35.27	$50.39	30% off	Matches low
Ellen	$2.49	$9.99	75% off	Matches low
Emma: Lost In Memories	$4.99	$9.99	50% off	Matches low
Escape From Chernobyl	$6.29	$12.59	50% off	Matches low
European Conqueror X	$6.29	$12.59	50% off	New Lowest
Everspace - Stellar Edition	$30.23	$50.39	40% off	New Lowest
Fairune Collection	$6.54	$13.09	50% off	Matches low
Falcon Age	$12.49	$24.99	50% off	Matches low
Family Tree	$2.49	$9.99	75% off	Matches low
Fate/extella Link	$35.99	$59.99	40% off	Matches low
Fate/extella: The Umbral Star	$24.99	$49.99	50% off	Lowest price $23.99 on 2020-4-24
Felix The Reaper	$3.14	$31.49	90% off	Matches low
Final Fantasy Ix	$13.99	$27.99	50% off	Matches low
Final Fantasy Vii	$10.74	$21.49	50% off	Matches low
Final Fantasy Viii Remastered	$13.49	$26.99	50% off	Matches low
Final Fantasy X/x-2 Hd Remaster	$29.99	$59.99	50% off	Matches low
Final Fantasy Xii The Zodiac Age	$29.99	$59.99	50% off	Matches low
Final Fantasy Xv Pocket Edition Hd	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Matches low
Final Fantasy� Crystal Chronicles� Remastered Edition	$27.99	$39.99	30% off	Matches low
Firefighters - Airport Heroes	$20.15	$50.39	60% off	Lowest price $17.13 on 2020-10-27
Firefighters - The Simulation	$15.47	$51.59	70% off	Matches low
Firefighters: Airport Fire Department	$15.47	$51.59	70% off	Matches low
Florence	$3.74	$7.49	50% off	Matches low
Freakout: Calamity Tv Show	$3.14	$12.59	75% off	Matches low
Fuser™	$52.79	$79.99	34% off	Matches low
Fuser™ Vip Edition	$103.99	$129.99	20% off	Lowest price $90.99 on 2020-11-26
Game Tengoku Cruisinmix Special	$26.45	$37.79	30% off	Matches low
Gear.club Unlimited 2	$9.99	$49.99	80% off	Matches low
Ghost 1.0	$3.89	$12.99	70% off	New Lowest
Ghost Blade Hd	$7.59	$18.99	60% off	Matches low
Glass Masquerade	$3.77	$15.11	75% off	Lowest price $3.75 on 2020-8-27
Glass Masquerade 2: Illusions	$6.03	$15.11	60% off	New Lowest
Gleamlight	$10.99	$21.99	50% off	New Lowest
God Eater 3	$19.99	$79.99	75% off	Matches low
Gods Remastered	$6.29	$12.59	50% off	New Lowest
Gone Home	$5.39	$17.99	70% off	Matches low
Goosebumps The Game	$6.29	$25.19	75% off	Matches low
Gorogoa	$5.39	$17.99	70% off	New Lowest
Graceful Explosion Machine	$8.24	$16.49	50% off	Lowest price $4.89 on 2020-4-9
Great Conqueror: Rome	$9.44	$12.59	25% off	Matches low
Grid Autosport	$29.99	$44.99	33% off	New Lowest
Guilt Battle Arena	$6.39	$12.79	50% off	Lowest price $4.99 on 2019-12-19
Gunbarich For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Gunbird For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Gunbird2 For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Gunslugs	$6.49	$9.99	35% off	Matches low
Habroxia	$3.99	$9.99	60% off	Matches low
Hacky Zack	$3.14	$12.59	75% off	Lowest price $1.25 on 2020-6-18
Hakoniwa Explorer Plus	$10.57	$15.11	30% off	New Lowest
Half Dead	$3.14	$6.29	50% off	Matches low
Hand Of Fate 2	$12.91	$37.99	66% off	Lowest price $12.53 on 2020-8-6
Happy Animals Bowling	$3.14	$6.29	50% off	Matches low
Hide & Dance!	$5.66	$6.29	10% off	New Lowest
Hook	$1.36	$2.49	45% off	Lowest price $0.62 on 2020-6-25
Horace	$2.64	$18.89	86% off	Matches low
Hot Gimmick Cosplay-jong For Nintendo Switch	$18.08	$25.83	30% off	Matches low
I Am Dead	$17.49	$24.99	30% off	Matches low
I Am Setsuna	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Lowest price $15.99 on 2019-6-11
If Found...	$11.19	$15.99	30% off	Matches low
Illusion Of L'phalcia	$10.79	$17.99	40% off	Matches low
Immortal Realms: Vampire Wars	$40.31	$50.39	20% off	Matches low
Implosion	$6.79	$16.99	60% off	Matches low
Incredible Mandy	$9.44	$18.89	50% off	New Lowest
Indie Darling Bundle Vol 2	$6.60	$44.09	85% off	Matches low
Indie Puzzle Bundle Vol 1	$7.55	$50.39	85% off	Matches low
Indiecalypse	$7.99	$15.99	50% off	Matches low
Ink	$2.82	$11.33	75% off	Lowest price $1.69 on 2020-3-19
Ironcast	$8.49	$16.99	50% off	Matches low
Journey To The Savage Planet	$23.99	$39.99	40% off	Matches low
Jump Force - Deluxe Edition	$38.99	$64.99	40% off	Matches low
Kakuro Magic	$2.99	$5.99	50% off	Lowest price $0.94 on 2020-9-18
Kamiko	$2.79	$6.99	60% off	Matches low
Karma Knight	$8.38	$11.98	30% off	New Lowest
Katamari Damacy Reroll	$13.19	$39.99	67% off	Matches low
Kawaii Deathu Desu	$3.77	$6.29	40% off	New Lowest
Kentucky Route Zero: Tv Edition	$18.59	$30.99	40% off	New Lowest
Kero Blaster	$5.03	$12.59	60% off	New Lowest
Knock 'em Down! Bowling	$4.91	$18.89	74% off	New Lowest
Koi Dx	$2.99	$7.49	60% off	Lowest price $0.37 on 2019-12-19
Lanota	$9.84	$19.69	50% off	Lowest price $9.75 on 2020-1-9
Lines Xl	$2.49	$4.99	50% off	Lowest price $0.24 on 2020-5-20
Lode Runner Legacy	$7.49	$14.99	50% off	Matches low
Lost Sea	$5.19	$12.99	60% off	Matches low
Lost Sphear	$27.99	$69.99	60% off	Matches low
Mad Father	$10.07	$12.59	20% off	New Lowest
Mad Games Tycoon	$15.11	$50.39	70% off	New Lowest
Maitetsu:pure Station	$30.86	$44.09	30% off	Matches low
Marenian Tavern Story: Patty And The Hungry God	$16.79	$27.99	40% off	Matches low
Mercenaries Blaze: Dawn Of The Twin Dragons	$22.67	$25.19	10% off	Matches low
Mercenaries Saga Chronicles	$10.39	$20.79	50% off	Matches low
Mercenaries Wings: The False Phoenix	$10.19	$16.99	40% off	Matches low
Miden Tower	$14.69	$20.99	30% off	New Lowest
Moero Crystal H	$42.49	$49.99	15% off	Matches low
Monster Energy Supercross - The Official Videogame 2	$12.49	$49.99	75% off	New Lowest
Moonlighter	$9.44	$31.49	70% off	New Lowest
Moto Racer 4	$2.64	$18.9	86% off	New Lowest
Motogp�20	$19.99	$49.99	60% off	Matches low
Mountain Rescue Simulator	$15.11	$50.39	70% off	Matches low
Mr. Driller Drillland	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Matches low
My Butler	$8.81	$12.59	30% off	Matches low
My Hero One's Justice	$19.99	$79.99	75% off	Matches low
My Hero One's Justice 2	$39.99	$79.99	50% off	Matches low
My Riding Stables - Life With Horses	$11.33	$37.79	70% off	Matches low
Namco Museum� Archives Vol 1	$15.59	$25.99	40% off	Matches low
Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 2	$12.49	$24.99	50% off	Lowest price $9.99 on 2020-8-20
Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Trilogy	$24.99	$49.99	50% off	Matches low
Naruto Shippuden�: Ultimate Ninja� Storm 4 Road To Boruto	$38.99	$64.99	40% off	Matches low
Neo Atlas 1469	$31.99	$63.99	50% off	Matches low
Neonwall	$2.90	$11.61	75% off	Lowest price $1.16 on 2018-12-31
Nerdook Bundle Vol. 1	$5.66	$37.79	85% off	Matches low
Never Stop	$1.88	$6.29	70% off	New Lowest
Ni No Kuni: Wrath Of The White Witch	$19.49	$64.99	70% off	Matches low
Nickelodeon Kart Racers	$9.44	$37.79	75% off	Matches low
No More Heroes	$22.49	$24.99	10% off	Matches low
No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle	$22.49	$24.99	10% off	Matches low
Null Drifter	$2.49	$6.29	60% off	New Lowest
Office Lovers	$13.99	$19.99	30% off	Matches low
Omega Strike	$3.77	$18.89	80% off	New Lowest
One Piece Pirate Warriors 3 Deluxe Edition	$12.49	$49.99	75% off	Matches low
One Piece: Pirate Warriors 4	$39.99	$79.99	50% off	Matches low
One Piece: Unlimited World Red Deluxe Edition	$12.49	$49.99	75% off	Matches low
One Way Heroics Plus	$13.22	$18.89	30% off	New Lowest
Oniken: Unstoppable Edition & Odallus: The Dark Call Bundle	$5.03	$25.19	80% off	Matches low
Oninaki	$33.49	$66.99	50% off	Matches low
Opus: Rocket Of Whispers	$4.71	$11.79	60% off	Matches low
Opus: The Day We Found Earth	$2.58	$6.45	60% off	Matches low
Our Flick Erasers	$6.77	$16.93	60% off	New Lowest
Outbuddies Dx	$10.07	$22.67	55% off	Matches low
Pac-man Championship Edition 2 Plus	$9.99	$24.99	60% off	Lowest price $7.49 on 2020-5-19
Paint	$2.51	$12.59	80% off	Matches low
Pan-pan A Tiny Big Adventure	$2.99	$7.49	60% off	Lowest price $0.37 on 2019-12-19
Paper Dolls Original	$12.84	$21.41	40% off	New Lowest
Paranautical Activity	$2.51	$10.07	75% off	Lowest price $1.3 on 2020-6-18
Party Trivia	$2.57	$12.89	80% off	Matches low
Perfect Angle	$1.99	$9.99	80% off	Matches low
Piano	$2.51	$12.59	80% off	Matches low
Pipe Push Paradise	$2.77	$13.85	80% off	New Lowest
Pity Pit	$2.51	$6.29	60% off	New Lowest
Please, Don't Touch Anything	$5.99	$11.99	50% off	Matches low
Please, Don't Touch Anything: Classic	$3.14	$6.29	50% off	Matches low
Pool	$2.32	$11.61	80% off	Matches low
Pool Billiard	$2.24	$8.99	75% off	Lowest price $1.16 on 2020-5-28
Poopdie - Chapter One	$3.78	$6.3	40% off	Matches low
Portal Dogs	$2.20	$6.29	65% off	Matches low
Portal Knights	$15.11	$25.19	40% off	Lowest price $11.99 on 2020-2-25
President F.net	$3.44	$6.89	50% off	Matches low
Pressure Overdrive	$4.49	$14.99	70% off	New Lowest
Professional Construction - The Simulation	$15.47	$51.59	70% off	Matches low
Professional Farmer: American Dream	$15.11	$50.39	70% off	Matches low
Professional Farmer: Nintendo Switch Edition	$15.11	$50.39	70% off	Matches low
Pumpkin Jack	$26.45	$37.79	30% off	Matches low
Pure Pool	$13.29	$18.99	30% off	Matches low
R-type Dimensions Ex	$9.44	$18.89	50% off	Matches low
Rabi-ribi	$34.01	$37.79	10% off	Lowest price $26.45 on 2019-12-19
Rack N Ruin	$7.99	$15.99	50% off	Lowest price $6.39 on 2020-10-26
Radiation City	$12.59	$25.19	50% off	Matches low
Radiation Island	$5.80	$11.61	50% off	Matches low
Rapala Fishing Pro Series	$6.29	$25.19	75% off	Matches low
Red Death	$2.49	$6.29	60% off	New Lowest
Regions Of Ruin	$3.14	$12.59	75% off	New Lowest
Replica	$5.03	$6.29	20% off	New Lowest
Retro Tanks	$3.99	$7.99	50% off	Matches low
Reverie: Sweet As Edition	$6.59	$16.49	60% off	Matches low
Rigid Force Redux	$16.87	$25.19	33% off	Matches low
Riverbond	$4.99	$24.99	80% off	Matches low
Robox	$2.51	$12.59	80% off	Matches low
Runestone Keeper	$9.44	$12.59	25% off	Matches low
Rush Rally 3	$12.66	$18.99	33% off	Matches low
Saga Scarlet Grace: Ambitions�	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	New Lowest
Samurai Aces For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Save Your Nuts	$8.49	$16.99	50% off	Matches low
Sayonara Wild Hearts	$9.89	$16.49	40% off	Matches low
Seek Hearts	$14.69	$20.99	30% off	Matches low
Sentry	$2.51	$3.14	20% off	Matches low
Seven Knights -time Wanderer-	$17.63	$25.19	30% off	New Lowest
Shadow Bug	$6.38	$11.60	45% off	Lowest price $4.06 on 2019-12-19
Shadows Of Adam	$11.33	$18.89	40% off	New Lowest
Shelter Generations	$10.47	$26.19	60% off	Matches low
Shikhondo - Soul Eater	$4.40	$17.63	75% off	Matches low
Silence	$5.03	$50.39	90% off	Matches low
Skelly Selest & Straimium Immortaly Double Pack	$7.55	$25.19	70% off	Matches low
Sky Gamblers - Afterburner	$12.59	$25.19	50% off	Matches low
Sky Gamblers: Storm Raiders	$6.29	$12.59	50% off	Matches low
Sky Gamblers: Storm Raiders 2	$12.59	$25.19	50% off	Matches low
Slabwell: The Quest For Kaktun's Alpaca	$1.99	$7.99	75% off	Lowest price $0.99 on 2020-9-24
Slain / Valfaris Big Sugar Bundle	$17.63	$50.39	65% off	Lowest price $17.12 on 2020-9-24
Slime Tactics	$6.29	$12.59	50% off	Matches low
Snakes & Ladders	$2.51	$12.59	80% off	Matches low
Soccer, Tactics & Glory	$15.11	$50.39	70% off	New Lowest
Sol Divide -sword Of Darkness- For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Solstice Chronicles: Mia	$9.84	$19.69	50% off	New Lowest
Space Blaze	$11.33	$37.79	70% off	Matches low
Space Grunts	$9.09	$13.99	35% off	Matches low
Spartan Fist	$4.72	$18.89	75% off	Matches low
Spectrum	$3.02	$15.11	80% off	Lowest price $3.01 on 2020-9-24
Spelunker Party!	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Lowest price $15.99 on 2019-9-26
Spider Solitaire F	$3.29	$6.59	50% off	Lowest price $2.63 on 2019-12-19
Spot The Difference	$2.39	$11.99	80% off	Matches low
Star Ocean First Departure R	$16.79	$27.99	40% off	New Lowest
Star Sky	$2.51	$6.29	60% off	Lowest price $1.88 on 2020-5-14
State Of Mind	$5.03	$50.39	90% off	Matches low
Strange Telephone	$8.81	$12.59	30% off	Matches low
Street Outlaws: The List	$12.49	$49.99	75% off	Matches low
Strikers1945 For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Strikers1945 Ii For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Strikey Sisters	$4.49	$14.99	70% off	Matches low
Subaracity	$3.29	$6.59	50% off	Lowest price $2.63 on 2019-12-19
Summer Sweetheart	$12.49	$24.99	50% off	New Lowest
Sunless Sea: Zubmariner Edition	$12.59	$25.19	50% off	Matches low
Super Beat Sports™	$10.99	$19.99	45% off	New Lowest
Super Blackjack Battle 2 Turbo Edition - The Card Warriors	$3.99	$9.99	60% off	Lowest price $0.99 on 2019-2-28
Super Dragon Ball Heroes World Mission - Launch Edition	$19.99	$79.99	75% off	Matches low
Super Sportmatchen	$1.99	$19.99	90% off	Matches low
Super Tennis Blast	$11.39	$18.99	40% off	Lowest price $9.49 on 2019-12-12
Super Toy Cars	$2.49	$10.99	77% off	New Lowest
Super Toy Cars 2	$7.49	$14.99	50% off	Matches low
Super Treasure Arena	$5.03	$12.59	60% off	Lowest price $1.25 on 2020-2-21
Superola And The Lost Burgers	$1.99	$4.99	60% off	Lowest price $0.99 on 2020-4-2
Surgeon Simulator Cpr	$7.49	$14.99	50% off	Matches low
Sushi Reversi	$11.99	$17.63	31% off	New Lowest
Sword Art Online: Fatal Bullet Complete Edition	$19.99	$79.99	75% off	Matches low
Sword Art Online: Hollow Realization Deluxe Edition	$16.49	$54.99	70% off	Matches low
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon	$9.49	$18.99	50% off	Matches low
Taiko No Tatsujin: Drum 'n' Fun!	$19.49	$64.99	70% off	Matches low
Tales Of Vesperia: Definitive Edition	$16.24	$64.99	75% off	New Lowest
Tamashii	$4.52	$15.11	70% off	New Lowest
Tanky Tanks	$3.99	$7.99	50% off	Matches low
Telling Lies	$12.49	$24.99	50% off	Matches low
Tengai For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Tennis	$2.24	$8.99	75% off	New Lowest
Terror Squid	$6.29	$12.59	50% off	New Lowest
The Adventures Of 00 Dilly�	$5.66	$18.89	70% off	Matches low
The Aquatic Adventure Of The Last Human	$3.27	$16.37	80% off	New Lowest
The Bradwell Conspiracy	$12.49	$24.99	50% off	Matches low
The Card: Poker, Texas Hold 'em, Blackjack And Page One	$2.79	$6.99	60% off	Lowest price $2.09 on 2020-3-12
The Casino -roulette, Video Poker, Slot Machines, Craps, Baccarat-	$8.81	$12.59	30% off	Matches low
The Coma 2: Vicious Sisters	$11.33	$18.89	40% off	Matches low
The Coma: Recut	$11.33	$18.89	40% off	Matches low
The First Tree	$3.75	$12.50	70% off	Matches low
The Friends Of Ringo Ishikawa	$12.47	$20.79	40% off	New Lowest
The Golf	$5.03	$12.59	60% off	Matches low
The Low Road	$7.55	$18.89	60% off	Lowest price $5.66 on 2020-1-13
The Men Of Yoshiwara: Kikuya	$12.73	$25.99	51% off	Matches low
The Men Of Yoshiwara: Ohgiya	$9.99	$19.99	50% off	Matches low
The Red Lantern	$23.19	$28.99	20% off	Matches low
The Spectrum Retreat	$8.18	$16.37	50% off	Matches low
Thenightfall	$15.11	$50.39	70% off	Matches low
They Breathe	$2.99	$4.99	40% off	Matches low
Three Fourths Home: Extended Edition	$2.83	$11.33	75% off	Lowest price $1.24 on 2020-4-23
Tied Together	$7.55	$18.89	60% off	Lowest price $1.19 on 2019-10-17
Titan Glory	$12.59	$25.19	50% off	Lowest price $6.29 on 2020-8-12
Toolboy	$7.87	$15.74	50% off	Matches low
Torchlight Iii	$25.19	$50.39	50% off	New Lowest
Torquel -physics Modified Edition-	$2.51	$6.29	60% off	New Lowest
Touhou Spell Bubble	$63.99	$79.99	20% off	New Lowest
Trials Of Mana	$40.19	$66.99	40% off	New Lowest
Tr�berbrook	$15.11	$37.79	60% off	New Lowest
Twin Breaker: A Sacred Symbols Adventure	$8.74	$12.49	30% off	New Lowest
Ultimate Chicken Horse	$9.34	$16.99	45% off	New Lowest
Uncanny Valley	$3.14	$12.59	75% off	Matches low
Underhero	$7.27	$21.41	66% off	New Lowest
Unto The End	$25.19	$31.49	20% off	Matches low
V.o.i.d.	$2.50	$5.00	50% off	Lowest price $1.25 on 2020-1-16
Vambrace: Cold Soul	$12.59	$31.49	60% off	New Lowest
Vertical Drop Heroes Hd	$2.51	$12.59	80% off	Lowest price $2.5 on 2020-8-27
Vertical Strike Endless Challenge	$3.14	$6.29	50% off	New Lowest
Voez	$17.50	$35.00	50% off	Matches low
Voxel Galaxy	$2.25	$9.81	77% off	Matches low
Voxel Pirates	$2.18	$9.51	77% off	Matches low
Voxel Shot For Nintendo Switch	$1.20	$10.08	88% off	New Lowest
Voxel Sword	$2.18	$9.50	77% off	Matches low
Voxelgram	$5.39	$8.99	40% off	Matches low
Warriors Orochi 4	$52.91	$75.59	30% off	Matches low
We Are Doomed	$4.99	$9.99	50% off	Matches low
What Remains Of Edith Finch	$7.49	$24.99	70% off	Matches low
Wide Ocean Big Jacket	$3.99	$9.99	60% off	Matches low
Will: A Wonderful World	$11.81	$19.69	40% off	Matches low
Witch & Hero	$2.75	$6.89	60% off	Lowest price $1.35 on 2020-6-9
Witch & Hero 2	$3.14	$6.29	50% off	Matches low
Wordify	$2.99	$5.99	50% off	Lowest price $0.92 on 2020-9-18
Working Zombies	$17.63	$25.19	30% off	Matches low
World Conqueror X	$5.23	$13.09	60% off	Matches low
World Of Final Fantasy Maxima	$26.74	$53.49	50% off	Matches low
World Tree March�	$8.29	$16.59	50% off	Lowest price $6.63 on 2019-12-19
Worldneverland - Elnea Kingdom	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Matches low
X-morph: Defense	$2.49	$24.99	90% off	Matches low
Yōdanji	$4.19	$6.99	40% off	Lowest price $3.49 on 2020-4-23
Yumenikki -dream Diary-	$12.59	$25.19	50% off	Matches low
Zero Gunner 2- For Nintendo Switch	$8.09	$8.99	10% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2020-5-14
Zero Strain	$6.24	$12.49	50% off	New Lowest
Zombie Driver Immortal Edition	$2.50	$18.89	86% off	Matches low
Zombieland: Double Tap - Road Trip	$12.49	$49.99	75% off	Matches low
Zombies Ruined My Day	$2.51	$5.03	50% off	Matches low

*History is a beta feature, only goes back as far as I've been tracking this item, and may not be 100% accurate